"So how much do you make a year?" No longer taboo?

[Snookie]

I think the taboo on "So how much do you make a year" is silly and archaic among friends and family, albeit one I respect as I don't want to make others uncomfortable. (I think it's practical to avoid discussing salaries in the workplace, however).

I wish that personal credit card debt would replace this taboo. This is information I really don't want to hear from others.

 

[Tango Yankee]

I was raised to not ask. One friend did share with me that he and his wife are quite strapped for money. It makes me quite uncomfortable and now I feel like we can't ask them to join us at a fancy restaurant or other high cost activity. I wish I didn't know that they were in trouble.

Perhaps he shared that so you wouldn't ask them to join in high-cost activities. Otherwise they'd be having to turn down invitations, making excuses, that sort of thing which might have strained the friendship with you wondering why they were avoiding you. Better to be upfront in that case, I think.

Perhaps instead of going out to fancy restaurants you could have each other over for dinner from time to time...

Just a thought...

Regards,
Tom

 

[Mike in Seattle]

It's just bad form to ask. As others have said, it's personal information that's not on the table for general conversation topic. I've been asked and reply with something along the lines of "And just why do you want to know such personal information?" I don't discuss, I don't confirm, and I don't deny.

And at many businesses, any discussion of salary, be it your own, someone else's or theorizing how much someone makes is grounds for immediate termination, no matter how ambiguous. Since I'm in accounting & taxes, it's interesting with related parties. I've got one mother and son pair who, at times, try to pump me for a little info on the other. "Did my mom think about..." "Why don't you ask her?"

 

[DerMann]

As I am currently 17 and unemployed (I recently liberated myself from the shackles of servitude), I don't really have a say in the matter.

I know that amongst friends it was rather common to ask their hourly wage, but I don't believe this is as it should be with careers.

 

[ShoreRoadLady]

Perhaps he shared that so you wouldn't ask them to join in high-cost activities. Otherwise they'd be having to turn down invitations, making excuses, that sort of thing which might have strained the friendship with you wondering why they were avoiding you. Better to be upfront in that case, I think.

Perhaps instead of going out to fancy restaurants you could have each other over for dinner from time to time...

fftopic: Very well put. May I second that?

I don't think mentioning financial issues (at least in passing) is taboo with friends that you know well. But asking salary is another issue entirely. I'll cop to asking it before - but these were young college peers who were paid an hourly wage, like me, and they were happy to tell me. Once you move beyond that, it's really none of your business. Barring a switch in careers and you're curious about the pay range, but then I'd try something like, "What do you think I should ask for as a starting salary at this sort of job?" But even that's touchy, and would very much depend on the relationship you had with that person.