What do I do about my dog?

[Effingham]

This kills me.

I have a great dog. I love this guy. He's good, he's really smart (the behaviorist says he's one of the smarter dogs she's worked with), he's obedient (mostly), he's fun to play with and loves fetching balls, he likes to chase toys around the house, he doesn't bark (much) at strangers walking along the street, he doesn't howl at thunder or sirens, he likes to sit next to me with his head on my leg when I'm watching TV...

The problem is, I live alone. With Gladstone, though, for the past three months. He's eight months old now. And I work from home. I'm here all the time. That's part of the problem.

This is what I started with:

This is what I have:

When I leave the house (and I try to do so for at least half an hour every day), he totally freaks out. He cries, he scratches at the door, he freaks. I'm trying to desensitize him, but... damn. Even going to get the mail or to put out the trash is a major undertaking. And I like to go off on weekends to do things (re-enacting, conventions, what have you) and if I can't even go to the mailbox...

I love this dog, and he loves me. But I don't think I can keep him. I am losing my mind over this. The whole family cheering me on with Gladstone 'cause they know I've been through a ringer with him on his anxiety issues and trying to get him to calm down... and he's come a long way. He's a great dog. The whole family (I am told) have been dog people. We've always had dogs. Thing is, I'm 51, and this is the first dog *I* have ever had.

I love him. He loves me. But I don't know if it's fair to him or to me to keep him here. I don't know what I can do.

He's a good boy.

I can't get any work done (I work from home as a writer and translator) because he's always trying to get me to play. I try to ignore him, but he just sits there with big, pancake eyes and cocks his head and tries to jump into my lap. Either that, or he's at the door every fifteen minutes needing (wanting? Well, maybe) to be taken out. My behaviorist says I need to be more assertive and ignore him -- that he'll LEARN he has to be alone. But that's hard -- I'm too much of a softy. And that's part of the problem. Dealing with many of these issues causes me serious discomfort. Leaving him is harder on me (in many ways) than it seems to be on him -- and he's got issues about that. And I also know that it's going to end up seriously cramping my style as well as the weather improves and we move into "out for the weekend" weather.

What the hell am I to do?

Great font of internet wisdom, help me. This is tearing me up.

 

[Andykev]

Give him the run of the house, but set limits (like off the bed, no couch, etc.) and put him on a ROUTINE. Feed same time every day, backyard break same time every day....leash him and take a "mental health...Harry Truman walk" around the block (your heart will love that too).

He is a child. You are his dad. He has only you. Make him your buddy, talk to him. Tell him. Is he treat motivated?

We have Golden Retrievers...they are NOT dogs...they are Children. They have house freedom. They get fed breakfast and dinner exactly the same time each day. They get a walk, then a "play ball", then evening "walk". One goes with me to the club, and loves the car ride. He knows when we're supposed to go...he can tell.

 

[Baron Kurtz]

Pets are like that. Sadly, they are the captive - that means we need to adjust to them. At least, that's my opinion.

I own cats, who, for example, like to wander around the bed at all hours of the night, adjusting their position to their best comfort. Mmmmmm in and under the sheets, clawing your chest - ooo it's too hot, out and regaining comfort. It's quite disruptive. There's no training a cat!

I think Andykev's right - they are children. You wouldn't imagine doing anything other than adjusting to a new baby. Why different for a pet?

With a dog, maybe tire the bugger out with a 10 mile walk in the morning, and get work done before he/she gets frisky again?

 

[scotrace]

There are books on this. I think most would advise slow, slow adjustments to both human and canine behaviors.
He acts this way because he believes he is in charge of you. Dogs freak out because they think they are the pack leader, that you are going out "hunting" without them and that you cannot possibly survive without them in doing so. It is dangerous and unfair to allow a dog to think it is in charge in a human world they cannot understand. When you leave, he isn't saying "Oh GOD! WHERE'S DADDY??? He'll NEVER RETURN!! WHAT WILL I DO??? PANIC!"
This is his thought pattern: "Oh GOD! I'm responsible for him and he just goes WOOSH out the door without me! He'll be eaten! Killed! I've got to get out there! Without my leadership, he'll perish!" The pack leader is responsible for every member of the pack. He thinks he is responsible for you. This is a very bad thing. Because he will always screw it up; you will always leave without him, at some point. Which means he is a failure and must ramp up his dominance work with you.
So. Stop letting him run the joint. When he insists you play, and you play, he wins. His leadership is re-enforced when you cave. Play when YOU say so. Learn what your actions mean to him. Never let HIM go out the door first. When you feed him, put the food in his bowl on the counter, up high, and pretend to eat some of his food before you put it down for him. When he's unruly, flip him onto his back and hold him there until he stops struggling. All things that signal dominance in his world. Use crate training, slowly keeping him in there for longer and longer periods. And then when you go out for the mail, put him in it until you return. And extend your absences - VERY gradually. When you return - EVERY TIME - ignore him until he settles down a bit. Do everything, everything! On your terms, on your schedule, in your own good time. That is what he understands and expects and accepts from The One In Charge. Make a fuss the minute you walk in, and you're telling him that you are checking in with The Boss before continuing your activity. Bad, bad signal. You're reading "Aw, the little sprite is so happy to see me!" He is. And he expects you to tell him, yet again, that he is in charge, by giving him the attention he is demanding of you, his underling. And you do. Stop it.
A dog is, as is his unbreakable instinct, constantly, constantly, every moment he is alive, asking "who is in charge?" The answer must always be "not you, little friend." Then he can say "whew! HATE that job anyway." And have another day of contentment at your side, knowing you are in charge, all is well, and he is safe.
Reassure him, love him, praise him. Dogs have evolved side-by-side with us and hold a unique place - as uncanny readers of human behavior and signals. They are literally skilled mind readers. He knows stuff about you you can't begin to imagine. Because knowing them is his entire purpose in life. That's the animal we have made - perfect mind reading companions. The relationship works when we hold up our end. With a lot of love and attention, and providing a safe environment. And if they think they are in charge, when they cannot possibly be in charge (they don't see a pizza delivery guy as anything but a dangerous intruder if they are responsible for the household safety), then there are going to be increasing behavior problems of exactly the sort you are experiencing. Never let him think for an instant that he is calling the shots. As it stands, he's pack leader. In his mind, you're a dope he has to entertain 24 hours a day and protect from harm.
I've had many dogs. These are hard-won insights, with lots of reading and careful application. Realizing what I am telling you here changed everything for me. AndyKev is also on the right track with regular, unbreakable routines that YOU set.
Go get some good books. Good luck!

 

[sheeplady]

I'd strongly suggest that before you consider giving him up, you give a call into your state's vet school, which I would assume would be at the University of Indiana. They could suggest books and also therapy programs. It might sound silly, but pet therapy is basically behavioral theory that seeks to change how you act and he responds.

You mention that you are seeing a behaviorist, but it sounds like you are resistant to following his/her advice. I'm sorry to say this, and I don't mean to sound rude, but if you don't change your behavior and take control of this situation, you could be making this dog pretty much un-adoptable. Giving him up won't solve his issue unless his next owner is willing to deal with such ingrained behavior. If it's driving you nuts enough to take him back, it will drive them nuts enough to take him back. Shelters don't like to keep adopting out pets that are "revolving door" pets, and the third time he gets taken back, that will be it for him. You need to do your best to try and correct the behaviors you have allowed him to do. I know that you didn't do this on purpose, but it's done and it's your mess to deal with.

You need to set limits. It's hard to do so, but you need to get him to a point where he can be ok alone. If it helps you at all, think about what his fate will be if you don't.

 

[Baron Kurtz]

Purdue University in West Lafayette, IN has a good vet school.

 

[Drappa]

It sounds as though he's really bored. If you are going to leave him, make sure he has had a good walk (at least 45 mins, and not just in the backyard, as they need mental stimulation as well). He should be walked at least twice a day regardless, unless they are old or ill. A really tired dog won't be as anxious. Find out what he likes and get some interactive toys on which he needs to work to get treats, for instance. You could get a Kong and stuff it with peanut butter, or a treat ball with small openings and he has to figure out how to get them out, etc.
The dominance theory in dog training is by now very contested and many professionals believe it to be more harmful than useful. It also depends what rank your dog would have in a dog pack, as not all dogs need to be domineered.
We got a rescue dog who was very anxious and never left my side. I took him to work and spend most of my time with him. At first he howled whenever I left out of his sight, he came into the toilet with me and tried to get into the cubicle even. Once he got regular, long walks (he gets 4-5 a day, two at least an hour or longer), a routine and he figured out that we were his home from now on, he completely calmed down. But different things work for different dogs.
Some trainers suggest getting a second dog for dogs with separation anxiety, but you have to pick one that is naturally very calm and relaxed. Good luck with him! They really are worth all the effort as they repay it with so much more than we could ever give them.

 

[Bob_Fixico]

Please do not give up on him because he will not give up on you. Sounds like he has seperation problems how long have you stayed away from home at any given time. and standing outside the door does not count because he can smell you on other side of door. See if a neighbor can keep an ear out for him usually they stop after a few minutes but because he is still a puppy he will get you back by eating something with your smell on it. Like your pillow your shoes etc. Keep your things up and out of the way in short baby proof your home. But the crying and screaming does not last forever. It is like your childs first day of school as they drive off on the bus or standing there in front of the school crying because your leaving them. It does not last more than a few minutes and when you are out of sight they stop and go about thier business of the day. On the other hand they do make puppy prozac for dogs with sepration distorders. I will pray for the two of you but please do not give up on him.

 

[jamespowers]

There are books on this. I think most would advise slow, slow adjustments to both human and canine behaviors.
He acts this way because he believes he is in charge of you. Dogs freak out because they think they are the pack leader, that you are going out "hunting" without them and that you cannot possibly survive without them in doing so. It is dangerous and unfair to allow a dog to think it is in charge in a human world they cannot understand. When you leave, he isn't saying "Oh GOD! WHERE'S DADDY??? He'll NEVER RETURN!! WHAT WILL I DO??? PANIC!"
This is his thought pattern: "Oh GOD! I'm responsible for him and he just goes WOOSH out the door without me! He'll be eaten! Killed! I've got to get out there! Without my leadership, he'll perish!" The pack leader is responsible for every member of the pack. He thinks he is responsible for you. This is a very bad thing. Because he will always screw it up; you will always leave without him, at some point. Which means he is a failure and must ramp up his dominance work with you.
So. Stop letting him run the joint. When he insists you play, and you play, he wins. His leadership is re-enforced when you cave. Play when YOU say so. Learn what your actions mean to him. Never let HIM go out the door first. When you feed him, put the food in his bowl on the counter, up high, and pretend to eat some of his food before you put it down for him. When he's unruly, flip him onto his back and hold him there until he stops struggling. All things that signal dominance in his world. Use crate training, slowly keeping him in there for longer and longer periods. And then when you go out for the mail, put him in it until you return. And extend your absences - VERY gradually. When you return - EVERY TIME - ignore him until he settles down a bit. Do everything, everything! On your terms, on your schedule, in your own good time. That is what he understands and expects and accepts from The One In Charge. Make a fuss the minute you walk in, and you're telling him that you are checking in with The Boss before continuing your activity. Bad, bad signal. You're reading "Aw, the little sprite is so happy to see me!" He is. And he expects you to tell him, yet again, that he is in charge, by giving him the attention he is demanding of you, his underling. And you do. Stop it.
A dog is, as is his unbreakable instinct, constantly, constantly, every moment he is alive, asking "who is in charge?" The answer must always be "not you, little friend." Then he can say "whew! HATE that job anyway." And have another day of contentment at your side, knowing you are in charge, all is well, and he is safe.
Reassure him, love him, praise him. Dogs have evolved side-by-side with us and hold a unique place - as uncanny readers of human behavior and signals. They are literally skilled mind readers. He knows stuff about you you can't begin to imagine. Because knowing them is his entire purpose in life. That's the animal we have made - perfect mind reading companions. The relationship works when we hold up our end. With a lot of love and attention, and providing a safe environment. And if they think they are in charge, when they cannot possibly be in charge (they don't see a pizza delivery guy as anything but a dangerous intruder if they are responsible for the household safety), then there are going to be increasing behavior problems of exactly the sort you are experiencing. Never let him think for an instant that he is calling the shots. As it stands, he's pack leader. In his mind, you're a dope he has to entertain 24 hours a day and protect from harm.
I've had many dogs. These are hard-won insights, with lots of reading and careful application. Realizing what I am telling you here changed everything for me. AndyKev is also on the right track with regular, unbreakable routines that YOU set.
Go get some good books. Good luck!

Very good advice. You can certainly start here with this series on youtube. It has worked for me many times.
[video=youtube_share;VKVxp62098w]http://youtu.be/VKVxp62098w[/video]

 

[sheeplady]

It sounds as though he's really bored. If you are going to leave him, make sure he has had a good walk (at least 45 mins, and not just in the backyard, as they need mental stimulation as well). He should be walked at least twice a day regardless, unless they are old or ill. A really tired dog won't be as anxious. Find out what he likes and get some interactive toys on which he needs to work to get treats, for instance. You could get a Kong and stuff it with peanut butter, or a treat ball with small openings and he has to figure out how to get them out, etc.
The dominance theory in dog training is by now very contested and many professionals believe it to be more harmful than useful. It also depends what rank your dog would have in a dog pack, as not all dogs need to be domineered.
We got a rescue dog who was very anxious and never left my side. I took him to work and spend most of my time with him. At first he howled whenever I left out of his sight, he came into the toilet with me and tried to get into the cubicle even. Once he got regular, long walks (he gets 4-5 a day, two at least an hour or longer), a routine and he figured out that we were his home from now on, he completely calmed down. But different things work for different dogs.
Some trainers suggest getting a second dog for dogs with separation anxiety, but you have to pick one that is naturally very calm and relaxed. Good luck with him! They really are worth all the effort as they repay it with so much more than we could ever give them.

That's a good point. The other thing that I know some people have found helpful is to actually give their dog pet-specific anti-anxiety drugs. A lot of human anxiety drugs were originally created for pets (I believe Prozac was one). But needless to say, you need to get a team of professionals to help you and your dog, because they can probably tell you exactly what you need to do.

 

[Drappa]

^I don't think there is any reason to drug the poor pup yet, as he hasn't really tried anything else. My cat is currently on anti-anxiety meds (which are actually human drugs, but are being used on cats) after we have tried everything else, for two years. He's just started, but I am thinking of giving up, because he is just not my cat any more. They completely alter his behaviour, and there are a lot of side effects.
Also, as I said earlier, the dominance approach to dog training is now very controversial:http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sophia-yin/experts-say-dominance-bas_b_204482.html
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/05/090521112711.htm
http://www.dogspelledforward.com/real-mans-guide-to-dog-training-dominance-is-not-leadership-part-1/
and http://www.apdt.com/petowners/choose/dominance.aspx

 

[Flicka]

I think you have two problems - first is that you have an anxious dog, and the second is that you have an understimulated dog.

About the second problem, which I think is necessary to start with: I don't know what your daily routine is like, but a dog needs about 4 walks a day of at least 20 minutes each and 2 should be at least 30 min (ideally one should be at least 45 min). That will make him slightly physically tired but also mentally tired - any walk where he gets to say hello to other dogs and sniff (or as my friend would say; 'read his pee-mail') is a social and mental challenge for a dog. Some dogs (my old one comes to mind) don't need more than that and they're content with just roaming the house and sleeping. Other dogs, however, require more than that. If your dog is one of those, I suggest adding some sort of exercises. You could do tracking or obedience training or agility or just problem solving of any kind - whatever suits the two of you and provides him with challenges (this could be done instead or during one or several of your walks). Are there any dog clubs near you? They often have courses of various kinds that could help get you started (at least they do here). It will also help you get him used to other dogs (unless he already is) and help him to be more secure about his place in the world.

Once you have that sorted, you know he gets everything he needs. Then it's time to start setting firm rules for him. Like Scotrace says, his behaviour implies that he's insecure. This will manifest in him being scared of being alone (which no dog likes, but it should be sufficient that someone is at home - it shouldn't have to be you) and of him feeling he has to protect you. A dog that insists on leaning against you, for example, is a dog who thinks he needs to keep you close or harm will come to you (think of a mother hen who won't let her chicks roam free). You could try clearly stating your territory by firmly but kindly pushing him away and ignoring him when you're working. You should never be harsh with him, just firm and secure. When you are calm, he will be calm. If you let yourself be swayed by his puppy eyes and feel sorry for him, you're sending mixed messages.

No dog should be left alone for more than a few hours at a time so try to find other people who can help you out with him and slowly work at making him comfortable being with other people. Also practice leaving him alone for shorter periods of time, which you can slowly extend. Seeing that you always come back will make him less anxious. It's really important that you don't allow extended goodbyes. That will only get him worked up, especially if his discomfort makes you uncomfortable. It's like dropping a kid off at daycare or kindergarten - they'll sometimes howl and cling to you, but the swifter you walk away, the sooner they'll calm down. If you show separation anxiety as well, they'll go ballistic on you (at least in my experience). Try showing him that the separation doesn't worry you and try to make him increasingly used to some space between the two of you. Reward him and reassure him often, but also ignore him when you are working. Dogs love routine, so he should soon get the hang of when it's 'play time' and when it's 'alone time' if you just persist and clearly signal to him when you are available and when you're not.

Dogs are hard work by oh so rewarding (I'm planning to get a new one next year but I live alone too so I'm aware I will need to make some serious lifestyle changes - luckily I have several dog-mad friends & relatives who are willing to help me out).

 

[bunnyb.gal]

Please please don't give up on your gorgeous pooch! It sounds like already you possibly have a key rattling in the lock, and you just need to turn it! You mention that you have a behaviourist; start by following his/her advice to the letter to see if that works for the two of you.

As Drappa mentioned, the whole dominance/submission thing has been very hotly contested for quite a while now, so you may find that training methods based primarily on positive rewards for positive behaviours would sit better with you as a "softie"! (For myself and my doggie family, the dominance/submission thing would definitely not work - it's giving, it's taking, it's getting along for us. My greyhounds are way too sensitive to be bossed about!) Lots of exercise and regular playtime are musts!

One thing that did work for us, when our lurcher started chewing things, was the introduction of a playmate ! He hasn't nibbled anything since our 3rd dog arrived. We got very lucky on that front...

Best of luck, and keep us posted!

 

[Bob_Fixico]

Sorry I did not make myself clear but my Puppy Prozac idea is only a last resort. I do not like the idea of drugging animals unless it is for thier own safety. Forgive me everyone.

 

[1961MJS]

Hi

I THINK this is the sight I used, I'll look at work tomorrow.

http://www.dog-breeds.net/index.htm

This one actually:
http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/index.htm

You need to train your dog, and get him over the whole worry when you leave thing.

Later

 

[Jaguar66]

The Dog Whisperer, Cesar Milan, has dealt with this type of behavior in a number of dogs on his program, which you can get and watch. It is the best dog psycology, (and owner psychology), series ever done.

http://www.cesarsway.com/

 

[sheeplady]

^I don't think there is any reason to drug the poor pup yet, as he hasn't really tried anything else. My cat is currently on anti-anxiety meds (which are actually human drugs, but are being used on cats) after we have tried everything else, for two years. He's just started, but I am thinking of giving up, because he is just not my cat any more. They completely alter his behaviour, and there are a lot of side effects.

I am sorry to hear about your kitty. Just like humans I think pets all react differently to things.

I just think that the owner needs to talk to a bunch of professionals and figure out the best approach, be it drugs, therapy through guidelines, or some other type of therapy.

 

[Drappa]

I am sorry to hear about your kitty. Just like humans I think pets all react differently to things.

I just think that the owner needs to talk to a bunch of professionals and figure out the best approach, be it drugs, therapy through guidelines, or some other type of therapy.

I completely agree! I'm not saying he should rule drugs out, but I think they are more of a last resort thing.

 

[scottyrocks]

I'll have to get in line with those who suggested the owner needs to toughen up a bit. Dog ownership can be exasperating with a dog with a personality disorder. But most dogs can be 'readjusted' to live normal lives. But it's all up to the owner to make it possible. Scotrace's post was one of the best I have ever read regarding dogs. Get some help. Your dog looks like a great guy.

 

[Jaguar66]

http://www.thefedoralounge.com/showthread.php?63204-What-do-I-do-about-my-dog/page2

This blog totally misses the point of the Cesar Milan methods. He doesn't favor pain based dominence at all. His methods are meant to have the owner and pet have respect for one another, much as the dynamic of parent-child relationship is.