LizzieMaine
Bartender
- Messages
- 33,771
- Location
- Where The Tourists Meet The Sea
("Whatcha doin'?" queries Miss Kaplan, approaching a distant table where Joe is seated alone surrounded by small stacks of index cards. "Why ain'cha sitt'n oveh t'eh wit' us? Mozelewski's breat' finally gett'n to ya?" "Do you eveh mind y' own business?" growls Joe. "G'wan lemme 'lone, I'm woikin' on sump'n heeh." "Lemme see," demands Miss Kaplan, snatching up one of the cards. "Oh!" she gasps, examining its contents. "Wow, t'at's..." "I said leemee alone!," snaps Joe, snatching back the card. "T'at's f' Sal!" "So I figyehed," nods Miss Kaplan. "You betteh not put t'at inna mail, y'know, b'cause..." "I got no intentions 'a putt'nat inna mail!" growls Joe. "It's sump'n else." He exhales, seeing no escape as Miss Kaplan gapes expectantly. "I'm writin' up t'ese -- lit'l notes heeh, see, an' I'm gonna hide 'em aroun' places wheh Sal's gonna find'm. You know, while I'm inna Awrmy. Y'know? T' -- well, t'remind 'eh." "Awwww," sighs Miss Kaplan, "t'ats right outa True Romances." "Yeh," frowns Joe. "Well, what's t'ese heeh ones," snickers Miss Kaplan. "Y'gotta goilfrien'?" "Gawdawmighty," eyerolls Joe. "T'eh ain' no stoppin' you, izzeh? T'em ones t'eh is f' Leonoreh. She c'n read a lit'l, y'know, ain' even t'ree yet an awlready she's read'n, so I t'ought I'd leave a few f'heh 'roun' places she c'n get to, y'know, remind 'eh she got a pa t'at's t'inkin' of 'eh." "Ah," nods Miss Kaplan, her eyes softening. "Well, what about t'ese heeh?" "T'em," explains Joe, "is f' me Ma. Well, not me real Ma, I ain' got one'a t'em, but me mot'eh-in-lawr, runs a canny stoeh out'n Flatbush. I'm gonna go oveh t'eh an' stick a few a' t'ese aroun', y'know, t' cheehr'eh up. Heh son's inna Goiman prison camp, see, an' she worries. I don' want she should worry 'bout me, too. An' I gotta couple heeh f'me Uncle Frank, he's kinda me -- well, fawrteh-in-lawr, I got a few t'ings t'say t'him too, 'bout diffr'nt stuff." "Got ev'rybody covehed, huh?" replies Miss Kaplan. "What about t'ese heeh?" "T'em awr---" hesitates Joe, "well, t'em ones t'eh is f' Stella." "Who's Stella?" puzzles Miss Kaplan. "Oueh cat," sighs Joe. "Stella t' Cat. She's gonna miss me too." "An' t' t'ink," marvels Miss Kaplan, "you awr goin' inna Awrmy." "Yeh," sighs Joe, gazing at the cards. "Gawdhelpya," shrugs Miss Kaplan. "I ain' leavin' YOU no cawrds," snaps Joe at her retreating back.)
Preliminary reports today from Pearl Harbor indicated that Eniwetok Atoll, next major Japanese base on the central Pacific between Truk and Tokio, was blasted into uselessness last weekend in one of the most prolonged assaults ever made by American carrier-based planes. Naval experts believed that the attacks foreshadow an imminent invasion thrust against Eniwetok. The six separate raids striking the base over Saturday and Sunday met neither fighter nor anti-aircraft opposition, indicating that a knockout blow had been scored.
A delayed report from Italy indicated today that four and a half hours of shelling by a U. S. cruiser nicknamed "the Mighty B" last week destroyed nine separate targets north of Anzio on February 6th, targets ranging from artillery sections to communication stations to ammunition dumps. The ship is reported to have fired seventeen salvos over the course of the attack, as German artillery shells splashed harmlessly in the water.
Finland has sent out peace feelers to the Soviet Union, it is reported from Stockholm, where it was indicated by well-informed Finnish sources that it was possible that a Finnish and Russian representative may have already met to discuss the terms of Finland's withdrawal from its alliance with Nazi Germany. It is believed that some third party, either an American or a Swedish official, acted as an intermediary to establish contact between the Finns and the Soviets. Reports quoting informed sources in London suggest that the minimum acceptable peace terms for the Russians would be an agreement by Finland to return to the post-Winter War 1940 borders, with only a slight adjustment in Russia's favor, along with occupation of all major Finnish towns with Finnish administration maintained, and removal from the Finnish cabinet of "anti-Soviet" members.
("I neveh knew none'a t'em guys," shrugs Alice. "Why wouldja?" chuckles Sally. "T'at's a pretty rough bunch." "Well, I neveh actually met none'f'm," continues Alice, "but when I was drivin' a truck f'y' Uncle Frank, we useta d'liveh t't's canny stoeh in Brownsville, y'know? Jernt cawlt 'Midnight Rose's.' run by t'is nice ol' lady t'ey cawlt, y'know, Midnight Rose. T'ey useta say some'a t'em guys useta hang aroun'eh, but I steehed cleeh." "How oft'n's a place like t'at need plumbin' s'plies?" queries Sally. "Oh," shrugs Alice. "Y'd be s'prised." "MIdnight Rose's," muses Sally. "In Brownsville. Hey! Izzat on Livonia Aveneh? 'Craws' fr'm t' L pillehs?" "Yeh," nods Alice. "Least it was, I don't t'ink it's t'eh no moeh." "Well," continues Sally, "y'know t'at movie t'eateh right acrawst'a street t'eh? T' People's T'eateh? Well, I went t'eh a coupla times meself! T'ey useta show ya Russian pitchehs, y'know, y'foreign pitchehs an'stuff, an' when I got tiehd a'lookin' at Hoist newsreels an' awlat, me'n Joe'd go out t'eh an' take in some, you know, culcheh. One time we went'a see t'is pitcheh 'bout t'is American gal, she had a colehed baby an' got run outta wheh she was livin'. So she goes t'Russia an' jerns t' coicus! It was awl in Russian, but, you know, t'ey hadda woids onna bott'm'a t' screen. Had t'is one sawng in it, "Wide is Me Mot'ehland!' Real catchy numbeh. Joe was whistlin' it f'yeehs afteh t'at! I got sick of it t'ough, an' tol' 'im t'stawp." "Howcome?" queries Alice. "When I was carryin' Leonoreh," chuckles Sally, "he whistled it to me oncet too oft'n. An' t'tink while we was inneh wawtchin'at pitcheh, awlese gangstehs was right t'eh crawsta street. Moideh f' Money!" "Y'gotta watch out in canny stoehs," nods Alice. "Well, um, most'v'm.")
When sending V-Mail to your soldier overseas, there's a lot of things you should avoid. Don't sign your letter with a lipstick print -- it will blur the reproduction when your letter is converted to microfilm. And don't enclose newspaper clippings, photographs, or razor blades -- none of which can be processed thru the V-Mail system and cause the whole letter to be rerouted thru the regular mail system, possibly delaying your letter by months. Don't let your letter go on for more than a single page, always use special V-Mail stationery, and always use dark black ink. Several manufacturers now sell special "V-Mail Black" formulations of ink, but any good solid black ink will do. Never write your letter in pencil or colored ink -- it will not photograph properly, and if you make an error in the letter, don't try to remove it by scratching a hole in the paper. Start over again on a new, clean page. If you read the simple rules printed on the back of every V-Mail form, you'll be sure your letter will reach your husband, father, or son on time, just as you wrote it.
(Ahem. Insurance statistics in 1944, as today, indicate that the majority of auto accidents are caused by male drivers. Just thought I'd point that out.)
(Dixie Walker -- in 1A? Well, his gimpy knees and his weak back never stopped him from square dancing. And don't even think about trying to buy out the Mulveys -- they'll hold their Dodger stock until 1975.)
The Dodgers will celebrate the return of night baseball to Ebbets Field this summer with something new along the sartorial line. The Flock will take the field for their fourteen scheduled arc-light games dressed in new uniforms made of shiny white silk accented by bright blue satin stripes, lettering, socks, and caps.
(What, you couldn't get Bergman and Henried?)
("All the months it took to grow this moustache! AND FOR WHAT??")
("Speaking in tongues? Well, that's OK as long as they didn't bring any snakes.")
(I mean REEEEEEEEEEELY.)
(Awwwwww.)
(YOU CAN TELL THEY'RE EVIL BECAUSE THEY SMOKE CIGARETTES.)
