The Vintage Suitor

[Paisley]

Going beyond the first date, I've heard of a lot of girls (or women) cleaning their boyfriend's apartment. Say what?

 

[Zig2k143]

Going beyond the first date, I've heard of a lot of girls (or women) cleaning their boyfriend's apartment. Say what?

There is nothing wrong with that if they do it out of the goodness of their heart.

 

[Samsa]

I don't know what it is... Maybe I got it from my father because he was that way... But even going out with friends like two couples. I always feel bad if I don't pick up the tab.

I don't think there needs to be any hard and fast rules on this. In most past relationships, I was simply in the habit of paying for everything. The woman I just broke up with let me do this for the first few dates, and then suggested that we split the tab when we go out, with the exception of special occasions. (Though this is the same woman who apparently had a problem with the amount of time it's taking me to find a job![huh] )

That being said, I will proably assume in future situations that I am paying, regardless of the occasion, unless I'm told not to.[huh] Just seems like the safer route...

 

[Viola]

Yeah, true, Zig, and I could even see offering, but there is something wrong with the guys who think its cute to TELL you to.

-Viola

 

[Zig2k143]

My X once tried to pay me back for one of our first meals and hide a 10 dollar bill someone I don't remember...

I took the bill went down to the change machine got $10 in quarters and deposited them into her ashtray at work.

 

[Zig2k143]

Yeah, true, Zig, and I could even see offering, but there is something wrong with the guys who think its cute to TELL you to.

-Viola

Lol a guy thinks it cute to tell you to clean his place... Does these guys wear leather vests and hats?

 

[Feraud]

Going beyond the first date, I've heard of a lot of girls (or women) cleaning their boyfriend's apartment. Say what?

Say what??



These suggestions are not vintage era dating tips. They seem like common sense that should be shown by men and women whatever the era.

 

[Jovan]

I think more women should ask out men. This old tradition of the guy always having to is keeping great things from happening.

 

[Viola]

Lol a guy thinks it cute to tell you to clean his place... Does these guys wear leather vests and hats?

No, sadly they're much harder to avoid than that. He was my one girlfriend's boyfriend. And he wore...hair gel and polo shirts.

-Viola

 

[Zig2k143]

No, sadly they're much harder to avoid than that. He was my one girlfriend's boyfriend. And he wore...hair gel and polo shirts.

-Viola

Ohh those are worse then the ones in Leather Vests and Hats... Cause they look like Mr. Popular... Some girls just like the preppy boys no matter how they treat them.

 

[Paisley]

Isn't that what hired help is for?

Yeah, true, Zig, and I could even see offering, but there is something wrong with the guys who think its cute to TELL you to.

-Viola

I can't even see offering. When my lawn needs mowed, I pay a kid to mow it. When the sink is clogged, I call a plumber. When my house is dirty, I...clean it myself. I'd expect a boyfriend to have the same M.O.

 

[Zig2k143]

I can't even see offering. When my lawn needs mowed, I pay a kid to mow it. When the sink is clogged, I call a plumber. When my house is dirty, I...clean it myself. I'd expect a boyfriend to have the same M.O.

So if your boyfriend offered to change the oil on your car, mow the grass, fix a leaky pipe. You'd be offended or tell him know? He's doing it because he cares for you and he wants to help you out. The same reason why a woman would offer to clean.

BTW I'm not Handy so I'm hoping my lovely can fix that leaky pipe....

 

[GoldLeaf]

On a first date with someone, a gift would feel a little over the top. I know flowers would be traditional, but in this day and age, if a gent showed up for a date with a dozen red roses, I would wonder what his ulterior motives were.

Now, mind you, I think gifts are nice after you are a declared couple. A "just because" gift is nice.

My husband is a musician, and he wrote me a song after we had been dating a month or two. We fell head over heels in love pretty quickly. Neither of us had felt that way before, and his lyrics were perfect. I cried quite a bit. I can't remember the lyrics anymore, so thank goodness they are written down and stored in my dusty box of things from when we were dating.

I also wrote him a poem. But we both knew that we would appreciate a gesture like that. I dated guys that I wrote poems about, but would never share with them because I knew they wouldn't appreciate the gesture.

For me, on a first date (from my old dating rules lol) :
1. Be self-assured. I am a strong, confidant, independent woman, you have to be on my level.

2. Sense of humor. I am a child in adult's clothing. Laugh with me, laugh at me, make me laugh!

3. Don't be clingy or needy. Also, the relationship has to be substantial. No games. Cling is for Saran Wrap. If I wanted fluff, I have a teddy bear at home. Manipulative Monopoly and being locked in loveless jails without collecting my $200 got old. Bring me something real

4. Be honest and straight forward. I don't hold punches, you will always know what I think. I speak my mind, and I express my heart, freely. I expect the same.

5. Faith. My personal relationship with God is the foundation of who I am. Either organized or unorganized, you must be able to share that with me. The wise man builds his house upon the rock. Our relationship must be, too.

Those are my thoughts

 

[GoldLeaf]

I think more women should ask out men. This old tradition of the guy always having to is keeping great things from happening.

I asked out every guy I ever dated. I intimidated men too much for them to ask me out lol

 

[Paisley]

So if your boyfriend offered to change the oil on your car, mow the grass, fix a leaky pipe. You'd be offended or tell him know? He's doing it because he cares for you and he wants to help you out. The same reason why a woman would offer to clean.

BTW I'm not Handy so I'm hoping my lovely can fix that leaky pipe....

I'd tell him no thanks. (Now, something like picking up a prescription if I were sick would be a nice favor.)

My objections to this practice:

• If you are used to hiring this stuff done, I think it would make your sweetie seem like the hired help.
  
• If I let someone mow the lawn, change the oil, fix the toilet, etc., he'd expect me to do his laundry, clean his house, and pick up his dry cleaning. Before you know it, you've got two joint households. Not the direction I want to go.
  
• What if I don't want to do his domestic work after he spends a Saturday working like a Georgia mule at my house? (I don't even like to do domestic stuff around my own house.) He'll feel used--and rightly so.

So...I'll take care of my house and he can take care of his.

 

[Zig2k143]

Paisley...

What if he's not doing it for your return help. What if he's just doing it cause he cares for you and wants to do it for you.

Sometimes people do thing for others cause they want too not cause they expect things in return.

 

[be_lovely]

I just have to say that this is the very thing that ended my first marriage. My ex insisted that the house be picture perfect at all times, and if it wasnt, hell was to be paid. Now, I am with Zig, and I want to help him around the house, not because I am being dictated to do so, but because I want to. Out of love, not out of fear. I am the type that once you tell me to do something, I do the opposite. And, speaking of that leaky faucet....... Wheres the darn wrench????

 

[Zig2k143]

I just have to say that this is the very thing that ended my first marriage. My ex insisted that the house be picture perfect at all times, and if it wasnt, hell was to be paid. Now, I am with Zig, and I want to help him around the house, not because I am being dictated to do so, but because I want to. Out of love, not out of fear. I am the type that once you tell me to do something, I do the opposite. And, speaking of that leaky faucet....... Wheres the darn wrench????

Lol in the basement with all my tools with lots and lots of dust on them.

But I agree, I don't do things for you cause you want them do. I do it cause it makes me feel good to do them for you.

Esp since I am injured and can't use them to tune my bike up.

 

[Paisley]

Paisley...

What if he's not doing it for your return help. What if he's just doing it cause he cares for you and wants to do it for you.

Sometimes people do thing for others cause they want too not cause they expect things in return.

It's been my experience that people see it differently once they break up. I don't want to make anyone feel used. Besides, I couldn't, in good conscience, let someone work for me like a fiend without something in return.

If someone (boyfriend or otherwise) wants to be caring, they can write a letter. (I got a wonderful letter from my mother yesterday, and it means more than the nattiest lawn ever could.) They can bring me soup when I'm sick, or give me a ride to the airport. They can give me moral support if I'm having a hard time. That's more my idea of what friends do for each other.

A little background: Several years ago, I met someone at work and we started dating. I quit, but came in every Saturday to relieve him. He'd have never had a day off otherwise. I did this for a month and a half. Never got a word of thanks. For my birthday, I got nothing. For Valentine's Day a week later, I got nothing. So I'm not that eager to take the bit in my mouth for someone again.

 

[Miss_Bella_Hell]

I used to do my boyfriend's dishes (when he lived with a slob roommate) because he wouldn't and it would gross me out.