My Search for a Mate is Confined to my Sock Drawer

[Carlisle Blues]

GranadaGuy617, I think this post on the previous page might be of interest to you:

Don't rush life .......Enjoy your journey.... Getting your heart broken a few times is mere preparation for The One, if you are lucky. Then you will be able to embrace, respect, appreciate and be forever grateful for your experiences.

(Oh did I mention the chihuahua thing?? )

 

[Maj.Nick Danger]

Well I was, and am in the same situation as Mr.Newport Custom, always have been. I mean I am young and I realize that, and I've had relationships, and now that I look back on it, none of them really amounted to much. I mean I'll be turning 18 in exactly 2 weeks. And I have had some of the worst things done to me by girls, I've been baited, tricked, ditched, invited to a party...arrives, calls girl, girl tells me party was canceled, when I can hear people in the background, and then further humiliated through text messages, which led to a fight in school...and that girl was my friend. I made some bad people choices, I still do. I'm just surprised I'm not a cold, pessimistic woman hater. I am always the friend nothing more, and when I am forward with that girl it bites me right in the tuches. I'm a genuinely nice guy, I basically raised myself to be nice...since all I saw growing up was jerkism.

I'm a hopeless romantic....I'm the kinda guy that send my gal flowers just cause I wanna, or if shes having a bad day at work have the flowers delivered. I am very thoughtful...I will go the extra 100 miles to make sure my gal is happy and content, to let her know I'm thinking about her. And for some reason...Girls seem to really not like that stuff. Oh well. I digress. School and college are all I need to worry about...just thought I would put in my 1 cent.

Your post, among a few others I've just noticed here, inspires me to offer a small bit of advice if I may.
I too have bewailed the "success" of the archetypal jerk far too often.
It did me no good.
I discovered however "the secret" of the jerks. It was stated in this thread a few times too already. It is simply this, the jerks succeed with women because they have what is perceived as confidence. Whether it is false confidence or real based on real character in the individual seems to be of no consequence. Women are almost invariably attracted by what they perceive as confidence.
They are more romantically attracted to the devil-may-care type that acts a bit "differently" than the guys that do fumble around and attempt to "hit" on them usually on a daily basis.
Think about it, an attractive woman will probably be approached many times on a given day by all kinds of random guys. Guys that offer to buy her a drink, take her out, etc. "Nice" guys that are just simply tiresome to them as they tend to do the same old things, say the same old things, in an attempt to get something from them.
So in short, the key is be different, to do the unexpected, not to be a "jerk" in the strictest sense of the term as you define it,...but to merely be a bit different. Bust on her a little, joke around, don't despair of her attention at all, act as if you don't care so much whether she likes you or not,...turn the situation around, kid her about how she will be stalking you like all the other girls do,lol .... above all, be funny. Everyone wants to be with someone that makes them feel good, and laughter feels good. Forget the romantic notions you believed in all your life, and try a different approach.
Think about it,..if you were a woman, and you were approached by the same old type all day every day, it would get tiresome.
I think the single most important point for anyone that is seeking, is to simply stop despairing, stop worrying, stop caring so much, because the harder we search for something, it becomes much more difficult to find that which we seek.

 

[get_atomized]

If I can be honest here, a lot of ladies I know are pretty tired of dudes grumbling about the bad boys getting all the romance while the "nice guys" get stuck with the apparently less valuable platonic friendship. You hang out with her, appreciate her, listen to her, but she never sees you as a prospective sexual or romantic partner - sure, I can see how that's frustrating, but it also kind of makes it sound like a) some gentlemen feel something's owed to them for the service of their companionship (since the "bad boys" haven't EARNED what they're getting) or b) you're using friendship to get closer to her solely with the end goal of getting a girlfriend out of the deal. Clearly that's not always the case, but the whole plight of the nice guy thing can really come across that way.

It's not just confidence, I appreciate straightforwardness about romantic intentions from any potential suitors.

 

[Feraud]

And to think some people knock being married. [huh]

 

[Maj.Nick Danger]

If I can be honest here, a lot of ladies I know are pretty tired of dudes grumbling about the bad boys getting all the romance while the "nice guys" get stuck with the apparently less valuable platonic friendship. You hang out with her, appreciate her, listen to her, but she never sees you as a prospective sexual or romantic partner - sure, I can see how that's frustrating, but it also kind of makes it sound like a) some gentlemen feel something's owed to them for the service of their companionship (since the "bad boys" haven't EARNED what they're getting) or b) you're using friendship to get closer to her solely with the end goal of getting a girlfriend out of the deal. Clearly that's not always the case, but the whole plight of the nice guy thing can really come across that way.

It's not just confidence, I appreciate straightforwardness about romantic intentions from any potential suitors.

Yes that's a good point. Guys that come across as trying to be too "nice", place huge burden on a woman. Like she is somehow responsible for his complete happiness. Not exactly a nice thing to do to someone, to place that kind of burden on them, even if unknowingly. It makes the whole process of a relationship more like work or some kind of obligation. When in fact, a real love relationship should just ,..happen, and not be some huge struggle.

 

[Diamondback]

It's not just confidence, I appreciate straightforwardness about romantic intentions from any potential suitors.

And speaking from my own experience, I can tell you that any guy who isn't either already committed or gay, if he tries to tell a girl he wants a friendship only, he's full of more BS than the Dodge City, Abilene and Fort Worth stockyards at their respective peaks combined. (Even if he doesn't realize it and really thinks he just wants to be a friend, there's always that little piece hardwired into the back of our minds... Not praising or denouncing, just acknowledging it as a fact of life.)

Of course, it doesn't help me that I tend to try to "audition" for the companion role, which is easily confused for something else. (In light of my background, I believe expecting me to prove myself on character is fair, and all I ask is the opportunity to try and reasonable feedback on how I'm doing at it.) Then again, I'll take any kind of a "win" I can get so long as it's a "win" for her too...

 

[avedwards]

And speaking from my own experience, I can tell you that any guy who isn't either already committed or gay, if he tries to tell a girl he wants a friendship only, he's full of more BS than the Dodge City, Abilene and Fort Worth stockyards at their respective peaks combined.

I disagree. Some of my closest friends are female and it is quite clear that we are just friends (albeit very good friends), and there is nothing more between us. And I am not gay and wasn't committed when we became friends. Then again, I am a strange person so what works for me doesn't necessarily work for other people.

 

[Paisley]

At times, my best friends have been men. If the attraction isn't there, it just isn't. Of course, they didn't announce they wanted to be just friends.

 

[avedwards]

Nor did my friends, we just became friends more by chance than anything else. The chance that we were in the same group for Duke or Edinburgh award (English camping expedition award founded by His Majesty) more for convenience and somehow ended up being very good friends by the end of it.

 

[Paisley]

If I can be honest here, a lot of ladies I know are pretty tired of dudes grumbling about the bad boys getting all the romance while the "nice guys" get stuck with the apparently less valuable platonic friendship. You hang out with her, appreciate her, listen to her, but she never sees you as a prospective sexual or romantic partner - sure, I can see how that's frustrating, but it also kind of makes it sound like a) some gentlemen feel something's owed to them for the service of their companionship (since the "bad boys" haven't EARNED what they're getting) or b) you're using friendship to get closer to her solely with the end goal of getting a girlfriend out of the deal. Clearly that's not always the case, but the whole plight of the nice guy thing can really come across that way.

It's not just confidence, I appreciate straightforwardness about romantic intentions from any potential suitors.

I think a person needs to advance or retreat. Starting out with a friendship is great, but after a while, just hanging around waiting for something to happen is a waste of time, IME.

 

[Darhling]

I agree whole heartedly with everything get_atomized said. I have even been told 'but you OWE me'.. bye bye so called 'friend'. That said, I have also had a few really amazing best friends who were male, without 'those' feelings. It can be done..

 

[avedwards]

I think a person needs to advance or retreat. Starting out with a friendship is great, but after a while, just hanging around waiting for something to happen is a waste of time, IME.

I frequently go into the extreme of being too direct and as a result causing people to feel awkward. Is there some mid-way? And don't say subtlty because I hate the very idea of being subtle as all you get back is some rubbish answer which gets you no further.

 

[Carlisle Blues]

If I can be honest here, a lot of ladies I know are pretty tired of dudes grumbling about the bad boys getting all the romance while the "nice guys" get stuck with the apparently less valuable platonic friendship. You hang out with her, appreciate her, listen to her, but she never sees you as a prospective sexual or romantic partner - sure, I can see how that's frustrating, but it also kind of makes it sound like a) some gentlemen feel something's owed to them for the service of their companionship (since the "bad boys" haven't EARNED what they're getting) or b) you're using friendship to get closer to her solely with the end goal of getting a girlfriend out of the deal. Clearly that's not always the case, but the whole plight of the nice guy thing can really come across that way.

It's not just confidence, I appreciate straightforwardness about romantic intentions from any potential suitors.

:arated:


Moreover, in these instances it sounds like the relationship was based on a lie to begin with.

Clearly manipulative, very dishonest and hurtful. shakeshead

The term "quid pro quo" comes to mind and that casts a very negative light on the situation as well as the "gentleman". [huh]

 

[Ethan Bentley]

I spent a long time looking and a number of failed and frankly strange relationships. The day I gave up was the day I met my wife.

 

[FinalVestige79]

I got the confidence...I walk tall, I remember when I used to walk looking down at the ground. Being vintage really has upped my confidence more than anything else, when I dress well I feel much better about myself. I am quite different...I make girls laugh, and I am straightforward almost to a fault. And for some reason girls think I'm good at flirting...all it is is turning phrases into something comical. I'm not in a hurry to grow up...I'm not even in a hurry to have a significant other, I just wanna see if its possible. I am comfortable in my skin, I didn't used to be, I was the awkward loner growing up. The other kids would be on the swings and I would be digging collecting rocks lol. I can crack jokes, and actually have a conversation. I have come out of my skin...its rather strange compared to what I used to be.

Thank you everyone for your advice, I didn't expect such a large response. And CB, I've already got one rat dog thanks! lol JK. Hes a pomeranian. Which reminds me...I gotta go take him for a walk...girls love midget dogs!

 

[Maj.Nick Danger]

Eureka!

I spent a long time looking and a number of failed and frankly strange relationships. The day I gave up was the day I met my wife.

therein lies the secret of finding what we seek,....by simply not seeking it any longer.

 

[Paisley]

I frequently go into the extreme of being too direct and as a result causing people to feel awkward. Is there some mid-way? And don't say subtlty because I hate the very idea of being subtle as all you get back is some rubbish answer which gets you no further.

Humor? Saying things that can be taken a couple of different ways? Or is that being too subtle? And what's wrong with going at a glacial pace? There's this guy on the bus. Over the past four months, we've exchanged glances. Within the next year, we might say hello.

If you want to find someone while you're still young, I suggest you get advice from someone besides me.

 

[Diamondback]

Thank you everyone for your advice, I didn't expect such a large response. And CB, I've already got one rat dog thanks! lol JK. Hes a pomeranian. Which reminds me...I gotta go take him for a walk...girls love midget dogs!

lol Perhaps I should consider a pup--maybe a pug, call it "Frank"?

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Now playing: Taylor Dayne - Original Sin (Theme from the Shadow)
via FoxyTunes

 

[FinalVestige79]

PUGS!

Lol I wanna either get a pug or an English Bull Dog and call him Guido! Quintessential mafia dog.

 

[Diamondback]

'Course, then I need to dust off the suit and learn ventriloquism... lol

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Now playing: Visual Music, James Hannigan and Andrew Sega - Bretonia Space Suite
via FoxyTunes