The Vintage Suitor

[GoldLeaf]

Way to go, Les! I hope it goes well for you! :eusa_clap

 

[Jovan]

Get it, Les!

 

[Diamondback]

Good hunting! (You make your own luck, so that's the old fighter-pilot alternate in the same spirit.)

 

[pigeon toe]

Good luck!!!

And for all you gals who are too shy to ask that special someone out, do what I did! If you share mutual friends with the person, just be shameless and blab about your crush to them. Trust me, one of them will have loose lips and it'll get back to your crush, and they'll either start showing interest or not. I did that and one of my friends told my now-boyfriend, and lo and behold, he had a crush on me too but was too shy about it. But since he knew I liked him back, he felt it was safe to take the chance and ended up asking me out. We've been together almost 3 years now (and one of those years was long distance!).

So ladies, at the very least, drop some hints! Help the poor guy out!

 

[Lesvinyl]

So I actually did it and overcame my shyness. He walked me out tonight at work and said that he would call me. So my prospects are looking favorable right now! Even if nothing comes of it I'm really glad I did it. Thanks for all your good wishes!

 

[Jovan]

He'd be crazy if he didn't have SOME interest in you that way. You seem like a very nice young woman, and if those avatars are you, you're certainly attractive to boot.

 

[Diamondback]

He'd be crazy if he didn't have SOME interest in you that way.

"Crazy"? More like "total bleedin' IDIOT".

 

[Lesvinyl]

"Crazy"? More like "total bleedin' IDIOT".

Haha thanks, that's awesome!lol

 

[TheKitschGoth]

And for all you gals who are too shy to ask that special someone out, do what I did! If you share mutual friends with the person, just be shameless and blab about your crush to them. Trust me, one of them will have loose lips and it'll get back to your crush, and they'll either start showing interest or not.

That's too much like being back at school for my liking! "My mate fancies yoouuu hehehehe" etc.

 

[CharlieH.]

That's too much like being back at school for my liking! "My mate fancies yoouuu hehehehe" etc.

Gee-whiz, if I had a nickel for every time I've heard that only to find out it was an elaborate leg-pull....

 

[pigeon toe]

That's too much like being back at school for my liking! "My mate fancies yoouuu hehehehe" etc.

But it totally works! Granted I was 16 at the time...

But if you're too shy to outright say you like someone to their face, maybe the schoolgirl route is the only option!

 

[GoldLeaf]

I had something similar to that happen to me in college, PT.

I worked in the school deli making sandwiches on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and a boy came through more often than not. I memorized his sandwich so I could spend the time making it chatting with him. I was totally mesmorized by this guy.

Every week, I swore to the really cool older ladies that I worked with that this would be the week that I asked him out. But, every time, I just couldn't do it, and weeks passed. I would see him in line and my hands would start to shake, my mouth would go dry, and I couldn't ask! And he always came at lunch rush, so there were TONS of people in line.

One day, he came through during a quieter time, and I still didn't ask. So the lady I worked with said "Fine! This has gone on long enough!". She took off her gloves, and walked off. A couple of minutes later she came back. "There, I told him. Now we see what happens." I almost died, with both embarrassment and gratitude.

Needless to say, he came up and asked me on a date that evening. I totally lied when I said I didn't have anything important to do. I skipped preparing my required notes for an open note exam the next day. Luckily, a girl I walked to class with every day let me copy her exam notes when I told her the date was my perfect dream date.

The relationship imploded a year later, but that is neither here nor there. The story is what is important

 

[Paisley]

One Woman's Opinion

The problem comes up when (if) one party (typically the woman) sees this as a step towards marriage and the other party (typically the man) sees it as a means of avoiding it.


I don't get it. Do women want men to only marry them because that is the only way they will get he woman to live with them? Or would they rather the man actually want to share their lives with them? This whole trading affection for committment does not work for me. These days many women come to relationships owning real estate, working good jobs and having savings. The days of the man leaving the woman destitute while he takes his lucrative career are long over.

In many ways, I'm a modern, independent woman. I have my own house, career and savings. I don't need to get married.

To me, being boyfriend and girlfriend means you enjoy each other's company. Getting married means you have commitments and responsibilities. It involves making some sacrifices: selling your house or turning it over to renters to move in with him, eventually having elderly parents and other family members who need help (and may even need to move in with you), possibly moving for your mate's career, being the sole breadwinner if he's out of work, taking care of him during a serious illness, making all decisions for him if he's incapacitated...and I would probably have some of the same needs. I'm not willing to depend on a boyfriend to do any of this for me. Nor would I make these sacrifices for a man who doesn't want to marry me.

 

[TheKitschGoth]

But it totally works! Granted I was 16 at the time...

But if you're too shy to outright say you like someone to their face, maybe the schoolgirl route is the only option!

Lol, it never worked for me at school, and it doesn't work now. It does however give my crush a chance to have a go at sprinting.. far far from me.

 

[Dr Doran]

IAs fa as paying, I usually just ask a woman out for coffee or drinks. I don't do the whole dinner thing. I usually pay for the first round or maybe two rounds. Because I realize that women tend to have it so ingrained that I don't want to hurt my chances. But at heart, I think any woman who would seriously look askance at me for not paying is someone who i don't really want to date. I want a partner, not a mooch.

And as far as the "the person who asks should pay." line goes, that is pretty easy to say when you are the gender who doesn't do the asking. it is kind if disenguine to me. I would have more respect if you just said, "I don't want to pay and expect the guy to." But not much.

Agreed with Reetpleet. Further, I find it disingenuous and dishonest if a female allows a man to buy her dinner when she knows she is not, and will not be, interested in him; I have met women who admit they did this (or I should say girls who did this, not women or ladies) to other men and I am afraid I could not suppress a judgmental comment. If she is, in fact, interested in the man, the excuse "well, I'm poor" isn't great either for repeated moochings. I cannot stand mooches. I will happily buy the first round or two of drinks, happily buy coffee, and once in a while I'll buy dinner. I expect to go Dutch other times. Luckily, I am married now, and we have a joint bank account so this is not an issue. Luckily, because my wife utterly disagrees with this post and thinks the man should always pay; somehow I successfully courted her despite this gaping chasm in opinion on this rather important subject. I do agree with her that it looks more aesthetically pleasing when the man pulls out his wallet. But I am talking about more than style here: I'm talking about substance too. Money is substance.

The disparity of pay prevalent in the 1950s does not exist now, and unless the woman is going to school, her poverty may (slightly uncharitably, but not inaccurately) be seen as a result of laziness. The odds are no longer stacked against women getting decent jobs.
1.) It is easier than ever to get a college education.
2.) The law now favors sex discrimination suits.
3.) Further, not that anyone on the Lounge has said the following, but lest it be lurking in the back of people's heads: the oft-stated but never verified "women make 75 cents for every dollar a man makes" is wildly inaccurate and dependent on a variety of factors that have very little to do with "sexism" but with things such as
a.) women's voluntary participation in the labor force, as well as
b.) pregnancy interruptions -- this is a simple fact of biology, not sexism, and although businesses should do what they can to mitigate this, the fact is, you lose momentum AND CLIENTS if you take a great deal of time off, and every small business cannot afford to cover for everyone.
-- But, making it even less of an excuse, big businesses are often generous about this: many businesses, as well as academic institutions, are taking huge steps to ensure women maternal leave. These facts militate against the continued trend of men paying for everything.

I once dated a very attractive, educated, almost shockingly sexy woman who expected me to pay for the dinner -- no problem. Then when we went out to brunch the very next morning (there was no food at all in her house) SHE MADE ME PAY FOR THAT. Needless to say, that was quite offensive to me and I figured "I just can't afford you, honey" -- I'm a young man in school, not a Mafia boss taking out his moll, and NOT YOUR DAD -- and quite soon after, I broke it off, even though we were getting along famously (as you might guess from the fact that we had dinner and then brunch). Sad woman, very pretty but lonely -- I wonder why.

Having said all that hard stuff about money, I often buy flowers, always open doors (except amongst Berkeley radical feminists, who find this severely insulting), and I ALWAYS walk on the street side.

 

[NicolettaRose]

I think the best vintage suitor is someone who recognizes both the old and the new, and it takes a lady to make a good suitor. It shouldn't just be up to the man to pay for everything, or to open the door all of the time. A lot of the men I have dated I have actually made more money then them, which happens more often they you would think these days.

Relationships these days are partnerships. Yes, its very nice for the man to pay for dinner, but how about the woman offering to pay for something, even it is just to treat him to a drink, or if she dosn't make a lot of money, offer to pay for the tip, or to take turns driving each other to the dating venues or buy him a beautiful flower for his boutinare ( sp?) if he wears vintage clothing.

If she is really tight bugeted, she could offer him a poem she has written, or a massage, or a friendly little card she has made for him. I think sometimes some women can be selfish and take advantage of a man's feeling he has an obligation to pay for everything. As my grandma said, it takes two to tango, and I think it takes a honest, forthright, generous lady to make a bring out the best in a gentleman.

 

[Paisley]

Relationships these days are partnerships. Yes, its very nice for the man to pay for dinner, but how about the woman offering to pay for something, even it is just to treat him to a drink, or if she dosn't make a lot of money, offer to pay for the tip, or to take turns driving each other to the dating venues or buy him a beautiful flower for his boutinare ( sp?) if he wears vintage clothing.

According to Miss Manners, ladies have been reciprocating for generations in the form of inviting her boyfriend to movies or concerts whose tickets mysteriously appeared and by making him a home-cooked dinner.

 

[Paisley]

I once dated a very attractive, educated, almost shockingly sexy woman who expected me to pay for the dinner -- no problem. Then when we went out to brunch the very next morning (there was no food at all in her house)...

That should have been your first clue.

I couldn't resist. Glad you found someone better.

 

[Dr Doran]

Nicoletta, Paisley, you two are right on.

 

[NicolettaRose]

Thank you