LizzieMaine
Bartender
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- Where The Tourists Meet The Sea
("I don' caeh," fumes Sally, as she takes her seat on the outbound train. "Awlat trouble, an' we neveh even got t'see Joe! An' awl oveh'ra loada empty bot'ls!" "Ahhhh," shrugs Alice, "y'can't fawlt y'Uncle Frank f'bein' patriotic, now can ya? Goin' t'awla troubla c'lectin'nem bot'ls t'toin in f'salvage. T'ez a real shawrtage 'a bot'ls, y'know! Y'otta be proud'v'im!" "An'nem troopehs, actin' so funny 'bout 'it!," continues Sally. "T'ey hawl us inta t' station, awr t' barracks awr whateveh t'ey cawl it, an'na one in chawrge stawrts yellin' 'bout 'Frank 'T'Plumbeh' Leary! Frank 'T'Plumbeh' Leary! Like he was somebody famous a'sump'n! An'nen he gets awl p'lite tw'us, stawrts bowin' an' scrapin' an' 'pologizin' like I NEVEH seen no cawp do. What was T"AT awla 'bout!" "Welllll," jitters Alice, "I mean, you bein' awl dress't up like ya was, he musta figyehed YOU was somebody 'pawrtent too! 'Special afteh you said Uncle Frank was ya uncle an' awl." "An'nat ain' even true," shrugs Sally. "Not really, I mean, we jus' cawl'tim t'at, but I guess it was..." "Well, don' worry 'bout none'v'it now," insists Alice. "C'ept f' Uncle Frank gett'n soeh 'cause we blew out his tieh, no hawrm done. An'nat was a pretty swell cake, anyway." "Yeh," sighs Sally. "T'em troopehs ate it right down. I guess troopehs don' get cake much.")
A Stockholm newspaper reported today that former Finnish Premier Juho K. Paasikivi will leave for Russia within the next few days to begin negotiations for a separate peace. The United Press bureau in Helsinki, though not confirming the Stockholm report, stated that the peace crisis has reached "an extremely critical stage," with most newspapers, along with official quarters and political circles, suddenly refraining from all definitive comment on the situation. Reports last weekend had stated that Finland had decided to reject Soviet demands for the immediate internment of 100,000 Nazi troops in the country and the immediate withdrawal of all Finnish forces to the 1940 border between Finland and the USSR, but at the same time it was stressed that the Finns had no intention of breaking off the peace talks.
A report in the London Daily Mail asserted today that a group of prominent British financiers, businessmen, and members of Parliament have begun work toward a negotiated peace between Britain and Japan. "These mischievious gentry," charged a Mail editorial, "unless speedily dealt with, will be useful to fanatic Japanese generals, when the latter hide their swords and emerge in black frock coats as 'angels of peace.'" The editorial was published at a time when leading members of the Churchill government are reaffirming their determination to use "their full resources" against Japan, but the Mail asserted that "nervous diehards" continue to regard Japan as "a bulwark against Communism in Asia."
("Ahhh, that's what we need roit now," sighs Uncle Frank. "A good pitcharr aboot juvenoile delinquency!" "Don't you change the subject, Francis Leary," growls Ma, brandishing a bread knife for emphasis. "Th' very idearrr'a lett'n thim have that trook, KNOWIN' FOOL WELL thar was baaahttles in th' back! An' thin gett'n HAAALED in boi a STATE TROOPAR, moind ye! It's a woondar we're not AAHL IN JAIL!" "Ahhh, Nora," dismisses Uncle Frank with a beatific smile. "Ye get so warrked oop ovar noothin'. Noombar one, it wasn't me loan'd'm th' trook, it was James, an' Oi've aaahlready spook'n me moind t'him aboot it. Noombar two, tharrr's noo laww 'boot transpaaart'n empty bahhhtles." "An' what if Sally poot two an' two t'getharr!" interrupts Ma. "I've told ye toime an' again I don't waaant me only daaaghter invaalved in ANY'a this! Aaaaan she aint' stupid, Francis, she graduated Erasmus!" "Annnd noombar 3," continues Uncle Frank, raising a chubby finger to drive the point home, "th' captain a' that barracks is one a' me oooold friends fr'm th' ooold days, the KOIND of a friend who knoows th' value a' keepin' an oooold friend happy. An' quoiet." "Once again," grumbles Ma, "ye depend aaahn favaars fr'm ooold friends. Some day, Francis, ye gonna run oota oold friends, an' then..." "Oh," interjects Uncle Frank, glancing at his watch. "That remoinds me, Oi got to roon a little soomthin' oot to th' barracks there faarr me oold friend. A token of me gratitude, if ye will. Oi'll be aaahf then, doon't wait oop." Ma watches him exit, with a deep sigh. "I took bot'ls back t't'stoeh," comments young Willie, peeling the crust from a slice of bread."T'ey gimme six cents." "That's moor sense," sighs Ma, "thin some people...")
(Ever consider opening a candy store?)
The Eagle Editorialist closes the book on the life of executed gangster Louis "Lepke" Buchhalter by doubting that he, and his legacy of crime and violence, will be long remembered. "Other men died Saturday night," notes the EE, "in other places and with honor. One of these was worth a million Lepkes."
(Only eight more months to go.)
(Well, at least it'll be nice to see Fitz again.)
(How many proteges has Mary had, anyway? Leona Stockpool Blackston, Connie what'shername, Angel Varden, Patti Parker, and now Gypsy Monez. A defrocked heiress, a newspaperwoman, a movie star, a model, and a showgirl. Hey Mary, how bout helping out a tough, two-fisted WAC?)
(Ask for Woozy parfum, eau de cologne, toilet water, and dusting powder at your nearest five and ten.)
("Our Fighting Forces.")
(Panel Two will be Exhibit A in Leopold Stokowski's lawsuit against Russell Stamm.)
(AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE HERO DOG will see that the law is enforced!)