Haven't seen my father since I was six years old, but I hear he's lost in dementia. I feel bad about that. He deserves to know that death is coming for him.
My wife was diagnosed with Early-Onset Alzheimer's Disease when she was 59 years old, but the symptoms began at least 10 years before that, just after she went through menopause--mild forgetfulness at first, then she forgot how to do certain tasks that she had been doing most of her adult life, and eventually couldn't remember how to use a spoon or fork so her sister or I would feed her. She would sometimes attempt to engage in whichever conversation was taking place in the TV show we were watching because she couldn't distinguish between those voices and voices of people in the room with her. Or she'd have a conversation with "The People Who Aren't There" (as we'd call them); sometimes in English, sometimes in a language that didn't seem to be "Earth based"....My buddy began his decline into dementia at 59.....can't imagine what it was like for him but damn it was hard to witness.
You got a lot on your plate, man. You have my respect for doing what you can for her.My wife was diagnosed with Early-Onset Alzheimer's Disease when she was 59 years old, but the symptoms began at least 10 years before that, just after she went through menopause--mild forgetfulness at first, then she forgot how to do certain tasks that she had been doing most of her adult life, and eventually couldn't remember how to use a spoon or fork so her sister or I would feed her. She would sometimes attempt to engage in whichever conversation was taking place in the TV show we were watching because she couldn't distinguish between those voices and voices of people in the room with her. Or she'd have a conversation with "The People Who Aren't There" (as we'd call them); sometimes in English, sometimes in a language that didn't seem to be "Earth based".
She would regularly have a "puzzled" expression on her face, as if she couldn't quite figure out what was going on around her (imaginary or not), or get frustrated because she couldn't be part of a conversation (again, imaginary or not). Confusion was also regular, often mixed with fear, and I quickly learned to modulate my voice to softer, more relaxed/less harsh tones that seemed to have a calming effect on her. As time passed it became more difficult to assess her mental status and/or how "present" she was at any given moment. Most of the time she seemed to know who I was, or at least understand I was there to help her; "You're my caregiver," was her response once when I asked if she knew who I was.
Equally shocking and surprising were the physical changes. She had been bedridden for the last 1-2 years because prior to that she would regularly fall down as if she suddenly forgot how to stand up; keeping her in bed was the simplest and best way to maintain her safety. Human muscle tissue begins to atrophy the moment we stop using it, so even though I/we were feeding her three meals daily that atrophy meant a tremendous weight loss.
"Hard to witness." Yeah.
Thank you, I sincerely appreciate that. Sadly, it's no longer my duty; she passed on June 3rd. I had good people monitoring me the whole time, and I'm truly grateful for that.You got a lot on your plate, man. You have my respect for doing what you can for her.
I should have noted the past tense.Thank you, I sincerely appreciate that. Sadly, it's no longer my duty; she passed on June 3rd. I had good people monitoring me the whole time, and I'm truly grateful for that.
August 22nd would have been (will be?) our 41st anniversary as husband and wife. I don't know what the protocol is, but if there's any form of "celebration" to mark the moment it will most likely be her sister and her husband, and I, sharing a small cake. They got married 35 days after us, so their 41st anniversary will be in September.I should have noted the past tense.
How long had you been married?
I can see sixty-five in the too-near future, but I have no intention of retiring, then or ever. Not because I love my job so, or because I'm trying to spite some kid willing to work for 60 cents on the dollar, but because the alternative is to die in a cardboard box on the street. Simple as that.
I sincerely appreciate the Agents of F.L.A.S.K. thread. At the very least I'm reading about things I'd never even heard of in most cases, so it's all new news to me. And thank you!^^^^ Be kind to yourself, my virtual friend. Goes without saying that I can’t even begin to imagine what you are going through. 41 years is a long Time. I hope the world gives you a free pass to take as much time as you need to process it, lean on people, take road trips, cry, rage… whatever it takes.
I will start posting more ridiculous nonsense on “Agents of F.L.A.S.K.” for You to react to, be incredulous about, and maybe have fun with (Or not). Stupid me, I know. But there you have it.
My Mother was fortunate to live to see her 95th birthday. She had her health, physical and mental, until her 94th year when things started to break down. One of the hardest things to witness was her losing.....everybody except us kids. Her husband, brothers, sisters, old work mates, friends, neighbours......at the end she was the last person standing of her entire social circle. My mom was not a talker so she never communicated the pain I know she was experiencing.A trip to Wisconsin late last month, to attend the funeral of an uncle (he was worth the trip), had me rubbing elbows with people — relatives, mostly — I hadn’t seen in a decade or more.
One cousin, a woman a couple years younger than me, told me of her fears that the cancer that killed her mother and two of her three sisters would be coming for her before long,
“Until next time,” my quite elderly mom said to an almost equally elderly aunt, who replied, “If there is a next time.”
There will not be a next time I’ll see most of those people.
I recall oldsters telling me decades ago that the hardest part of being of such an advanced age is losing so many of their closest people.
Most of my favorite people, the people I most enjoyed talking with (including the above-mentioned uncle), are gone now.
The straw that broke it with my sister was when (six years ago) she told my wife that (after our marriage of over three decades) that she only "put up" with her because she loved me. I don't need or want that kind of "love." From anyone.I have had no contact with my sister for almost twenty years, since the day she threw me out of her house for buying her kids a pizza. Somehow I've lived without her, and will continue to do so into the indefinite future. Life's too short to waste it on people who don't like pizza.