Where to find other retro singles?

[FinalVestige79]

Yeah, its a sign of lack of confidence and WE ALL KNOW girls love confidence. I prefer to find common ground also...I mean why bother if you dont have anything in common. Like an attractive girl reading a book concerning calculus...Math is to me as a live wire is to a puddle of water. Math is waterboarding! If I in can find something the girl and I have in common with the girl and I can say something funny regarding it, (much like the Math / electrocution statement) then I use the funny angle. Make a girl laugh and the sortie is half over, no need to call may-day yet.

You gotta be like a chimera, you gotta sell yourself, you gotta know marketing, prose, humor, common sense and a bit of attitude.

As for your number 2 rule, I may steal that.

In the end, I am long winded and I digress.

 

[Diamondback]

Yeah, its a sign of lack of confidence and WE ALL KNOW girls love confidence. I prefer to find common ground also...I mean why bother if you dont have anything in common. Like an attractive girl reading a book concerning calculus...Math is to me as a live wire is to a puddle of water. Math is waterboarding!

Really? I suck at math and I see an angle there: "Excuse me, I see you're doing (X). There's something a ways back at (W) I'm not getting and I wanted to ask if you'd be willing to help me work through it over coffee?" If nothing else, you might gain a tutor who's easy on the eyes... (Yeah, I'm a whole lot more smooth over the Net than in real life--here you only have my word to tell you what kind of nervous wreckage I have to work with, rather than actually seeing it in action.lol) And waterboarding isn't that bad, we do it all the time to our own in SERE School, but that could lead to a verboten political discussion.

If I in can find something the girl and I have in common with the girl and I can say something funny regarding it, (much like the Math / electrocution statement) then I use the funny angle. Make a girl laugh and the sortie is half over, no need to call may-day yet.

Well said--good most of the time, although it didn't help me a lot. (Granted, there was also a business relationship in the way too... )

As for your number 2 rule, I may steal that.

Go ahead--I ripped it off from someone else myself...
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Now playing: John Barry - Capsule In Space
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[FinalVestige79]

Actually I take back what I said, I have actually made girls laugh with the math / electrocution analogy. Even something you dont have in common can be flipped to work in your favor. Just gotta be witty and humorous about it. For me, there is no difference here than from how I am on the phone or in a real life situation. I'm under the mentality of fall, lick your wounds, pick yourself back up. I am a gentleman on the outside world, but I am also a flirt. Some would say that is dichotomous, I say its how I am. You can't be a gentleman and not have some type of fun aspect to you. You don't want to be boring.

 

[ClaraB]

I think the common ground approach is a good one although being so direct would be a little intimidating to me. The common ground approach would also demonstrate to me that a man is observant, quick on his feet, interested in my mind and that he can hold up his end of a conversation. It sends a pretty good message.

Thank you, gents, for confirming what I already suspected about the "I'm not hitting on you" thing. Now that I think about it, my response to this approach is likely not what the guy is looking for, mostly because telling me you are not hitting on me makes me uncomfortable. Really, how does one respond to a statement like that? In some cases I am tempted to ask why the guy is not hitting on me. Would that be too forward?

Sorry for turning this thread into a dating advice thread.

 

[Diamondback]

Actually, Granada, I see nothing incompatible between an unattached gentleman being a flirt--it's when he devolves into a cad, or otherwise starts to lead a girl on, that an issue presents itself.

I think the common ground approach is a good one although being so direct would be a little intimidating to me. The common ground approach would also demonstrate to me that a man is observant, quick on his feet, interested in my mind and that he can hold up his end of a conversation. It sends a pretty good message.

Any ideas about how to tone down the directness? It was a bit of learning-curve on all sides when I was doing some consulting for my alma mater and I'd drop in on the chancellor with no "hi", no "good morning", just straight-to-business.

I think the common ground approach is a good one although being so direct would be a little intimidating to me. The common ground approach would also demonstrate to me that a man is observant, quick on his feet, interested in my mind and that he can hold up his end of a conversation. It sends a pretty good message.

Thank you, gents, for confirming what I already suspected about the "I'm not hitting on you" thing. Now that I think about it, my response to this approach is likely not what the guy is looking for, mostly because telling me you are not hitting on me makes me uncomfortable. Really, how does one respond to a statement like that? In some cases I am tempted to ask why the guy is not hitting on me. Would that be too forward?

Possibly, but if you see something you like in him you could turn it with "Bull--you know you were and I know you were. Dinner?" or somesuch, but that's just me being to-the-point without all the finer points of the elaborate niceties society has built for itself as "secret handshakes".

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Now playing: History Channel Club - The Planets, Op. 32 - Mars
via FoxyTunes

 

[FinalVestige79]

Actually, Granada, I see nothing incompatible between an unattached gentleman being a flirt--it's when he devolves into a cad, or otherwise starts to lead a girl on, that an issue presents itself.


Any ideas about how to tone down the directness? It was a bit of learning-curve on all sides when I was doing some consulting for my alma mater and I'd drop in on the chancellor with no "hi", no "good morning", just straight-to-business.


Possibly, but if you see something you like in him you could turn it with "Bull--you know you were and I know you were. Dinner?" or somesuch, but that's just me being to-the-point without all the finer points of the elaborate niceties society has built for itself as "secret handshakes".

Please call me Dylan, or Almond -joy everyone else does. The 2 aspects don't readily go together thats why people are put off. I am with you on the cad opinion, having associated myself with a couple of them, I learned how not to act. Its sad how male integrity has degenerated over the years into a sex fiendish puddle of muck, of course there are exceptions, nearly all of my generation is a lost cause.

Actually, that isn't too forward. Its the point, and it requires him to answer a question, and it shows you might have a slight interest which would boost his confidence. It also shows that you have a bit of attitude, most guys like a girl with some moxie. Of course if you find it in bad taste then don't do it. A good response might be calling his bluff like DB noted. Of course this isn't perfected, its as boundless as ones creativity and imagination.

 

[AtomicEraTom]

I always like the 'funny guy' approach. I'm known for being a bit of a funny guy. Kinda got that random sense of humor thing going on, you know? I've always had good luck making a lady laugh. Good one I used on a gal doing math homework, even though it's pretty dumb, is walk up to her and go, "If you're looking for X, it's right there" I got a laugh with it a time or two.

The current lady of interest in my life, is by no means vintage, but quite the opposite. She's just a typical gal, but I love her to death. We've been close friends for quite some time, but you know how those go. It's hard to turn one of those into something more serious, and if it ends, you're out a close friend. It happened with me and my ex fiance.

Here's a picture of the current lady of interest, Kelsey. Excuse the quality, took it with my camera phone.

Being her charmingly goofy self as always. She's really something else.

 

[FinalVestige79]

Oy.

Oyyyy I've been on this merri-go-round more than a couple times. It is everything but fun. The "good friend relationship" is the kiss of death. Not to be pessimistic, but thats the general consensus. Doesn't mean you shouldn't try. Make subtle hints...if shes responsive go for it, its a very thin red line you have to toe. But you have to be able to tell the difference between responsive or its just her personality. Don't be to serious with it. CONVERT HER TO VINTAGEISM!!!

 

[AtomicEraTom]

Well, I figure when I'm the only guy (she hangs out with our group of about 12 guys and maybe 3 or 4 girls. I'm the only one that she tells that she loves and she always goes on about how much she misses me (she lives outta town and I only see her once or twice a week) So, I took that as a plus. And she gets mad if I don't text her back when she texts me to see how my day at work was, very mad haha.

I'm already working on the vintage thing. She's already looking into vintage clothes and hairstyles. Trying to talk her into something with lots of pincurls, I dig that. She's got two more things going for her besides a stunning personality and looks to match: she likes to help me work on my vintage telephones, and other goods, and the first lady I've been involved with that digs my Station Wagon. And one thing was my ex fiance said I couldn't have a Station Wagon. We split and a month or so later I had a 1987 Chevy Caprice in its woodgrained glory sitting in the garage.

 

[FinalVestige79]

Well, start making hints now, and then if shes responsive go for it. From what you are saying shes already got an infatuation with you...maybe a girl lounger can speak more on this?

 

[AtomicEraTom]

I'm hoping so too. I've been dropping hints here and there, but don't want to be too forward about it either. I would also like some insight from a lady. And I'm hoping maybe one day, she too will be a FL member.

 

[reetpleat]

I've been having pretty good luck meeting people in bars lately, mostly because I have stopped going to college bars. Nothing serious has come of it but I don't think that is what I am after so soon after the demise of my last relationship. I'm pretty proud of myself as I've been able to carry on somewhat intelligent conversations with men and in some cases even initiated these conversations, a big step for an introvert like me. Often though, when I am out, I am approached by men who use my vintage look for an ice breaker. Problem is, I always get a complement followed by "I'm not hitting on you". Bah, what the heck is that supposed to mean?

These days, a lot of men are are societially trained to think it is inappropriate and unwanted. So they feel the need to say they are not "hitting on you." That doesn't mean they ar not trying to meet you. They just don't want it labeled as "hitting on you"

if they only knew what a turn off for women that is. In fact, i would advise you to avoid such men.

 

[Audrey Horne]

Problem is, I always get a complement followed by "I'm not hitting on you". Bah, what the heck is that supposed to mean?

You're gorgeous so I'd say if they're saying that to you, the gentlemen here are correct in their assessment. However, I'd like to offer another perspective. It probably doesn't apply to your situation since men might think differently but I used to tell people that all the time when I was younger.

I spent a lot of time out meeting new people and often came across someone who looked lovely and fascinated me. I invariably started up a conversation with them, usually complimenting them on something that caught my interest originally. I hold them I wasn't hitting on them because it was the truth. I started saying it because people would automatically think I was hitting on them and it became rather awkward for both of us when they realized later that I wasn't. I just wanted to know more about them. Does that make any sense? Has anyone else felt this way?

 

[Widebrim]

And one thing was my ex fiance said I couldn't have a Station Wagon. We split and a month or so later I had a 1987 Chevy Caprice in its woodgrained glory sitting in the garage.

I like that that, brother! A woman has to accept you for who you are, Chevy Caprice and all. And it sounds like the current lady in your life may just be such a woman.

 

[ClaraB]

I spent a lot of time out meeting new people and often came across someone who looked lovely and fascinated me. I invariably started up a conversation with them, usually complimenting them on something that caught my interest originally. I hold them I wasn't hitting on them because it was the truth. I started saying it because people would automatically think I was hitting on them and it became rather awkward for both of us when they realized later that I wasn't. I just wanted to know more about them. Does that make any sense? Has anyone else felt this way?

Audrey, thank you for bringing this up. This is one of my biggest fears about assuming someone is hitting on me when they say they are not. Perhaps they are, like you, simply striking up a conversation just to have a conversation and are sincere in saying they are not hitting on me.
I'd feel really terrible if I used Diamondback's suggested line: "Bull--you know you were and I know you were. Dinner?" and the guy was not actually hitting on me.

 

[FinalVestige79]

Yeah I can relate to that. Sometimes that would be the case, but of course being in an environment where mingling is a sign of flirtatious behavior, most of us are victims of that assumption by association with the environment.

 

[Gutshot]

Audrey, thank you for bringing this up. This is one of my biggest fears about assuming someone is hitting on me when they say they are not. Perhaps they are, like you, simply striking up a conversation just to have a conversation and are sincere in saying they are not hitting on me.
I'd feel really terrible if I used Diamondback's suggested line: "Bull--you know you were and I know you were. Dinner?" and the guy was not actually hitting on me.

What you ladies also need to remember is that we get bombarded by the media with stories of all number of creeps, weirdos, and sexual predators. That does serve to make us more that a little leery of appearing to be some creepy weirdo. So some times we might go a little overboard the other direction if you catch my drift.

 

[FinalVestige79]

He does have a legitimate point, but then that leads to the "we aren't all sick freaks, some of us are actually different" subject... and thats tedious. We don't want girls to think we are gonna kill them so we go into like a defensive mechanism, in the best way to get our point across that we are good.

 

[chanteuseCarey]

I agree with fortworthgal...

I'm also married and also go to dance classes, but we're "strictly" ballroom here. Lots of singles there- all nice people. Ballroom dancing is how I met my husband. At the xmas party dance night- the lesson was Viennese Waltz. I had been going as a single gal on my own for about six months, he had been going for about a year and a half. I had been in the beginners class, he had been in the intermediate then so we had never met before their xmas party- when I stepped into the intermediate circle. Nice atmosphere, no drinking, no smoking and plenty of room to dance. We still go there after all these years, with our two children now (son almost 13 and daughter almost 15) who love dancing too. The gents are always very polite to the ladies, I started going there because it was a safe place for a single gal to go by herself. The men are there to dance, not hit on you!

I am married, but I was honestly surprised at how many singles were present at a local swing dance class. We have a local place that hosts classes once weekly, and a large social dance once a month. As it is swing dancing, it is pretty easy to tell right off who is into vintage clothing and the big band era music. Also since it is social dancing and lots of partner switching, it offers the perfect opportunity to get close and get to know people. The bonus is that you learn a cool skill while you're there.

If I'd known about it when I was single, I probably would have made it a regular haunt!

 

[Fleur De Guerre]

Audrey, thank you for bringing this up. This is one of my biggest fears about assuming someone is hitting on me when they say they are not. Perhaps they are, like you, simply striking up a conversation just to have a conversation and are sincere in saying they are not hitting on me.
I'd feel really terrible if I used Diamondback's suggested line: "Bull--you know you were and I know you were. Dinner?" and the guy was not actually hitting on me.

I think your own idea was a great one - if you do like the guy 'not hitting on you' reply with, "well, why not?" in a sort of cheeky flirtacious way. It's going to raise a smile and break the ice with anyone! I imagine some men say that if they have a girlfriend, but many probably just don't think they have a chance with you!