Older women with younger men and VICE-VERSA!

[Fletch]

A person's outlook determines thier age.

How very true. But my cynical heart says that those women who gravitate to older men do so not because they have a young outlook, but for their position, accomplishment, and air of authority.

It would almost be easier to accept this if we could casually dismiss it as insecurity, unresolved father-daughter issues, etc. But we can't - whatever the age, male status is alluring to women not for what it can buy or provide, but in and of itself. And if you are not a status-minded man, that can hurt in a very deep way that is not easy to resolve.

 

[Diamondback]

I'm not THAT smart.

Classy backdown, Miss. I'm not usually one to brag, but those who are serious IQ-snobs tend to bring out the one-upsman in me (not the brightest guy in the world, but smarter than all 4 Presidential/Veep candidates; the impressive thing is that what I do, I do on only 2/3 of a brain.)

 

[Fletch]

the impressive thing is that what I do, I do on only 2/3 of a brain.

:eusa_clap That's going in my quote file!
I may even make it my sig line, if the current national malaise ever goes away.

 

[pigeon toe]

I didn't read the whole thread because it is LONG, but right now I'm dating a guy 11 years older than me. I'm 21, he's 32. We work together too!

When I first met him, I guessed he was between 25-28. I found out from a friend that he was 32 well into my crush on him. I was a little surprised because we had a ton of stuff in common and our personalities and sense of humor meshed so well. I had never been good friends with someone in their 30's before. At first I was hesitant, and pretty sure he wouldn't be into me because of the age difference. But then we started hanging out outside of work and soon enough, ended up dating.

I ALWAYS said I'd never want to date a guy significantly older than me, and look at me now! I think the main thing that makes this work is our similar interests, my level of maturity when it comes to relationships (I'm not into jealousy or drama or any of the other stuff that a lot of younger women think are necessary in a relationship), and the fact that he has no desire to settle down or have a family any time soon.

In regards to status being a factor in dating an older man...not in this situation! He's full-time staff at work (I'm a student employee), but is not my direct supervisor, and if anything, I do more boring/hard tasks than before just because I know it'll help him out! He also definitely doesn't make a ton of money and is not into material goods. I like him for his kindness, sense of humor and personality, not for any other reason. And no, I don't have daddy issues!

 

[Fletch]

You're both refreshingly out of step with your era and your peer group, then. (Of course I figured you were already, 'cause you're here. )

 

[Chas]

In the time before Harlequin Romances and (now that I think of it) unrealistic romantic delusions fed by Jane Austen novels et. al, marriage was a financial arrangement, and a pact between families.

At the end of the day, younger woman = older man, it's a financial decision for her, an ego-driven act for him. 90% of the time, anyway. Sports-car menopause, I guess. Many men fear growing old and bedding a younger woman (in their minds, anyway) is a serious ego stroke, and is something of a desperate attempt to rekindle something that has passed from the natural course of time.

Younger man=Older woman, usually the same as the former. And, pretty much the same with older woman, younger man. i.e. ego. I think that a lot of women fear growing old and losing their attractiveness (ever seen "Mrs. Skeffington?"), so it's a balm against that fear. A balm, not a cure. I personally don't know of any May-December (or February-August) relationships that have ever worked out.

Not that I'm passing judgment on this; it is, what it is. It's been this way for a long, long time. Both parties seem to derive some sort of benefit, however transient. Ask Donald Trump!

My ex was 13 years my junior, and I have to admit I believe that it was a factor in it not working out. At that age (late 20's) you really still don't know who you are or what you want. It was a bad decision on my part.

Personally, I find the company of the vast majority of younger (i.e. 20-something) women to be somewhat to the left of irritating. So it would probably never work for me. I gotta have some conversation that relates to my experience and outlook as a guy who is in middle-age. C'est la vie.

 

[Tomasso]

Not that I'm criticizing; it is, what it is.

As I often say," Not a criticism, just an observation."

 

[Chas]

Yes, exactly.

Personally, I think that polygamy (both male and female), gay marriage and any other form of union should be recognized by the state. The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation. Pursuit of happiness, and all that. It's all good, baby. As long as they're consenting, sane adults.

 

[Fletch]

In the time before Harlequin Romances and (now that I think of it) unrealistic romantic delusions fed by Jane Austen novels et. al, marriage was a financial arrangement, and a pact between families.

Austen? Straight up?! She's all about the money and the family angle. Only thing is her heroines usually get it all: they don't have to marry the cad or the old stuff-shirt because a suitable man of their liking comes along.

You want to feel down, read Schopenhauer. He flat-out says rough, "stupid" men were desirable to elegant, cultivated women in his day because of the feeling of protection they represented. (Of course, he was a philosopher, so sour grapes may have been involved. He was also a full-on misogynist, who never married.)

 

[tempestbella42]

I gotta have some conversation that relates to my experience and outlook as a guy who is in middle-age. C'est la vie.

This is the key to me!!
ive dated younger and older guys that are really interestin and visa versa...there needs to be the connection too!
my biggest "gripe" when it comes to the dating game is weight related! due to illness (and age!!) i put on weight and have had to endure some embaressing/degrading comments because of it! and its soul destroying!
i can (and am doing so) lose the weight but im still the same person inside so why am i made to feel inferior by all ages of men!!(older guys tend to be the worse!!).....or have i been in the wrong crowds!

 

[Foofoogal]

or have i been in the wrong crowds!

I think you have been in wrong crowd for sure. Go to Google and type in overweight dating. Several dating sites available.
I know for a fact some men want a bit more meat on the bones.

 

[Irish4]

Tempestbella42, your gorgeous baby!carry on with pride.Do not let people have that kind of control over you.Just don't allow that at any point in your life.I know it's easy to say but (steal a quote from NIKE here) just do it........pick your crowds wisely.....cull the the bad ones who bring you down.Have a great day

 

[Esme]

I knew it was all Jane Austen's fault. Her and that damn Virginia Woolf chick!

 

[Caity Lynn]

^ I agree, if they don't like you as you are, you're entirely tooooooo good for them.

I tend to look for older guys. Granted I'm only 16, But my age rate is usually around 19-20, which doesn't sound so bad, but you'd be amazed at peoples reactions.

I'm more mature than most kids my age, ( I swear my soul was born middle age) So i simply get along better with adults. Always have. Guys maturity tend to run a bit on the younger side, so we usually balance each other out [huh] Personally, If you like someone and think it'll work, Age is just a number.

My grandmother was 19 when she married my grandfather, he was in his 30's. They were married for 50 years and about a week before he passed.

If you love someone...go for it.

 

[dhermann1]

Wow. Being single (widowed) and 62, you people are giving me ideas.

 

[Chas]

>>I tend to look for older guys. Granted I'm only 16, But my age rate is usually around 19-20, which doesn't sound so bad, but you'd be amazed at peoples reactions.
If you love someone...go for it

Try bringing a guy in his late 30's or in his 40's. Then you'll see some fireworks! Of course, you should wait 'til your legal in your neck of the woods.

As far as bigger women are concerned, I have been attracted to a couple in my travels. It was a case-by-case basis, it all depended on how they carried themselves and what they thought of themselves. I have also jettisoned oppurtunities to date people based on that, too. Low self-esteem is the ultimate deal-breaker for me, and I don't care if you look like Ava Gardner, if you don't love yourself, nobody else has much of a chance, either. Of course, that means getting off the cultural bandwagon on what the beauty ideal is. That's easier said, than done.

The next time a guy cuts you 'cause of your weight, Tempestbella, may I suggest a swift kick to the pills? Or if you wear spiked heels, an 'accidental' treading of his instep also works well.

'taint nothing wrong with her, though she wouldn't ever grace the cover of Vogue.

 

[Foofoogal]

Wow. Being single (widowed) and 62, you people are giving me ideas.
__________________

pace yourself. lol

 

[Luke 42]

>>I tend to look for older guys. Granted I'm only 16, But my age rate is usually around 19-20, which doesn't sound so bad, but you'd be amazed at peoples reactions.
If you love someone...go for it


'taint nothing wrong with her, though she wouldn't ever grace the cover of Vogue.

sorry for fftopic: but may I ask what that painting is? I think it looks absolutely gorgeous..so does the lady portrayed

 

[Foofoogal]

This Odalisque (1874) was painted by Jules Joseph Lefebvre, and is one of the most famous and traditional. Note how the painting takes emphasis off the primary features of the face, such as the nose, even to the extent of concealing the chin completely. Instead, the only major facial feature that receives attention is the ear, which is highlighted by the hair heaped atop the head. The woman's back is smooth, with no sign of the ribs, and in the lower back there are two dimples adding extra emphasis to the fat present in the woman's buttocks and thighs.
--------------------------------------------
visiting the Louvre in Paris recently and saw many, many paintings like this. Just breathtaking most all of them.

 

[tempestbella42]

thanx guys!

had a feeling it was the crowd i was with........changed it for a much wiser group.......you can find a lot of them in a place called the Fedora lounge!

Caity Lynn when i was your age i was with a 25yr old for 2yrs (one of my longest relationships!) most my others are only a couple of yrs either side of my age! there was one 16yrs younger BUT i found we had nothing in common to talk about!

It really is down to personalitys every time to me!!

oh...my Dads 29yrs older than my step mum and theyve been together 20yrs now and have my half sister who is 15! lol