HadleyH
I'll Lock Up
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pigeon toe said:Skyvue, your wife is adorable! She looks like tons of fun!
I agree!
pigeon toe said:Skyvue, your wife is adorable! She looks like tons of fun!
Fletch said:.
And then there are The Rules. Not the book by that name...just The Rules. They're what tells us what a man should be, what a woman should be, what should attract us, what should turn us off. (But usually not why. After all, Rules are Rules.)
....
Because a man - especially a man - must fulfill certain of society's (women's AND men's) expectations. That's what makes him a man, and desirable to women.
...
I'm not really the type to get involved with a much younger woman, but that is true in part because I believe in The Rules, and under them, I am not viable. But if things aren't as strict for men as I think they are, I suppose I might feel differently. [/size]
I don't think you're wrong. (And thank you for the respect. I do tend to rant sometimes.)Doran said:I sympathize with you, and I think there will be understanding women, but .... I must make a criticism of your analysis of the situation.
Even by using a term like "The Rules," you are treating customs that have accreted through many centuries, and that are similar in many societies, as arbitrary and irrational, rather than trying to figure out how they evolved.
As much as I respect you, and have always respected you ... this way lies delusion.
Fletch said:What if your man had never married? Hadn't had a serious g/f in years? What if he was about where you were in his relationship history? That would be a red flag, wouldn't it, no matter how you felt about him?
Fletch said:...there are real people out there being really happy with each other. That's smashing.
And then there are The Rules. Not the book by that name...just The Rules. They're what tells us what a man should be, what a woman should be, what should attract us, what should turn us off. (But usually not why. After all, Rules are Rules.)
For instance. All you young ladies with a much older gentleman. I'm assuming he is much more experienced than you in matters of the heart. And I'm assuming, furthermore, that that is part of your attraction to him - what makes him "the one for you." Whatever role age plays or doesn't play in your relationship, I put it to you that at least part of what makes it work is that he has a relatively normal past.
Now let's do a thought experiment. What if your man had never married? Hadn't had a serious g/f in years? What if he was about where you were in his relationship history? That would be a red flag, wouldn't it, no matter how you felt about him?
Because a man - especially a man - must fulfill certain of society's (women's AND men's) expectations. That's what makes him a man, and desirable to women. The more check boxes are empty, the more danger signs there are - the more "stay away signs" there are - the more reasons to not open yourself up to him.
Yes, I have a personal stake here. I have several, but not all, criteria of love-shyness. I have reached an age where I should have had much more experience than I have, so the climb is going to be steep and the cost dear. I realized that years ago, and it has kept me off the market, alone, jealous and cynical.
I'm not really the type to get involved with a much younger woman, but that is true in part because I believe in The Rules, and under them, I am not viable. But if things aren't as strict for men as I think they are, I suppose I might feel differently.
I guess I agree with your philosophy. But to be unafraid of rejection I think you need to feel you deserve acceptance. And not just because you're you - that's Mr. Rogers stuff. Grownups don't mess with that.
Me, I never got past the just-because-you're-you phase
For instance. All you young ladies with a much older gentleman. I'm assuming he is much more experienced than you in matters of the heart. And I'm assuming, furthermore, that that is part of your attraction to him
NicolettaRose said:I am 25, and only date older men as illustrated in my avatar. Before 35, men ( like women) are selfish and inexperiened
grey ghost said:I too belieave that guys really do not mature mentally until 35ish.
jamespowers said:I think there needs to be some in there somewhere.