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In my opinion you've made a significant distinction here. There are manners that are a useful way of showing courtesy to others, and manners that are nothing more than an arbitrary set of rules that are often arcane and contrary to common sense. I think any reasonable person would agree the former set is far more important than the latter.I think "manners," so called, are overrated.
I think the kind of people who punctiliously follow everything Emily Post said to do are, generally speaking, the kind of people who want to make sure you know at all times that they're they kind of people who punctilliously follow Emily Post, and when I run into this sort of folks, I have to fight the impulse to burp as loudly as I possibly can in greeting and wipe my mouth with my sleeve. "Manners" in that sense mean absolutely nothing more than someone saying "I am more socially correct and better bred than thou."
Real manners are more simple. They have nothing to do with knowing which fork to use or taking your hat off in the elevator, and everything to do with letting the other guy out ahead of you in the parking lot, or not running to beat the old lady with the carriage full of watermelons to the shorter grocery line, or keeping your mouth shut and your feet off the back of the seat in front of you during the movie and just generally treating other people as you'd like to be treated. Nobody's perfect in that respect, but real manners means at least you're trying. Even if you couldn't care less what fork to use.