What is a Lady?

[maggiethespy]

I'm curious as to what defines a woman as a lady to you. What makes her beautiful, classy, and ladylike, be it dress, action, or mentality?

I'm curious as to the answers of both genders-- I'd like to know how different the perceptions of being ladylike are.

This all stemmed from a conversation with a good friend about the "ladylike way to smoke" while people-watching at the local cafe I work at. She pointed out to me that a real lady:

*didn't walk or stand and smoke at the same time. A lady only smokes when sitting

*didn't hold the cigarette in her mouth. A lady only takes a drag, then keeps it between her fingers. She doesn't let it linger or flap around between her lips.

We also talked about Audrey Hepburn's quote on how to be beautiful:

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day. For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; never throw out anyone.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode, but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.

It is the caring that she lovingly gives the passion that she shows.

The beauty of a woman grows with the passing years.

If you share this with another woman, something good will happen -- you will boost another woman's self esteem, and she will know that you care about her.

So people of The Fedora Lounge, what defines a woman as a beautiful lady to you?

 

[Rachael]

I would have to say that my definition of a lady (or a gentleman) is one who bears herself with grace, and who shows respect to all she meets.

I have seen my share of those who are wearing the most exquisite clothing, but ruined it with an ugly bearing. And true beauty will show through no matter how poor one's dress may be.

Someone once said that a lady sets all around her at ease.

 

[Smuterella]

well, for a start I think you can largely take "etiquette" out of the equation, being a moveable feast more associated with class than anything. I'd say its more to do with how you treat other people.

 

[Miss Crisplock]

well, for a start I think you can largely take "etiquette" out of the equation, being a moveable feast more associated with class than anything. I'd say its more to do with how you treat other people.

"Etiquette" is how you treat other people.

 

[i_am_the_scruff]

"Etiquette" is how you treat other people.

No not all the time.

I saw a programme where some silly old lady was talking about etiquette. This included eating a banana with a knife and fork.

 

[LizzieMaine]

A lady, first and foremost, is *dignified.* Or so I was always taught. All else proceeds from that. You can be dignified in evening clothes or dirty overalls -- it's more to do with how you carry yourself than what you wear.

I might add that there's an excellent thread on what makes a "New Vintage Lady" from a couple years back which might be worth another look -- http://www.thefedoralounge.com/showthread.php?t=13448

 

[Smuterella]

"Etiquette" is how you treat other people.

No, manners is how you treat other people, etiquette has a similar meaning but is more bound up with social conventions and the pigeonholing of classes due to their modes of behaviour

AA Gill, a British restaurant reviewer, in the Sunday Times.

"Just so you know, the difference between etiquette and manners: manners are English and inclusive, etiquette is French and exclusive.

Etiquette is an arcane list of arbitrary and pointless conventions that are laid down as pratfalls for the aspirational, as an amusement for the unlovable.

It’s etiquette that points out to the girl next to you that she’s drinking from the finger bowl; it’s manners that insist you drink from yours to put her at ease. "

 

[Apple Annie]

It’s etiquette that points out to the girl next to you that she’s drinking from the finger bowl; it’s manners that insist you drink from yours to put her at ease. "

And there has Smuterella defined the difference between a real Lady and anyone else.

 

[crwritt]

In my opinion, there is no "ladylike" way to smoke, since a real lady cares more for her own health and that of others to bother starting such a nasty habit.
The woman you described does seem to have developed a way to smoke elegantly, but even that is a contradiction in terms.

 

[Smuterella]

In my opinion, there is no "ladylike" way to smoke, since a real lady cares more for her own health and that of others to bother starting such a nasty habit.
The woman you described does seem to have developed a way to smoke elegantly, but even that is a contradiction in terms.

ooh, thats judgemental. I'm tempted to blow smoke at you but that would be bad manners

 

[Apple Annie]

In my opinion, there is no "ladylike" way to smoke, since a real lady cares more for her own health and that of others to bother starting such a nasty habit.
The woman you described does seem to have developed a way to smoke elegantly, but even that is a contradiction in terms.

I agree that smoking is a pretty dumb thing to do, but you have to admit that in the old film noirs they don't half look elegant when they smoke.
It was a different time - smoking was even thought to be good for you back then.

 

[Lady Day]

No, manners is how you treat other people, etiquette has a similar meaning but is more bound up with social conventions and the pigeonholing of classes due to their modes of behaviour

If you are going by the definition of these words, Miss Crisplock is correct as well. Lets not have this turn into a 'debate' over people's interpretations of words. Lets stick to what it is o be a Lady.

LD

 

[Lareesie Ladavi]

She's a lady...WOAH Woah woahhhh... she's a lady.... Sorry, had to do that. haha!


I may not be what some call a lady (based on some of my club attire), but I digress...I think just being respectful and considerate goes an awful long way. A woman that can laugh at herself, says she's confident...uhhhh what point am I making here? [huh]

 

[Miss Crisplock]

la·dy [ley-dee] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, plural -dies, adjective
–noun
1. a woman who is refined, polite, and well-spoken: She may be poor and have little education, but she's a real lady.
2. a woman of high social position or economic class: She was born a lady and found it hard to adjust to her reduced circumstances.
3. any woman; female (sometimes used in combination): the lady who answered the phone; a saleslady.
4. (Used in direct address: often offensive in the singular): Ladies and gentlemen, welcome. Lady, out of my way, please.
5. wife: The ambassador and his lady arrived late.
6. Slang. a female lover or steady companion.
7. (initial capital letter) (in Great Britain) the proper title of any woman whose husband is higher in rank than baronet or knight, or who is the daughter of a nobleman not lower than an earl (although the title is given by courtesy also to the wives of baronets and knights).
8. a woman who has proprietary rights or authority, as over a manor; female feudal superior. Compare lord (def. 4).
9. (initial capital letter) the Virgin Mary.
10. a woman who is the object of chivalrous devotion.
11. (usually initial capital letter)
a. an attribute or abstraction personified as a woman; a designation of an allegorical figure as feminine: Lady Fortune; Lady Virtue.
b. a title prefixed to the name of a goddess: Lady Venus.
–adjective
12. Sometimes Offensive. being a lady; female: a lady reporter.
13. of a lady; ladylike; feminine.



Of the 13 meanings, it seems that we are interested in the first.

A woman who is refined, polite, and well-spoken.

 

[Miss 1929]

A quote from a 30s magaazine article...

where they are discussing this same question. When a small child was asked, this was the response:

" A lady is a clean woman who is kind."

I rather like that one...covers the basics.

 

[Miss Crisplock]

I like that one too.

 

[LelaViavonie]

Thats a good one Miss 1929.. sums it all up in a nutshell

 

[Paisley]

If you must smoke, Catherine Deneuve would be good to study. She must have lungs of steel.

http://frenchsecret.com/blog/index.php?p=30

 

[AmateisGal]

A lady, first and foremost, is *dignified.* ... You can be dignified in evening clothes or dirty overalls -- it's more to do with how you carry yourself than what you wear.
[/URL]

I love this definition, Lizzie.

 

[Lauren]

I think a lady dresses with enough modesty that she doesn't seem to be prying for attentions. She shouldn't swear. She should be kind and loving to anyone she meets and not condescending or catty. She should never appear intoxicated. She shouldn't be extremely loud or overcome conversations. She shouldn't put on airs or be self-engrossed.