Are there ladies present who have non-retro bf's, husbands?

[Marzipan]

I'm becoming more and more enamored with a retro lifestyle and my husband is not amused. I'm actually performing an experiment as a 50's housewife for a year and am falling in love with everything about it. Needless to say, as a modern man he's finding the changes a little stressful. And I find myself wanting to change the way he does his hair, etc. I feel really badly about this but I still get irked when I want to hide the microwave and he won't let mw.

Does anyone here have a sweetheart who isn't as retro-minded and how do you compromise your differences?

Thanks!
xoxo

 

[kamikat]

My husband is not retro minded, but it has never caused any conflicts. He loves my vintage dresses, high heels and red lipstick. I've never really wanted to change the house, so maybe that's why we have no conflicts about it. I read your blog every day and am a big fan! My comments are posted there as "newvintage" since that's my blog.

 

[miss_elise]

my husband's not retro at all... but then i'm not retro all the time either...

in any event, to retro-fy my house would be a bit silly as it's not a retro house at all... it even has one of those built in holes to put your microwave in...what else would you put in there (actually, i was thinking it would be anice place to put all my recipe books on dsiplay - but what can you do...)

so i mostly concentrate on cultivating good hobbies, like sewing, embroidery...listening to classic music and baking, etc... and having a super dooper clean and shiny house...i'm actually in the process of making myself a few new aprons to get the house thing going...

 

[pdxvintagette]

I had a very non-retro husband.

We divorced.

Now, that has less to do with a vintage lifestyle vs. modern than other issues, but the fact is that there was some strain connected to our different tastes. He didn't find 40's dresses and heels and hats sexy ... and that's mostly all I wear. (I went modern for him for almost two years, and the backlash to that was that I don't own more than 3% modern clothing now.)

I would marry a man who didn't wear vintage (I think) as long as he was into other aspects of the vintage lifestyle - collecting, home decor, cars, dancing. I won't put myself in the position (again) of having such disparate tastes/esthetics and world views.

You're already married. One assumes that means that you love each other and embraced each other's quirks and personal tastes at the outset. Marriage is compromise. Let him have his microwave - you don't have to use it. If you're concerned about how it looks in your kitchen, relocate it somewhere less obtrusive.

As for wanting to change his hair ... well, there's not much you can directly do. But, in your personal space, perhaps start decorating with head shots of attractive vintage film/music stars with particularly nice hair. He'll catch on to what you find sexy, and you never know, he might find himself wanting to try it on for size.

 

[BakingInPearls]

I have dated non-vintage minded persons and vintage minded persons as well and the one that has stuck with me almost 3 years is a vintage minded person. We both don't care for using to modern of appliances, I never buy cleaners I make my own, and we never use the TV except when we want to put on a movie. This said it seems that since you are doing a social/personal experiment that your husband has not had the correct time to fall into this frame of mind thus it could create conflict. All and all I think you need to compromise with him and remember that he might not be in it with both feet in the bucket but if you can at least figure out how to get one foot in it it will be the best for both of you. Hopefully that will help out a bit.

 

[BajueBoutique]

My BF is not retro AT ALLL....

His an artist and all of his clothes has paint on them,
I find it cute.

He support me though and often comes home with vintage handbags and books

As long as you are happy, its what counts

 

[Molly O'Star]

I used to spend a lot of time worrying about dating retro guys and to be honest, it severely limited my dating pool (other than the two glorious years I was living in NYC). In DC, the retro scene is very incestuous, and I have a personal problem dating guys whose ex-girlfriends are all either friends of mine or friends of friends.

My fiance is not into the retro lifestyle, insofar as it's not something he's done. We live in Upstate, NY, and there's not a lot of fashion in the mountains. It's cold! Wear fleece and flannel! However, we share a love of old and retro music (jazz, big band, rockabilly, etc) and he likes the vintage and retro design aesthetic. He loves the way I dress.

But for him, it's "dressing up," whereas it's my wardrobe now. He's found a few great vintage pieces - pants, a great hat, and fabulous shoes, which he enjoys wearing. As he becomes more comfortable, I'm sure he'll get more. He's bald, so I can't really ask him to do anything else with his hair.

It doesn't cause any problems in our house, because he lets me be myself and I let him be himself. He comes to shows and events with me and puts up with all the time I spend doing my hair. I'm just past the point where it matters to me that everyone else in the room thinks we're the most darling, because I KNOW we're the most darling.

 

[ScotchWhisky]

My boyfriend of five years is not retro at all.

There's relatively little friction most of the time, because my retro tastes do no interfere with they way the household is run, and I don't try to change him; it's more my taste in films, books, music, clothes and manners.

I was actually going to make a similar thread, though, because last night we got into an argument. He doesn't appreciate the way I dress at all (which, I should add, is almost entirely in modern clothes styled in a 30s or 40s way) and made a comment about the fact that I curl my hair. Honestly, he really just wishes that I'd wear jeans and a sweater most days and nix the lipstick, curly hair and high heels.

I find this so frustrating, because I think that I look nice and I feel good when I wear my normal clothes, I go out of my way to never look "costumey" and I have no intention of changing how I dress and present myself. It's very disheartening to learn that my boyfriend doesn't like it and would actually prefer that I dressed like every other college student: sweater, jeans, flip-flops, rinse, repeat. *yucky*

I know there are many people (male and female, straight and gay) who like my look, because I get compliments often, but their opinions mean less to me than that of my boyfriend and partner of five years.

I'm sorry - I didn't mean to hijack this thread from you, Marzipan, and I'm sorry that I don't have much constructive help, but thank you for letting me air my frustrations a bit.

 

[Marzipan]

My husband is not retro minded, but it has never caused any conflicts. He loves my vintage dresses, high heels and red lipstick. I've never really wanted to change the house, so maybe that's why we have no conflicts about it. I read your blog every day and am a big fan! My comments are posted there as "newvintage" since that's my blog.

Hey, Newvintage! It's so nice to put a face with a name! I'm going to check out your blog too!

My husband loves the way I dress. He can't stand modern gear. But, I find it difficult to do my "wifely" duties because he's so darn modern! But you already know this...

In any case, his hair used to be so cute when we first started dating. Now it just sort of flops in his face and I can't stand it. But no matter what I say about it he says he likes it. I guess I have to get used to it... wah.

 

[Marzipan]

my husband's not retro at all... but then i'm not retro all the time either...

in any event, to retro-fy my house would be a bit silly as it's not a retro house at all... it even has one of those built in holes to put your microwave in...what else would you put in there (actually, i was thinking it would be anice place to put all my recipe books on dsiplay - but what can you do...)

so i mostly concentrate on cultivating good hobbies, like sewing, embroidery...listening to classic music and baking, etc... and having a super dooper clean and shiny house...i'm actually in the process of making myself a few new aprons to get the house thing going...

My house was built in 1947 so I could retro-fy it I had the energy and money (which I don't). But oddly enough I prefer Victorian decor to the 50's... I guess the microwave was more a symbol of how I want to change the rules a bit and he doesn't. I suppose we'll have to agree to disagree.

 

[Marzipan]

I had a very non-retro husband.

We divorced.

Now, that has less to do with a vintage lifestyle vs. modern than other issues, but the fact is that there was some strain connected to our different tastes. He didn't find 40's dresses and heels and hats sexy ... and that's mostly all I wear. (I went modern for him for almost two years, and the backlash to that was that I don't own more than 3% modern clothing now.)

I would marry a man who didn't wear vintage (I think) as long as he was into other aspects of the vintage lifestyle - collecting, home decor, cars, dancing. I won't put myself in the position (again) of having such disparate tastes/esthetics and world views.

You're already married. One assumes that means that you love each other and embraced each other's quirks and personal tastes at the outset. Marriage is compromise. Let him have his microwave - you don't have to use it. If you're concerned about how it looks in your kitchen, relocate it somewhere less obtrusive.

As for wanting to change his hair ... well, there's not much you can directly do. But, in your personal space, perhaps start decorating with head shots of attractive vintage film/music stars with particularly nice hair. He'll catch on to what you find sexy, and you never know, he might find himself wanting to try it on for size.

I think if I started putting pix of Gary Cooper around the house he'd think I was being mean as I never look at another man or say another man is handsome. Definitely out of character. But, maybe I can say, "hey, have you seen how so and so styles his hair? Isn't that nice?" Maybe?

 

[Molly O'Star]

Marzipan, is it the retro that he doesn't like, or the "being in the middle of an experiment that harshes my convenience mellow" aspect of it?

I was checking out your blog and the first thing that came to mind was No Impact Man. Of course, he gave up toilet paper, which is slightly more drastic, but his wife, while supportive, was also very reluctant to be dragged whole-hog into an "experiment" that would not just change her husband's life, but hers and that of her daughter, as well.

Not a criticism of you, just wondering where your man's reluctance is coming from.

 

[Marzipan]

I have dated non-vintage minded persons and vintage minded persons as well and the one that has stuck with me almost 3 years is a vintage minded person. We both don't care for using to modern of appliances, I never buy cleaners I make my own, and we never use the TV except when we want to put on a movie. This said it seems that since you are doing a social/personal experiment that your husband has not had the correct time to fall into this frame of mind thus it could create conflict. All and all I think you need to compromise with him and remember that he might not be in it with both feet in the bucket but if you can at least figure out how to get one foot in it it will be the best for both of you. Hopefully that will help out a bit.

Thanks! Definitely going to work on the compromising. On the other hand, I don't know what I'd do if I dated someone retro-minded. I don't think I'd be retro enough for them as I'm still a tadpole.

 

[Marzipan]

My BF is not retro AT ALLL....

His an artist and all of his clothes has paint on them,
I find it cute.

He support me though and often comes home with vintage handbags and books

As long as you are happy, its what counts

That IS cute. And his buying you bags! Ack! Who wouldn't love that?

 

[Marzipan]

I used to spend a lot of time worrying about dating retro guys and to be honest, it severely limited my dating pool (other than the two glorious years I was living in NYC). In DC, the retro scene is very incestuous, and I have a personal problem dating guys whose ex-girlfriends are all either friends of mine or friends of friends.

My fiance is not into the retro lifestyle, insofar as it's not something he's done. We live in Upstate, NY, and there's not a lot of fashion in the mountains. It's cold! Wear fleece and flannel! However, we share a love of old and retro music (jazz, big band, rockabilly, etc) and he likes the vintage and retro design aesthetic. He loves the way I dress.

But for him, it's "dressing up," whereas it's my wardrobe now. He's found a few great vintage pieces - pants, a great hat, and fabulous shoes, which he enjoys wearing. As he becomes more comfortable, I'm sure he'll get more. He's bald, so I can't really ask him to do anything else with his hair.

It doesn't cause any problems in our house, because he lets me be myself and I let him be himself. He comes to shows and events with me and puts up with all the time I spend doing my hair. I'm just past the point where it matters to me that everyone else in the room thinks we're the most darling, because I KNOW we're the most darling.

My husband doesn't complain about the way I dress at all. At first (because it was an abrupt change) he thought it was too much (esp. when I change for dinner) but now he's come to appreciate it. Yesterday I was in a small cardie and pencil skirt and went out on the lawn to speak with him and he said, "Are you trying to cause car accidents?" So that was nice. : }

I suppose it's just that we look a little oddly juxtaposed together. But then he always wears suits... it's just that hair.... hahaha. It's taken on an entity of its own.
Bugger.

 

[Marzipan]

My boyfriend of five years is not retro at all.

There's relatively little friction most of the time, because my retro tastes do no interfere with they way the household is run, and I don't try to change him; it's more my taste in films, books, music, clothes and manners.

I was actually going to make a similar thread, though, because last night we got into an argument. He doesn't appreciate the way I dress at all (which, I should add, is almost entirely in modern clothes styled in a 30s or 40s way) and made a comment about the fact that I curl my hair. Honestly, he really just wishes that I'd wear jeans and a sweater most days and nix the lipstick, curly hair and high heels.

I find this so frustrating, because I think that I look nice and I feel good when I wear my normal clothes, I go out of my way to never look "costumey" and I have no intention of changing how I dress and present myself. It's very disheartening to learn that my boyfriend doesn't like it and would actually prefer that I dressed like every other college student: sweater, jeans, flip-flops, rinse, repeat. *yucky*

I know there are many people (male and female, straight and gay) who like my look, because I get compliments often, but their opinions mean less to me than that of my boyfriend and partner of five years.

I'm sorry - I didn't mean to hijack this thread from you, Marzipan, and I'm sorry that I don't have much constructive help, but thank you for letting me air my frustrations a bit.

Ugh, that is so frustrating. Is it because he doesn't like the attention other men may give you when you dress up? An etiquette manual of the past might say it's your duty to wear what he wishes you to. Of course, this is an extreme take on things and mighty unfeminist. : } Not to mention it won't make you a very happy lass, will it?
Have you tried explaining to him why you enjoy dressing this way?

 

[kamikat]

My husband loves the way I dress. He can't stand modern gear. But, I find it difficult to do my "wifely" duties because he's so darn modern! But you already know this...

Ah, "the wifely duties". This takes time. I became a stay-at-home mom almost 10 years ago. (my sons are almost 10 and 6) In the beginning, he struggled with the idea of me taking over all the household duties. He still does his own laundry because he doesn't like the way I do it, but other than that, he's gotten used to a homecooked meal every night, lots of fresh baked good every weekend, ect. Give him time, eventually, he'll get used to it.

 

[Marzipan]

Yes, it's funny how men are particular about their laundry. Hee!

But since he doesn't like sweets I must stop baking. I'm eating everything in sight!

xoxo

 

[i_am_the_scruff]

My boyfriend is not interested in it at all but it has never caused a problem. I don't dress vintage everyday anyway, i'm into different styles. He likes how I dress whatever the style.

 

[kamikat]

But since he doesn't like sweets I must stop baking. I'm eating everything in sight!

xoxo

You could try baking things he does like. Everyone like homemade sandwhich bread and there's always things like foccacia, onion or cheese breads, ect. Every man has a weakness.