Why are wrinkles undesireable?

[crazydaisy]

Gosh, Lillemor, I thought that was you:

As for me, I am absolutely terrified of growing older. I am 30 now and starting to see the first signs of what I call "the beginning of the end". I know it's ridiculous to think like that at my age yet I can't help it. I have seen beautiful older women but this doesn't seem to reassure me in any way. Maybe because I know that eventually it all needs to come from within, and I haven't quite developed yet the strength of character, the wisdom, the all rounded personality that makes one truly beautiful? But what if I never will? On the other hand it's ridiculous to be scared of losing something you never possessed: it's not like I've ever been appreciated for my looks, and it took me forever to accept me for what I was, now imagine the frustration of not being able to cling to even that! lol
But the youth...that's different: that is slipping away ...and I never knew I was going to lose it. When you're young you don't have a sense of mortality. You learn mortality the way you learn fear, with age. Once you're not immortal anymore you feel vulnerable, brittle. And robbed.
Gosh I' am cheerful...lol Do ignore me, I obviously have issues .

 

[K.D. Lightner]

When I was in my early 30's, I had this fantasy that one day I would wake up, look in the mirror and see a wrinkled old bulldog with hanging dewlaps and drooping eyes.

At least that is what I said to a therapist friend of mine when she asked me what my worst fantasy was about aging.

She then told me that her theory was: the first forty years or so (give or take a few years), we are stuck with the face we inherited; the next forty years (give or take a few years), we create our own face.

Not too many years later, I happened to look at a photo of Georgia O'Keeffe in her 80's. "I am not afraid of aging," I said outloud.

I bought the photo, still have it.

We live in a society that does not honor aging, especially in women. In other cultures, we would be the wise women, the matriarchs, the grandmothers, women of prestige and power. In this culture, we are deemed useless to the trendy, pop culture that worships youth, once our age begins to show.

And not just women: some of us, when we saw Harrison Ford in the latest Indy film, saw a "geezer" -- and some of us saw a seasoned, intriguing, interesting and attractive man.

karol

 

[PrettySquareGal]

As for me, I am absolutely terrified of growing older. I am 30 now and starting to see the first signs of what I call "the beginning of the end". I know it's ridiculous to think like that at my age yet I can't help it.

I went through a very hard time with this around your age. One of my regrets in life is that I spent so much time thinking that my ability to be pretty ended at 40. Pretty is an inside job. Then I used to worry that I wouldn't worry about what I looked like when I got older and that scared me, too. Having spent a large period of time dreading the big 4-0, I am here to tell you at 41 that I haven't moved into a muumuu yet. lol

Please, worry about things you can control. Don't waste your days fretting over some inevitable lines and signs of age. It's not the end of being pretty!

 

[Viola]

I will probably colour my hair when it is gray, but I will probably start colouring my hair well before that. I don't have a problem with thoughtful, understated surgical augmentation, either.

If you look shrink-wrapped that's bad but quiet improvements that make you feel good don't seem much different to me than makeup. [huh] It's just a question of if it looks natural and/or flattering.

 

[LizzieMaine]

Some very fine thoughts in this thread. Me, I color my hair because I don't want to look like Susan Sontag, not because I care about whether I'm seen as "old and out of it" or not. I was "out of it," whatever "it" is, even when I was young, so a few more decades aren't going to make a bit of difference. And as far as wrinkles go, well, I think of a face as being like a well-broken-in pair of shoes. A lot more comfortable than a stiff new pair just out of the store.

Seriously, though, discussions like this remind me of *why* I'm so glad I'm not wrapped up in modern culture and its obsessions.

 

[Viola]

Yeah, colouring my hair or whatever; if I did it for aesthetics before, I'm not gonna stop because somebody else things I oughta hang it up. I can be perfectly comfortable being old and crotchety (my mom says I was crotchety and curmudgeonly even at six) and still do things to make myself feel good.

Putting on some lipstick keeps me from looking like the shambling undead in the morning. True now at 25, can't imagine it'll be less true at 85. lol

 

[Paisley]

The older you get, the more your appearance has to do with your attitude. Among older women, it's easy to spot sourpusses by their frown lines. Dr. Christine North says that if a woman doesn't resolve anything that is bugging her during menopause, aging (not just wrinkles) sets in with a vengeance. That's probably true.

 

[chanteuseCarey]

The attitude is up to you...

It takes time and life experience and a healthy attitude about oneself. I've EARNED my wrinkles! Its all reflected in how one perceives herself and projects that to others.

The older you get, the more your appearance has to do with your attitude. Among older women, it's easy to spot sourpusses by their frown lines.

Here is a a couple of pics taken today that reflects my comfort level with myself right now.

The blue outfit on the left is what I'm wearing to class tonight. The red dress on the right is my favorite "latin" dress that I have worn ballroom dancing. Please excuse the brassierre and foundation straps, its a picture to test a foundation garment posted about on the Powder Room

I'm off to Tango class right now with my DH and our young teenage children.

This is what FIFTY looks like...

 

[Lillemor]

crazydaisy, I really hope I'll look just half as elegant when that time comes.

I know it's sad when someone wears their insecurities on their sleeves but I feel I'm the cliche´ of looking fine on my 30th birthday but then I got "hit pretty hard" at 31. I'm 32 now. I've just had two cancer scares. I'm nearly sure it's not now, long story.....fftopic: but it's sure helped me put things into perspective. Suddenly appearance didn't matter at all.

However, one thing is to age gracefully and looking elegant. Another thing is if men, namely my husband will still find me attractive. Of course he'll always say so, he wouldn't ever dare say anything else.lol Maybe like with my health, there'll come a time where I'll just be grateful that he still loves me despite all of my faults.

I've never felt immortal but it's come as a surprise that I actually look like an adult because for so long I couldn't even convince anyone I'd turned 16 yet.lol

A few years ago I was chatting with a lady who's always considered herself ugly. I think it was mainly due to carelessness regarding her appearance and style for a long time but I kept that thoughts to myself. She said that it's easier for someone ugly like her to grow old in appearance than it is for attractive women. I don't know why she really hit a nerve there. I've always felt ugly but I'm also aware that not everyone agrees with me and those who do agree with me don't tell me they agree.lol

Maybe I'll feel about my aging appearance the way I feel about my stretchmarks and not so firm tummy skin; they're evidence of my pregnancies and childbirth. Aging signs are evidence that, well.....I've lived this long. At some point, having all parts function and brain in tact, will probably take over as my main concern so that appearance take a back seat but I'll never want to look frumpy.

 

[PrettySquareGal]

I will try this another way:

Haven't you ever known someone who you thought was a knock-out, male or female, and that it had NOTHING to do with their God-given appearance or age?

Haven't you know people, young and old, who were superficially good-looking but had such a sour soul that they become ugly?

Haven't you engaged with others who were "plain" in appearance but so lovely inside that you only see who they are and their appearance is secondary?

 

[crazydaisy]

Gosh, Lillemor, I thought that was you

Sorry, Lillemor, I did figure a while after posting this that that women must be a lot older than you :eusa_doh:, but the strange thing was when I first looked at her I didn't realize it at all, I mean she just looked beautiful to me and I thought I could see a resemblance between your features and hers. Hope you didn't mind

 

[PrettySquareGal]

Better yet, rent Harold and Maude.

 

[Foofoogal]

I will try this another way:

Haven't you ever known someone who you thought was a knock-out, male or female, and that it had NOTHING to do with their God-given appearance or age?

Haven't you know people, young and old, who were superficially good-looking but had such a sour soul that they become ugly?

Haven't you engaged with others who were "plain" in appearance but so lovely inside that you only see who they are and their appearance is secondary?

I think it is 60% looks and 40% attitude.
Confidence seems to trump it all though. If you cannot even sell it to yourself how in the world can you expect anyone else to buy it?

 

[Lady Day]

I think there is a huge distinction in being older vs being wrinkled.

Joan Chen, is NOT wrinkled. Older yes, but she looks amazing. ITs true that you generally get more wrinkles as you age, but you can get A LOT of them or barely any. Wrinkles can make you look older, but being older without wrinkles (see pick) can make you look youthful.

Oh what a tangled web

LD

 

[$ally]

And not just women: some of us, when we saw Harrison Ford in the latest Indy film, saw a "geezer" -- and some of us saw a seasoned, intriguing, interesting and attractive man.

Ouch, I'm guilty I thought, yuck, he's too old to play the romantic lead, gimme some eye candy. Shame on me.

 

[Lareesie Ladavi]

All I can say is "sunblock".
I can totally relate, 30 was my worst year. I had a midlife crisis...actually I believe I'm still going through it. Considering my family dies relatively young, I'm right on target.
A lot of things come into play for me. I have health issues that have scared me more than once.
When I was 26, my father died and I have taken on the role of care provider for my mother, whom has M.S. and congestive heart failure. I live in constant fear of my own mortality as well as my loved ones. When your life comes to a stand still, you can't help, but dwell on it. I feel like the milk that's about to expire.
It's actually somewhat conforting to know that there are other people out there that have these same fears of growing old. It's a very taboo subject, even in this day and age.

Off the record, I love older men. OMG!...but then, men can age. I don't think a lot of people bought into the whole lame geezer scenario in Indy.

 

[PrettySquareGal]

I don't mind my wrinkles.

 

[$ally]

Wrinkles and grey hair...I love her! After all - I am part in this. She's my wife.

She is gorgeous! I love her hair. :eusa_clap

I'm really not one to go after older men for their money, because I've always been able to make my own way. I'm more attracted to strong virile men who can protect me. I ran into an old beaufriend who used to be in great shape. His once sexy biceps are now sagging batwings on the other side of his arm. I tired to fight it, but I was less attracted to him. I'm sure he felt the same way about my new chin collection. He didn't look like someone who could keep me safe anymore, and that is the biggest romantic appeal for me. I feel guilty about being that shallow, but can't help it.

 

[Lillemor]

Sorry, Lillemor, I did figure a while after posting this that that women must be a lot older than you :eusa_doh:, but the strange thing was when I first looked at her I didn't realize it at all, I mean she just looked beautiful to me and I thought I could see a resemblance between your features and hers. Hope you didn't mind

I wasn't offended.

I wear sunblock year round but I can't stay as much out of the sun as I have in the past because blood tests show I lack D-vitamin. Any other people in this hemisphere been diagnosed with that?

Spitfire's wife has absolutely gorgeous hair!

 

[cherry lips]

More wrinkly inspiration!

The Swedish designer Gunilla Pontén:

1955 (26 years old)

Today (80 in June)

and cross-posted from the 20s thread, Mojito's friend:

I can't take my eyes off her! She knows the secret behind it all... and she's still smiling!