Who wrote the book on motherhood?

[BegintheBeguine]

Back to the question and it ain't to be or not to be...pregnant

Yep. If your'e gonna do it, do it right.
I never found any good books on the subject of what it's like to be pregnant and give birth. After I got pregnant, I read all of the pamphlets I got at the birthing classes and from the nurse midwife. They were helpful.
When I asked for an epidural they refused gently but firmly and they were right, I lived, and it's okeh I didn't get it. What I didn't want, but got, was an episiotomy. Hurt. A student sewed it up, slowly. Hurt worse. Took forever to heal (hurt) and still looks funny. So get that squared away before you go in, what you want and don't want.
For baby and child care, Dr. Spock was it.
Other than that, good luck and have fun. I'll tell you what a good friend told me: you're going to be one of those cool moms.

 

[ShortClara]

Thanks Begin - yes that is the topic I was hoping to discuss

So the Amazon reviews of "What to Expect" are horrid - they say the book is a horror show of scare tactics and condescending, similar to what Josephine said. I've been checking out Shearer's and others' links as well. I have to research the Ricki Lake doc as well - and isn't there one about birthing being an orgasmic experience? Gotta check that out!

 

[BegintheBeguine]

That's gotta be one desperate mother. lol

 

[cassylynn]

and isn't there one about birthing being an orgasmic experience? Gotta check that out!

I've read about this and I truly believe in it. The same muscles that make love making enjoyable are the same muscles that you use during labor, so why not? Because we are fed the lie that childbirth is painful for every woman we go into the whole pregnancy/labor expecting the pain. That fear then sends brain signals to the body which in turn tenses up every muscle and does not allow for them to relax. The same endorphins that are released when you ride a roller coaster and you feel that "high" are the same endorphins that are released during pregnancy (or any kind of pain situation) but instead of feeling the "high" they act like a natural anesthetic. But because we are not aware that are body is designed to release a natural anesthetic we panic and therefore it hurts instead of being a moment of calm and enjoyment. But of course, how could you really "enjoy" childbirth when you have tubes and wires coming from all directions and people running in and out of the room.

Miss Dottie - Thank you for your encouragement and good luck with your pregnancy. Just remember Sarah from the Old Testament, she was 90 when she had her first child lol Every time I get doubtful I always remind myself that if God could bless Sarah at 90 He surely will bless me even in my 30's!

Josephine - I'm beginning to think my job is the cause of my "infertility". I work in a bank and I handle the debit card/ATM fraud. So needless to say, my job is extremely stressful! I've been there for 10 years and my boss keeps telling me that I can't get pregnant for another 5-6 years, Oh how I can't wait to tell him when the day comes lol lol lol

 

[RedHotRidinHood]

Thanks Begin - yes that is the topic I was hoping to discuss

So the Amazon reviews of "What to Expect" are horrid - they say the book is a horror show of scare tactics and condescending, similar to what Josephine said. I've been checking out Shearer's and others' links as well. I have to research the Ricki Lake doc as well - and isn't there one about birthing being an orgasmic experience? Gotta check that out!

Clara-don't believe the Amazon reviews completely. I would say check the books out from the library and judge for yourself. I personally found the What to Expect books warm and engaging, and very helpful! I have no idea where people are getting the scary and condescending stuff from. I liked them, and they helped me a lot. My daughter is currently prego and she likes them too, and a fussier person does not exist, believe me!

I wasn't trying to scare you-I was trying to be very honest. I have been a mom since I was 17 years old (I'm almost 38) so I have some solid experience. The whole thing is different for everyone, from childbirth to the practical day to day stuff. I had bad Post Partum Depression after my son was born, so I can tell you about that, too, if you want to know. I would have done a lot of things differently during his birth in retrospect, but I have to laugh when I read that giving birth can be orgasmic. I'm sorry, but that's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! I'm not trying to put anyone down, but don't believe everything you read. In theory, I suppose it's true. But reality....? Everyone is different, so I'm not saying it isn't possible. But I have yet to talk to the woman who had a party during the birth of her kids!lol

 

[Minerva]

I would have done a lot of things differently during his birth in retrospect, but I have to laugh when I read that giving birth can be orgasmic. I'm sorry, but that's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! I'm not trying to put anyone down, but don't believe everything you read. In theory, I suppose it's true. But reality....? Everyone is different, so I'm not saying it isn't possible. But I have yet to talk to the woman who had a party during the birth of her kids!lol

Well, not a party, but I was talking all the way through and never once shouted at my husband about hating him. I was also walking around until a few minutes before she shot out, and was up and moving again within five minutes of her birth.

It's what the body is supposed to do, and if you relax and let it do its thing, endorphins will kick in and do their part. A natural high is far better for you and the baby than any commercial drugs.

And really, if you've just spent the entire pregnancy hearing about not taking an aspirin, and no wine with dinner, and avoiding tuna for the mercury content, why would you take all those narcotics in the last few minutes (or hours)? It's just going to make a mess of your system and the baby's. I don't know about you, but even if the birth did hurt, I wouldn't want anyone coming near my spine with a needle. One little slip, and if you're lucky you're just paralyzed. I won't even go into what's in those IVs hospitals push on women in labor.

 

[Foofoogal]

how could you really "enjoy" childbirth when you have tubes and wires coming from all directions and people running in and out of the room.

I had my children in 1976 and 1981. I took Lamaze classes and was so ready to have natural birth.
The history of childbirth is a good place to start.
Women were meant to squat and give birth. Queen Victoria and Victorian times thought it unladylike for lack of better term.
I am astonished and appauled that women still have to endure this.
Lets just say I still feel cheated after all these years.
No matter what horror stories you hear women are still having children.
Find a good doctor that will work with you and not against you. One good thing to do is find out at the hospital what the rate of cesareans are. Very, very important.
My best to you both. I have never regretted having children.
It is so different than just babysitting others. Seriously different. IMHO.

 

[cassylynn]

...Women were meant to squat and give birth. Queen Victoria and Victorian times thought it unladylike for lack of better term.
IMHO.

Hence the reason for the administration of episiotomys, if it's not an epi than it's always going to be an episiotomy. When will the medical society learn that by laying on your back with your legs in those ridiculous stirrups your body has to work against gravity. But by squatting and giving birth, not only do you have gravity on your side, but the need for an episiotomy is never necessary and the chance that you will tear naturally is rare. Not to mention that when your squat the birth canal becomes shorter and therefore lessens the labor time and the pains and also allows the woman to catch her own baby instead of the doctor having the first "touch".

Trust me I don't believe everything I read, quite the opposite. The majority of all my comments here has been by actual accounts of woman who've I spoken to. I knew a lady who went out one day to gather some things in the field for supper and hour later she came in the house carrying her newborn baby that she birthed out in the field along with the items she needed for supper lol Just squat and off you go lol lol lol Now that was her 5th child, but still our bodies are designed to handle even the unassisted birth.

but I have to laugh when I read that giving birth can be orgasmic. I'm sorry, but that's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! I'm not trying to put anyone down, but don't believe everything you read. In theory, I suppose it's true

As far as the orgasmic births, I have numerous woman that I have talked to that have had these kinds of births, so is not out of a book and it is not uncommon to hear. It is just our society (maybe not European) views our sexuality as "embarrassing" and "taboo" that even if there were more woman who have experienced this kind of birth may, for the sake of criticism, keep it to themselves. But I'm not going into this with rose colored glasses either and thinking all is going to be a bed of roses.

She's two and half now, using the big-girl potty since she turned two, and still likes to have bouts of run-by breastfeeding between tea parties with her dolly. I can't imagine paying someone else to raise her

I catch myself daydreaming about this all the time at work. I am so "homesick" that it makes me quite angry. I can't wait for the day I become pregnant because everyone knows at work that on that day they only have 40 weeks to find someone else. Everyone at work thinks I'm loony for wanting to stay home, but when that is all you have known your whole life it just seems "right" my husband was brought up the same way. Both our mothers are still at home and I know I can pick up the phone at any point in the day and say "Hey Mom, what are you doing?" and she will be there to answer. Thats the security I want for my children. Even when they are 30. I'm not saying that my way is right and the working mother is not, because I do commend those working moms - I work with 2 of them and they make me tired :eusa_clap :eusa_clap :eusa_clap

I won't even go into what's in those IVs hospitals push on women in labor.

Oh and don't get me started on the eyedrops they use on newborns! That is a definite no-no on my birth plan


Just a quick question for the mothers, who used glass bottles??? I have been picking up glass bottles for as long as I can remember because I knew even back then that I didn't want to use plastic. The only method that I am used to (keeping infants that are breastfed) is the baggies that you heat up and put in the bottle and squeeze the air bubbles out. With glass isn't it hard to determine how hot the milk is getting and how do you eliminate the hot/cold spots?

 

[Foofoogal]

http://www.target.com/gp/search/602...rmer&url=index=target&ref=sr_bx_1_1&x=11&y=10

I see now they come with automatic shutoff. Wow.

Us oldies used to test the milk on our wrist. My children would not take any bottle though.


sidenote. walking around when in labor helps also.

 

[BegintheBeguine]

Stirrups, cassylynn? When was that? That sounds like it must be terrible. My baby was born in a bed in a nice room with no tubes, wires or people running around. That was 1982.
At the library we just got in the latest copy of What to Expect. I'll look through it on Monday and report if it seems good or not.

 

[kamikat]

I've delayed getting into this thread because the topic can be so heated. I actually enjoyed the What to Expect books. I also recommend The Birth Book by Dr.William and Martha Sears. I see they also have a pregnancy:month to month book, which wasn't out back when I was pregnant. I read all of Dr. Sears' books when I was pregnant and I'd recommend them all. He's got several newer ones that look good. He's a big proponent of attachment parenting, which doesn't appeal to all families, but if you think you might be interested, he is THE source for info on the topic. As for all of the hot button topics, you can have a good birthing experience in a hospital, at home, with epi, without epi, with medical interventions, without, a healthy bottlefed baby and a healthy breastfed baby, do cloth or disposable diapers. In my time of raising babies, I've done it all. Not only is each family different, but each baby is different. Your choices should be guided by the baby, not by a book. Like others have said, I wasn't a kid person before I had kids. I'm still not. I can't stand other people's kids. I love mine. That instinct comes.

 

[cassylynn]

Stirrups, cassylynn? When was that? That sounds like it must be terrible. My baby was born in a bed in a nice room with no tubes, wires or people running around. That was 1982.
.

I just remember what all my friends had to go through while in labor and afterward so this is all I know. That is why I am set on a home birth. But I'm sure not all hospitals and all births are IV's, needles and such.

 

[Smuterella]

some friends of mine recently appeared in a documentary about unassisted births - it was fascinating. They certainly found it a very liberating experience. It was part of Channel 5's extraordinary people series in the UK.

 

[Minerva]

I just remember what all my friends had to go through while in labor and afterward so this is all I know. That is why I am set on a home birth. But I'm sure not all hospitals and all births are IV's, needles and such.

I've heard much the same thing when deciding on a care provider and we went around to the local hospitals, so it sounds like it's quite common. If you don't want interventions (including being trapped on your back in stirrups with an IV), don't set foot in the hospital. The cascade of interventions starts when you walk in the door and their policy is to have an IV and monitoring, and of course you need to lie down for that.

At that point you get a 50% chance of a c-section at most of the hospitals around here. I know one woman who get sectioned after two hours of labour because the doctor said she wasn't progressing fast enough. She didn't consent, and they took her to the OR anyway. It turned out the doctor was late for his golf game, and botched the surgery a bit to boot. She is refusing to go near a hospital if she ever has another child.

Much better off at home with your own things around you. Let me tell you, my grandmother had her children in the 20s and 30s. The eldest was my father. My grandfather said he would pay for her to have a 'modern' birth in the hospital. Well, they strapped her down, gave her twilight sleep, and she ended up with forceps. My father had the marks from the forceps his whole life, by the way. After that experience, she said never again and had the rest at home with a midwife. She maintained that healthy babies have no business being near a hospital, and I quite agree. Pregnancy is not an illness, and shouldn't be treated as such.

 

[cherry lips]

fftopic: ShortClara your pm box is full!

 

[ShortClara]

fftopic: ShortClara your pm box is full!

Eep sorry! Not anymore. I'm just soo popular :eusa_doh:

 

[RedHotRidinHood]

Clara-we scared the hell out of you, huh? I was just wondering if you had gotten a chance to look at any of the books yet. Just curious to see what you thought.

 

[Lilibet]

The only thing I can offer is that if, for whatever reason, your plan changes mid-pregnancy and the perfect birth-as-you-envisioned-it occurs differently than you planned, it isn't a reflection on you. The most important end result is that both the mother and baby are healthy.

 

[Miss Dottie]

Amen to that!

It's so great that we have all of these different birthing options today to ensure healthy mothers and babies.

 

[Real Swell Gal]

I read the first page of this thread so forgive me if I'm repeating anything.

If you want kids,have kids. Period.
I always knew I wanted kids even when I was a kid myself. I just didn't know who with or how many or when.
So at 23 my boyfriend (now my hubby) and I were living together and I found myself preggers. My eldest daughter Laura was a surprise.
I found out fast that nothing you read will EVER prepare you for the good,the bad,or the stretch marks. Kids simply do not come with handbooks.
But having two daughters has been the joy of my life.

As far as books go, I reccomend What To Expect When You're Expecting and A Girlfriends Guide To Pregnancy.
Don't worry about birth experiences. it's different for everyone. I say learn as much as you can about your options and go with the one you feel most comfortable with.

Now go find a man and a doctor that you trust ( a man that's a doctor is even better lol) and get yourself knocked up!
And remember the fun part is in the making.