Well, it's over.

[Mid-fogey]

Tough roll dude...

...sorry to hear it.

I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you will recover and you will love again.

 

[zaika]

How heartbreaking. I'm very sorry to hear your troubles and heartbreak. I really hope for the best for you and your children.

 

[cemetarian]

I'm so sorry..........there should be an easier way but sometimes there just isn't.

Good advice above...GET a GOOD attorney..............and make sure those boys know that this isn't about them and is not their fault.........love your kids and help them maintain respect for their mother (even if you don't feel any) and they and you will come out of this okay.......who cares if she comes out okay!

 

[dhermann1]

So sorry to her this. First bit of advice, get some therapy. Figure out what you weren't seeing or hearing. In all probability she was telling you what was going on but somehow you weren't hearing. Second bit of advice, no matter how frustrated you get, always take the high road. Don't take the easy cheap shot, no matter how tempting. It will only get zapped back at you with interest.
Your self esteem is going to take a beating from this. You'll have a lot of friends trying to let you know that they think you're a pretty good guy after all. Let it sink in. Let your self believe it.
There are PLENTY of people out here in cyberspace that feel your pain.
I hate the phrase "hang in there", but it's apropos. Good luck.

 

[panamag8or]

That's pretty crummy, man. I know how 'ya feel; I'm going through the same thing, only we get along better now during the separation than we did while married. Our daughter (my step-daughter) is 19 and in college, so there's no fight there, either.

I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Blondie]

Yep, lawyer up !
i would say if the 2 older boys want to live with you, you may be in a good position to stay in the family home with all 3 kids,
Maybe suggest to her that she moves out and leaves you there where you & the children are all happy and settled , If she wants out, she should go, i know easier said than done.........
Please keep us posted, you can vent all you want here, we will all listen,
You are in my thoughts,
Good Luck

 

[Benny Holiday]

I wish I had the words to make you feel better Locktown. We're here to support you whatever way we can.

 

[Dominic]

This is well known territory for me as the same thing happened to me in 1996. I got myself a good lawyer and everything went fine; I got custody of my daughters. My thoughts are with you and hope the best, for you and for your boys.

 

[Ecuador Jim]

Ah, the "speech"

Try not to take the tirades personally. I would agree that being civil is the best tactic.

Many of us have been through similar trials and tribuluations. The emotional roller coaster you are embarking on won't be a lot of fun, but you will get through it.

Rant any time you want!

 

[imoldfashioned]

I'm so sorry to hear this. Please try to treat yourself extra well during this time. Also, your kids are lucky to have a father so interested in keeping them in his life.

 

[Jovan]

I'm surprised I didn't think of it that way, imoldfashioned, I was just thinking of it in terms of his right to see his kids. Wow.

And, I really need to sleep. Please listen to all these people more than me!

 

[Miss1933]

I'm sorry to hear this, but do know that things happen for a reason. Who knows what could happen now! Have faith that everything will be ok, and always be there for your children which I'm sure you are going to. Life has it's ups and downs, and all that is expected of us as human beings is to go through them and learn from such mistakes we might have done in our part. I wish you the best dear, and that you find happiness soon!!

 

[LocktownDog]

Thank you all for your kind words. She was in a much better mood last night. It certainly doesn't change things, but at least we could have a friendly conversation with no bitter insults coming from her. No matter what, its over. I'm completely heartbroken by this and am not sure if I can ever recover emotionally, as I deeply love her. She says she has no feelings for me at all anymore except for being her best friend. I just let her know that whatever she does in life, she can know that I'll be there to lean on in troubled times.

I am horribly worried about tomorrow, however. She goes into the hospital for more testing on an ovarian cyst. The doctors think its malignant but need these tests to confirm that. Thats all she needs on top of this mess ... cancer. That's another reason I will be the one moving out. I can handle living by myself better than she can right now. She will need the kids for emotional support and handling the household chores. They'll need her too. I'm not sure any of them will ever need me. But I'll be on call for them anyway.

Thanks again,
Richard

 

[Jovan]

Yikes! Well, I think you need to be able to see them at least a bit regardless. I hope everything goes okay for her!

 

[chucklehead]

Remember

You can do everything right & still loose.

 

[nyx]

I'm not sure any of them will ever need me. But I'll be on call for them anyway.

Your kids will always need you. No matter what. When my husband left, it was everything I could do not to just run him over with my car :rage: But then I thought of my son, and how much he needs his daddy in his life. And as someone mentioned earlier, they might want to live with you. As a child of divorced parents myself, I sort of floated back and forth between my parents' houses, living with each for a time.

I'm sorry this happened to you. I wish you only good things in life.

 

[Big Man]

I know it is a difficult situation to find yourself. It's been 25 years ago, but I was in the same situation. There are two important things I learned that I would pass along to you. First, when someone is "finished" with you, believe them. Don't try to fight it, and make sure to look out for yourself and your children. Once they decide to take the route of getting rid of you, nothing will stop them. I know that sounds harsh, but that is what experience taught me. The second thing, and to me the most important, is in whatever you do or say during this time, make sure that 5 or 10, or 20 years down the road you will be able to look yourself in the mirror and say that you did all you could to to make things work and to be descent. Being decent is not to be confused with being a patsy and letting a less than honest person run over you. But above all, be a gentleman in your actions and dealings. Don't get in the mud with them (because that's where they want you and therefore can "justify" themselves for their actions).

Good luck to you in all this. You and your children will be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Spitfire]

Excellent remarks, Big Man.:eusa_clap :eusa_clap :eusa_clap

 

[Vintage Betty]

My thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time.

Vintage Betty

 

[Paisley]

I agree with others who have said to be civil. I sometimes work on divorce cases (I work at a CPA firm). Being vindictive, trying to wring out every last nickel you can, will only enrich your lawyers and accountants (and impoverish you). I've seen divorce cases drag on for years. Fighting with your wife will hurt your children, too.

Emily Post, writing in the 1940 edition of the book Etiquette, says that a gentleman doesn't badmouth his wife. It only makes him look bad.

Good luck to you, Richard.