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The Era -- Day By Day

LizzieMaine

Bartender
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Where The Tourists Meet The Sea
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("I jus' don' get it, is awl," sighs Sally. "Well," ventures Dr. Levine, "have you considered talking to her about it?" "I ast," replies Sally. "I says to 'eh, 'Ma, whassit awla 'bout? Whass got inta you?" An' awl she does is change t'subjec'. I tell ya, Docteh, she ain' 'ehself. She's weahrin' poifume. I ast 'eh howcum, an' she says it's Fly-Ded. In Novembeh! She's worried 'bout killin' flies in Novembeh?" "How old is your mother?" queries Dr. Levine. "I dunno f'sueh," acknowledges Sally. "I dunno if she does neit'eh. She ain' gawt no boit' ce'tificate. I guess t'ezza whatcacawl baptismal rec'kid, but t'at'd be back in Ieh'lan'. Awl I know is she come'ta t'is country when she was about fifteen, an' she's been 'eeh'ra'bout foehty yeehs. She come awl by 'ehself, fifteen yeeh ol' goil comin' oveh heeh steehrage, some ship caw'lta 'Celtic' a' sump'n. C'n you 'magine'at? Awl by 'ehself wit' a coupla t'ousan' ot'eh people crammed down'eh inna bott'm'va boat. An' what's funny, she neveh tol' me why she done'at. She jus' said she done it. An'nen she gets a jawb in Pigt-- Eas' Flatbush -- doin' lawndry, 'till she met Pa, an'nen Mickey come alawng, an'nen me. But she neveh tawks much 'bout none'a t'at neit'eh. You ask 'eh, an' she clams right up. An' I dunno why. An'now awlis stuff, I mean, she's known Uncle Frank f', what, twenny-five yeehs, an'n'ot'eh night we'eh hangin' aroun'a stoeh, an' sweah t'gawd, it's like t'eh floitin'. He's lookin' at 'eh, an' she's lookin' back, an' sweah't'gawd I t'ink I hoid'eh -- giggle." "Ah," nods Dr. Levine. "Ma don't giggle," insists Sally. "Whassat mean?" Dr. Levine leans back in her chair, and searches carefully for a reply...)

Berlin said last night that Red Army assault forces have captured the great Hungarian rail hub of Hatvan, keystone of enemy offenses northeast of Budapest, and also reported 30,000 Soviet troops have landed on Cspel Island in the Danube, immediately south of the capital city. The German reports were not confirmed by Moscow, but the Soviet High Command reported that Russian tank and infantry forces had cut the vital Budapest-Hatvan railroad and highway, capturing Kerekhargzt, 21 miles northeast of capital and two miles west of Hatvan, in a four mile thrust thru enemy fortifications.

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("Oi don't know," frowns Ma, regarding the cigarette pack just handed her. "That still doon't look mooch loike a camel t'me. Looks moor loike soom'koinda elk with 'is aaaarns cut oof." "Inky is still warrkin aaahn that," shrugs Uncle Frank. "It's bettar thin th' last woon. Besoides, thim that's disparrate f'ra smook ain' goona be lookin' too laaang at the packet." His eyes flick down to the sparsely-populated cigar display, where a lone White Owl sits forlornly in an otherwise empty box. "Daaan't even think ooov it," warns Ma. "Now -- what aboot matches? Garrity said he couldn't get me noo matches t'save 'is loife." "Ah," grins Uncle Frank. He fishes in his pocket and produces a handful of matchbooks. "Th' Dragon Den?" queries Ma. "Ye helped ye'self, did'jee? Well, these few ain't goin' t' do me no..." "Th' boys will be ovarr with th' troock this aftarnoon," promises Uncle Frank. "Ye woon't be waaaryin' noon aboot matches." "Is that so?" squints Ma. "An' hoo'd ye swing that?" "I merely," chuckles Uncle Frank, immensely pleased with himself, "aaasked farr Miss Wong.")

Snooky the City Hall Cat received a welcome befitting his status as a local celebrity yesterday when he reappeared following an unexplained four-week absence. Snooky, who has been a City Hall hanger-on for the past six years, loitering in Mayor LaGuardia's office, and attending meetings of the Board of Estimate, hadn't been seen since Halloween night, and after an organized search failed to locate him, the worst was feared. But around noon yesterday, Patrolman William Mahoney of the Oak Street station spotted the virile tom at the corner of Oak and Roosevelt, and brought him home. Even City Council President Newbold Morris, a man of immense dignity, joined in to welcome Snooky back with a hearty "good to see you back, old boy!" Snooky purred in acknowledgement, and immediately began wandering around City Hall to renew his many old friendships.

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(In his living room at Forest Hills, Mr. Rickey sits silently in a vast leather armchair, a heavy blue cloud floating motiionlessly over head, and considers the future...)

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(There's a big market out west for real estate lawyers.)

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(Screwy? It's his personal brand!)

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(Followers of the Wampanoag sachem Metacomet eventually burned Mr. Blackstone's house to the ground, so I suspect his sentiments were not mutual.)

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(There is nothing that can save this relationship and they should probably stop trying.)

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(Don't worry about the leg, they'll just put you out of your misery.)

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(Don't worry, Master DeMille, one day you'll be an old bald guy in puttees.)

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(Pssst, I bet he isn't even French at all.)
 

LizzieMaine

Bartender
Messages
33,763
Location
Where The Tourists Meet The Sea
And in the Daily News...

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"I wish to state that I am very happy for Paulette, and I had nothing to do with it." -- Chas. Chaplin.

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It's easy -- when you know how!

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The medium really is the message.

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Ehh. They already did this stunt in "Hellzapoppin'."

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Job 21:7.

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"Oh, and you're a sap for not going for the double indemnity."

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Hey, at least she isn't Ursula Parrott.

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"But why does it smell like a gas station in here?"

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You know, you don't HAVE TO answer the door. And "Toggle-Switch?" "Eager-Beaver?" Zack-Mosley does love his hyphens.

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Talk? Haven't we had quite enough of that already?
 

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