All You Need to Know About Hat Etiquette

[Wolfmanjack]

Here's a question about hat etiquette I've never seen answered. It's proper for a man to keep his hat on in a building's lobby or in corridors. What about a church's lobby (e.g. the narthex)? Right now, I always take my hat off when I first walk in the door and leave it off until I go back outside. Would it be considered a faux pas to have a hat on in the narthex of a church after service while visiting with friends and the preacher?

Bear in mind this simple rule: tipping/removing your hat is an indication of your high regard and respect for the person, place or thing you are encountering. Leave your hat on and you run the risk of expressing disdain. After a service in church, your hat stays off until you are through the narthex, out the door, down the steps and into the street.

 

[Lefty]

Bear in mind this simple rule: tipping/removing your hat is an indication of your high regard and respect for the person, place or thing you are encountering. Leave your hat on and you run the risk of expressing disdain toward those over the age of 60 who understand the antiquated sartorial code that you're imposing upon them during the early bird at Denny's.

If the object of my high regard fails to respond to my tip with a curtsy or a tip in kind, then I'll know that the "rules" don't apply to our future encounters.

 

[Wolfmanjack]

If the object of my high regard fails to respond to my tip with a curtsy or a tip in kind, then I'll know that the "rules" don't apply to our future encounters.

So Lefty, what do you do with your hat when the flag passes or the national anthem is played?

 

[Lefty]

I don't go to sporting events -ever. If someone kidnapped me and forced me to attend a display of someone else having fun and being paid millions of dollars to do it (and athletes seldom know the words to the Anthem), I'd be sure to leave my hat behind. As the National Anthem receives less than about 1% of its play at non-sporting events, I feel pretty safe. I also avoid parades like the plague. The only time I've ever been in a situation where a flag passed was during scouting events. I was under 18 at the time and didn't wear hats.

I follow the "coat" rule mentioned somewhere above. My hat comes off when my coat comes off (or when it would come off) or when I've come to rest in someone's personal space - whether it's an office or a home. This removal of outer clothing shows a settling-in and focus on the individual I'm meeting, rather than an eagerness to leave.

 

[John in Covina]

Here's a question about hat etiquette I've never seen answered. It's proper for a man to keep his hat on in a building's lobby or in corridors. What about a church's lobby (e.g. the narthex)? Right now, I always take my hat off when I first walk in the door and leave it off until I go back outside. Would it be considered a faux pas to have a hat on in the narthex of a church after service while visiting with friends and the preacher?

***********
Personally, I always remove my hat entering the building that contains the Sanctuary, whether heading thru the Narthex or our back door where the family area is located. I just feel it is more reverant to the Lord, as I feel it's His building.

We also have a "Fellowship Hall" that is used for meetings and Bible Studies and it is a seperate building. When entering that one I usually take my hat off when I get to where I am going to sit.

 

[Wolfmanjack]

...toward those over the age of 60 who understand the antiquated sartorial code that you're imposing upon them during the early bird at Denny's.

I have to tell you Lefty, the ladies who usually award me with the sweetest smiles are those under twenty-five. For an old codger like me, that's heaven.

 

[avedwards]

I know yo should take off your hat in someone else's home, but I think this only applies if you are seeing them socially, are friends with them or intend to stay for a while And of course if there is a lady there.

This rule can be broken. For example, Sherlock Holmes keeps his hat on when he breaks into Moriarty's house in The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and Humphrey Bogart keeps his hat on when seeing a blackmailer in The Big Sleep. So the rule can be broken if you don't like the person who's home it is and there is no harm in showing it.

 

[MattJH]

Sometimes I wonder if the people who follow hat etiquette strictly in this thread would look down on me with condescension or judge me for not removing or wearing my hat at the same time that they do. I read this thread regularly, but my reaction is identical every single time.

 

[John in Covina]

I tend to forget sometimes to remove my hat when I should but I hope no one takes it as an insult.

 

[Big Man]

General guidelines ...

My dear sainted mother always told me, "take your hat off inside." So, when in doubt, ALWAYS do what momma says.

 

[Wolfmanjack]

This rule can be broken. For example, Sherlock Holmes keeps his hat on when he breaks into Moriarty's house in The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and Humphrey Bogart keeps his hat on when seeing a blackmailer in The Big Sleep. So the rule can be broken if you don't like the person who's home it is and there is no harm in showing it.

Precisely. If you wish to show disdain, leave your hat on.

 

[MattJH]

If you wish to show disdain, leave your hat on.

Let's have a civil discourse on this, because I want to pick the brain of folks that I have the opposite opinion of in order to better understand The Other Side.

If this were the first 3/4ths of the 20th century, I would agree entirely, because I would be born from the generations in which leaving your hat on indoors is a sign of disdain. But I'm not born from those generations. I was born in 1977. My parents don't share this belief, and I wasn't raised to believe this or honor hat etiquette outside of "If somebody is bothered, take your hat off."

I am a law-abiding citizen. I'm polite to others. I show courtesy and respect for my elders. I'm not a thug or a rebel or a punk. I just don't understand why somebody in 2009 should be expected to adhere to a seemingly very strict set of guidelines that haven't been in use in a half of a century. Example: Find me a book on hat etiquette that has a copyrighted date during my own lifetime. Furthermore, I truly believe I would have a very difficult time finding somebody who was upset with me for leaving my hat on indoors. Perhaps it's because I live in a very urban area. I'm not so sure.

Imposing a strict set of guidelines for yourself is one thing. Lead by example and do what makes you happy. Where I have a problem is when you impose your own, strict set of guidelines onto other people to the point where you actually judge them for their lack of it. To me, whether or not somebody removes their hat while indoors is a petty method of judgment on another human being. It is extremely unrealistic to expect people in 2009 to adhere to hat etiquette guidelines that are outdated to everybody outside of this microcosm of a community that we have going here.

 

[Wolfmanjack]

Sometimes I wonder if the people who follow hat etiquette strictly in this thread would look down on me with condescension or judge me for not removing or wearing my hat at the same time that they do. I read this thread regularly, but my reaction is identical every single time.

I tend to forget sometimes to remove my hat when I should but I hope no one takes it as an insult.

It's not about judging someone or taking offense; it's about having the knowledge and skill that gives you confidence and poise in any social situation.

As I tell my students, it is important to develop carefully the skills you need to be successful. One of these skills is not just to know etiquette, but to be at ease with it through practice.

You may choose to defy social custom in certain situations, but it is knowledge and practice that gives you that choice; you may flaunt the rules, or follow them with courtly elegance. It's up to you.

Will your appearance and behavior affect what others think of you? Of course they will. It's just a fact of life.

Do social customs change through time? Of course they do. Do you follow the old ones or the new ones? It depends on what is appropriate for the situation and the people you are with.

 

[Big Man]

Let's have a civil discourse on this, because I want to pick the brain of folks that I have the opposite opinion of in order to better understand The Other Side. ...

Gee, thanks for really making me feel old and out of touch with modern culture. I say that jokingly, of course (well, maybe not).

Your post did point out to me that there really are some very distinct differences in age and culture when it comes to "hat etiquette." I was not taught a lot of "rules", just that it isn't polite (isn't "good manners") to wear your hat inside (especially inside someones home), at the table (good way to get a strict dressing down by my parents), or in church (I think you can go to hell for that, right? ).

When I see someone sitting in a restaurant at the table with their hat on, I can't help but think "what a lack of manners". If that's wrong, then I'm sorry, but that was the way I was raised. Not that it's a big deal, but I still can't help but feel that way when I see someone at a table or in church or other place where you "shouldn't be wearing a hat". [huh]

One thing that I've observed within the last several years is the number of older adults (and I'm talking about folks in their 70's and 80's) that "should know better" wearing hats (usually ball caps) while eating in a restaurant. I guess I'm really behind the times - and so are my children and grandchildren who have been taught that it's not polite to wear your hat inside.

 

[Lefty]

You may choose to defy social custom in certain situations, but it is knowledge and practice that gives you that choice; you may flaunt the rules, or follow them with courtly elegance. It's up to you.

Is it still a custom/rule when no one knows about it or follows it anymore? What about when the basis for its existence has all but disappeared?

Once upon a time, "A GENTLEMAN, whether walking with two ladies or one, takes the curb side of the pavement." [Emily Post (1873–1960). Etiquette. 1922.] One explanation I've heard for this is that the lady should not walk near the offensive gutter. Of course, I've heard the opposite as well - that, because people once tossed scraps from their windows, the man should walk closer to the buildings. Not only is this confusing, but it's outdated. Men do not need to heed these outdated rules of hats (that no one wears) anymore than women need to abide by the rules of parasols.

Here's a bit more Post:

"To repeat, therefore, the young woman who wants to look pretty should confine her exercise to dancing. She can also hold a parasol over her head and sit in a canoe—or she can be pretty how and where she will, so long as it is not on a horse in the park or hunting-field. (To mention hunting-field is superfluous; the woman who can ride well enough to follow the hounds is too good a sportswoman, too great a lover of good form to be ignorant of the proper outline necessary to smartness of appearance in the saddle.)"

 

[Big Man]

... "A GENTLEMAN, whether walking with two ladies or one, takes the curb side of the pavement." ...

Oh crap, another thing I was taught (walk on the curb side) is now outdated. I really must be a dinosaur. [huh]

 

[Tango Yankee]

I was born in 1977.

I just don't understand why somebody in 2009 should be expected to adhere to a seemingly very strict set of guidelines that haven't been in use in a half of a century. Example: Find me a book on hat etiquette that has a copyrighted date during my own lifetime. Furthermore, I truly believe I would have a very difficult time finding somebody who was upset with me for leaving my hat on indoors.

Geez, my high school diploma's as old as your are!

Believe it or not, hat etiquette does get addressed from time to time. Miss Manners addresses it, albeit in her own tongue-in-cheek way.

The one segment in society where hat etiquette is still strictly enforced is, of course, the US military. (I specify US as there are some countries whose military do not follow such guidelines and, of course, it's what I'm familiar with.)

Are there those who will take offense if you do not remove your hat at appropriate times? Undoubtably. I know I take offense when I see someone not properly doffing their hat or cap when the flag passes by or the national anthem is played. I rarely do anything about it, though, as complete strangers have been known to react violently to any perceived criticism.

I don't necessarily believe that anyone is intentionally showing disdain for anyone when they continue wearing their hat when my training and teaching says it's bad manners. I usually assume that they were never taught that it's considered bad manners to do so. or if they were, they simply don't care. From what we all see every day there are legions of people out there who simply don't care about displaying good manners and concern for those around them. Look at all the threads on the subject of annoying cell phone use, for instance. Were those people never taught that talking loudly in public is annoying and a breach or manners, or do they just not care? Or, just as likely, is it something they never even consider?

What it boils down to is that I'll continue to do my best to remember to exercise good manners the way I was taught (sometimes I fail, such as when I'm preoccupied and forget to open the car door for my wife) and you will do the same, unless a new way of doing things is presented to you in a manner that makes sense to you. Most people around me will not notice that I take my hat off at certain times and leave it on at others; the same with you. Most will not understand why I take my hat off at certain times and leave it on at others. As you point out, it's not a part of good manners that has been taught in recent years. As has been hashed out many times before, I think it has something to do with the rejection of "the rules, the squares" and whatever else you want to call it (counter culture?) of the '60s. It's not like head coverings have disappeared completely!

We all have our cultural differences. Offense may be taken (or at least, a poor impression made) when none is intended. That's just the way it is, I'm afraid.

Cheers,
Tom

 

[Tango Yankee]

Oh crap, another thing I was taught (walk on the curb side) is now outdated. I really must be a dinosaur. [huh]

You and me both, Big Man! I don't even remember being taught this--it's just the way it's always been.

Cheers,
Tom

 

[Lefty]

Five Monkeys

-it's just the way it's always been.

which is the worst reason to do anything.

I read this a few years ago, and it's stuck with me like nothing else.
***

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana.

As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the monkeys with cold water. After a while, another monkey will make an attempt with the same response -- all of the monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Keep this up for several days.

Turn off the cold water. If, later, another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it even though no water sprays them.

Now, remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.

Replace the third original monkey with a new one. The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well. Two of the four monkeys that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

After replacing the fourth and fifth original monkeys, all the monkeys which have been sprayed with cold water have been replaced. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs.

Why not?

"Because that's the way it's always been done around here."

 

[avedwards]

Once upon a time, "A GENTLEMAN, whether walking with two ladies or one, takes the curb side of the pavement." [Emily Post (1873–1960). Etiquette. 1922.]

I think this rule also comes from the idea that a gentleman should protect a lady. Therefore, if the gentleman walked closer to the curb, a car or vehicle would hit him first, protecting the ladies. This at least can be applied to modern times, with young speeding motorists (I hope I won't be like this when I learn to drive soon).