So Annoyed!!

[AdrianLvsRocky]

Hi all,

I'm fairly new around here but thought you guys may empathise with an issue we had over the weekend.

I dress in a fairly vintage fashion and my husband is a jeans/rock t-shirt kinda guy. He has a thing about facial hair though. He changes it regularly from big sideburns, goatees, full long beards, moustache/sideburn combos etc. You get the picture!

Anyway, on Saturday he was sporting a nicely waxed and twirled handlebar moustache when a few boys in the pub we were in approached him and started taking the mickey. He's used to this so just sort of shrugged/laughed it off. He did start to get a bit agitated though when one boy kept trying to take a photo of him. He asked him to stop and moved his hand away from his face.

Then the guy punched him! He split his lip and loosened his teeth. We spent 4 hours in A&E and he had to have his lip glued. He's such a pacifist and it pains me so much to see him hurt.

Why are people like this? How can someone treat someone with such hatred and disrespect just because of the way they look, dress, wear their facial hair for goodness sake!?

I've been venting all morning to anyone who will listen but thought you guys may have had experience of this sort of thing.

Sorry that my first thread is so negative!

Laura

 

[Miss sofia]

I'm so sorry to hear that, i really am. I hope hubby makes a speedy recovery. I think it just boils down to ignorance plain and simple, lack of respect, manners, education. I have put up with my fair share of verbal abuse in the past because of how i choose to look but nothing so shocking has happened to me thank goodness.

I think alcohol also brings out the latent a*****e in certain people too.

 

[Fleur De Guerre]

Unfortunately it seems to be par for the course when you have a tache - even in London my ex would occasionally almost get into a serious fight over some of the taunts. For example, when he got called 'Hitler' by a gang of youths when he was already in a particularly foul mood, and finally boiled over, pointing out loudly (and with much swearing) that both his grandfathers nearly lost their lives fighting against him in WWII and of all the things to shout at him, that was too far. He's never actually been in a real physical fight since having a moustache though, as perhaps it's sheer luck that the antagonists always backed down when actually confronted with someone ready to fight back... he is not the sort of man to take serious insults lying down, unfortunately. But he's had taunts ranging from mild like 'Sherlock' (obviously meaning Watson! lol) to damn offensive like 'Hitler' and 'paedo'.

Don't forget that Sophie Lancaster got murdered by a gang of kids basically for 'being a goth' a few years back, I'd love to think times had changed since then, but clearly they haven't and it's just a risk you have to take when you choose to be conspicuously different.

 

[Drappa]

Oh, I'm really, really sorry this happened to you guys. Fortunately I have never had an experience like this, but I do find that tensions are often quite high in UK pub environments, and are partly the reason why I don't go to them.
Obviously there are tons of lovely people hanging out in pubs, but there's always the odd people who have too much time on their hands and nothing meaningful in their life that they feel the need to bring others down a notch if they find their appearance different. Maybe it also has to do with the fact that some people don't go out to have a good time and socialise, but really just want to get as drunk as they can and to feel like they are more important than they actually are. They're just pathetic bullies.
I hope he recovers soon!

 

[Mrs Cleaver]

I'm so sorry this happened to your hubby.Sadly this seems to be the way the world has gone,it doesn't seem to take much at all anymore for people to erupt into full on violence wether it be because you look a little different or you accidentally bumped into someone .No wonder so many of us yearn for times past,i know every era had it's bad times & bad ppl of course but still it just generally didn't seem to be as out of control as it is today.

 

[AdrianLvsRocky]

Thanks all. He's just given a statement to the police so hopefully the boy will get his comeuppance!

Fleurre - I know what you mean about almost expecting it when you dress differently. As a teenager I was quite grungey/punky and got almost daily insults about the colour of my hair/piercings etc. You do just learn to deal with it!

I think most upsetting about this particular incident is that it happened in the little village where we live in a place that we regularly go to. It almost added insult to injury that it happened on "our turf" if you know what I mean. I wonder if the kid would have been so "brave" if we'd been with our usual crowd of mates instead of by ourselves. No matter how much you dislike a moustache, you wouldn't say anything in from of a crowd of 15 plus I bet!

Anyway, I'm calming down a bit now. It's hard to remember it's nothing personal, it's just that there are some d*cks about who like nothing better than causing trouble - regardless of who you are. We were just an easy target I guess!

 

[Gilboa]

.....

Why are people like this? How can someone treat someone with such hatred and disrespect just because of the way they look, dress, wear their facial hair for goodness sake!?

I've been venting all morning to anyone who will listen but thought you guys may have had experience of this sort of thing.

Sorry that my first thread is so negative!

Laura

Hi Laura, and welcome.


I too am sadened that this had to happen to you. There is not much I can say to comfort you and your husband other than: keep doing what you do and just find a more suitable environment to drink in.

The general people are motivated to negative manouvers by fear. And it silly as it sounds, standing out of the crowd very often makes others feel insecure, in particular if they want to be the leader of a crowd. Sadly, if influenced by alcohol, this will be magnified.

I have found this to be very much a problem in the UK.


Sometimes, when I smoke in public with a cigarette holder, or even just taking a cigarette out of a cigarette case, I have been faced with rather nasty comments from other females.

However, I quite often return the confrontation, in a polite manner, by asking directly: 'why do you have a problem with what I do or how I dress?'
The replies I hear are along the lines of: 'it is silly, people don't do that anylonger' or 'you are just showing off'.

To which I then politely explain them the various reasons why I do what I do, and usually, the other party starts to think and, this has happened, a few times, they then all of a sudden turn up with a cigarette case too, although shyly

I have found that people usually listen and do understand, i suppose it depends on situation and also if they have the backup of a horde or if they are just on their own.

There is not much you can do about it, but just for your own sake, don't stop being who you are because of others.

 

[crwritt]

It is really sad that this happened to your husband. I wish I understood better the psychology behind bullying, it's one of the more nasty lowlife aspects of human nature. To me, an unprovoked attack on a person because of some aspect of their appearance is not much different than a racial hate crime.
There may be some reason behind such behavior but there's really no excuse for it. Do people do this stuff just because they can get away with it?
About 30 years ago my husband broke his leg in a motorcycle accident. He had a huge cast on his leg and was making his way on crutches up a steep hill when a couple of lowlifes came up behind him and thought it would be funny to kick the crutches out from under him. They knocked him down and took his crutches. He got up and went after them, running on his bad leg.
He got the crutches back, but because he ran on it, his leg healed half an inch short, and he now wears a built up shoe.

 

[Fleur De Guerre]

Did the kids get barred? I hope they did. It's such a shame for this to make you feel paranoid about looking how you like and spending time in a place you enjoy, and I sincerely hope that it won't... and that it will never happen again.

 

[AdrianLvsRocky]

Did the kids get barred? I hope they did. It's such a shame for this to make you feel paranoid about looking how you like and spending time in a place you enjoy, and I sincerely hope that it won't... and that it will never happen again.
__________________

They were thrown out and the landlady assured us that they'd be barred but think we'll avoid the place for the time being nevertheless.

The irony is that, although we drink there fairly regularly, we only really go there for "comedy value" as it's a bit like Phoenix Nights in there. Cracking "acts" and old ladies danicing around handbags etc.

Like I said, I'm used to being the odd one out but have never been on the receiving end of violence thank goodness! I could never change myself to fit in with a crowd - how boring would that be?!

And, Fleur, sorry for my horrific spelling of your name earlier, I was getting your first name confused with your surname in my head I think!

Thank you everyone for your kind words and well wishes!

Laura

 

[Paisley]

You ought to come to Denver on your next vacation. People here dress in every way you can imagine without getting a second look. Most people here are really polite, too.

By Denver, I mean downtown Denver. The suburbs are another story.

 

[Nick D]

That's terrible! I think that's the first time I've heard of someone actually being assaulted for their 'tache. I've been insulted a few times (though not as bad as Fleur's story), but that's all. Speedy recovery!

 

[RLF]

Wow! You have my heartfelt sympathy. I live in the USA, not a place that's unused to acts of random violence, but your tale of woe really hit me. Being punched for any reason is unacceptable, but to be struck for wearing a handlebar moustache and not wanting to have your photo taken seems more than a bit much. I'm clean shaven these days, but there was a time I changed my hirsute look every so often, so I can empathize with your husband. And this took place in a pub in Wales? Maybe I'm naive, but I just don't associate the UK with drunken bar fights. Drunken soccer fans, yes. I've always had a mental image of the British pub as stodgy, smoky, rather low key. For what it's worth I can assure you that if you came to States nobody would give your husband a moment's grief over his moustache. We've got more than our share of eccentrics and nonconformists here. He'd fit right in.

 

[Foofoogal]

wearing a handlebar moustache

Come to Texas. Half the men in the State have them. They even wax them.
When they are extra long they can enter contest and win stuff even.

Pitiful. I am sorry that happened to you both. (((()))))) hugs.

http://handlebarclub.freeforums.org/index.php?sid=80699fb1bc9e52a294809af234be86d1

See some of the FLers are/were? on this forum. Maybe you can get some friends that do understand.

I adore them personally. Honey used to grow his every year in the Fall. Now he doesn't.
He says it is too white now. They tickle.

 

[Land-O-LakesGal]

My husband and I once walked into a local bar that we didn't realize had become frequented by Frat boys. We walked in and people started calling my husband Elvis and they started taking our picture with out asking ( think they probably have lots with my flippen them the bird). Neither of us were struck I actually had to hit a drunk fratboy to keep him from sitting on us but I can remember how this went down and I am very sorry you had to experience it.

 

[MikeBravo]

I dare say the issue was your husband's refusing letting him take the photo. He probably wanted to post it on some "social" networking site, most likely to make negative comments (how dare your husband be an individual!).

People now seem to think they have the right to any image they want as in Land-O-LakesGal's post. There seems to be a lot of disconnection from reality these days.

There was incident a little while ago at a car crash. The car caught on fire with people trapped inside, and all these young people stood around with their camera phones while the older people tried to help. Alas, to no avail

 

[Auburn-Jane]

I am sorry to hear about that, Its good that your husband is alright and that the fight wasn't taken any further.

People can be cruel, and when they see things that are different from their own norm they tend to de humanize someone. they don't think about the person they are taunting or harming as an individual with feelings and so on. Add that with some Alcohol and a heavy dose of Bravado and you have yourself a brawl.

 

[deadpandiva]

I am sorry to hear that. I forget how narrow minded people can be.

 

[Feraud]

Glad to read your husband is mostly o.k.
The situation could have turned out much worse -

An IT consultant murdered by three drunken thugs lay dying on the pavement after his head was 'penalty kicked' like a football while they sauntered away laughing.
Ben Gardner was set upon after he asked the yobs to return his girlfriend's Halloween hat they had stolen from her.


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...an-death-row-Halloween-hat.html#ixzz12AwqcpDw

 

[Fleur De Guerre]

Ben Gardner was an old acquaintance of mine (I dated Will F-W when I was 17) - it was all a terrible tragedy. I'm pleased to see the news, but it doesn't make it much better. I worry my ex will get himself stabbed one day for refusing to back down - sometimes in some places here the UK it really is better to let things go.