Clean Jokes

[tonyb]

A pair of old-timers share a park bench.

The first old guy says, "Just got me a new hearing aid. Finest on the market. Set me back $5,000."

"Wow," says the second geezer. "Five grand! That must be one helluva hearing aid. What kind is it?"

"About 2:30," the first guy says.


EDIT: Please excuse me if you've heard this before. I believe it dates from when the Dead Sea was still sick.

 

[tonyb]

Had To Be Done,Sorry(haha),

You realize, of course, that "gullible" isn't even in the dictionary, don't you?

 

[jamespowers]

You realize, of course, that "gullible" isn't even in the dictionary, don't you?

Webster might have something to say about that:
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gullible

 

[tonyb]

Webster might have something to say about that:
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gullible

But you did look it up.

 

[MisterCairo]

but you did look it up.

burn!!!!!

 

[MisterCairo]

There's a website selling wacky tee shirts with many funny "lines". One of them is the gullible/orange schtick above.

Another favourite of mine: "Misuse of 'literally" makes me figuratively insane".

 

[jamespowers]

But you did look it up.

Because I KNOW it is there.

 

[tonyb]

Because I KNOW it is there.

As do most people you'd likely encounter, excepting perhaps the young, those whose first language isn't English, and the gullible. That last category is what makes it a joke.

 

[HoosierDaddy]

As do most people you'd likely encounter, excepting perhaps the young, those whose first language isn't English, and the gullible. That last category is what makes it a joke.

Ha Ha..You got JP..!! Suckered him right into it..!! LOL
I think he may get it soon..lol

 

[vitanola]

I think he may get it soon...:

For Mr. Powers, when he does:

 

[ortega76]

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

 

[jamespowers]

Ha Ha..You got JP..!! Suckered him right into it..!! LOL
I think he may get it soon..lol

I have a hard time getting the stupid as it makes no sense to me. Still makes no sense to me.

 

[tonyb]

It's all cool, JP.

Lots of humor is wasted on me, some because I don't "get" it, and some because I don't find it funny. Different strokes, and all that.

 

[nice hat dude!]

Top Of The Morning To Ya,

 

[nice hat dude!]

It's all cool, JP.

Lots of humor is wasted on me, some because I don't "get" it, and some because I don't find it funny. Different strokes, and all that.

Hey Tony here's a true story,In the 70s I was into Disco clothes and such(bring back polyester)my Dad use to call me a"TeaPot"I had no idea what he meant,I just chalked it up to the whiskey.Not till after he died and I was 50 did I ever realize what he meant?I guess if we miss a joke it's not quite as funny?(haha)

 

[nice hat dude!]

Out Of The Mouths Of Children,

 

[nice hat dude!]

Pretty much sums it up,

 

[nice hat dude!]

Ok last one,just to ruffle some feathers,

 

[ortega76]

A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.”

With even greater emphasis he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.”

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, “And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.”

Sermon complete, he sat down…

The choir master stood very cautiously and announced, with a smile, nearly laughing, “For our closing hymn, let us sing Hymn #365, ‘Shall We Gather at the River.’”

 

[jamespowers]

A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.”

With even greater emphasis he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.”

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, “And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.”

Sermon complete, he sat down…

The choir master stood very cautiously and announced, with a smile, nearly laughing, “For our closing hymn, let us sing Hymn #365, ‘Shall We Gather at the River.’”

Well, now there is a reason to gather at the river.