The Vintage Suitor

[Harp]

I'm not a lawyer, but I don't think courts will even hear cases between unmarried couples unless there are other contracts or promissory notes involved.

Some states recognize Common Law Marriage.

 

[Mildred]

I love the charm about you.

It is not enough for me to dress in the classic style. I am not at all in love with this modern world. Where is the romance, charm and mystery? People are alone in their despair. Sex with strangers and doing drugs in bathrooms. Not for this old fashioned gal.

I long for the old days when life seemed sweeter between the sexes. Stacks of yellowed love letters, playing "our song" and sitting in a love seat holding hands. I like the old ways of courting.

Now women are cleaning apartments of their sweethearts? Have sex with a different guy a week? No wonder there is no romance left. I am so old fashioned that when I met my future husband I told him "I am not your typical modern woman so don't expect for me to act like one. And he did not treat me like one." Of course I did loving things for him but not the ones you would expect.

My grandmother told me long ago if all young people set higher standards for themselves they would be much happier. I agree.

 

[Zig2k143]

Now let's say they move in together. Now he has someone to share the bills, share his bed, cook his meals and clean his house. He has all the benefits of a wife with none of the obligations and no commitment. What a great deal--for him!

Now that sounds like the vintage views on a relationship.

Who says the women has to cook his meals and clean his house... I see moving in as more of a 50/50 deal... I love to cook and do so.. My lovely loves to cook to and does so... She'll clean things... I'll clean things... It isn't just the woman's job.

And I don't mind cooking if he doesn't mind a lot of rare meat and things in the pasta family.

-Viola

MmMMm Rare meat and pasta!!!!

The problem comes up when (if) one party (typically the woman) sees this as a step towards marriage and the other party (typically the man) sees it as a means of avoiding it.

Who says? I think these are way too generalized.

I'm new on here and was just reading through these posts and thought I'd join in the fun...

I am not much of a shy person and have had no problems in the past with approaching a gentleman that I found attractive, however I still prefer the man to ask me out on a date. Of course, I do leave bread crumbs to let the birds know its safe for them to approach!!! lol

I do find it a turn off if the gentleman doesn't pay for the first date. I just personally don't find it makes a good first impression.

I have offered and have cleaned homes and have done other random acts of kindness for past boyfriends. However, I also find it offensive when I am asked to clean their home for them. I don't mind being asked to help out... I just get quite offended to be expected to do certain domestic-like things.

I used to think that I don't like the cheesy things done for me - such as: having poems written for me, recieving flowers, chocolates, etc. I think they're nice added bonuses if he already has a great personality and can make me laugh. In the past, I've been in relationships where the other person simply stops doing things to keep the spark going... even on special occassions. I'm a very affectionate person and have discovered that I love and perhaps maybe even need, romance. Some people may be fine with entering the comfort zone and just sitting in front of a TV and not talk to their partner, but I'm not. I like being romantic with my partner. From my past experiences, I believe that continuing to doing the "little" things for the ones you love, it speaks volumes about the person...

Okay... I think I'm done babbling now...

Are you single? I'm sure there is a man or two here that would enjoy getting ot know you in the singles thread.

It is not enough for me to dress in the classic style. I am not at all in love with this modern world. Where is the romance, charm and mystery? People are alone in their despair. Sex with strangers and doing drugs in bathrooms. Not for this old fashioned gal.

MmMM Gin houses and dance halls... those things happened in the Old days too.

No, I'm not single... I'm happily taken by the wonderful Mr. Sable who introduced me to this wonderful place!

Good for him... I'm glad to see someone as happy and me and my lovely.

Zig... you're proof that we need to have a multi-quote feature on here.

Lol yea sometimes I just have too much to say I guess.

Or maybe I like to see my avatar pop up over and over and over again.

 

[Rica Chez]

Are you single? I'm sure there is a man or two here that would enjoy getting ot know you in the singles thread.

No, I'm not single... I'm happily taken by the wonderful Mr. Sable who introduced me to this wonderful place!

 

[Jovan]

Zig... you're proof that we need to have a multi-quote feature on here.

But seriously, I have to agree with you. I don't see how the guy not finding a way to approach her is any more spineless than the woman having intense feelings and never doing it. It just seems like a double standard. If women are still afraid of doing this, then I think society somehow STILL hasn't gotten used to the idea of an independent woman. Lesvinyl felt sleazy about doing it! That says something. It's unfortunate, because all the movies and TV still portray the independent women as also being manipulative, sleeping around, and all those Really Damnable Things that society doesn't like. It's as if we've gone this far in having equal rights... just to still be stuck in the past when it comes to all these social rituals.

 

[Nathan Flowers]

Zig... you're proof that we need to have a multi-quote feature on here.

*poof*

 

[herringbonekid]

But seriously, I have to agree with you. I don't see how the guy not finding a way to approach her is any more spineless than the woman having intense feelings and never doing it. It just seems like a double standard. If women are still afraid of doing this, then I think society somehow STILL hasn't gotten used to the idea of an independent woman. Lesvinyl felt sleazy about doing it! That says something. It's unfortunate, because all the movies and TV still portray the independent women as also being manipulative, sleeping around, and all those Really Damnable Things that society doesn't like. It's as if we've gone this far in having equal rights... just to still be stuck in the past when it comes to all these social rituals.

Jovan, i agree with all of this.

 

[Rica Chez]

It is not enough for me to dress in the classic style. I am not at all in love with this modern world. Where is the romance, charm and mystery? People are alone in their despair. Sex with strangers and doing drugs in bathrooms. Not for this old fashioned gal.

I long for the old days when life seemed sweeter between the sexes. Stacks of yellowed love letters, playing "our song" and sitting in a love seat holding hands. I like the old ways of courting.

Now women are cleaning apartments of their sweethearts? Have sex with a different guy a week? No wonder there is no romance left. I am so old fashioned that when I met my future husband I told him "I am not your typical modern woman so don't expect for me to act like one. And he did not treat me like one." Of course I did loving things for him but not the ones you would expect.

My grandmother told me long ago if all young people set higher standards for themselves they would be much happier. I agree.

Although I am born in Canada (first generation Canadian born) I was raised in a large, tight-knit Filipino community. Part of the courtship process was helping out around the house - for both sexes. And it was done while the family was home. There's even a term for this!!! The reason behind that is for the family to get to know the suitor, and to see if he would make a good partner and also it helps them to get to know each other. Courtship was very family oriented. The same also went for the lady as well, once she accepted of course! We've never seen anything wrong with helping out with the domestics... it was actually a lot of fun and it became a wonderful social event when the suitor would come over. Usually, the would be couple would get to know each other in the prescence of family and rarely went out on dates without a chaperone. Some people raised here, would not agree that this is "sweet" or "romantic" because they see it as treating the person like "hired help." We see it differently, we see it as an opportunity to get together, laugh, talk, food, music, and get the housework done! Serenading was also a HUGE thing in the Philippines but no longer. I used to hear wonderful stories from my mother and my aunts, of the evenings when a suitor would come by to the house with a friend or 2 to serenade one of them. To me, romance means so many different things to me... And just because courtship took place while working around the house, who said the couple never stole a loving glance here and there or would sneak in a quick kiss on the cheek when passing each other. It would not seem romantic to a lot of you reading this, but as a girl who used to watch the would-be couple - well I saw plenty of romance. To me... this was old fashioned...

 

[Jovan]

It is not enough for me to dress in the classic style. I am not at all in love with this modern world. Where is the romance, charm and mystery? People are alone in their despair. Sex with strangers and doing drugs in bathrooms. Not for this old fashioned gal.

I long for the old days when life seemed sweeter between the sexes. Stacks of yellowed love letters, playing "our song" and sitting in a love seat holding hands. I like the old ways of courting.

Now women are cleaning apartments of their sweethearts? Have sex with a different guy a week? No wonder there is no romance left. I am so old fashioned that when I met my future husband I told him "I am not your typical modern woman so don't expect for me to act like one. And he did not treat me like one." Of course I did loving things for him but not the ones you would expect.

My grandmother told me long ago if all young people set higher standards for themselves they would be much happier. I agree.

I think you're confusing being a modern woman with being unsafe and tasteless. They don't go hand in hand. I would certainly never get involved with someone who slept around like that!

 

[Amy Jeanne]

I think you're confusing being a modern woman with being unsafe and tasteless. They don't go hand in hand. I would certainly never get involved with someone who slept around like that!

100% agreed.

 

[Pink Dahlia]

I persued my husband via the Internet. I came home from work one day and saw 3 of his photos on my LJ Friends List because we were in communities together.

Right when I saw his photo I KNEW I was going to marry him. When I looked and saw that he lived in London (and I in NJ) that didn't stop me one bit. So I commented on his photos. Then he "added" me. I commented on every single one of his LJ posts -- he commented on all of mine.

Then we began to IM. Then email. Then the long-distance calls! We talked for 3 months before we even met face to face. I kept nudging and nudging! I was dopey in love! Luckily, he liked me, too. And now we're both in NJ, married.

There was NOTHING vintage about my courtship!! lol lol lol

That is awesome AJ. None of my internet relationships have worked out this way. I find out very soon most of the guys are creeps. No offense to anyone here. I've never met a Lounge boy.

 

[Pink Dahlia]

Real dates, asker pays. That's what I would expect from either side. Gender's got little to do with it.

Exactly why I don't ask gents out. lol

 

[Pink Dahlia]

I thought I would add mine here.

1. HUMOR - Many dates I have been bored to tears because the bloke doesn't talk or talks for hours about the mundane. If you're gonna do that at least be funny.

2. You don't look like you just rolled out of bed. Unless you sleep in spectators.

3. Intelligence.

4. Here's where I'm old fashioned. I believe the gentleman should pay. If the relationship gets serious I'll pony up for a meal. Hey, what can I say I'm poor.

5. I think it's very gentlemanly to open doors for a lady. However most of the time I bolt ahead and make it to the door first (not on purpose). And I'm always surprised when someone opens the door for me.

6. Regarding smoking. I don't smoke. I have dated guys who do smoke. My last boyfriend was a smoker and I never saw him smoke. I guess in the end I would prefer a non smoker or someone who hides it well like my ex. Although I have been known to smoke a cigar once in a blue moon.

 

[pigeon toe]

Although I am born in Canada (first generation Canadian born) I was raised in a large, tight-knit Filipino community. Part of the courtship process was helping out around the house - for both sexes. And it was done while the family was home. There's even a term for this!!! The reason behind that is for the family to get to know the suitor, and to see if he would make a good partner and also it helps them to get to know each other. Courtship was very family oriented. The same also went for the lady as well, once she accepted of course! We've never seen anything wrong with helping out with the domestics... it was actually a lot of fun and it became a wonderful social event when the suitor would come over. Usually, the would be couple would get to know each other in the prescence of family and rarely went out on dates without a chaperone. Some people raised here, would not agree that this is "sweet" or "romantic" because they see it as treating the person like "hired help." We see it differently, we see it as an opportunity to get together, laugh, talk, food, music, and get the housework done! Serenading was also a HUGE thing in the Philippines but no longer. I used to hear wonderful stories from my mother and my aunts, of the evenings when a suitor would come by to the house with a friend or 2 to serenade one of them. To me, romance means so many different things to me... And just because courtship took place while working around the house, who said the couple never stole a loving glance here and there or would sneak in a quick kiss on the cheek when passing each other. It would not seem romantic to a lot of you reading this, but as a girl who used to watch the would-be couple - well I saw plenty of romance. To me... this was old fashioned...

That's very sweet! It reminds me of when I first met my boyfriend and his house was a little less chaotic (now his sister and her 3 kids live with him and their parents), and I would be able to help out with the dishes (now it's just too insane all the time). My boyfriend's mom would be there too doing other stuff and while I was doing the dishes my boyfriend, who was also cleaning, would sneak me a kiss when she wasn't looking. Very cute!

 

[MrNewportCustom]

The Short Answers.

I thought I would add mine here.

1. HUMOR - Many dates I have been bored to tears because the bloke doesn't talk or talks for hours about the mundane. If you're gonna do that at least be funny.

2. You don't look like you just rolled out of bed. Unless you sleep in spectators.

3. Intelligence.

4. Here's where I'm old fashioned. I believe the gentleman should pay. If the relationship gets serious I'll pony up for a meal. Hey, what can I say I'm poor.

5. I think it's very gentlemanly to open doors for a lady. However most of the time I bolt ahead and make it to the door first (not on purpose). And I'm always surprised when someone opens the door for me.

6. Regarding smoking. I don't smoke. I have dated guys who do smoke. My last boyfriend was a smoker and I never saw him smoke. I guess in the end I would prefer a non smoker or someone who hides it well like my ex. Although I have been known to smoke a cigar once in a blue moon.

Lemme see now . . .

1) I like funny. (Just give me time to warm up) lol
2) I'm not the best dresser - nothing vintage, yet - but I do clean up nicely.
3) I'm reasonably intelligent.
4) I agree.
5) I do.
6) I don't.


Lee
________________________

And don't forget the lady's chair, men.

 

[CharlieH.]

Okay, let's see if I'm a proper suitor (vintage factor nonwithstanding)....

1. Bring gifts. A corsage of gardenias, a nosegay of violets or a dozen red roses. And candy-Whitman's sampler, chocolate covered cherries or Brown and Hayley Almond Roca.

2. Don't smoke, drink or curse. Even if she has a mouth on her like Carole Lombard.

3. Remember to open the doors-both car and the nightclubs. Pull out her chair.

4. If you can't dance the vintage dances. Take lessons. Don't expect her to teach you.

5. Write her love poems or songs.

- As much as I'd love to give her something special, it would be about the toughest thing I could possibly encounter. And this comes from a guy who agonises every day over what socks to wear....
- I don't drink nor smoke (which gives me plenty of dirty looks at school)... As for the cussing, if I accidentally hurt myself I can make a sailor blush.
- I do that all the time, unless I really hate the person involved, in which case, I'll pull the chair alright...
- Well, I hope those moves seen on movies will come back to me when needed!
- Eeeeh, words don't come easily to me, let alone songs... but I can make up for it!

DONT ever call her MAAM! Ack I hate that term!

I only go for the full "madame".

1. Have a sense of self.
2. Be intelligent.
3. Have a sense of style.
4. Be able to handle your liquor. lol
5. Let me order the wine if you don't know anything about it. I do.

- I yam what I yam, and dat's who I yam...
- Better hope that doesn't involve proficiency with numbers...
- I have such a sense... but I can't afford it.
- Don't worry, I won't drop it.
- Fine, you have wine, I'll get a pepsi.

Don't laugh at her for being unable to dance. I can't help it!

No, don't laugh at me!

The man should walk closest to the road so the lady doesn't get splashed by passing carriages.

Sorry, no can do. Last time I did, she turned me into a hood ornament, catch on?

1. Take a compliment well with a smile and a "Thank You"....
2. Be humble. No one likes an arrogant, smarmy brat.
3. Have confidence in everything you do from putting on your shoes to swimming across a lake, etc. ...
4. Read a few newspapers and stay current with events....

- Fine, I can get used to compliments
- I don't have the guts to be arrogant, so there ya have it...
- Oh, that's a tough one... I sometimes won't trust my shoelaces.
- I hope The Onion counts....

1. Do NOT compare the lass to your mom.

Last thing I want is someone who even remotely reminds me of mother....

Take her somewhere nice. Note that "nice" is not synonymous with "pricey."....
Be wrong sometimes. It's humbling.
Don't zone out while she's talking to you!
...
...
Don't soak yourself in cheap body sprays or colognes like they do on television!
...
Don't spend more time in the bathroom than she does. My stepdad does that, and it drives my mother insane. lol

- Hard to do when there's nothing nice in town...
- Being wrong... one of my finest features
- If she makes me zone out, then what am I doing with her?
- I can't afford cologne, so there.
- Gimme 5 minutes and I'll be a different man...

Not staring at my chest would be a great way to start... but I guess that is asking too much? [huh]

I'm an eye gazer myself, so that wouldn't be a problem.

No gifts, no love songs, no poems.

Perfectly alright with me!

Carry an extra handkerchief.
Pay attention to her.
No stubble. And check your nails.
..... Avoid "where ya wanna go?" "I dunno, where you wanna go?" "I dunno.... where you wanna..."

- Never leave home without at least one...
- But what if dinner is just plain spectacular??
- No stubble, no nails.
- What if I'm new in town?

1. Be self-assured.
3. Don't be clingy or needy. Also, the relationship has to be substantial. No games. Cling is for Saran Wrap. If I wanted fluff, I have a teddy bear at home. Manipulative Monopoly and being locked in loveless jails without collecting my $200 got old. Bring me something real

4. Be honest and straight forward.

- There goes my date....
- *gulp*
- I only lie to men...

* I wouldn't mind cleaning...but I wouldn't want him to ask me to do it.

* I don't know about the whole girl asking a guy out thing. If you do it gals, that's fine, but I want to be asked out by him. And if he's too shy to do the asking, we probably wouldn't work out anyway.

* I don't mind going dutch on a date, but if a guy doesn't pay on the very first date, I might get mixed signals: "umm...is this a 'friend' thing?" I might wonder.

- I take care of my stuff.
- That proves my theory that I wouldn't work out with anyone...
- Sure, I'll pay... but don't expect me to paint the town red either!

1. HUMOR - Many dates I have been bored to tears because the bloke doesn't talk or talks for hours about the mundane. If you're gonna do that at least be funny.

2. You don't look like you just rolled out of bed. Unless you sleep in spectators.

- I'm no Groucho.... but I can be Harpo!
- I don't roll out of bed... the fall hurts.

There! Do I qualify?

 

[MrNewportCustom]

I don't roll out of bed... the fall hurts.

Must be that stiff breeze you feel on the way down!


Lee

 

[CharlieH.]

Must be that stiff breeze you feel on the way down!


Lee

No, it's actually the stiff toys when I hit the ground....

 

[Diamondback]

No, it's actually the stiff toys when I hit the ground....

Raise ya trying to roll over and getting smacked in the face with an engineering tower-PC or a bookcase... lol

 

[CharlieH.]

There's a reason my nose is upturned....