do you have many friends?

[HeyMoe]

I recently discovered how many true friends I have when on my wedding day, three of my "close friends" whom were also groomsmen decided to back out by not showing up (oddly enough none of them new each other). Apparently they never even ordered thier tux and . My one true friend and brother from another mother whom was my best man, drove 19 hours from North Carolina to be there Friday night and had to drive back to NC Saturday night after the reception so that he could retire from the Army on monday.

And yes, he is the type of guy that will help me hide a body. I think because we grew up together and served together that the bond we have is much deeper than a friendship - it goes into that "buddy" thing that military folks can relate too.

 

[Dan'l]

I recently discovered how many true friends I have when on my wedding day, three of my "close friends" whom were also groomsmen decided to back out by not showing up (oddly enough none of them new each other). Apparently they never even ordered thier tux and . My one true friend and brother from another mother whom was my best man, drove 19 hours from North Carolina to be there Friday night and had to drive back to NC Saturday night after the reception so that he could retire from the Army on monday.

And yes, he is the type of guy that will help me hide a body. I think because we grew up together and served together that the bond we have is much deeper than a friendship - it goes into that "buddy" thing that military folks can relate too.

Wow, sorry to hear that HeyMoe. That's one of the rudest stories I heard in a while. Just when you thought you knew someone. Forget the three Stooges, you've got a great friend in your best man it sounds.

 

[Berlin]

I recently discovered how many true friends I have when on my wedding day, three of my "close friends" whom were also groomsmen decided to back out by not showing up (oddly enough none of them new each other)..

What the heck....
I would be so depressed. This is terrible.
Have you spoken to them afterwards and asked for a reason why they were absent?
I hope you banned them out of your life...it's what I would do.

 

[Miss Golightly]

I recently discovered how many true friends I have when on my wedding day, three of my "close friends" whom were also groomsmen decided to back out by not showing up (oddly enough none of them new each other).

That is just appalling - it really is. I'm so sorry to hear that - I hope you had a beautiful day regardless.

 

[scooter]

I suppose the best answer to this question is no, but I have all the friends I need. Being a retired Marine and somewhat forceful at times, I can be difficult to understand, especially initially. I was recently surprised though, when I was terminated as a result of an accident at my workplace and then reinstated by my union . Upon my return, nearly to a man, my co-workers expressed congratulations, shook my hand and to my amazement, HUGGED me. To say I was pleased would be an understatement, that they would express such genuine sentiment.

 

[HeyMoe]

Thanks folks -

I actually laughed about it. I had the most important people in my wedding party anyway: my sons and my best friend so life was good.

The funny part about the thing was as we discovered they were not showing up I looked at my buddy and said "See, thats why I always tell folks I trust two people. I'm one and they are not the other!" (he being the 2nd person of course)

 

[Roving_Bohemian]

I was reading the "tragic dimensions" thread, and Mav made a reference to having friends. I didn't want to interrupt that thread , so I thought I'd start a new one. How many friends to you have, if any?

I'm in my mid-40s, and have many casual acquaintances...people whose kids play sports with ours, co-workers, neighbors, etc. My darling wife makes fun of me because I have very few actual friends. I don't go drinking with the guys, I don't play golf, I'd sooner gouge my eyes out than watch the game on TV. The guy who I consider my best friend, I haven't seen in 3-4 years, and we talk on the phone about quarterly.

How large a circle of real friends do other posters have? To add a little humor to this, I'll add a quote...

"A friend will help you move furniture, a real friend will help you move a body".

I know what that's like! I don't drink, I wouldn't golf from a wheelchair, and I'd rather be out shooting, camping, canoeing, or pretty much anything rather than watch Football on TV.

I moved from Napa Valley CA at age 4, then from Boise Idaho area (at age 6) my family moved to the Mediterranean where I spent the last 14 years. Over time I've been to 21 countries and 26 American states, meeting thousands of acquaintances along the way. Real friends though? (aside from family, of whom I have many who would stand by me through thick or thin) I've only managed to find: 1 really good American friend with whom most of my time is spent talking Guns, Knives, or the great outdoors; 1 Albanian who from shared experience has become like a brother -we were once confronted by mafia hit-men (who let us go on our way when they discovered we weren't the guys they were looking for) and had many other shared experiences; and about 30 or so who are the "help you move furniture" type. So, final tally? hundreds of vague acquaintances, 20-50 guys who would invite me to "golf" (or any other "normal" activity) with them, and only 2 real friends who would "help move a body," as you put it....

 

[AtomicEraTom]

I have many friends, but you have many more when they discover you have a pickup truck, a trailer, and a station wagon!

 

[Zombie_61]

I have very few friends; everyone else in my life is either family or an acquaintance. Let's see if I can explain this properly.

I have what most people would probably consider a unique definition of what constitutes a "friend", one that is quite honestly ill-defined even in my mind. What I mean by that is, I have a group of people in my life that most would call friends, but who I consider family; this is a rather small group because I have a very low tolerance for b.s., and most of the people I formerly considered friends (before I created my own definition of the term)had an agenda of one form or another whenever we'd get together. By way of example, my former brother-in-law once told me there were certain "friends" in his life who would only contact him when they needed a favor; eventually he would answer the phone when they would call by saying, "Hi, what do you want?" They would usually respond with something to the effect of, "What, I can't just call you to see if we can get together?", and he would reply, "You never have before. You always want something, so let's just get it out of the way." I realized I had several people in my life who did this, and slowly began to excise them from my life. Those who remained are either family or acquaintances, with few exceptions.

Acquaintances are those people I know, but would not consider friends or family--co-workers (some of them, anyway), people at the local supermarket, pharmacy, or restaurant, etc.. Some former co-workers I do consider friends because they don't fit into either of the other categories; some co-workers have become family over time. (I use the term "former" because at this time I am, for all intents and purposes, retired because of health issues).

This leaves family. Those are the people who don't come with an agenda, but are people who simply want to share time together regardless of how we spend that time. Yes, there are times when they might ask a favor, but this is not their sole reason for maintaining our relationship. And we may not see or speak to each other for weeks or months at a time, but we all know we're there for each other. These are people I love unconditionally and would do anything for and, as far as I know, who feel the same way about me.

I imagine some of you who have taken the time to read my long-winded reply are thinking, "But how does your real family feel about this?" And I'm mentioning this because I sincerely believe this is a large part of the reason for my unique distinctions between "family" and "friends"--I was adopted at birth. As such, I don't know my "natural" family. Mind you, I have no negative feelings on the matter one way or the other; it simply is what it is. I was raised and nurtured and taken care of and loved by two wonderful people I called Mom and Dad; I couldn't have asked for better. And I had two older siblings, a brother and sister. Mom, Dad, and my brother have passed away, and my sister (for various reasons) is not a part of my life at this time; again, it is what it is. I suppose an argument could be made that I have therefore "chosen" my family, and I can't say I would disagree. I can say I feel very fortunate that I have the people in my life that I have "chosen", and that my life would be lesser without them. It may not be perfect, and it probably wouldn't work for most people, but it works for me.

 

[Mario]

I used to have a few good friends and whole lot of casual acquaintances, much of whom I'd only meet when visiting certain bars, concerts etc. And while most of the good friends have remained over the years (even though I don't see most of them a lot these days) the number of acquaintances is dwindling rapidly. Guess it's all my fault but I find that I simply don't want to listen to all that gibberish they're babbling. And I in return have almost nothing that I would want to share with them.

For a long time I found it very easy to get in touch with people but these days most of the fun has gone. I live in a part of Berlin that's currently undergoing a heavy gentrification process. All those ultra cool know-it-all, funny-clothed (ha!) hipsters in their early or mid-20's that are inevitably 'into media' are flooding the place, messing up the rents and living expenses. And of course they really don't need to care as daddy is paying their expenses. And as soon as they have finished their bachelor they'll be gone again, leaving the place devastated like any swarm of locusts. Having seen the same thing before in other places (it all started only a brief time after the Berlin Wall had come down) I figure that this was probably inevitable - but just because something seems inevitable doesn't mean that I have to like it.

Trouble is that all the bars and concert halls - and this applies to all of the (once) interesting districts in Berlin that have gone through the same gentrification process before - are now sporting the exactly same homogeneous audiences. You hear the exactly same music everywhere. They're all flashing she same clothes (don't get me started!). There is literally no discernible difference at all (there once was a time when you could tell in which part of Berlin you are just by taking a close look at the audience). And they're all babbling the same kind of gibberish over and over. It's all about projects, projects, projects - and how immensely cool they are. A friend of mine remarked just recently that most of those young hipster-types have projects in place of (romantic) relationships. Gotcha! Did I mention that the music has become interchangeable as well? Yes?

It definitely has become extremely tiresome in my opinion. I don't want to befriend those people. I swear I've tried but it ain't worth [expression censored by the author]. I used to be a loner pretty much when I was younger and I'm slowly getting the feeling that I'm about to come full circle. I'm willing to pull out. I've lived in the country for a few years. And even though I'm a big city boy I've had a much harder time getting used to the city life again than I had getting used to live a country life. Isn't that telling enough?

Looking at all the things I wrote I figure that I could have sticked a major portion of it in the 'Why do people hate hipsters' thread.

Well, there you go...

 

[Tiller]

I have a few friends, although as we've grown up life has moved us apart. I also have a lot of family members who are actual friends of mine. For example my first cousin and I have very little in common, we argue about almost everything from politics, and philosophy, to movies, and music. It's what makes drinking with him so fun. It's easier to have a tight nit family, when people actually like each other, and don't simply feel obligated to be around each other. lol

Beyond those few friends though I mostly have a lot of acquaintances in my life.

 

[John in Covina]

I recently discovered how many true friends I have when on my wedding day, three of my "close friends" whom were also groomsmen decided to back out by not showing up (oddly enough none of them new each other). Apparently they never even ordered their tux and .

A rant I composed & posted a few years back about how this was ocurring more and more.

I have been in Southern California, since 1981 and have become aware of a somewhat local phenomenon as to social gatherings. I had never noticed the same type of behavior as to the regard or actually lack of regard of others when living in New York way back when.

The situation: you are planning a big ballyhoo, a social gathering, whether a light hearted event like a BBQ, a birthday, an anniversary or perhaps the plans extend to the serious ceremony of a wedding and reception, a farewell party or even somber memorial services for a loved one who has passed. You are working like a slave, planning details, arranging for food and beverages, maybe entertainment or an awning, dance floor, bounce room for the kids. Specialties of any and all sorts are on the docket for your guests as you want them to have fun and really enjoy themselves. You call them, send invitations, included RSVP cards, maps or are using an online invitation RSVP confirmation site so you’ll be able to plan better and make the best of your efforts on behalf of your guests.

In many other places in the US and abroad, such an invitation was once looked upon as a cross between a royal summons and a blood oath of honor. You as guest send in your RSVP: all planning and in some instances, scheming, is focused on getting to the event. For some it becomes an obsession to get there and partake of the festivities. As planner you know that only accident, illness, injury, death or some other insurmountable odds will keep your guest from attending and that is a dependable thing. Or you can expect a phone call with profuse apologies.

Here in Southern California, all bets are off. First off, they may not send in an RSVP or give any indication of showing up but will expect their rightful place like heirs to the kingdom. OR They send in the RSVP and swear on their mother, they will attend, that is until the Southern California phenomenon strikes and its name is “Something Better.”

Perhaps it has to do with Hollywood, or just that so much sports and entertainment being in such close proximity, but if “something better” comes along, well don’t even expect a phone call to let you down gently. it seems like Social Graces is just a post punk band's name that's struggling in Hollywood, because it has nothing to do with what LA calls gracious living. Any sense of honoring your word, as it once was in the past or to consider it a manly virtue is long gone. Such niceties are simply like an uncomfortable overcoat to be slipped out of when it gets too warm. Here in LA you can ditch going to your sister’s wedding and/or reception if it’s her 2nd or more marriage.

It is like living the scene in National Lampoon’s Animal House when Flounder finds his brother’s Lincoln is trashed and his fellow frat bros say, “You F-ed up, you trusted us!” How these words are disturbingly true for the So Cal party planner and you wonder, how can such values exist? The offender does not understand that they have offended! Something Better! Something Better Came Along! “Dude why should I have to lose out, I mean something better came up! If you were Really my friend you’d understand!”

The Offender’s point of view is the narcissistic one, my sense of self importance tells me you should not dare to impose upon me your antiquated sense of values. It’s not irresponsible of me as I am being very responsible for myself choosing the best for myself.

We live in a world that is so connected (supposedly) by phones, cell phones, texting, email, and even the post office, yet there is a feeling that one need not respond or make aware of a change in plans. There is no “owing” such a response either. I am seeing it more and more, plus from people I would never expect such poor manners from, ever!

Please be aware friends, as what ever happens in Southern California seems to eventually make its way across the US to invade your hometown. (Sounds like they are there!)

 

[rue]

They are John. I thought I was getting away from that sort of thing by moving out here, but it's the same way, sadly enough.

 

[Romy Overdorp]

I don't have friends, I don't believe in friends anymore.
Everyone has let me down, they never call or ask how I am. I tried to stay in touch with a few of my 'closest' friends.
They just ignored it and in the end I had no friends coming over for my birthday. They had more important things to do. Yep, that's a quote: ' Oh yeah I had something more important to do'
It sounds very sad and it kinda is. I don't let it worry me anymore, maybe someday I'll find a true friend. But as I said I am very deluded.

 

[John in Covina]

Getting involved with people sharing hobbies and common interests are among the best place to find friends. Good common values act as a cement to keep the friendship alive.

 

[Romy Overdorp]

The thing is, we all had that. But I guess when you're growing up people change so much they can't relate to you anymore. Good example: I saw an old friend and she wanted to get on the bus. She didn't notice me sitting there. The driver refused to take her with him because she misbehaved the last time she was on the bus. She went crazy and started to curse and shout at the driver. As she walked away she flipped a finger. No wonder he wouldn't let her ride along because I figured it's the same thing she did last time. I was relieved that she didn't see me because I would be most embarrassed.

 

[Pompidou]

A rant I composed & posted a few years back about how this was ocurring more and more.

I have been in Southern California, since 1981 and have become aware of a somewhat local phenomenon as to social gatherings. I had never noticed the same type of behavior as to the regard or actually lack of regard of others when living in New York way back when.

The situation: you are planning a big ballyhoo, a social gathering, whether a light hearted event like a BBQ, a birthday, an anniversary or perhaps the plans extend to the serious ceremony of a wedding and reception, a farewell party or even somber memorial services for a loved one who has passed. You are working like a slave, planning details, arranging for food and beverages, maybe entertainment or an awning, dance floor, bounce room for the kids. Specialties of any and all sorts are on the docket for your guests as you want them to have fun and really enjoy themselves. You call them, send invitations, included RSVP cards, maps or are using an online invitation RSVP confirmation site so you’ll be able to plan better and make the best of your efforts on behalf of your guests.

In many other places in the US and abroad, such an invitation was once looked upon as a cross between a royal summons and a blood oath of honor. You as guest send in your RSVP: all planning and in some instances, scheming, is focused on getting to the event. For some it becomes an obsession to get there and partake of the festivities. As planner you know that only accident, illness, injury, death or some other insurmountable odds will keep your guest from attending and that is a dependable thing. Or you can expect a phone call with profuse apologies.

Here in Southern California, all bets are off. First off, they may not send in an RSVP or give any indication of showing up but will expect their rightful place like heirs to the kingdom. OR They send in the RSVP and swear on their mother, they will attend, that is until the Southern California phenomenon strikes and its name is “Something Better.”

Perhaps it has to do with Hollywood, or just that so much sports and entertainment being in such close proximity, but if “something better” comes along, well don’t even expect a phone call to let you down gently. it seems like Social Graces is just a post punk band's name that's struggling in Hollywood, because it has nothing to do with what LA calls gracious living. Any sense of honoring your word, as it once was in the past or to consider it a manly virtue is long gone. Such niceties are simply like an uncomfortable overcoat to be slipped out of when it gets too warm. Here in LA you can ditch going to your sister’s wedding and/or reception if it’s her 2nd or more marriage.

It is like living the scene in National Lampoon’s Animal House when Flounder finds his brother’s Lincoln is trashed and his fellow frat bros say, “You F-ed up, you trusted us!” How these words are disturbingly true for the So Cal party planner and you wonder, how can such values exist? The offender does not understand that they have offended! Something Better! Something Better Came Along! “Dude why should I have to lose out, I mean something better came up! If you were Really my friend you’d understand!”

The Offender’s point of view is the narcissistic one, my sense of self importance tells me you should not dare to impose upon me your antiquated sense of values. It’s not irresponsible of me as I am being very responsible for myself choosing the best for myself.

We live in a world that is so connected (supposedly) by phones, cell phones, texting, email, and even the post office, yet there is a feeling that one need not respond or make aware of a change in plans. There is no “owing” such a response either. I am seeing it more and more, plus from people I would never expect such poor manners from, ever!

Please be aware friends, as what ever happens in Southern California seems to eventually make its way across the US to invade your hometown. (Sounds like they are there!)

This happened to me. Two Memorial Days ago, I threw a huge barbecue. I needed 144 green glass bottles for a project, Heineken seemed natural, and a picnic quickly seemed like the way to go. So I got 144 Heineken, 144 hamburgers, 144 hotdogs and 72 pieces of chicken. I invited about 45 people. 15 showed up, and they all ate like birds. Making the best of the enormous stockpile of leftovers, we had subsequent barbecues for the next few weekends, but the point still stands that you're lucky to get 30% of your planned guests. It was even tough getting people to drink the Heineken, and I've never met a friend that wasn't eager to drink a lot of free beer.

 

[Romy Overdorp]

That's such a shame, people are way to spoiled these days.
Also very rude to not have let you known that they weren't coming.

 

[V.C. Brunswick]

The driver refused to take her with him because she misbehaved the last time she was on the bus. She went crazy and started to curse and shout at the driver. As she walked away she flipped a finger.

Yikes!

With friends like that who needs enemies?

 

[Monsoon]

..... it goes into that "buddy" thing that military folks can relate too.

Hell, yeah. I have friends from the military that only have to call and I'd ask two questions:

1. Where are they at?

2. How much ammo do I need to bring.