Clean Jokes

[nice hat dude!]

 

[splintercellsz]

Hahaha, good one!

 

[Mabel]

 

[jamespowers]

And at that price it will never sell.

 

[Fletch]

See, "urinating" makes it a clean joke. If it said "p!$$ing", it would be a dirty joke.

 

[1961MJS]

Hi, I've always liked grandfather jokes such as "I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers on his airplane."

Later

 

[blakegriplingph]

 

[splintercellsz]

A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions. "Davy, what noise does a cow make?" "It goes moo." "Alice, what noise does a cat make?" "It goes meow." "Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?" "It goes baaa." "Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?" "Errr.., it goes.. click!"

 

[nice hat dude!]

Words of Wisdom,

Never argue with an idiot.
They will drag you down to their level
then beat you with experience

 

[nice hat dude!]

Things That Make You Say Hmmm?

Not that I'm an authority on Ladies Washrooms but from what I do recall they are all individual stalls,so why then if this is so when you go to the"Loo" do you take a friend with you?Anyone with an answer please post.

 

[nice hat dude!]

More Things That Make You Say Hmmm?

We say House if more than 1 Houses,but if Mouse we say Mice not Mouses
We say Goose if more than 1 Geese not Gooses,but if Moose we say Moose not Mooses or Meese

 

[MissNathalieVintage]

Check out the comic Michael Jr. http://michaeljr.com/michael-jr-videos/

 

[jamespowers]

More Things That Make You Say Hmmm?

We say House if more than 1 Houses,but if Mouse we say Mice not Mouses
We say Goose if more than 1 Geese not Gooses,but if Moose we say Moose not Mooses or Meese

Not Mooses---Meeses.

 

[nice hat dude!]

Ok it's an older one,

 

[nice hat dude!]

Had To Be Done,Sorry(haha),

 

[nice hat dude!]

It really is just a hair color...Hmmm,

 

[jamespowers]

It really is just a hair color...Hmmm,

:rofl:

 

[nice hat dude!]

:rofl:

Yea you pretty much couldn't help but laugh(haha)

 

[nice hat dude!]

Subject: Forget Newton and Galileo. Here are the real laws of nature:




I DIDN'T BELIEVE THESE LAWS AT FIRST, BUT HAVE FOUND THEM TO BE TRUE FROM ACTUAL EXPERIENCE.



1.Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2.Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability- The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4.Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.


5.Supermarket Law - As soon as you get in the smallest line, the cashier will have to call for help.


6.Variation Law -If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.





7.Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11.. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15.Law of Logical Argument-Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17.Oliver's Law of Public Speaking- A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18.Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law- If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better... But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. This has been proven over and over with taking children to the pediatrician.

 

[nice hat dude!]

Ok last one for today,