Philosophical: The difference between (real) "friends" and "buddies".

[Lean'n'mean]

If you want to know the truth about yourself, ask your enemy not your friend.

 

[sheeplady]

When I had cancer, I had a few very unexpected people show up to help me and my family... to clean, visit, bring meals, or do rides. Some people went above and beyond. In this way, I have many more than the 4 people I actually consider my friends.

A few disappointed. One woman, who said I was like a daughter to her, didn't bring a single meal the entire 9 months, showed up once to give me a ride on the wrong day and complained bitterly about how busy she was, told me about all the sad news about others ("look, you have cancer, but so and so has had 16 miscarriages!, you at least have a live baby!" Sort of thing, which I asked her not to because I was depressed), and took me out for a walk the spring after I finished treatment. This is the total sum of what she did for her "daughter" with cancer.

This was disappointment enough. I found out six months ago that she bragged we went for walks every week (lie), she took me out for lunch every week (lie), etc. She even took credit for professional work I did.

There was a chance I could have gotten over the fact she never showed up. But I see no way I can get over her lying and pretending to be a hero to my former colleagues and friends who actually bothered to show up.

 

[tonyb]

...

A few disappointed. One woman, who said I was like a daughter to her, didn't bring a single meal the entire 9 months, showed up once to give me a ride on the wrong day and complained bitterly about how busy she was, told me about all the sad news about others ("look, you have cancer, but so and so has had 16 miscarriages!, you at least have a live baby!" Sort of thing, which I asked her not to because I was depressed), and took me out for a walk the spring after I finished treatment. This is the total sum of what she did for her "daughter" with cancer.

This was disappointment enough. I found out six months ago that she bragged we went for walks every week (lie), she took me out for lunch every week (lie), etc. She even took credit for professional work I did.

There was a chance I could have gotten over the fact she never showed up. But I see no way I can get over her lying and pretending to be a hero to my former colleagues and friends who actually bothered to show up.

There's a fun little book (a long essay, really) titled "On Bullshit," which, in my estimation, betrays a tad of its own subject matter.

Still, it's provocative, mostly in that it makes a distinction between outright lies and bullshit, a distinction I question is so easily drawn, leastwise not in the author's manner.

A bullshitter isn't much concerned with the veracity of his utterances. What matters is what serves him in the moment. Should that be a truthful statement, well, fine, but not if an untruthful one might serve a little better.

If I were in your position I'd be annoyed as hell at this "friend" of yours. People claiming to be something other than who they are just gotta be miserable, so I can't help but hurt for them. Sounds like this self-aggrandizing woman has feet planted firmly in the lying and bullshitting camps. Long-legged, is she?

 

[sheeplady]

There's a fun little book (a long essay, really) titled "On Bullshit," which contains, in my estimation, a tad of its own subject matter.

Still, it's provocative, mostly in that it makes a distinction between outright lies and bullshit, a distinction I question is so easily drawn, leastwise not in the author's manner.

A bullshitter isn't much concerned with the veracity of his utterances. What matters is what serves him in the moment. Should that be a truthful statement, well, fine, but not if an untruthful one might serve a little better.

If I were in your position I'd be annoyed as hell at this "friend" of yours. People claiming to be something other than who they are just gotta be miserable, so I can't help but hurt for them. Sounds like this self-aggrandizing woman has feet planted firmly in the lying and bullshitting camps. Long-legged, is she?

When my real friend told me this, I had the temptation to jump off the couch, drive to "friend''s house, and slash "friend's" tires.

I believe "friend" is jealous of me, professionally. She's thrown a lot of wrenches into the gears (not purposefully, but perhaps subconsciously) in my time working with her. I've had a number of opportunities come up recently, and she's not invited along for the ride.

Sadly, it took listening to how "friend" lied about being a hero and made all these digs at me professionally to see the past 10 years in the right light. But thankfully I did.

 

[tonyb]

When my real friend told me this, I had the temptation to jump off the couch, drive to "friend''s house, and slash "friend's" tires.

I believe "friend" is jealous of me, professionally. She's thrown a lot of wrenches into the gears (not purposefully, but perhaps subconsciously) in my time working with her. I've had a number of opportunities come up recently, and she's not invited along for the ride.

Sadly, it took listening to how "friend" lied about being a hero and made all these digs at me professionally to see the past 10 years in the right light. But thankfully I did.

I've had the misfortune of knowing a person or two who made themselves the hero/savior/central character in other people's personal trials. It's as if they never heard that inner voice say "It ain't about me."