The Evidence of Old Lovers - Keep or Destroy?

[nobodyspecial]

Parents have sex?

I like to think, similar to Moses, that I was found in a basket floating in a river and raised by two wonderful people.

 

[flat-top]

I recently found a huge sack of letters, cards, photos and trinkets from old girlfriends. I sat on the floor and scrutinized every last thing in that bag, took a nice walk down memory lane, and then discarded practically everything.
They would only cause problems in the long run if found by my bride-to-be.
What I could say were sentimental artifacts would completely be viewed as my clinging to the past, and would surely cause a stupid fight.

 

[jamespowers]

[huh] Or I will just say, "just appreciate the hot fiery genes you got from me."

Yeah well, I don't even want to go there or encourage them.

 

[jamespowers]

this made me laugh out loud. I think it would of scared me silly if either my dad or my honey wrote poetry and I found out.

My mom used to hint she had hidden charms.

Parents have sex?

The last part is what I didn't want to think about or even bring up. I was hungry until I read that. Thanks, it keeps me from eating too much.
I just can't get my mind around my ex-marine, sargent, father writing poetry. It just wasn't going to happen.

 

[Miss Neecerie]

Here is the thing...

You all are going on and on about your perspective of your children finding letters.

Please note the below only applies to -current and married- sort of situations..not -past- love notes from others

What if......(and there are various case scenarios that work here, this is but one)


Your grandchildren found the letters after one of you died and the other was no longer coherent due to Alzheimer's? Your letters might be the only glimpse they get into your personality and 'humanity'.

or

What if...tomorrow you are gone, and your letters are the -only- thing your children have of you besides pictures?
This is true in my case, and I -cherish- the insight into who my father was....regardless of how silly or poetry filled or sex laden the letters might or might not be......it is what I have of -him-. Sure, the letters to my mom were something I rolled my eyes at when I was 15.....but now...as an adult who lost their parent at 10.....its an important thing.

Quit being selfishly embarrassed about what your kids might read.....

 

[scotrace]

"Oh my GOD. Did daddy really write a poem about her underwear???" lol lol

 

[jamespowers]

"Oh my GOD. Did daddy really write a poem about her underwear???" lol lol

Great. Like I would ever want to read that.
What a legacy to leave behind or to be remembered for. :eusa_doh:

 

[Avalon]

"Oh my GOD. Did daddy really write a poem about her underwear???" lol lol

Roses are red, violets are blue,
And now that I've seen them, your panties are too!

 

[jamespowers]

Roses are red, violets are blue,
And now that I've seen them, your panties are too!

lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

 

[Edward]

Just because you were in a relationship and it was good for a certain amount of time and then stopped working, it doesn't make the relationship a mistake.

Oh believe me, you wouldn't say that if you'd seen my past relationships. lol

At least, committed as I am to never having kids, I'll never have that to worry about.

 

[nyx]

I keep a large box full of mementos and letters, but I have in the past gotten bitten by a spring cleaning bug and tossed out things I wish I wouldn't have.

The stuff from my ex-husband I put in a box in the garage. I thought about throwing it away, but haven't gotten the nerve up yet. Part of me doesn't want to keep them because the memories are too painful, but part of me doesn't want to forget why I married him in the first place.

As for my son, I keep a journal just about him. I'm in year 2 now, but the first year did have a lot of stuff about his father in it. At the end of that first year, I looked back through the journal and I wrote my son a letter sort of summarizing the year. Of course a big topic was the divorce and how it had nothing to do with him. I plan on writing him a letter every year on his birthday. I don't know when I'll let him read them though. [huh]

 

[Custom79]

A little of both...

It has been my experience that some things you keep. Some things you will let go over time.

Your heart will tell you.

Regards.

C79

 

[dani]

my husband has pictures, and letters from his ex's, but he threw away the pictures of my ex. i guess he was jealous, he thought i was talking to him, and didn't realize the boy had died.

 

[jamespowers]

my husband has pictures, and letters from his ex's, but he threw away the pictures of my ex. i guess he was jealous, he thought i was talking to him, and didn't realize the boy had died.

Another reason to get rid of that stuff. However, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. His stuff should go too.

 

[The Dame]

I've just finished reading the entire thread and want to contribute my own 2 cents' worth ...

I am ashamed to admit that I did once insist on my boyfriend throwing out a pair of boxers given to him by an ex. In my defense, he was still talking to her on the phone (that ol' staying-friends-after thing I have never understood) and I was definitely feeling insecure. The good news is, that boyfriend is now my husband. Looking back on it, I had nothing to worry about. I just didn't know it at the time.

I have purged letters and other mementos over the years. Never had a break-up that wasn't traumatic in one way or another, so saving things from the relationship didn't make a whole lot of sense. I've never subscribed to the staying-friends-with-exes philosophy since my feelings in a romantic relationship were anything but friendly ... although keeping old letters, photos and mementos in and of itself is not what I would consider problematic if that is what you like to do. Where you get into trouble is if you're still pulling the stuff out and mooning over it in front of the current sweetie in your life.

As for my own love letters: I spent a year living in Germany after I met my husband and we wrote each other letters. I am convinced to this day that those letters played an integral part in our relationship and getting to know one another - I've often referred to it as a courtship on paper. We have kept them all. I continue to keep all letters and cards from my husband. I wouldn't mind my daughter reading them someday or even my grandchildren (should I be so lucky), but it's probably better they should do so after I'm wormfood. I've never asked for any of my letters to past boyfriends back - had I done so, I suspect I would have been mad and hurt when they told me they hadn't saved them! I'm pretty sure all of my exes were NOT the sentimental romantic types inclined to saving mementos of past relationships.

My parents' love letters: Many years ago, our house was broken into and my parents' letters were read by the miscreants. My mother was so distressed by this, she burned every last one of them. As I get older, I resent that act on her part more and more. It would have been nice to read what they'd written to one another, to go back in time if ever so briefly, and get to know them in their own words - especially since my father is a man of very few words - written or spoken.

I mourn the decline of handwritten letters. I hate it whenever my husband sends me an especially sweet or sentimental or otherwise significant email because printing it out and putting it in a scrapbook just doesn't have the same impact as something he labored over by hand with one of his favorite fountain pens. His words in his own handwriting - that's worth saving, that's the real treasure. And I positively loathe ecards - 'when you care enough to do the least' (instead of: when you care enough to send the very best).

Have any of you ever read the collection of letters written by Ronald Reagan to his wife Nancy? I think the book is titled "I Love You, Ronnie" and it is one of the most wonderful books I've ever read. Reading Reagan's words to his wife gave me an entirely different perspective on him as a man, rather than as a politician. After reading it, I liked the man very much. And I can appreciate the man while keeping him separate from the politician.

 

[pgoat]

I keep, but keep it discreet. Not hidden, just put away as the past should be. Memories are ok. I agree the past is part of what makes us what we are today. But no sense dwelling on it.

 

[HungaryTom]

my husband has pictures, and letters from his ex's, but he threw away the pictures of my ex. i guess he was jealous, he thought i was talking to him, and didn't realize the boy had died.

I am really sorry about your case.
I am luckier: neither my wife nor I did ever search each others files for photos from the past.

 

[Hondo]

Another reason to get rid of that stuff. However, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. His stuff should go too.

Well thats about the size of it kid! Got to agree

 

[jamespowers]

Well thats about the size of it kid! Got to agree

Another gentleman, scholar and good judge of fine whisky.