Work and Play

[happyfilmluvguy]

Some say when you grow older in age, you lose your distinction between work and play. You've lived long enough to accept life as it is and try hard to keep going. Even endless travelers who spend their entire lives forever looking for a new experience eventually settle. I've had a lot of downfalls as well as up. I feel I made a choice, but I know it doesn't have to be one direction.

Today I had a bit of trouble after a friend of mine introduced himself to some new people. He's shy like I am, but seemed he had the courage to stand against it to gain a friendship. He succeeded, which I'm sure he was proud of. Me on the other hand, stayed behind, kept quiet, tried to talk but felt the words coming out weren't the words I wanted to say. I felt distant and knew I was. I became the follower who always questions their journey and only follows the road hoping that it doesn't end. They don't think about what they should do on the way. The road is the leader.

I feel I've become distant from my friends. I know that when you are out of high school, work and play become separate categories. You see your friends when you can but it's never the same as before, when you knew the next day you'd see them in class or in the lunchroom. I don't think I had much of a high school life anyways. haha. I felt I made a choice of direction. Work or play? Which way to go? I want to be something, I want to do something. I feel I've left the path of friendship to follow the road to success. That isn't the best choice. I talk business all the time and don't know why but can't always find a normal subject.

I tell a story starting from the middle and the observers lose interest because they don't know who I am and what I want. I really enjoy having friends. At one point that was all that kept me going. Friendship is a part of me that would be like my heart being ripped out if taken away. I feel it has come close. Maybe it's all in my mind. Maybe that day my friend introduced himself, I just didn't feel like being me, telling them who I am. Perhaps I was afraid. Perhaps they felt I didn't like them. Perhaps they felt I was shy. Perhaps they didn't think at all. But I know I could have done better.

Work and play? I'll enjoy myself when working and set it aside when I want to come out and play. It's difficult, or maybe not. My journey has only begun, and if the road ends, I'll pave a new one in a different direction.

Has anyone had this sort of experience in life?

 

[sweetfrancaise]

High school is over, never looked back. I had a good group of friends there, but I couldn't go back to hanging out with that crowd again. i move in new circles. Now it's well over, I have more fun than I ever did in that walled nucleus. I try not to make a distinction between work and play, ever. If I did, I would dread going to work more than I already do--I tend to make games for myself, unbeknownst to the customer I'm trying to help. Playtime should be the most valued things you have--you're only here once, so go dance in the rain in your underwear. You'll feel better for it!

 

[Flitcraft]

Happyfilmluvguy...

Man, you seem like a nice guy with a lot of cool interests, but it seems you overthink things too much. You sound pretty smart, so its probably easy to fall into that mode of operation. At the risk of you telling me I'm full of it and I need to go jump in a lake, I'm going to tell you to just go out there and meet people. If you don't think you can do it as "yourself" at first, just pretend you're in a movie and you have to meet some new people for some reason- any reason.
Didn't you have a post where you struck up a conversation with a girl on the bus, that's the kind of thing I'm talking about.
People love when you compliment them and when you ask for help. Ask someone for directions or tell them you love their scarf- heck I've complimented people on their tattos in order to strike up a conversation...
Just try it man, don't think about it...

 

[ScionPI2005]

I agree with Flitcraft in that sometimes you just have to go out and meet people. Though I definitely think what you said about work life and play life become so different after high school. I only had two friends in high school, though the three of us were extremely close. We all started college, and two years later, one had died from cancer and the other had dropped out of college. I still see the second one, as he lives next door to my parents, but I hardly hang out with him much anymore. Work wise, my life has gotten so busy with full time classes, part time job, and an apprenticeship that I don't have much time for friends. Most of the people I hang out with are the small group of friends I have at the university. I don't have time for too many people who aren't around the college campus; mainly just my parents and another close friend.

The thing is, you have got to find a balance. Yes, it is very important to go down the road of education to get to a good career and work doing something you want to do. You can't support yourself any other way. But, human beings are a social animal, we need other human contact with people who we relate to. There is a very fine line between "not enough contact" and "too much contact", and that line is different for everyone. Not having anyone to relate to can be a very painful experience; I went through a period like that back in middle school where I was picked on so much more than I was befriended (though I have learned that middle school adolescents are the monsters of the human population since those years).

Perhaps you could try meeting some people that have the same sorts of interests that you do? Think about the people you work with, and if there are any of them that you think you could relate to. Think about your hobbies and your interests, and find out of there are any social clubs in your area relating to any of those interests. Don't be afraid to talk to strangers if the opportunity arises and your first impression tells you that they are harmless. There's just really no other way to do it.

Hope this helps.

 

[hepkitten]

You feel you've given up the pursuit of friendship for the pursuit of success, that you talk business all the time and don't know why. I'm guessing it's because most of your energy and focus right now are on your work. It's what you've got on your mind.

I've been there, more than once. Times when hardly a word non-work-related came out of my mouth, because all my energy was focused on my career. It did make it hard, at the time, to form or maintain friendships. When my career took a new path, years later, same thing. The difference the second time was that by then, I had a stable network of friends who understood and who were patient with me. They knew I'd find my balance again eventually, and I did.

Balance is key. I used to think that balance was something you maintained at all times, like walking a tightrope -- too much work on one side, too much play on the other, keep to the middle, don't fall off. I've since learned that falling off is inevitable. Constant adjustments are inevitable.

I'm guessing that you're aware of an imbalance in your life right now, which is why you're questioning. Pursuing success isn't wrong. Only thing wrong would be if you were blind to it, let the road be the leader, as you say...then woke up twenty years down the road, wondering why you had no friends and no close relationships. Sounds to me, though, like you've got your eyes open. Working hard in your career just means you also have to work hard at making and maintaining relationships. Ain't easy, especially for introverts.

Take your time. Find your balance.

 

[happyfilmluvguy]

I'm glad that people are responding. Confidence in others lead to confidence in one's self. Thank you.

Never do look back, always moving forward. Next time the new person opportunity comes around, I'm going to take it.

 

[MrNewportCustom]

HFLG. I don't think you're as introverted as you think you are. The first and second times I met you, I talked with you more than the others around us. (Maybe a two-of-a-kind thing?) I think I spent half my time at John's May BBQ talking with you, and I think you approached me.

Make it a point to make and keep friends. I joined the Fedora Lounge to make new friends. After driving interstate for almost a decade (and then a five-year relationship that drove away even more friends), I was left with enough friends to count on a couple fingers.

As far as work, as Kinky Friedman says, "Find what you love and let it kill you." This may sound a bit down, at first, but not if you think of it as meaning that you should look for what you want to do for the rest of your life. The most successful people are those who enjoy what they do. That's why I'm getting back into photography. I love everything about it!


Lee

 

[happyfilmluvguy]

No one has to be introverted. It's by choice. It's just a matter of comfortably coming out of your shell to say hi and not going back in that's the trick.

My friend got one of the people's number so if I see them again, I'll be sure to be more open and forget work for a moment. Sometimes it's easy, other times is hard. Just have to take a deep breath.

 

[kokopelli]

Changes

Changes... Continue to write, verbalize and express yourself. It's something that you'll ultimatly need to answer for yourself. Different things mean different things to different people, so it's hard to advise/comment constructively. I like to think of the following phrase from a favorite song.. Merry Christmas.. Ron

“Life is just a leap of faith, spread your arms, hold your breath and always trust your cape”

Some say when you grow older in age, you lose your distinction between work and play. You've lived long enough to accept life as it is and try hard to keep going. Even endless travelers who spend their entire lives forever looking for a new experience eventually settle. I've had a lot of downfalls as well as up. I feel I made a choice, but I know it doesn't have to be one direction.

Today I had a bit of trouble after a friend of mine introduced himself to some new people. He's shy like I am, but seemed he had the courage to stand against it to gain a friendship. He succeeded, which I'm sure he was proud of. Me on the other hand, stayed behind, kept quiet, tried to talk but felt the words coming out weren't the words I wanted to say. I felt distant and knew I was. I became the follower who always questions their journey and only follows the road hoping that it doesn't end. They don't think about what they should do on the way. The road is the leader.

I feel I've become distant from my friends. I know that when you are out of high school, work and play become separate categories. You see your friends when you can but it's never the same as before, when you knew the next day you'd see them in class or in the lunchroom. I don't think I had much of a high school life anyways. haha. I felt I made a choice of direction. Work or play? Which way to go? I want to be something, I want to do something. I feel I've left the path of friendship to follow the road to success. That isn't the best choice. I talk business all the time and don't know why but can't always find a normal subject.

I tell a story starting from the middle and the observers lose interest because they don't know who I am and what I want. I really enjoy having friends. At one point that was all that kept me going. Friendship is a part of me that would be like my heart being ripped out if taken away. I feel it has come close. Maybe it's all in my mind. Maybe that day my friend introduced himself, I just didn't feel like being me, telling them who I am. Perhaps I was afraid. Perhaps they felt I didn't like them. Perhaps they felt I was shy. Perhaps they didn't think at all. But I know I could have done better.

Work and play? I'll enjoy myself when working and set it aside when I want to come out and play. It's difficult, or maybe not. My journey has only begun, and if the road ends, I'll pave a new one in a different direction.

Has anyone had this sort of experience in life?