What do you want out of life?

[Puzzicato]

There's a devastating article in the current Atlantic Monthly exploring exactly that idea -- that by inculcating kids with a success-uber-alles attitude, parents are actually doing their children immeasurable harm, producing a generation that can't handle failure.

A year or so back, a half-witted article came out blaming Mister Rogers, of all people, for the prevalence of the "extreme self esteem" movement in modern parenting -- which is utterly ridiculous, since Mister Rogers himself never taught any such a belief. His philosophy was that kids should be taught to understand that failure was as much a part of life as success, and that sometimes you can't have what you want -- and that failing doesn't make you a bad person. Modern parents would do well to follow that teaching.

A few months back we were having dinner with some friends. One of them was telling us about something stupid she had done (can't remember what it was, but it was within-acceptable-norms stupidity) and said "I couldn't believe I did that". Her 6 year old piped up "But mummy, you have to believe in yourself! You can do anything if you believe in yourself!" I almost died. Is this honestly the sort of prosperity doctrine psychobabble that kids hear now?

As a child I always found a sort of collegiality in losing - only one person won, so there were lots more losers than winners.

 

[Feraud]

Her 6 year old piped up "But mummy, you have to believe in yourself! You can do anything if you believe in yourself!" I almost died. Is this honestly the sort of prosperity doctrine psychobabble that kids hear now?

As a child I always found a sort of collegiality in losing - only one person won, so there were lots more losers than winners.

It sounds like the six year old has a great sense of self-esteem and there is nothing wrong with that. Let's not confuse self-esteem, which is a the foundation for the well mannered, moral, and upright citizens we crave with materialistic self-centered brattiness.
Self-esteem is the complete opposite of the stunted emotional development observed in a large segment of society today.

 

[Atticus Finch]

To me, this has been a very fascinating thread. A central idea that seems to have emerged here is that most people want the very best out of life as quickly as they can get it. Be it satisfaction at work, or satisfaction in their relationships, or satisfaction by rapid acquisition of material wealth...most people want a great deal of satisfaction (sorry, Mick), and they want it right now.

But don't y'all think this has always been true of people?

Maybe what has changed over the decades is what people's desire for more in life causes them to do. The hope for a better life was once the motivation for people to always be employed, and to work hard at their jobs, and for them to develop new businesses, and for them to invent and market new products or services. More importantly, the desire for a better life was once the motivation for people to be frugal and save and for them to invest in their futures. Now, ever increasingly, the desire for a better life is the motivation for people to sit and expect the receipt of a governmental redistribution of wealth, or for them to engage in criminal enterprise, or for them to borrow as much as possible from whoever will lend it to them, without regard for their futures. And, sadly, I think it is this last course of conduct that has, recently, most damaged our society.

We’ve always had slackers and criminals. Over the centuries, we’ve developed complex social systems to deal with both. But now it seems that almost everyone…even hardworking, honest people…want everything now, and they are willing to borrow endlessly to get it. People are more willing than ever to literally sell their futures for happiness today. They borrow until one credit card is maxed, then they begin borrowing against another. If they are fortunate enough to own a home, as soon as that home has a positive equity balance, they borrow against that equity. Heck, many banks will grant a home equity loan in an afternoon…and give the borrower a “checkbook” as a part of the package. Yes, these days, people can literally write checks...for any little thing they may desire at the moment…from whatever hard-earned equity they may have in their family home.

Can y'all imagine how such a concept would have sounded to the average person in our grandparent's generation?

AF

 

[LizzieMaine]

I think the difference is the definition of what a "better life" is. My grandparents wanted to own a home -- understandable, since they spent several years during the Depression living in a tar-paper hovel. So they worked hard, saved up, and in 1945 they bought a house. It was a small, simple, humble house but it was *theirs*, and they lived in it the rest of their lives. The idea of "trading up their starter house" would have been completely alien to them -- to them, a better life meant security and permanence, not ostentatiousness. They weren't concerned with impressing anyone or showing the world they'd "arrived."

Credit certainly existed in the era -- while as late as the 1970s, most people didn't have credit cards, there were "Finance Companies," which would loan you the money to buy a new radio or a refrigerator or whatever. But the interest rates were extortionate, and if you missed a payment they'd send a truck around to repossess the merchandise. And it carried a stigma to be seen slinking into Household Finance with your collar turned up -- it said you were trying to reach beyond your grasp, and that you had an irresponsible streak.

What we've done today is to remove the stigma from credit. Which in many ways is unfortunate. If people still had to go crawling to Friendly Bob Adams and pay his 50 percent interest rates every time they wanted things they couldn't afford, maybe we wouldn't be as deep in debt as we are now.

 

[Lastmohecken]

Remember the country song, "Faster Horses, Younger Women, Older Whiskey, and More Money" My sinful nature tends to want those things, but in reality, after 50 some odd years of living, I can see that all I really need are FASTER HORSES, YOUNGER WOMEN, OLDER WHISKEY, AND MORE MONEY.

No, not really, I am ok with a little slower Horse, and some cheaper whiskey, as I don't drink much anyway, but I could always use a little more money, however enough money is enough money. I am not that materialistic, I am ok with driving older trucks, living in a modest country home with enough land to keep people from moving in too close to me, and a faithful and loving wife.

I don't care much for money, but money does matter, and I wish I had enough to be truly Free on this earth, no job, no social ladders to climb, no deadlines to hit, or jerks at work to deal with, true freedom for me does not mean endless means, or winning the lottery, although that might do it.

Frankly, Family, a few good friends, good health, and a peaceful life, free from the stresses and Rat Race of this life, would be pretty hard to beat.

One thing is for sure, I have heard of people on their death bed, wishing they had traveled more, or spent more time with their kids, friends, or family, but I have yet to hear of a single individual who laid there, thinking, man! If I could have only gotten a few more hours of overtime in at the office.

 

[shazzabanazza]

As much as life has to offer