The Annual Affliction.

[Ordinary Guy]

I don’t recall what happened after that (diminished capacity). At some point I think I had the brim of a trilby between my teeth, but in all honesty, it could have been an ear. First thing I remember clearly (I swear) is the darts from the officer’s Taser hitting me in the back.

OHHHH that's gonna leave a mark......

 

[Art Fawcett]

This is the BEST!!!!!!
My sympathies Lorne, Praise Worthy would get my vote.

 

[suitedcboy]

+1 !! :eusa_clap :eusa_clap :eusa_clap

Lorne, have you considered a second career as a stand-up comic? This is brilliant stuff.

Are we sure that it is not the factual account of what happened? No post since that post..........

Does TFL have a legal defense fund?

 

[fedoracentric]

"Does TFL have a legal defense fund?"

It did, but it lost all its money the last time a Trilby manufacturer sued for libel.

 

[Lorne]

Another update:

After returning home from the police station I had a frank and honest discussion with my wife, during which we exchanged views on a wide range of subjects.

In part, she expressed a general concern about her child's physical and emotional well being, given his sensitive nature and gentle disposition.

I offered an alternative perspective, likening her child to a land dwelling great white (the perfect eating machine), only not as bright or charming as the original.

I was intending to expand upon those points when I recalled Officer 7 1/4, and his taser, and elected to keep brevity the essence of whit.

My wife and I closed our conversation by reaching a number of agreements, the most relevant of which is I will be sleeping in my car; quiet possibly until he weather turns cooler in September.

I think this episode has been a learning experience for both of us. I am sure we will both look back on this some day and laugh, recognizing this as just one of those things that adds color to a relationship.

If not, then my first wife got all my good stuff anyway....

 

[Greyryder]

I wanna hang out at Lorne's house. It sounds fun.

Anyone know where I can get a tweed trilby? I want to make sure I'm appropriately dressed.

*runs*

 

[Ordinary Guy]

Based upon past remarks I think a Kevlar Trilby would be the appropriate head cover....

 

[Blackthorn]

Based upon past remarks I think a Kevlar Trilby would be the appropriate head cover....

:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap

 

[GHT]

I wanna hang out at Lorne's house. It sounds fun.

What? With that Hungry-Hungry Hippo, Magilla Gorilla neanderthal in the house? Are you serious?

 

[Lorne]

So, this is how things have played out.

My wife tells me she wants to do a sit-down with me and her son to keep peace in the family.

I’m all in favor of this. I grew up in Brooklyn and Grandma was Sicilian, so I know if I do the sit down then I can whack the guy after without having to worry about how the Capo is going to take it. No way is this putz a made man.

Anyway, we meet up for dinner and the kid starts into a monologue where he cites Voltaire, Thomas Jefferson and Hobbs and Locke. I’d would have been impressed, but he was clearly reading from notes he wrote on the palm of his hand. To make matters worse, he was nervous, so his palms were sweaty and his notes must have smeared.

Voltaire became Voltage, Thomas Jefferson became George Jefferson and Hobbs and Locke became Calvin and Hobbs.

To further steal the kid’s steam, while he was holding forth on the Rights of Man, his mother leaned over and began to cut his entre into bite sized pieces.

What can I say; I love my wife but the gene pool is a little shallow on that side of the family.

Anyway, at the end of the conversation I decided not to whack him. Why go through all the trouble when he is probably going to do the work for me when he wants to listen to the radio while he takes a bath or uses a metal knife to get a stuck piece of bread out of a toaster.

I'm guess you could say I'm going to let Natural Selection do the heavy lifting for me...

 

[-30-]

I would tend to believe that the rub in the tub for this Bub would more than suffice.

Kind regards,
-30-

 

[hatophile]

Natural Selection;
Let's see, wasn't that the same guy that wrote the story about Scrooge?:eusa_doh: