Vintage and Childfree

[Penny Dreadful]

I was pleasantly surprised to learn a while ago while perusing the threads and even watching Time Warp Wives how common it is for people in the vintage lifestyle to be childfree. I guess I assumed that the group was of lovers of tradition and so having kids would go hand in hand with that. But Time Warp Wives offered the perspective that we are less likely to be really satisfied with the modern world so we don't want to put a kid through that. Or maybe it's because we think outside the box, we're more likely to consider kids an option in the first place.
My husband and I are childfree too, and it's nice to get to know people who are understanding. It feels all too easy to insult a parent when trying to explain your reasons, and it makes things very awkward when they express shock that we're really serious.
How do you feel about being childfree and the correlation between it and the vintage lifestyle?

 

[Drappa]

Interesting. I am childfree and only about 5% on the fence, but I think it's a lifestyle issue for many people. Once they have children they have less time to devote to hobbies (including vintage-related hobbies), going to events, searching far and wide for vintage items, etc. Also, if you are parent to a small child you probably won't want to wear precious vintage items lest they get ruined. I find it difficult enough to figure out what to wear to walk my dog in the mud or rain, and he doesn't spit up on me etc.
Secondly, there are an increasing number of people deciding to remain childfree, which cuts across all sectors of society and is often linked with education and careers, so I don't know if the percentage of vintage lovers without children is any higher than of other groups in society.

 

[zombi]

Team Zombi is 100% childfree and off the fence. We're talking vasectomy off the fence, here. Children play absolutely no part in our plans for our life, and we're happy that way. It's probably not very nice of me, but I feel no obligation to be nice to parents who think it their business to question my personal decisions. I don't go around questioning people's reasons for having children, so I see no reason why anyone ought to question my reasons for not having any.

I've never really thought of being childfree in relation to vintage at all, though.

 

[LizzieMaine]

I wasn't able to have kids, so it's kind of a moot thing in my case -- I like children, and if it had been possible, and if we'd have been able to afford to, I'd have likely had them. I'd have had them in the 80s or 90s, which would have been baffling enough a world to raise children in -- I'd have had trouble raising them in that culture, but I'd have no idea whatsoever of how to do it in today's culture. The way kids are raised today is so completely alien to the way I was raised that I'd be completely lost in the world of "modern parenting."

One way I was raised, though, was that such decisions and such matters are nobody's business but those directly involved. And when someone used to ask "When are you going to have kids," my reply was usually something along the lines of "That's none of your damn business." That usually made the point, succinctly and clearly.

 

[ThePowderKeg]

When I was in my 20s, I REALLY wanted to have kids. After getting married, my first husband decided that wasn't in his game plan. Took a few years to get there, and it took another year or so for the divorce to become final. When I began dating my current husband and we had the kids/no kids conversation, he said he was open to having children if it happened by the time he was 37. He had clearly thought about it and had reasons that made sense to me. We took a few years to get married and settled, during which time, hey, we aged....and realized that life without children suits us. Neither one of us feels compelled to bring a child into the world at this point, but that seems to be more a function of timing/career paths/ myriad other factors than an affinity for vintage.

Plus the cats probably wouldn't like it....

I have friends who are not vintage devotees who are doing a wonderful job raising their children. I think the basic issues that parents face haven't really changed--parents still focus on keeping children safe, healthy and happy physically and emotionally and helping them develop the tools to be able to do that on their own as they get older. Teaching kids responsibility is the same, whether little Billy skips his turn milking the cows, breaks a window, or goes $300 over his monthly text allowance.

 

[Puzzicato]

Child-free here too! For me it is partly because I always felt so out of step with my peers that I wouldn't want to give anyone else the same experience (while thinking that I wouldn't have had it any other way for myself).

I would actually like to see statistics on child-bearing post WWII. I know there was THE baby boom, but at the same time in my family 3 of my grandfather's brothers didn't have children, and in my husband's family all of his maternal uncles (in the Netherlands) had childless marriages. I suspect a lot of men who'd had a hard war didn't have children after it.

 

[djd]

Like many hobbies that cost money - things go out the window when you have kids. Kids are expensive! I have a step son and can no longer afford to do many of the things I used to do....

 

[MarieAnne]

My husband and I both wanted kids and we had a daughter within 12 months of getting married. Kids are expensive and a lot of work, even when you love them very very much. If someone wants to do something else with their time and money (and sanity) it's their right and their business. What I DO have a problem with: people having children they can't care for. And I'm not talking about money, I mean neglectful parents.

 

[djd]

Too right. The road where I live is full of such people. Six year olds running about outside at half past eleven at night. Kids who's only concept of fun is smashing things to pieces. The parents of these kids would be the first to be outraged if something happened to their children that they could blame on others yet at the same time take no interest in them, set no ground rules and don't give a damn what they get up to.... I have absolutely NO faith in the future of humanity as in the western world such people seem to be the norm

 

[Fletch]

I too am blessed with lack of issue and likely to remain so. The day I grow up enough to raise a person from babyhood is the day I am too damn grown up.

The b!tch part is finding a female of similar sentiments. They're in heavy demand!

 

[Puzzicato]

I too am blessed with lack of issue and likely to remain so. The day I grow up enough to raise a person from babyhood is the day I am too damn grown up.

The b!tch part is finding a female of similar sentiments. They're in heavy demand!

I think the only reason I am married is that I found a man who didn't want children! For me it would have been a deal-breaker.

 

[Fletch]

In my experience, most women who don't want a child don't want a man, either. Fish, bicycle, etc.

 

[V.C. Brunswick]

I've entertained the idea of getting married and starting a family. But while I can see myself getting married at some point, I'm not too sure about kids. At my age I think I'm just too set in my ways.

 

[Kate O Potato]

I want five. And my first boy is going to be called Monty.

 

[David Conwill]

“Childfree” is an interesting spin on the more-common term “childless”. I tend to think there’s more truth in the latter term, though. For what my daughters have added to my life, no amount of travel or possessions could make up.

I have a few friends who none-too-subtly indicate that they are “childfree” because they believe it is inappropriate and irresponsible to bring children into an already crowded and increasingly stupid world. I don’t care for that attitude (or the elitism that seems to go with it) one bit - it seems to totally write off humanity’s future. Were I that much of a pessimist, I don’t think I could go on.

-Dave

 

[AmateisGal]

“Childfree” is an interesting spin on the more-common term “childless”. I tend to think there’s more truth in the latter term, though. For what my daughters have added to my life, no amount of travel or possessions could make up.

I have a few friends who none-too-subtly indicate that they are “childfree” because they believe it is inappropriate and irresponsible to bring children into an already crowded and increasingly stupid world. I don’t care for that attitude (or the elitism that seems to go with it) one bit - it seems to totally write off humanity’s future. Were I that much of a pessimist, I don’t think I could go on.

-Dave

Well said.

I have one daughter - and she is the absolute best thing that ever happened to me. However, I recognize that I am not a multi-child person - so we stopped at one (plus, my husband had two boys from his first marriage).

I have no problem with those that don't want children, and no problem with those that do. To each his own!

 

[ThePowderKeg]

AmateisGal, that's a very healthy attitude.

Also, the fact that I don't have children of my own by no means indicates any dislike for children in general. There are certainly children I don't like, but there are plenty of kids I enjoy. Same holds true for adults.

 

[Odalisque]

In my experience, most women who don't want a child don't want a man, either. Fish, bicycle, etc.

Do you say so?
I suppose I ought to start reading Sappho and trading in my heels for doc martins then....

 

[Drappa]

“Childfree” is an interesting spin on the more-common term “childless”. I tend to think there’s more truth in the latter term, though. For what my daughters have added to my life, no amount of travel or possessions could make up.

I have a few friends who none-too-subtly indicate that they are “childfree” because they believe it is inappropriate and irresponsible to bring children into an already crowded and increasingly stupid world. I don’t care for that attitude (or the elitism that seems to go with it) one bit - it seems to totally write off humanity’s future. Were I that much of a pessimist, I don’t think I could go on.

-Dave

You are working from two problematic assumptions here. Firstly, childless conveys the sense that something is amiss for people without children, and for those who want them but can't have them, it certainly is. For others, like myself, it is a conscious and well thought out choice and I reject the idea that I am lacking something because I haven't made the same choices others. Therefore I prefer childfree to childless (or even worse, barren). Those who are childfree (not childless) aren't necessarily trying to fill their lives with possessions or travel, but even if they did it doesn't mean that their life is less fulfilling or valuable, it's just different.
Secondly, there are many reasons why people chose not to have children, and being pessimistic about the state of the world is just one of them. Some don't like children, others feel like they can't afford to offer a child a great home financially or emotionally, etc., etc., etc. Even if they don't want them out of environmental/social reasons, it is better that they know themselves well enough and have thought it through, which is more than can be said about many people who have children but never actually think about it at all and don't do a very good job of looking after them. It is unfortunate that your friends feel the need to "shame you" about your choices. I have quite a few acquaintances who insist that their lives are somehow more fulfilled or meaningful because they chose to have children (or in some cases just got pregnant by accident), and that is equally annoying and elitist, so I hear you on that.

 

[MisterCairo]

Call the fire department, I smell a flamewar.....