Clean Jokes

[2jakes]

Jake’s Horse Riding School.

For beginners

Advance

 

[2jakes]

You can go to the left where nothing is right or you can go to the right where nothing is left,
just watch out for that dang fork on the road.

 

[GHT]

What is a cat?

- Cats do what they want.
- They rarely listen to you.
- They are totally unpredictable.
- When you want to play, they want to be alone.
- When you want to be alone, they want to play.
- They expect you to cater to their every whim.
- They are moody.
- They leave hair everywhere.
- They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.

Conclusion: They are tiny women in fur coats.

What is a dog?

- Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
- They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but they don't hear you when you are in the same room.
- They growl when they are not happy.
- When you want to play, they want to play.
- When you want to be alone, they want to play.
- They are great at begging.
- They will love you forever if you rub their tummies.
- They leave their toys everywhere.
- They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.

Conclusion: They are little men in fur coats.

 

[Frunobulax]

My niece sent me this one yesterday.

Sent directly from my mind to yours.

 

[Zombie_61]

When I was a young boy I wondered what happened to the sun at night. Then it dawned on me.

 

[2jakes]

When I was a young boy I wondered what happened to the sun at night. Then it dawned on me.

Here comes the Sun...

 

[2jakes]

 

[GHT]

My niece sent me this one yesterday.

Sent directly from my mind to yours.

Another catholic reference i heard last Saturday was when a stand up comic, singing "Let's Do It," put in the refrain: "Even catholic priests and alter boys do it, let's do it, let's fall in love."

 

[Frunobulax]

Yup. That subject is a real knee-slapper.


Sent directly from my mind to yours.

 

[Frunobulax]

Another catholic reference i heard last Saturday was when a stand up comic, singing "Let's Do It," put in the refrain: "Even catholic priests and alter boys do it, let's do it, let's fall in love."

Yup. That subject is a real knee-slapper.


Sent directly from my mind to yours.

 

[GHT]

A blonde pushes her MG into a gas station and tells the mechanic, “It just quit on me!”
He tells her to pop the hood.
The blonde asks, “What’s the story?”
“Just crap in the carburetor,” he replies.
“How often do I have to do that?” she asks.

 

[2jakes]

 

[2jakes]

 

[2jakes]

 

[2jakes]

 

[Zombie_61]

Why did Beethoven sell all of his chickens?

Spoiler: Answer:

They kept saying, "Bach Bach Bach".

What was Beethoven's favorite fruit?

Spoiler: Answer:

Ba-na-na-na.

Yes, they're dumb, but at least they're clean.

 

[Hurricane Jack]

For those of us a bit more contemplative & introspective:

 

[Hurricane Jack]

For those old enough to remember the furor.

 

[GHT]

You can go to the left where nothing is right or you can go to the right where nothing is left,
just watch out for that dang fork on the road. View attachment 132970
View attachment 132971

The sign that ends: No Kidding. Brilliant. We have something similar that demonstrates local authority stupidity. You have to see it to believe it.

 

[Hurricane Jack]

Tom Petty must be rolling over about now.

Earworm!