The Birds & The Bees, how did you find out?

[GHT]

The 1960's, my teenage years, is often dubbed the permissive age, but the reality was, there was no sex education at school, and certainly none from parents at home. An unplanned pregnancy often ended in either a "backstreet abortion" or an enforced marriage. Back then you brought shame on your family if you made your girlfriend pregnant. It was even worse for the girls. So I just wondered how you found out.

For what it's worth, some friends of ours have a daughter who is a teacher, she explains everything to her pupils. From the way our bodies work, to the physical part of sex. She told us that a group of 140, Year 9's, (at the begining of their first sex education lesson) thought that: 88% of girls and 50% of boys think you can't get pregnant if you have sex standing up! 53% of young people think that alcohol is a form of contraception. 75% thought that withdrawal was a safe method of contraception. It would seem, that in the home at least, sex is still a taboo subject.

What are your memories of sex education, please keep it from getting smutty.

 

[2jakes]

Aproximately when I was 10 and attending elementary, some kid would tell a joke related to "sex".
I had no idea what he was talking about, but I pretended I got it.
Over time someone would described the act of where babies came from.
I could not picture my mom and dad getting naked to do this act.
I had no idea what "birds & the bees" meant.
I was young and had many other things that took my time that I was not to preoccupied with sex topic or losing sleep worrying about it.
But basically it was a matter of time first
starting with dirty jokes in school.

 

[Zombie_61]

When I was very young (before the age of 10) I spent a good deal of time on non-school days hanging out at the company where my dad worked. In one section of one of the buildings that only male employees had access to, those employees had covered a sizable portion of one wall with centerfolds taken from Playboy and other adult magazines. As such, I was introduced to the female form at a young age. And in another section of that building were stacks of those same magazines, which I read occasionally when no one else was around. Being so young I can't say I understood everything I read, but I understood enough to get the general idea. The high school I attended years later made "sexual education" a mandatory class (unless a student's parents objected for whatever reason), so that served to verify or clarify those things I already knew or wasn't sure about.

The closest I ever got to "the talk" at home was one afternoon before a date with a "high school sweetheart" I'd been seeing for several months. I told mom that we were going out that night, and she said, "Just be careful. I'm not ready to be a Grandmother yet." Thinking fast I replied, "Come on, what could we possibly do in a Volkswagen?", but mom gave me "that" look and I clammed up.

 

[Peacoat]

I had an older girlfriend.

 

[LizzieMaine]

My mother had a book hidden under some towels in a kitchen drawer, which, being a kid drawn to all books, I found, and read, when I was about eight. It was, fittingly enough, called, simply, "SEX," and it was full of underlinings and marginal comments emphasizing my father's faults and shortcomings in that particular area. It was a highly clinical book -- I don't think it was by Masters and Johnson, but it was of their era and in their style -- and it completely demystified the subject for me. I had no interest in "experimenting" in my teens, because this book made it all seem about as stimulating as getting your stomach pumped.

We never had "the talk," but my mother was pretty straighforward about not shrouding the whole phenomenon in Sacred Mystery. She always hung her menstrual belt on the bathroom doorknob, and other supplies were in open view on the back of the toilet. I can't remember a time when I didn't know what menstruation was. We did have a film about it in sixth or seventh grade, some dopey business about a girl in a yellow dress discovering the magic of womanhood, but it wasn't anything I didn't already know. My mother was also very candid about sex in general -- she often talked about classmates who'd gotten pregnant, and who'd dealt with the situation by "getting rid of it" -- an extremely common thing among the Maine working class of the 1940s and 50s, it would seem, certainly more so than in the days of my grandmother or great-grandmother, both of whom "had to get married," as the saying goes.

Anyone with a Sears catalog in the 1930s could have taken their pick of any number of books along the same line as "Sex," laying out the facts of life in a simple and clinical manner, along with manuals on birth control, and even tubes of Koromex and Ortho-Gynol "with potent germ (that is, sperm) killing power." These books and products disappeared from the Sears catalog after WWII, as America exchanged its pre-war frankness about such topics for a smarmy, reactionary phase of neo-Victorianism.

 

[Lean'n'mean]

Ever since I was allowed to play outside, probably 5 or 6 years old (the world seemed a lot safer in the 60's) I managed to find girl neighbo(ur)s my age more than willing to play doctors & nurses with. In my early teenage years there used to be group of us, two boys & three girls, we were roughly the same age & we all lived in the same quiet suburban street . We regularly got together to practice certain sensual acts, either in the local park or in one of our houses when the parents were absent. It wasn't hardcore, just caresses but we learnt a lot about how the opposite sex's bodies' (& minds ) worked. My 'on hand' sexual education continued throughout my teenage years thanks to some extraordinary girls I've had the privilege to know & for whom I have nothing but the most tender & fondest memories.
There wasn't any official sex education at any school I went to, other than mammalian reproduction in biology but we all knew 'how to make babies" & I knew of no teenage pregnancies either at school or in my entourage.
I remember one evening, I must have been 13, when my father came into my bedroom to explain to me 'the facts of life'. It was the done thing back then & I suppose it was every father's nightmare. My old man had obviously been drinking & I had never seen him so embarrassed, he was literally bright red & had difficulty finding his words. I let him squirm a little & then calmly informed him I knew all about it. He departed a very relieved man.
As for our daughter, my wife & I always tried to answer her questions on the matter as openly as we could but her generation (she's 24 ) didn't appear to get up to what we did when kids but then again, what do parents really know about what their kids get up to.
I pity the kids today who's only sex education is online porn.....there's a whole lot of trouble brewing for future generations, both physical & psychological.

 

[GHT]

In my mid teens I really thought that I knew it all simply because I knew that tab 'A' went into slot 'B.' Truth be told I had absolutely no idea about the female reproductive organs. The ovary, the ova known as the egg cells, the fallopian tubes and the uterus. In a biology book from the library, I learned all about the male and female internal reproductive organs, but that was it, all very clinical. How I would have loved to have known about the emotional aspect of a physical relationship. One very important factor that the book did do though was blow away any popular myths about avoiding unplanned pregnancy. It didn't cover sexually transmitted diseases, and to this day I have never really understood the seriousness of venereal disease. About the only consequence that I know, and it could be hearsay, Al Capone was supposed to have been driven insane by syphilis.

 

[Zombie_61]

My mother had a book hidden under some towels in a kitchen drawer...It was, fittingly enough, called, simply, "SEX,"...It was a highly clinical book -- I don't think it was by Masters and Johnson, but it was of their era and in their style -- and it completely demystified the subject for me...

...In a biology book from the library, I learned all about the male and female internal reproductive organs, but that was it, all very clinical...

"Clinical" is how I would describe the Sex Ed class I took in high school. The instructor and any films we watched dealt strictly with the biological aspects of reproduction and partially with sexually transmitted diseases, but this was in the mid- to late-1970s when certain aspects of sexuality were still "closeted" so there was no mention whatsoever of homosexuality, bisexuality, and/or gender identification, and HIV/AIDS had not yet been identified. And there were absolutely no discussions about the moral/emotional/psychological aspects of sex. Thinking back, the whole thing seemed to be nothing more than anti-pregnancy propaganda, i.e., "This is how a woman gets pregnant, and this is how she can avoid it. The End."

 

[tonyb]

I’m telling Mom!

 

[Frunobulax]

Hell, I'm still trying to figure it all out.

Sent directly from my mind to yours.

 

[LizzieMaine]

Here's one of the earliest, if not *the* earliest classroom films on human reproduction, "The Science Of Life," produced in 1921, and distributed for many years thereafter by J. R. Bray Productions. If the young women of the Era, girls born in the 1910s and early 1920s, saw a sex-ed film in school, it would have probably been this one.

Clinical indeed, but there's also a healthy dose of warning about the dangers of syphilis and gonorrhea. Not quite WWII Army Training Film graphic, but neither were the Junior High kids of the time left to wallow entirely in ignorance. It's actually a good bit more frank on such topics than the films made in the 1950s and 60s.

One of the most popular "sex books" of the pre-Kinsey Era was "Psychology of Sex," published in 1933 by the pioneering sexologist Havelock Ellis. A digest of his earlier multi-volume "Studies in the Psychology of Sex," the book discusses the role of sexuality in the human psyche, and is extremely open in its call for understanding and tolerance of homosexuality. This is one of the books anyone could order without embarrassment out of the Sears catalog from about 1936 to 1942.

Also in the 1930s, you could find on a well-stocked newsstand a magazine called "Sexology," put out by Hugo Gernsback -- known for everything from "Radio News" to his line of science fiction pulps. This magazine was the first periodical for a general, non-academic readership to explore the growing field of sex research. It wasn't any kind of a porn rag -- it was all very dignfied, educational, well-researched stuff, and it explored territories that those who think nobody talked about such things before the 1960s would find astounding.

 

[HanauMan]

We had sex education lessons in 7th. grade and my mother gave me 'a talk' (she was a nurse). My friends and I knew the basics already, being army brats there were always sources for porn magazines, especially in the dumpsters of the enlisted mens' quarters or at the NCO clubs.

 

[Fading Fast]

Here's one of the earliest, if not *the* earliest classroom films on human reproduction, "The Science Of Life," produced in 1921, and distributed for many years thereafter by J. R. Bray Productions. If the young women of the Era, girls born in the 1910s and early 1920s, saw a sex-ed film in school, it would have probably been this one.

Clinical indeed, but there's also a healthy dose of warning about the dangers of syphilis and gonorrhea. Not quite WWII Army Training Film graphic, but neither were the Junior High kids of the time left to wallow entirely in ignorance. It's actually a good bit more frank on such topics than the films made in the 1950s and 60s....

It does a complete drive by of the act of having sex itself - somehow the sperm just happens to end up in the vagina - but as you note, still a lot better than total ignorance. Also, fun to see the sperm motor at full speed to the ovum; that sperm was on a mission - good action graphics for the time. And I had to chuckled at the nicely worded, but basically, admonition to the young women to bath frequently because, otherwise, you'll stink.

 

[scotrace]

I got it in detail from a well-illustrated book that somehow slipped past the school librarian in about third grade. We were allowed to choose books from the library to read aloud to the class, and I picked that one. No one did any pre-checking before we rose to begin, so there were lots of ashen faces. I mispronounced key words (PeN-is and Vageena), and got through most of the first part before the teacher jumped up red-faced to say something about finishing it later. The book disappeared from the shelves immediately and the principal had a serious meeting with the library staff about it, calling me in for questioning to make sure I hadn't just snuck the thing in like a wise guy.
Then it was from my friends, like everyone else. Until about middle school, we were incredulous that anyone could possibly do such a thing. Ew.
My father's advice: "Don't sleep with anyone you wouldn't want to spend the rest of your life with, because that is what will happen."
From mom: "Keep it zipped! And give her an aspirin--to hold between her knees!"

I really had the best of "firsts." We were older than most, both virgins, and we spent a few years slowly figuring everything out together.

 

[LizzieMaine]

It does a complete drive by of the act of having sex itself - somehow the sperm just happens to end up in the vagina - but as you note, still a lot better than total ignorance. Also, fun to see the sperm motor at full speed to the ovum; that sperm was on a mission - good action graphics for the time. And I had to chuckled at the nicely worded, but basically, admonition to the young women to bath frequently because, otherwise, you'll stink.

I've always wondered what the boys' version was like.

 

[GHT]

If, like me, your education was at a Roman Catholic school, you will surely know that Havelock Ellis is the Devil personified.

The Catholic hierarchy is obsessed with sex: who does it, when, how, with whom, and for what purpose. In fact, you could say that one way conservative religion hooks people is by creating psychological hang-ups about sex, for which it then claims to offer a solution.
Sexual intimacy and sexual pleasure are two of humanity’s most cherished experiences. A study showed that sex makes people even happier than religion does. The Church knows that. It also knows that forbidding something we crave, making it taboo, can make the craving stronger. It’s the perfect set-up for an institution trafficking in guilt and redemption.

My school had a clever way of asserting Catholic doctrine, how I would have loved to be able to challenge the 'celebacy' rule for priests. As in: How come that for eleven hundred years priests, bishops even the pope got married? Wouldn't be something to do with costs, in that a single man is much cheaper to move around than a family is, perchance?
If sex is just for procreation, does that mean an infertile couple and couples past their fertility must become celebate?
These and other questions I would have loved to ask, but unless you were strong enough to rock the boat, best keep quiet, because you know:

Sex is for procreation, which means sex for “mere pleasure” is bad and safeguarding against ill-conceived pregnancy makes you cheap. If you don’t want a baby in nine months you should keep your legs together or your zipper up.

Sex without marriage is “fornication”—the kind of evil sin that, if you are unrepentant, can send you straight to hell.

Girls should stay “pure” until they get married. Sex is dirty.

Masturbation is degenerate and damaging, and The Lord is watching every time you do it.

Anal sex is called “sodomy” for a reason—God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah by raining down fire from heaven.

Virginity is a thing. In fact, it’s the thing, since only a girl with a pristine vagina could possibly be good enough bear the Son of God.

Women come in three models: Virgin, Madonna, and Whore; a female is a cherry ripe for the picking, a beatific mother, or a slut.

In men, sexual abstinence is a moral virtue and a sign of a good spiritual leader. If a man is really devoted to God, then abstinence is no problem.

Female consent is not a big deal: A virgin should be given in marriage by her father, a slut always wants it, and a married woman has no right to deny her husband his due.

As a woman, if sex or menstruation or childbirth hurts or a pregnancy test comes back positive at a bad time, accept your lot in life. Que será, será. Go with the flow and blame the misery on that uppity female, Eve, who just couldn’t resist eating from the tree of knowledge.

Having sex under less than ideal circumstances is going to ruin your life, your afterlife and your vagina because you reap what you sow. Sex is sacred, even sacramental, so important in fact, that it’s worth scripting your life around having the right kind and avoiding the wrong kind.

Children born outside of wedlock are illegitimate bastards. This means, biblically speaking, that they are not real sons (Hebrews 12:8) and that their mere presence can somehow taint their surroundings (Deuteronomy 23:2).

Now you know why catholics have such hang ups. And the doctrine rubs off, I bet that even if you have lived a secular life there can still be an irrational sense of moral foreboding.

 

[HanauMan]

Nope, no hang ups here. I went to a totally secular school. No religion at all. We were taught morals, sure, but not in the sense that you mean but rather as part of a wider Citizenship.

 

[LizzieMaine]

And they used to say Methodists were wacky because we don't drink. But the Methodist Social Creed, as far back as 1916, srtrongly condemned the sexual "double standard" and called for its elimination.

By the 1930s, that condemnation was extremely widespread in American culture. When Marjorie Hillis wrote "Live Alone and Like It" in 1936, she was quite specific in telling young single women that their sex lives were their own concern and nobody else's.

 

[Lean'n'mean]

Things used to be so much simpler in the good old days before genitals & hormones complicated matters.

 

[2jakes]

My mom was Methodist.
Father was Catholic.
I have 5 sisters and one younger brother.
Go figure!