What do you want out of life?

[Marla]

I think having any expectations for Life is setting yourself up for suffering. Growing up, I was taught to be very specific about What I Want, "five year plan"s and all that. But now I'm trying to not be picky. I would be content to have an MFA degree and peace of mind. Mostly I will take it as it comes.

 

[flyfishark]

I have the most wonderful parents who are still with me in their 80s. I have the greatest wife in the world. I have a son who has excelled both academically and atheletically. I have had the good fortune to argue case that have changed law, and I have been able to teach at incredible universities. I have been the beneficiary of an unshakable faith in God. If I could want for more, I have no idea what it would be.

 

[BinkieBaumont]

Was it John Lennon who said "Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans"

 

[Weston]

Just had my birthday yesterday, and was reflecting on this.

I want to change others' lives as they changed mine.
Other than that, I have everything I wanted, and I'm 33. But listen carefully:

Couldn't stand being told what to do and when to be somewhere, now I have a job that I set the hours.
Didn't like the pressures of the job I trained for, so I quit doing it.
Didn't like having to have more money than I made, so I traded it for the real American dream: a house to live in, a job to go to, kids, a wife, and the ability to buy clothes to put on my back and food for my family.

To be perfectly honest, if we ALL strove for the American Dream circa 1945, we'd probably all make it! It's the warped and selfish version as of 2011 that gives people fits.

 

[scottyrocks]

Happy birthday, Weston.

 

[Puzzicato]

To be perfectly honest, if we ALL strove for the American Dream circa 1945, we'd probably all make it! It's the warped and selfish version as of 2011 that gives people fits.

That reminds me of this Vanity Fair article from a couple of years ago. It's quite long, but definitely worth reading.

 

[LizzieMaine]

That's an exceptionally good article -- illustrating very very clearly and specifically the differences between prewar and postwar culture in America, and pointing out exactly where we went wrong.

The lesson we've forgotten as a people is very simple. There's things you can have in life, things you can't have, and things you're better off without. When you understand that, you realize that the fundamental assumptions of modern culture have a very very dark and dangerous core: the survival of a consumption/marketing-driven society such as we've become since the end of the war *depends* on its people being kept in a perpetual state of frustration and discontent, where newer and bigger is always "better" than whatever it is we've managed to acquire.

And when we buy into that culture, we basically seal our own fate. No matter how hard we chase the carrot, we'll never get a chance to eat it. The only way to beat the system is to not want the carrot in the first place.

 

[Bluebird Marsha]

I also think that was an outstanding article. The idea of sustainability, which I think is overused in many circumstances is spot on here. I'm not quite sure how I could have it better than my parents and grandparents. Food and a comfortable shelter, education up to the point I was qualified, and enough of the "nice things in life" that were good to have without turning into a Paris Hilton. I do like my computer, Nook, and Ipod, but those are things to enjoy- not a way of life.

Like many here, I think I've found my chunk of the American Dream. After more than a few years of hard work, I found a job that pays well, with a company that I not only enjoy working for, but that I respect. I like it enough to consider buying a house- a nice right sized house with a gardern and room for my telescope. I felt like I had made it when I could take my parents out for dinner or fun, and when I reached for the check- they let me have it! Other than that, I just want to be able to pay for my niece to go to college when the time comes.

I don't know too many people who want the McMansion version of life. The few that have it? Uggh. I watched a normally sane friend angsting over the damage to her $10,000 dining room table. Her husband and I just did not get it. Especially for a table she seldom used. Cause it might get messed up.

 

[Weston]

Wow...that article was very enlightening. They ought to publish it in pamphlets and distribute it all over the US. We need a dose of common sense - and a freedom from "ever increasing" want. How often I give away car loads of stuff to charities and clothes to friends because "I don't want it any more".

 

[Puzzicato]

You can see why I remembered it even though I first read it two years ago! I also love the pictures it is illustrated with.

 

[JimWagner]

The (unrealistic) expectation I see a lot of younger people have is that they expect to start where their parents are, not start where their parents did at their age and then achieve over time their own success. The younger people seem to believe that they can somehow leap over all the years of effort and work and magically be at the same point in life that their parents are today. They even believe that the idea of working your way up is some kind artificial "pay your dues" plot by older people to "keep them down". That success is something they're entitled to without any special effort on their part and certainly not something to actually work towards over many years.

 

[Puzzicato]

The (unrealistic) expectation I see a lot of younger people have is that they expect to start where their parents are, not start where their parents did at their age and then achieve over time their own success. The younger people seem to believe that they can somehow leap over all the years of effort and work and magically be at the same point in life that their parents are today. They even believe that the idea of working your way up is some kind artificial "pay your dues" plot by older people to "keep them down". That success is something they're entitled to without any special effort on their part and certainly not something to actually work towards over many years.

I've seen quite a lot of that too. I've had friends interview candidates for graduate programs, and the candidates state that they expect $x salary in their first year - but $x is what my friend gets after 10 years in a senior role!

It's like the old "American Dream" is now the "American Entitlement" and the Dream is extraordinary wealth.

... and I am using "American" for succinctness, but I think it pretty much applies in Australia and the UK too.

 

[SGT Rocket]

The (unrealistic) expectation I see a lot of younger people have is that they expect to start where their parents are, not start where their parents did at their age and then achieve over time their own success. The younger people seem to believe that they can somehow leap over all the years of effort and work and magically be at the same point in life that their parents are today. They even believe that the idea of working your way up is some kind artificial "pay your dues" plot by older people to "keep them down". That success is something they're entitled to without any special effort on their part and certainly not something to actually work towards over many years.

I see a whole lot of that too. It's really sad. I'm not sure if kids get this from their parents or the media, or school for that matter. It seems like they feel that they "deserve" something just for being himself or herself.

 

[LizzieMaine]

There's a devastating article in the current Atlantic Monthly exploring exactly that idea -- that by inculcating kids with a success-uber-alles attitude, parents are actually doing their children immeasurable harm, producing a generation that can't handle failure.

A year or so back, a half-witted article came out blaming Mister Rogers, of all people, for the prevalence of the "extreme self esteem" movement in modern parenting -- which is utterly ridiculous, since Mister Rogers himself never taught any such a belief. His philosophy was that kids should be taught to understand that failure was as much a part of life as success, and that sometimes you can't have what you want -- and that failing doesn't make you a bad person. Modern parents would do well to follow that teaching.

 

[angeljenny]

The (unrealistic) expectation I see a lot of younger people have is that they expect to start where their parents are, not start where their parents did at their age and then achieve over time their own success. The younger people seem to believe that they can somehow leap over all the years of effort and work and magically be at the same point in life that their parents are today. They even believe that the idea of working your way up is some kind artificial "pay your dues" plot by older people to "keep them down". That success is something they're entitled to without any special effort on their part and certainly not something to actually work towards over many years.

I see that in some of the young people I know - one has just bought a house and wants everything new! New furniture, total redecoration and new flooring. She quite upset a few of her older relatives who offered her some of their furniture to set her up in her new home. She turned her nose up at it all! She would rather buy new and put it on a credit card.

Some how there seems to be this sense of entitlement and everyone knowing their rights combined with a sort of perpetual adolescence.

Things are worth more if you work for them. Maybe that is just my old fashioned side but I believe in working hard and doing well based on your own efforts - not someone else's.

 

[sheeplady]

They even believe that the idea of working your way up is some kind artificial "pay your dues" plot by older people to "keep them down". That success is something they're entitled to without any special effort on their part and certainly not something to actually work towards over many years.

I think that this is a phenomeon that is well documented. I think we need to teach kids the difference between what is reasonable to expect (yes, you may be expected to work 60+ hour weeks) and what is unreasonable (being chased around the office by a member of the same/opposite sex). I think we've lost the distinction, because in part, many kids have no idea what the work environment is like until they are in their 20s.

I've seen things that shouldn't happen to ANY employee explained as "paying dues" or just "how the work environment is, get used to it." The problem is many kids don't know the difference.I also think it's very important to have well-rounded kids. This way, when they fail (in their job, etc.), they know that they have other important parts of their life.

I don't like anybody who blames Mr. Rogers for anything. Mr. Rogers was the best!

 

[Gregg Axley]

I'm fairly certain that Mr Rogers is too nice a guy to "go do something" about these people, but he could tell them to all "talk to Mr Hand."
Lizzie makes a good point, several actually..

 

[Pompidou]

Maybe that is just my old fashioned side but I believe in working hard and doing well based on your own efforts - not someone else's.

I hold no philosophical love for work. I do cherish my boundless materialism, and materialism is one habit I'm not in a position (yet) to support without at least a little work. If there was nothing left to pay for, I'd have nothing left to work for. If I have anything of a work ethic that could be labeled old fashioned, and I'm not sure it's accurate, it's that I do have high standards for my quality of work. Working hard? No more and no harder than necessary. Working right? I can't sign my name to garbage.

 

[Weston]

I don't think many kids "finish off an apartment with a two-room Roebuck sale" anymore. But when my wife and I married, we had a television set, a mattress, and some kitchen utensils to eat off paper plates. Over time, we furnished a lovely apartment, mostly by visiting the "scratch and dent rooms". We walked out with a $400 Lane bed for $100 and a bottle of Old English. We've become SO affluent, we GIVE away things (I mean we as Americans, not my wife and I)! My living room now is half 1960's Ethan Allen (will last forever) and half furniture given by relatives who were "tired of it" and bought new.

My grandmother (the one who died and gave me the Ethan Allen) would roll over in her grave! She kept the same furniture since she bought her new house (in '63).

 

[AtomicEraTom]

Everything I own was bought used, at thrift shops, antique shops, yard sales, etc. That which wasn't bought used was given to me used. This stuf'll last forever as much of it has been around in my parents house when I was growing up and most of that they got used! New stuff doesn't appeal to me, but those who keep buying it are limping the economy along.

I don't think many kids "finish off an apartment with a two-room Roebuck sale" anymore. But when my wife and I married, we had a television set, a mattress, and some kitchen utensils to eat off paper plates. Over time, we furnished a lovely apartment, mostly by visiting the "scratch and dent rooms". We walked out with a $400 Lane bed for $100 and a bottle of Old English. We've become SO affluent, we GIVE away things (I mean we as Americans, not my wife and I)! My living room now is half 1960's Ethan Allen (will last forever) and half furniture given by relatives who were "tired of it" and bought new.

My grandmother (the one who died and gave me the Ethan Allen) would roll over in her grave! She kept the same furniture since she bought her new house (in '63).