The loss of occasion

[Martinis at 8]

I think now is a time where we have lost the sense of occasion. Christmas and Holloween maybe not so muh, though the other times when we need to dress up and be there for an event tend to be underdone.

I do like how the vintage scene tries to recapture occasion though in a retro artificial way at times. Sometimes the feeling is there and sometimes it's a costume affair with some in t-shirts and some in black tie and neither feeling the energy of the occasion.

This is an interesting thesis. I have to agree with you.

However, in the case of Halloween, it now appears to be an occasion for women to don 'slut wear'. As for the 4th of July, I do not, as a child, recall it as being an occasion to get drunk.

Cheers,

4A

 

[Miss Neecerie]

If we all feel this lack

Then it is up to us to start the change. The world is not going to magically be how we want it, if we sit around discussing how its all gone to hell!

Throw 'occaisions'....have dinner parties where people dress up...and if your friends don't dress up...make them! Invite one 'non dresser type' to a party of 'dressy folks' and the next time they will get the hint, or decide they don't want to go to your parties...either way....

How often do we all sit here bemoaning that there is this loss of things how -we- want them.....but how many of us -make- things to do that are 'occaisions'? Other then a few notable examples, like Harry Pierpoint and Bonniejean, most of the Steamer Trunk threads are either adventuring or bigger events people throw -for- us....rather then evenings we have decided to transform into an 'occaision'.

Where are the events that -we- create for freinds, to show them what its like and inspire them to do similar things, even if on their interests, not even vintage. The world changes via personal contact and being an example.

It's geared toward ladies, but one book i can highly recommend, as inspiration and just the motivation to entertain is Dorothy Draper's "Entertaining is Fun!". It just makes you want to entertain!

 

[pigeon toe]

I'll definitely agree that there's no sense of occasion at all anymore. My roommate is going to her boyfriend's friend's wedding today, and though she is getting dress up, she told me her boyfriend is wearing jeans and a t-shirt! I was shocked and she said, "Oh it's okay, everyone else will be dressed like that too."

My boyfriend and I try to make going to dinner a special occasion, even if it's not a fancy restaurant. We still just like to have an excuse to dress up and look nice for each other. It's hard when you're young to find special occasions or excuses to dress up since literally no one has any sort of nice dinner events or fancy parties.

I would try to throw a nice party for friends, however, when you're in college, there's no such thing as a party without puking, and no one wants to get their fancy clothes puked on!

 

[dhermann1]

It's not just dressing up

I recently saw Noel Coward's wonderful film "In Which We Serve" again. There is a Christmas party scene, in which each member of the family stands up and makes a little speech. This also is part of making something an occasion. Even the simple ritual of shaking hands, saying "How do you do?", tipping ones hat, etc., can lend a sense of occasion to any random moment.

 

[Jovan]

I'm actually thankful I dressed in jeans and a t-shirt for last night. It wasn't really a dinner party, and it got a little bit wild to be wearing a suit and shirt like I sometimes do...

It always seems I'm "overdressed" for a lot of occasions. Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, family reunions. (Which is weird, because I remember being peacocked up by my mother in some way for a lot of family functions. Has this really already changed in a decade and half? ) Operas, plays, and other such things are no longer an occasion to wear at least a sport coat. It's disappointing. Even my grandfather, who would dress in a shirt and tie often, isn't really giving much effort besides for family photos. I hope this summer, at his 80th birthday celebration, people will be dressed up. It would certainly make me stop being cynical about my own family's declining standards!

 

[MrNewportCustom]

[T]he real answer is - it's a sign of respect, it's a sign of taking the extra effort to look your best, it's dressing appropriately for the ocassion, and it's a sign of being an adult.

I guess I can only write it off as part of the "me generation." I'm going to be comfortable. I'm going to wear what I want to wear. Who cares[?] . . . t's all about me.

Precisely, Mike.
It's a sign of respect for yourself, as well. People, today, are more concerned over their car than how people view their person. These days, loud and arrogant have taken over where respect (for self, for others) once stood. For them, it's symbolism over substance.

Lee

"Arrogance used to be stuffed shirts. Now it's just empty heads."

 

[StanleyVanBuren]

People, today, are more concerned over their car than how people view their person.

I think both matter.

 

[MrNewportCustom]

I think both matter.

Operative word being, "more."

 

[Paisley]

Then it is up to us to start the change. The world is not going to magically be how we want it, if we sit around discussing how its all gone to hell!

Throw 'occaisions'....have dinner parties where people dress up...and if your friends don't dress up...make them! Invite one 'non dresser type' to a party of 'dressy folks' and the next time they will get the hint, or decide they don't want to go to your parties...either way....

How often do we all sit here bemoaning that there is this loss of things how -we- want them.....but how many of us -make- things to do that are 'occaisions'? Other then a few notable examples, like Harry Pierpoint and Bonniejean, most of the Steamer Trunk threads are either adventuring or bigger events people throw -for- us....rather then evenings we have decided to transform into an 'occaision'.

Where are the events that -we- create for freinds, to show them what its like and inspire them to do similar things, even if on their interests, not even vintage. The world changes via personal contact and being an example.

It's geared toward ladies, but one book i can highly recommend, as inspiration and just the motivation to entertain is Dorothy Draper's "Entertaining is Fun!". It just makes you want to entertain!

Miss Neecerie, I agree with you in principle, but I stopped entertaining years ago because of all the things the Mike in Seattle mentioned. Guests don't bother answering invitations, they say yes and then don't bother to call or show up, they eat and run, they cancel at the last minute...for goodness sake, if my dog could use a phone and take himself places, he'd have better manners than that. The only person I invite to my house anymore is my best friend.

 

[Martinis at 8]

Miss Neecerie, I agree with you in principle, but I stopped entertaining years ago because of all the things the Mike in Seattle mentioned. Guests don't bother answering invitations, they say yes and then don't bother to call or show up, they eat and run, they cancel at the last minute...for goodness sake, if my dog could use a phone and take himself places, he'd have better manners than that. The only person I invite to my house anymore is my best friend.

Yep. I decline gatherings of more than six, three couples.

 

[Jovan]

I want to have a dinner party for my birthday this year, but I'm hoping everyone invited will get a clear message of what it is. I want it to be anything but the typical 21st birthday.

If anyone shows up in so much as just a t-shirt, they will be shown the door. Same with anyone I didn't invite.

 

[Miss Neecerie]

Well I guess its a great big unavoidable thing then.

If we cannot do anything about it, then no one can.


Back to the endless reminiscing about the good old days....and how today sucks in comparison.

As you were

 

[BegintheBeguine]

Doing my part

Looks like I go out on the town more than most people, but I like to dress up when I go out. (My house is so crammed with stuff that no one but my some-time roommate is allowed in, so no entertaining there, but we use crystal and china for everyday dishes.) I've been told that people say when they are getting ready to go out for drinks or dinner 'Oh, is Ash going to be there? Then I'll dress up!'

 

[Paisley]

Maybe somebody or some group of people can bring about change, but whatever levers need to pulled are out of my reach.

I do try to be a good guest, though: I RSVP, dress for the occasion, say hello, thank you and goodbye to the hostess, make conversation with others, and I go easy on the alcohol.

 

[RedHotRidinHood]

Oh yes, even growing up in the 70s, my mother still made me get dressed up for occasions...to this day, I dress up on Christmas Eve and Thanksgiving, and I make my son do it too. We don't do church so that's not an issue. It's funny; my almost-stepdaughter is 11, and if I wear a dress somewhere, she wants to also, even though she hasn't been brought up that way. Last night I got out some nice vintage plates for dinner, and she asked if we could use the damask napkins (I have a million of them!). This is eating "formal" to her, which was normal for me when I was a kid. I try to use the nice stuff as much as I can, even if taking care of it takes time. To me, it is worth it.

Now, I love Halloween, and I love having Halloween parties. The last few years I have invited people, close friends, and even they don't RSVP, or even let me know the day of if they are coming. Last year, I killed myself decorating the house, getting food and booze, planning it all, and we had 7 people come. Granted, I love festival and tend to go over the top, but that's who I am! I think that people just don't like to go do things they have to make an effort for anymore. Louis and I want to have marvy little dinner parties, but we are not sure how to make it clear that recipients MUST RSVP so we know to plan for them without sounding like snots. I have decided, though, that I will keep having parties, even if only a few come. I figure that eventually, people will get it.

On a happy note, the parents of a longtime friend of Louis' are having a "hat party" on Saturday afternoon...wow! An excuse to wear a hat TWO times in one day, because that is also the AZ Ladies Lunch day!

 

[Hondo]

One guy showed up in his gas station uniform but at least it was clean.

Half of the adult men wear in shorts and sandals, most of the women looked like they were going to do yard work or excercise.

The concept that they were there to honor the person and comfort the immediate family seemed totally lost on the whole bunch of them.

Guests totally lose the concept of why they are there, I just hate that to happen, I feel for you "John in Covina" and those who had to attend, I for one wouldn’t have stayed long

My condolences as well on your loss, Rafter, And absolutely “Mike in Seattle” it's a sign of respect, maybe those who showed up in shorts, flip flops or flowerily dresses didn’t know the decease well enough, still all should have known better it’s a sign of growing up.
T-shirt & jeans to a wedding? They must not think a great deal of the couple or know them better, else its “sign of respect” but regardless its also being grown up, That person (friend) who said everyone is going like that sounds young, I’m just glad I wasn’t there at the reception.
You cheapen the occasion by not taking the time, care to look presentable, respect.
For what ever occasion I try to dress the part or not go at all, just being a body there in t-shirt and jeans doesn't do it, give the proper respects.

 

[Joie DeVive]

Bravo Hondo. I also think it is a matter of respect. I think respect was a value taught to children and used by adults more commonly in the past. People had more respect for themselves, each other and institutions.

The example I can think of most readily is church. (I'm afraid I can't speak to other worship services, I don't have the experience) When my mother was a child she was dressed to the nines for church. She always had a hat, gloves, dress, crinoline, shined shoes; the works. My mother treated me similarly though without the accessories. I was scrubbed, dressed, perfumed, beribboned and in the pews each Sunday next to my father who was in a 3 piece suit. It was because they respected themselves, and the Lord that we dressed well and were well groomed. Now that I am going back to church I have been startled to see what people of younger generations are wearing.

I feel like some of these younger people have little respect for many things, including religion and the church, but that is just my feeling on things.

I also agree with you Miss Neecerie, it is our job to do something to improve things, not just bellyache. I wear my nicest to church, and I have noticed that since I have begun attending, at least one of the girls is wearing dresses and such more often. I've made a point of telling her how nicely she looks when she does. Maybe, I'm making a difference. I sure hope so.

 

[Paisley]

Several years ago, my then-boyfriend gave a Thanksgiving dinner and nobody showed up. I once had a Halloween party and two people showed up.

Part of the problem is that some people just can't say no, as in, "I'm sorry, but I have plans. Let's get together another time."

As for dress, maybe it's worth mentioning that people tend to look thinner in dressier clothes. Just look at a catalog--the same models look slimmer in tailored clothes than they do in casual clothes.

On another note, one word: T.V. I think that unless you're throwing a party that revolves around a TV show (Superbowl, Academy Awards), it ought to be off. It's a conversation killer and a blaring game ruins whatever elevated mood you're trying to set.

 

[Joie DeVive]

I've had parties like that too! lol

I must admit I didn't think it was funny at the time. I threw a New Year's party where two people showed, and a Halloween bash where we got three!! And I think I invited around 30 to each just to be sure or a turnout!

I've always wanted to throw a real dinner party, but until recently didn't have the space. I think I may give it a try sometime this spring/summer.
When I do, I'll probably start a thread asking for advice.

Let's just hope when the time comes people actually show up!!

 

[LizzieMaine]

On another note, one word: T.V. I think that unless you're throwing a party that revolves around a TV show (Superbowl, Academy Awards), it ought to be off. It's a conversation killer and a blaring game ruins whatever elevated mood you're trying to set.

Yes, yes, and triple yes. Back when I was married and living in a vast seven-room flat, we used to throw a big do every January as the Official End Of the Holiday Season -- we'd have seventy-five people some years, and it was always a great and gala occasion. And the biggest rule we had was NO TV. We'd go so far as to unplug the set and throw a blanket over it to stress the point -- not exactly formal decor, but it made the point!