So trivial, yet it really ticks you off.

[belfastboy]

Congratulations on your forthcoming golden wedding anniversary, are you planning anything special?
Back in the day childless couples weren't the only topic for the neighbourhood busybody. "You can't possibly not give your child a sibling. You have two boys? Oh but you must try for a girl!
A neighbour where we lived in East London got firmly put in her place when she told my wife not to leave it too late before starting a family. "The workings of my uterus is not up for public discussion," the neighbour was told.

Nothing planned yet. We try to make every one special in its own way. Every year we have committed to travelling to a place for the first time. Covid interrupted that process so we have some catch up to do.

 

[GHT]

I used to be pretty aggressive in dealing with these types by telling them flat out that it didn't matter what my decision was one way or another, I was incapable of it. And I milked the phrase for all it was worth in hopes of making them feel like dirt for asking. Maybe next time they'll mind their own friggin' business. But now that I'm long past reproductive age anyway, I never get asked by anyone, and it's a relief not to have to deal with it.

Thanks Lizzie, how I envy your robust way of saying: "Ming your own business"

 

[ChiTownScion]

"From what I gather, this is now still all too common. Tends to be women who get it worst, though. I was always regarded, weirdly, as a bit of a 'lad' for not wanting kids; I've known women, even in the last decade, be told they were "unnatural" to their faces if they didn't want kids."





We didn't get married until we were both in our 30's and as fate dealt the hand, adoption was our only option. Number One Son was adopted as an infant. Eleven years later we adopted an eight-year-old boy from Russia. Two years later his eleven-year-old brother joined us. It didn't always play out according to the best reasoned of game plans, but we had fun with the kids as they grew up. Family vacations were always fun: the best of times, really.

My conclusion after 38 years of marital bliss is that not every married couple should have kids, and that as people can be terrific individuals and still turn out to be lousy parents, respect is to be generously bestowed upon those who are honest enough to recognized- for whatever reason- that parenting is not for them. Too many people get pressured into it for the wrong reasons, mainly by their families, and innocent kids end up in the middle of an unmitigated mess. And the problem with the whole parenting experience is that nothing really prepares you for it.


Just as an amusing aside: I had a friend growing up who always verbalized his fantasies of being a playboy. The Ferrari, the penthouse, all the toys and the best of everything. He certainly ended up capable of paying for such a lifestyle as a very skilled MIT- educated engineer.. but he turned out as a happily married (to a medical doctor) suburban dad of four. All of his kids were well educated, and three of the four have earned Ph.Ds. in their fields. In my mind, that makes him and his wife terrific parents. And I think a penthouse dwelling playboy, by contrast, would have been insufferable social company-- although I am only speculating.

 

[FOXTROT LAMONT]

^ I believe Hugh Hefner inflicted himself with a hellish loneliness.

 

[Zombie_61]

...Tends to be women who get it worst, though. I was always regarded, weirdly, as a bit of a 'lad' for not wanting kids; I've known women, even in the last decade, be told they were "unnatural" to their faces if they didn't want kids.

My late wife was born and raised within a large and close-knit family living, at the time, in the Chicago area of northern Illinois. Before we married the subject of children was discussed in some depth; she wanted children, I didn't have much of an opinion one way or the other. Ultimately our decision was to leave it to fate--if she gets pregnant, she gets pregnant; if not, it wasn't meant to be. Well, much to her dismay, it wasn't meant to be.

Now I look at this planet and it's current state of drastic overpopulation, and I'm rather pleased that we didn't become parents. Besides, I'm convinced that we humans are NOT a positive influence in the universe so there's no need to propagate the species.

 

[Edward]

My late wife was born and raised within a large and close-knit family living, at the time, in the Chicago area of northern Illinois. Before we married the subject of children was discussed in some depth; she wanted children, I didn't have much of an opinion one way or the other. Ultimately our decision was to leave it to fate--if she gets pregnant, she gets pregnant; if not, it wasn't meant to be. Well, much to her dismay, it wasn't meant to be.

Now I look at this planet and it's current state of drastic overpopulation, and I'm rather pleased that we didn't become parents. Besides, I'm convinced that we humans are NOT a positive influence in the universe so there's no need to propagate the species.

Indeed. I'm not anti- the continuation of humanity per se, but I certainly don't see it as necessarily a positive thing either. I suspect if we're not an awful lot more careful with the planet, the planet will find a way to preserve itself by shucking us off.

 

[Turnip]

I was already clear in the nineties of the last century that i didn't want children, for exact those environmental reasons mentioned above.
After a few unsuccessful tries to explain that point of view to some quite biased folks among my tribe I shortened further discussions just saying they should go and make some kids themselves if they were keen on something to pet, rather than pestering me.

 

[tonyb]

“You can do anything you set your mind to.”

Gawd, but I so hated hearing that BS when I was a kid. It was insulting, really.

 

[belfastboy]

“You can do anything you set your mind to.”

Gawd, but I so hated hearing that BS when I was a kid. It was insulting, really.

Yep, try as I might, pray as hard as I prayed, practiced as hard as I could.........and I have yet to dunk a basketball!!!! And other than one time when I was trippin' on acid I have never been able to fly.

 

[Tiki Tom]

“You can do anything you set your mind to.”

Gawd, but I so hated hearing that BS when I was a kid. It was insulting, really.

Agreed. We should teach our kids “it’s not what you know, it’s who you know.” Put em in their place and tamp down their expectations. As my dad said “the secret to happiness is low expectations.” Civilization was built on the idea that not only will things never improve, but people who dream of progress are delusional morons, to say the least. Forget it, kid. You are doomed from the start. Stay in your lane, trouble maker. Glad my folks taught me to think small. Thank goodness.

 

[tonyb]

^^^^^^
Please don’t conflate.

It’s not to stifle ambition.

That any person can “do anything he sets his mind to” is utter nonsense, and a kid who actually believes it is being set up for frustration and disappointment.

It’s fortunate that few kids actually believe it. Far better than attempting to guide them with trite aphorisms is to help kids recognize where their interests and talents lie and encourage successes where actual successes might be had.

Some degree of failure is all but inevitable. We all have our individual talents, and lack thereof. But leaving any person who made an honest effort thinking s/he failed for lack of ambition is unfair and unkind.

 

[LizzieMaine]

The worst error of all is assuming we must all have the *same* ambitions, and that those who don't are in some way socially deviant. Ambition takes many shapes -- but it's not the same thing as "aspirationalism." Consumer society too often confuses the two.

 

[tonyb]

^^^^^^^
The less I keep score, the greater my satisfaction.

I’d be less than honest if I denied wanting recognition and reward. Both our spirits and our bellies need feeding. But there will always be someone “better.” So watch what that someone does and get better yourself.

 

[GHT]

Why can inanimate objects take on a life of their own? And it's always something that's going to make a serious mess, like the milk bottle jumping out of the fridge. It was secure when you put it in there but now it's decided to make a bid for freedom.

It can happen with pans when you are trying to select a specific one when cooking and the most lively inanimate object has got to be the can that does it's best to leap from it's store cupboard and inflict as much pain and damage to your head as possible.

 

[Trenchfriend]

And why cuts/excorations on your hands through home/kitchenwork happened super rarely in the last thirteen years, but when it happens, it happens three or four times in a week??

 

[Edward]

Why can inanimate objects take on a life of their own? And it's always something that's going to make a serious mess, like the milk bottle jumping out of the fridge. It was secure when you put it in there but now it's decided to make a bid for freedom.

It can happen with pans when you are trying to select a specific one when cooking and the most lively inanimate object has got to be the can that does it's best to leap from it's store cupboard and inflict as much pain and damage to your head as possible.

Well, it's either that or you've got a poltergeist has moved in with you.

 

[LizzieMaine]

Or a cat.

 

[Edward]

Or a cat.

Another possibility. Harder to get rid of, should you so choose as well. (Not that I've ever tried... I'd have a dozen cats given the space and funds!)

 

[HudsonHawk]

Women were considered something akin to property even within our lifetimes. It was still common for Sally Anderson to become Mrs. Robert Jones when she married Bob. It was only recently that offspring weren’t automatically given their father’s surname, and it’s still the most prevalent practice. The examples go on and on.

My wife and I were both in our mid-30s when we married, and we both kept our names. She sometimes get called "Mrs. My last name" and I'm sometimes called "Mr. Her last name". We rarely correct anyone, unless there is compelling need to do so.

On a side note...when we went to get our marriage license, we filled out the paperwork etc, and the clerk said, "I'll need to see your divorce decrees". When we said we didn't have any she said, "you can't get married until both of you are divorced". We explained that neither of us had ever been married before, and she insisted "no, really, I'm telling you...it's ILLEGAL for you to get married without getting a legal divorce first". She really could not believe that two 35-year-olds had never been married. This was only 20 years ago. I'm not sure how much more common that is nowadays.

 

[tonyb]

It’s no great revelation that some people obviously enjoy being jerks (there are stronger and more descriptive terms, but this is a more or less family-friendly forum, so “jerk” it is). But it still grates when said jerk is a person you can’t quite be entirely rid of.

I suppose we all know the type. He (in my experience it’s almost always a he) can be relied upon to say something he knows will irritate others. He’ll make a point of it. And he’ll think he’s being clever or cute or something.

It’s as though he came to the party just to pee in the punch bowl. I suspect that at base it’s a self-loathing and a severe lack of self-awareness. He will make himself the center of attention any way he can. He’s like an ill-behaved kid.