School Bully Targeting Trilby

[Geiamama]

I've just had a conversation with my son's school that made my blood boil so I'm afraid this is a bit of a rant.

My boy is eight-years-old, fashion obsessed and wears a trilby (sorry to the fine gentlemen of the forum if I have misnamed it) to school everyday. I don't make him, he wanted one as soon as he saw his hero Gok Wan wearing one. It's his prize possession.

Sorry about the quality of the photograph but it's the only one I could find of Dylan in his hat.

Anyway, he has been targeted by a school bully several years older than him who has taken to knocking him to the floor, stealing his hat and trying to destroy it by dunking it in puddles, stomping on it etc.

It's not the first time I've had to address the school about this boy, there have been incidences when he took to knocking off my God-daughters glasses and even threw stones at my two-year-old daughter in the playground at pick-up time. Each time I marched into the school to speak to the teachers and each time nothing was done about it. I even told them that I would speak to the child and the child's parents directly if nothing was done, but all that resulted in was a snotty letter sent home about this being 'against school policy'.

But this time just beggers belief! The school response to this school bully stealing my son's hat is to ban him from wearing the hat! :eeek: Surely this can't be right? I only hope this child doesn't start focusing on another article of clothing, at this rate they'll be insisting my son goes to school without trousers on!

Sorry to the moderators if I have posted this in the wrong place, please feel free to move it if necessary.

 

[Juliet]

Looks like this bully-kid is the kid of someone important.

Or that school is run by complete morons.

In any case, things like this make me worry about choosing schools for my future (very-very future) child - just what is wrong with people? One would think they'd at least draw a line at throwing stones?! Can't you report these people for incompetence of some sort?
Needless to say, you have all my sympathies.

 

[Carnage]

I would suggest your best course of action is to approach the head teacher (not some front counter lackey) and inform them that your son is being bullied by someone who exhibits prior history of unacceptable behaviour towards others, this is clearly unacceptable and probably goes in violation of some kind of education authority target or the like, inform the head that if something is not done then you will approach the board of governors and the police (many of the things you have alleged would count as an assault, I have arrested someone for knocking my hat off before).

In relation to you contacting this other child's parents being against school policy, that is absurd. It is not like they can place you in detention or give you lines...

As an Old Cheltonian, I am appalled that the school would ban the wearing of hats, I went to school in Cheltenham and we were made to wear hats on pain of caning. It sadly seems a quick fix instituted by a moron. I would be curious if it is a school policy that hats are not to be worn, if there is a school hat or if it just applies to your son.

A small aside, please find your son a better hero than that appalling man and his vile dress sense.

regards,

 

[Geiamama]

A small aside, please find your son a better hero than that appalling man and his vile dress sense.

lol I did try, after all I didn't want to risk him wearing harem pants :eeek:, but he started mentioning Justin Beiber and I chickened out!

As an Old Cheltonian, I am appalled that the school would ban the wearing of hats, I went to school in Cheltenham and we were made to wear hats on pain of caning. It sadly seems a quick fix instituted by a moron. I would be curious if it is a school policy that hats are not to be worn, if there is a school hat or if it just applies to your son.

A fellow Cheltonian! How did you manage to escape?! Just kidding Which school did you go to?

I'm going to see the headmistress this afternoon and hopefully get some sense out of the woman!

 

[Carnage]

A fellow Cheltonian! How did you manage to escape?! Just kidding Which school did you go to?

I'm going to see the headmistress this afternoon and hopefully get some sense out of the woman!

Cheltenham College, I escaped by joining the military...

Yes one would hope she will see some sense rather than just ignoring it, or putting a blanket ban on something. That really is not the way to go.

 

[Berlin]

I am always perplex by the fact how cruel people and especially children can be, when others are a bit different then them! I am very sorry for both of you, where you draw the short straw in this situation.And the worst thing about this, is that the school bully thinks he is in his right, which only makes him feel more powerful and, ofcourse, will continue with bullying. After all, he can bully to his hearts content without any sanction on it. Makes me sad that after years and years, schools etc, still have no idea how to handle these situations properly.

 

[Land-O-LakesGal]

I would suggest your best course of action is to approach the head teacher (not some front counter lackey) and inform them that your son is being bullied by someone who exhibits prior history of unacceptable behaviour towards others, this is clearly unacceptable and probably goes in violation of some kind of education authority target or the like, inform the head that if something is not done then you will approach the board of governors and the police (many of the things you have alleged would count as an assault, I have arrested someone for knocking my hat off before).

In relation to you contacting this other child's parents being against school policy, that is absurd. It is not like they can place you in detention or give you lines...

As an Old Cheltonian, I am appalled that the school would ban the wearing of hats, I went to school in Cheltenham and we were made to wear hats on pain of caning. It sadly seems a quick fix instituted by a moron. I would be curious if it is a school policy that hats are not to be worn, if there is a school hat or if it just applies to your son.

A small aside, please find your son a better hero than that appalling man and his vile dress sense.

regards,

I am a teacher not only would I do all of the above I would also talk with other parents I am sure this vile child has not just target your child but others and there is strength in numbers ( do you have some form of parents organization like a PTA?) Finally I don't know if if works the same way across the pond but schools here are very afraid of bad press the press right now loves to make schools the villains I would look into that as well.

Although on a different note most American students are not allowed to wear hats in school during (at least in my area) the school day ( I get really tired of telling them to take off their hats all day). Not sure how the bans started but now upheld in regards to gang colors and violence.

 

[Berlin]

Although on a different note most American students are not allowed to wear hats in school during (at least in my area)

Neither do we in the Netherlands, simply to avoid situations described by the topic starter.

 

[martinsantos]

Not uncommon schools trying too much to stay with all students, so never want to make something to show authority.

My father was mayor of a big school for over 40 years. He always used a "three stick rule". In the last, the student was refused by school. Anyway, this was very uncommon to happens - after the second punishment (not alowed in school for one week or more, and parents invited to talk with the school) the problematic guy started to be more cautelous.

Probably the best way is to talk with the other kids' parents about what is happening. Or directly with the bullier's parents.

 

[Geiamama]

I am a teacher not only would I do all of the above I would also talk with other parents I am sure this vile child has not just target your child but others and there is strength in numbers ( do you have some form of parents organization like a PTA?) Finally I don't know if if works the same way across the pond but schools here are very afraid of bad press the press right now loves to make schools the villains I would look into that as well.

Although on a different note most American students are not allowed to wear hats in school during (at least in my area) the school day ( I get really tired of telling them to take off their hats all day). Not sure how the bans started but now upheld in regards to gang colors and violence.

I'm not sure about other schools but in this one the children wear a tie/shirt/sweater school uniform and they are *supposed* to be able to wear any outerwear as long as it is black, grey or navy blue and doesn't have any offensive logos. And they aren't allowed any outerwear in class.

The idea of the PTA is a brilliant one, that will certainly be my next stop!

 

[scottyrocks]

You may very well have to go to higher-ups. As a teacher, I can tell you just how much paperwork is needed to do anything with troublemakers that deserved to be tossed out on their hindquarters. And there are admins who feel the same.

The hat-banning is undoubtedly from the school, as you said. In that case, its time to go to what would be the equivalent here of the district school board or superintendent. Im not above raising a ruckus when necessary. Id go higher than that if the situation is not rectified.

Please keep in mind, I do realize that this is not all about your kid wearing his hat. Its about the career-bully that initiated all this.

 

[1961MJS]

...
But this time just beggers belief! The school response to this school bully stealing my son's hat is to ban him from wearing the hat! :eeek: Surely this can't be right? I only hope this child doesn't start focusing on another article of clothing, at this rate they'll be insisting my son goes to school without trousers on! ...

Hi

This has been going on for years in the US. Don't blame the kid, blame the inanimate object. Unfortunately Objects can't be evil, only people.

Later

 

[MissMittens]

If I was a parent, I would wait outside the school and have my son point out the bully. Then I would see if the bully gets on a bus, his parents pick him up, or he walks home. I would follow him and find out where he lives. I would then call the police and tell them that the kid has repeatedly assaulted your son and you want a protection from abuse order, and have the parents served.

Of course, there's also the "dark alley" solution....would have been fine in the 50's, but you'd get a charge of assaulting a minor now because kids have more rights than adults.

 

[Geiamama]

RESULT!!!! I have just spoken to my son's new teacher, who besides being worth his weight in gold, IS A FEDORA FANCIER!!!!

It turns out that it was a lone teacher, the one whom my son had gone to when he was knocked to the ground during playtime, who had told him to simply stop wearing his hat. My son's teacher thinks Dylan's hat is wonderful and "such a natty dresser should be encouraged, after all there are far too many children who don't know how to look smart". He's also determined that one child-bully's behaviour should not be allowed to determine school policy on uniform or anything else for that matter.

It is wonderful to know that at least Dylan's teacher is on-side but of course, actually solving the problem is another matter. Apparently this child is 'troublesome' and has been unpleasant to a great many of the other children but the parents refuse to believe it's their darling angel's doing and the school is struggling with their hands tied.

Thank you to everyone for their kind words of support. :love:

 

[Carnage]

That is good news indeed, I am pleased that this is the case. You say the teacher is a fedora fan? I hope you told him to get on here.

 

[scottyrocks]

RESULT!!!! I have just spoken to my son's new teacher, who besides being worth his weight in gold, IS A FEDORA FANCIER!!!!

It turns out that it was a lone teacher, the one whom my son had gone to when he was knocked to the ground during playtime, who had told him to simply stop wearing his hat. My son's teacher thinks Dylan's hat is wonderful and "such a natty dresser should be encouraged, after all there are far too many children who don't know how to look smart". He's also determined that one child-bully's behaviour should not be allowed to determine school policy on uniform or anything else for that matter.

It is wonderful to know that at least Dylan's teacher is on-side but of course, actually solving the problem is another matter. Apparently this child is 'troublesome' and has been unpleasant to a great many of the other children but the parents refuse to believe it's their darling angel's doing and the school is struggling with their hands tied.

Thank you to everyone for their kind words of support. :love:

Okay, very cool on the first part of the solution.

Re the second part, there is a solution for everything, although sometimes drawn out. It may require leg work on your part, but if you can build a case against this neanderthal, you may be able to get some results without his parents' cooperation. You may need to track down his other victims and put together an anecdotal to bring to the principal, or school board, if necessary. A group has a better chance of being heard and usually gets better results than an individual. I do not tolerate irrational, insufferable behavior and I encourage you to rectify your situation, using whatever and as much ammo as you can muster.

 

[Pompidou]

The only way for your son to stop the bully long term is for him to punch him in the nose the next time something happens, because it's common experience that adults in general are entirely powerless to stop it, but at least your son's hat situation is squared away. Just keep responding to violence with more violence. You know what they always say, if violence isn't the solution to your problem, you're not using enough of it. There are lots of bully-able kids, so once yours isn't easy, they'll move on. When I was bullied, going to the teachers just escalated the problem later. The only fight I ever won when I was little was the last one I ever had.

 

[Carnage]

The only way for your son to stop the bully long term is for to punch him in the nose the next time something happens, because it's common experience that adults in general are entirely powerless to stop it, but at least your son's hat situation is squared away. You know what they always say, if violence isn't the solution to your problem, you're not using enough of it. When I was bullied, going to the teachers just escalated the problem later. The only fight I ever won when I was little was the last one I ever had.

Sadly that course of action would only backfire on the child. Punching people in the face is neither a reasonable nor proportionate level of force in relation to someone stealing your hat. More so when you are in a school in the UK as you will be seen as the aggressor. Obviously if someone is attempting to use force against you then it is okay to use reasonable force to defend yourself, but there are many places in the UK that see this as unacceptable, and a school will be one of them.

 

[Pompidou]

In the US, at least, many/most schools have a zero-tolerance policy. The victim and bully get instant detention/suspension whatever, no questions asked. It's a twisted conclusion to their idea that it takes two to tango. So, at least in the US, it's better to earn what you've got coming.

 

[Fletch]

American schools are run by either paddling zealots or imaginary lawyers, so I can't imagine a good outcome here. Wearing the hat at all would be considered disruptive by either type of administrator.