The Vintage Suitor

[Dr Doran]

If she is really tight bugeted, she could offer him ... a massage ... to make a bring out the best in a gentleman.

A million amusing things could be said here ... shan't.

 

[Paisley]

Thanks, Doran.

Women who mooch off of the men they date aren't being old fashioned girls. Emily Post, in her 1940 edition of Etiquette, advised girls to be considerate of their dates' finances. A girl, she said, shouldn't sweetly say yes to all eleven courses (or however many it was) offered to her at a restaurant. She should be mindful that tips for meals and coat checks add up. And of course, she can invite him to the theater or a concert. They can also enjoy inexpensive entertainment such as a picnic.

And if they really want to be old fashioned girls, they shouldn't accept jewelry or other expensive gifts from men they aren't related to.

 

[NicolettaRose]

Ha ha ha...that was a typo there...

 

[Diamondback]

Well, even though there was never anything romantic except in the context of "sparring partners", the boss and I had something similar. She'd never let me pay for the gas (I don't drive), so I'd always "forget" when it was supposed to be "her turn" to pay for lunch until I had already settled tab and tip. "Oops, was it supposed to be your turn? Sorry 'bout that... "

 

[Polka Dot]

According to Miss Manners, ladies have been reciprocating for generations in the form of inviting her boyfriend to movies or concerts whose tickets mysteriously appeared and by making him a home-cooked dinner.

I do love Miss Manners. I can imagine how it was written in some etiquette manual, as if the tickets materialized out of thin air, "Why, George, I received two tickets to the symphony next Friday. Would you like to accompany me?"

While I personally don't have much to add to this thread, I have been following it off and on. I have a friend who is perennially unlucky in love, and after her most recent relationship turned sour, she bought the book Why Men Love B*****s. She was too upset to read it at the time, so she asked that I read it to her. I did, with increasing distaste, because it smacked of the kind of manipulation I would like to think is less common than it probably is.

Essentially, it advised women to remain as unavailable as possible for as long as possible, in order to encourage men to chase them. For instance, the author recommended that a woman never cook dinner for a man, lest he think her too motherly or too much of a doormat. If, for whatever reason, dinner did take place, she should serve him undercooked hot dogs (no buns), ketchup, and popcorn, to maneuver him into taking her out for a nice meal.

I hate to think that women act this way, but the sad truth is that some do.

 

[Paisley]

And then there was that book, The Rules. I didn't read it, apparently it said things like "show cleavage," "if you don't get jewelry, forget it," and "only accept dates three days in advance or more," or something like that.

Now I can agree with making yourself attractive, making sure you're appreciated and not acting desperate--but the advice in the book is over the top.

By the way, the husband of one of the authors of The Rules filed for divorce a few years ago.

 

[gluegungeisha]

I'm all for women asking out men when they see necessary.

I've done it a few times...it didn't lead to anything great, but the guys certainly appreciated it.

I knew my last boyfriend for a year before we started dating. We both liked each other and knew it. I considered asking him out, but decided against it. This decision had nothing to do with my confidence or being shy...though I am very shy around new people and a lot of social situations. The guy was very flirtatious, and I didn't know if he would take me seriously in a relationship. He ended up asking me out, and we dated on and off for two years. He saw a bunch of other girls and fooled around with them; I saw a few guys for no more than two dates. The relationship ended with him being unfaithful...so I've decided to go with my instincts from now on.

As for being a "modern woman" -- I am absolutely a woman of the 21st century, and a proud feminist. However, I believe that manners and class are timeless, and I embrace both.

 

[Rica Chez]

I think the best vintage suitor is someone who recognizes both the old and the new, and it takes a lady to make a good suitor. It shouldn't just be up to the man to pay for everything, or to open the door all of the time. A lot of the men I have dated I have actually made more money then them, which happens more often they you would think these days.

Relationships these days are partnerships. Yes, its very nice for the man to pay for dinner, but how about the woman offering to pay for something, even it is just to treat him to a drink, or if she dosn't make a lot of money, offer to pay for the tip, or to take turns driving each other to the dating venues or buy him a beautiful flower for his boutinare ( sp?) if he wears vintage clothing.

If she is really tight bugeted, she could offer him a poem she has written, or a massage, or a friendly little card she has made for him. I think sometimes some women can be selfish and take advantage of a man's feeling he has an obligation to pay for everything. As my grandma said, it takes two to tango, and I think it takes a honest, forthright, generous lady to make a bring out the best in a gentleman.

OH, Wow!!! Well Said!:eusa_clap

 

[NicolettaRose]

Thanks

 

[Jovan]

According to Miss Manners, ladies have been reciprocating for generations in the form of inviting her boyfriend to movies or concerts whose tickets mysteriously appeared and by making him a home-cooked dinner.

I don't quite know about that last part. A lot of us men today love to cook, and are quite good at it at that.

 

[NicolettaRose]

I don't quite know about that last part. A lot of us men today love to cook, and are quite good at it at that.

That's great you all know how to cook today, because I can't cook beyond basics, and if I try, it ultimately ends up on fire. God bless takeout!

 

[Dr Doran]

. For instance, the author recommended that a woman never cook dinner for a man, lest he think her too motherly or too much of a doormat. If, for whatever reason, dinner did take place, she should serve him undercooked hot dogs (no buns), ketchup, and popcorn, to maneuver him into taking her out for a nice meal.

I hate to think that women act this way, but the sad truth is that some do.

Gack. I'd get the ____ out of there. "Sorry, just got an emergency call. One of my students needs tutoring for an exam SHE'S having tomorrow." Then I'd lose her phone number.

 

[Paisley]

I can see where that would backfire if a man is looking for a woman who can entertain.

Or cook. Or find the deli. Or order a pizza.

***​

Something tells me that the women who write these books have been total doormats and they're bitter over it. So the answer of course is to turn into a high-maintenance bimbo.

 

[Dr Doran]

I can see where that would backfire if a man is looking for a woman who can entertain.

Or cook. Or find the deli. Or order a pizza.

Or do anything competently.

 

[NicolettaRose]

I do love Miss Manners. I can imagine how it was written in some etiquette manual, as if the tickets materialized out of thin air, "Why, George, I received two tickets to the symphony next Friday. Would you like to accompany me?"

While I personally don't have much to add to this thread, I have been following it off and on. I have a friend who is perennially unlucky in love, and after her most recent relationship turned sour, she bought the book Why Men Love B*****s. She was too upset to read it at the time, so she asked that I read it to her. I did, with increasing distaste, because it smacked of the kind of manipulation I would like to think is less common than it probably is.

Essentially, it advised women to remain as unavailable as possible for as long as possible, in order to encourage men to chase them. For instance, the author recommended that a woman never cook dinner for a man, lest he think her too motherly or too much of a doormat. If, for whatever reason, dinner did take place, she should serve him undercooked hot dogs (no buns), ketchup, and popcorn, to maneuver him into taking her out for a nice meal.

I hate to think that women act this way, but the sad truth is that some do.

Its stupid, but the sad truth of it is, alot of women play mind games and are very manipulative, especially with men, but with each other also. Its why most of my friends are men and the friends of mine who are female are not manipulative or backstabbing. I am out of high school, but I swear, sometimes being around other females is like being in high school, all of the jealousy, the envy, the talking behind people's backs, the passive agressive stuff, its really lame that women have to do this to each other and to men. Sometimes when I am with women all they can talk about is how much weight they need to loose or complain about guys. When I am with men and with strong women, I find I can talk about things beyond ourselves and our feelings. The latest music, books, political topics.

I thank God, I am a strong person with a strong heart, and if anyone ever tried any of these lame mind games with me, they flat out wouldn't work. I am proud of who I am and where I am going in life.

At thier core, most men want exactly what women want. A devoted partner, a best friend, someone who they can love and trust. They don't want someone who is going to be playing mind games with them, because when women do that kind of stuff, men don't get it and it just leads to problems. Personally if I am going to get in a fight with someone over something, I would rather it be a direct word to word battle, instead of someone throwing underhanded, manipulative passive agressive swings at me.

I keep good female friends that wouldn't even dream of participating in this kind of filth, but there are SO many women who try to bring other women down, just because they might have something that the others don't. I find I get a long with men much better because they are much better at direct communication.

 

[Dr Doran]

At thier core, most men want exactly what women want. A devoted partner, a best friend, someone who they can love and trust.

Yes. Ideally.

 

[Paisley]

You can't fly with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys.

 

[NicolettaRose]

You can't fly with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys.

Exactly, and there are plenty of turkeys out there, the best thing is just to do is avoid them at all costs.

 

[Diamondback]

At thier core, most men want exactly what women want. A devoted partner, a best friend, someone who they can love and trust. They don't want someone who is going to be playing mind games with them, because when women do that kind of stuff, men don't get it and it just leads to problems. Personally if I am going to get in a fight with someone over something, I would rather it be a direct word to word battle, instead of someone throwing underhanded, manipulative passive agressive swings at me.

Nailed in a nutshell, Ms. NR.

 

[Rica Chez]

You can't fly with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys.

I almost spat my water on the screen when I read this!!! LOL lol