The Wifely Duties

[Paisley]

I'm so glad that so many couples are viewing the marriage as a "team" and "partnership". I've see so many golden agers were one so dominated the other that I just scratch my head and think; "if they're happy then so be it".

Lincsong, you might be interested to read the book Millionaire Women Next Door. The author mentions that widows whose husbands were in charge of all financial matters were frightened when their husbands died, and these widows actually died sooner than widows who had some control and knowledge of their finances. Not that he advises women against being housewives--just that they need to know not only how to pay the bills and balance a checkbook, but how to invest, how to find a good advisor, etc.

Awhile back, an acquaintance bought something from me for a few dollars, and had to go to her boyfriend for the money! He gave it readily, and he seems like a nice guy, but I couldn't live like that.

My brother and his wife have a good system: separate checking accounts.

BTW, there was an article in the Wall Street Journal a few days ago about Caitlin Flanagan's new book, To Hell with All That. I was surprised to learn that Flanagan has a nanny whom she summons to clean up the kids' sickness while Flanagan supervises.

 

[Marc Chevalier]

I was surprised to learn that Flanagan has a nanny whom she summons to clean up the kids' sickness while Flanagan supervises.

One of those jobs that affluent Americans (or rather, the Caitlin Flanagans of this world) won't do. Not even when the child is their own.


.

 

[mysterygal]

I can't think of a single person who wants to do that...it's more of a matter of you just got to..come on, some of the things that come out of a kid is just plain gross

 

[Marc Chevalier]

Well, maybe some would want to ... but I don't want to know them.

 

[Paisley]

Flowers

If you think picking other people's flowers is OK, YOU pay $5, $10, or $30 for a plant, plant it, water it, mulch it, fertilize it, nurture it, and see if you don't mind when somebody picks it. You want flowers, right now, without the work? Go to the florist and pay for them.

 

[scotrace]

If you think picking other people's flowers is OK, YOU pay $5, $10, or $30 for a plant, plant it, water it, mulch it, fertilize it, nurture it, and see if you don't mind when somebody picks it. You want flowers, right now, without the work? Go to the florist and pay for them.

Easy there... not a big deal and way off topic.

 

[scotrace]

..come on, some of the things that come out of a kid is just plain gross

And carpet staining.


Forever.

 

[jamespowers]

If you think picking other people's flowers is OK, YOU pay $5, $10, or $30 for a plant, plant it, water it, mulch it, fertilize it, nurture it, and see if you don't mind when somebody picks it. You want flowers, right now, without the work? Go to the florist and pay for them.

Happens to me all the time with the plants I pay way more than $30 for. I am happy to share them. They are only going to fade and die anyway. Why not let a child have something to give his mother? My neighbors did the same for me when I was a child. I am only happy to return the favor. Let me guess---You are going to hold up a 6 year old for $3. fftopic:

Regards,

J

 

[Marc Chevalier]

Um, I think that Paisley was making an analogy between flower-growing and child-rearing, though I didn't get the full gist of her point.

 

[Roger]

happiness, to me, is having peace and joy no matter what's going on

Exactly. Are you related to my wife?

 

[Paisley]

Happens to me all the time with the plants I pay way more than $30 for. I am happy to share them. They are only going to fade and die anyway. Why not let a child have something to give his mother? My neighbors did the same for me when I was a child. I am only happy to return the favor. Let me guess---You are going to hold up a 6 year old for $3. fftopic:

Regards,

J

When the flowers are left unpicked, everybody can enjoy them. I was taught to ask before taking, I give flowers to people I know, and the pickers I'm thinking of are way over 6 years old. Sorry for wandering off topic, though.

 

[Lincsong]

A while back, an acquaintance bought something from me for a few dollars, and had to go to her boyfriend for the money! He gave it readily, and he seems like a nice guy, but I couldn't live like that.

My brother and his wife have a good system: separate checking accounts.

In a Community Property State like California, separate checking accounts aren't really separate. But I get your idea.

Down the street from my parents, about oh 15 years ago, one of the neighbors retired. He was a truck driver and was able to retire at age 56. His wife was a stay at home wife and they had one grown daughter. Their $12,000 house was paid for and so was the cabin in the Sierra Nevada. He didn't take survivors benefits and had no life insurance. He dropped dead of a heart attack SIX months after retiring. The wife had no income coming into the house. Until she sold that cabin which took about eight months, she was really struggling because she didn't have a clue as what to do. That's why it is so important that a marriage is treated like a partnership where both spouses know exactly what is going on.

 

[Pilgrim]

That's why it is so important that a marriage is treated like a partnership where both spouses know exactly what is going on.

I agree, and the real key here is that the two people involved MUST treat the relationship this way. However, there are husbands who insist on dominating these aspects of the relationship,and wives who are willing to take a back seat. Your story is a great example of why this is a bad decision on both parts.

To quote the thread title, part of the Wifely Duties is to be a full partner in the relationship, not a subservient junior partner. Part of the Husbandly Duties is to help and build that kind of relationship.

 

[Pilgrim]

(Duplicate removed)

 

[mysterygal]

When the flowers are left unpicked, everybody can enjoy them. I was taught to ask before taking, I give flowers to people I know, and the pickers I'm thinking of are way over 6 years old. Sorry for wandering off topic, though.

looks like there needs to be some clarification here....I was not condoning picking other people's flowers, just remembering a time as a kid when I did that. If my kids were to do that they would most certainly get in trouble.

 

[Baron Kurtz]

This is why i stick to wildflowers ...

bk

 

[jamespowers]

This is why i stick to wildflowers ...

At your age? Tightwad. Does the missus approve of this?

Regards,

J

 

[jamespowers]

I agree, and the real key here is that the two people involved MUST treat the relationship this way. However, there are husbands who insist on dominating these aspects of the relationship,and wives who are willing to take a back seat. Your story is a great example of why this is a bad decision on both parts.

To quote the thread title, part of the Wifely Duties is to be a full partner in the relationship, not a subservient junior partner. Part of the Husbandly Duties is to help and build that kind of relationship.

You also have to remember that in a relationship as in business, you have to play to each of your strengths. While my wife knows what we have and where, she could care less about my investment strategy and the like. Of course I have a degree in Finance and she has a degree in Psychology so we tend to play to our strengths. Her interactions with people and judgement of character is likely going to be far better than mine.
A relationship is never 50/50 all the time. It changes with the situation. I am not likely to ask my wife to go out and break up cement in the backyard so that is 100% mine---as an example. Flexibility in a relationship is the key in most situations.

Regards,

J

 

[Baron Kurtz]

At your age? Tightwad. Does the missus approve of this?

Regards,

J

Who says the flowers are for the trouble 'n strife? I pick 'em for me.

She's learned to give up on romanticism ... It's just not me.

bk

 

[mysterygal]

I don't believe in the 50/50 relationship at all. It's 100% on both parts...otherwise you can easily slip into a mentality of only doing so much and waiting until your spouse catches up to what you deam as fair