The Dumbest Comment I Ever Heard

[rippy444]

the dummest comment

I was at a wake yesterday and wore a black suit with a black Homburg.

A lady says "You must be an Italian mobster" .I did tell her I was Italian and she left me alone. No pictures. I am not allowed to post those yet. My time will come.

Why do kids like what you are eating better than what is on their plate?

 

[The Good]

I have never had siblings so I have no idea what you go through but my inclination would be to tell him to mind his own business. Let mom keep dressing him.

Geecries (to employ the use of a phrase from the B. Traven novel, The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, which Fred C. Dobbs uses often as a substitute for the Lord's name). This hasn't stopped, either. Today it was pretty rough actually, too. It really all started when we were about to go out the door to the IMAX movie theater to see that new Alice in Wonderland film (pretty good, by the way). I grabbed my go-to lid of choice, the Akubra Federation IV, and proceeded to hop into the car. Well, first it was my younger brother making a remark (he's age 14), and told me that I shouldn't bring that hat. Nobody said anything all the while driving out there, but when I got out of the car and my other brother (who is older, 15) saw me carrying it, he told me to leave it in the car, and made a big fuss about it. My dad then told me I should put it in too. Well, guess what? I refused, and to my defense, argued that I was going to wear it for some sun-protection anyway.

By this time, we were already heading over there anyway, so it didn't matter all that much, what's done was done. Anyway, after that "fedora intervention," to use a phrase that's been used here recently, my dad smiled and said earlier this morning he saw George Costanza, of Seinfield, wearing it on TV. But if I remember, he also asked why I was wearing it (basically most of every week since Christmas). I just told him that back in the day, men would wear fedoras going out in public, but he retorted with the fact that it is the year 2010 (he kind of likes the hat, as he's complimented me before a few times, but it's pretty obvious he thinks I wear it too much, just as everyone in my family does). Well, I then told him, "I guess you can call me a nostalgic, then." I don't remember much after that, but while were going to the line, I noticed that my brothers, instead of standing around with the rest of us, decided to sit on a bench a few yards away from the line, and they both appeared to be starring at me, giving me a weird look (they were probably thinking to themselves, "look, there's J with that big, silly, outdated hat trying to dress like a gangster or Indiana Jones").

Anyway, once we left the theater, there was nothing else on that matter. We talked about the movie, then went over to a Japanese restaurant to eat dinner. The food was of course wonderful, but I couldn't help but think about how my middle brother (Well I am the oldest brother, but he's the next oldest) was starring at me with an almost certain look of disapproval, sort of the evil eye, if you will, especially towards the end of the meal when I grabbed my fedora again to leave with. When we went back into the car, after we had left the parking lot, my middle brother brought the whole thing up again. Gee wilikers, no one would spare me any of their overly preachy nonesense about my hat. He then pointed out that I should wear baseball caps, and my younger brother agreed, my father seemed to as well, since he mentioned ballcaps were what people wear nowadays. I couldn't help but feel like a stranger in my own family. Normally, I don't have too many problems. I mind my business, they mind their own, that sort of thing. I don't even make comments against the clothes that they wear.

Then there's also this thing where shortly after we get home, my two brothers tell me they're going on a walk. I thought to myself, alright, that's fine. I go just about everyday anyway. Nothing out of the ordinary, right? Well, they tell me to leave the hat home, and even get my dad to tell me the same. He tells me that they are nervous walking around with me because I happen to wear a brimmed fedora hat around, and that they feel that I'm just "not one of the guys," or something to this effect. Apparently, they are offended, yes, offended, by me wearing fedoras. So they literally make me go out hatless like they were some "fashion police," not too much of a problem in regard to sun-protection (my most frequent excuse for wearing one of my fedoras, both felt and straw), as it was approaching dusk, it was evening. I remember how "naked" I felt while going on the walk hatless, I just didn't feel like "me," or the person I wanted to be ideally, at least. It gets worse though, as this evening, while I'm writing my English course's latest assignment at my desk, I can faintly overhear some things from another bedroom. My middle brother, fedoraphobic he is, brings up the whole hat issue again. Beating a dead horse, yet again.

I just don't understand it, I already pointed out that I don't dress the way I do to "be better than anyone else," far from it. I dress according to my personal preferences and convictions, conservatively, yet with a flair of style all the same. I just don't wear t-shirts like the rest of them do (I do underneath other shirts though). You could say that in appearance, I'm almost completely different from the rest of my family. Let's see, I wear fedoras, dress shirts, polos, short-sleeved dress shirts (if they are to be referred to as "dress"), slacks, and jeans, even most of the time too. They wear polo shirts occasionally, rarely dress shirts (unless for special occasions), and mostly t-shirts. All of them. I'm not concerned with the way they dress though, that's not my business. As far as I'm concerned, they can wear whatever they want, as long as they keep it in good taste (no obscene logos, ripped jeans, etc...), but they've definitely got something against my attire, which I have closely connected to my lifestyle, since a year ago (minus the fedoras, of course). Anyway, I can hear him just a bit, but it sounds like he's even sad at the time. I almost thought about going inside to ask what the matter was, but then again, I knew what it was about. They were talking about me, and seemed to be concerned with how I am.

Geez, I can write an entire novel about this, it's already starting to look like one, isn't it? I honestly don't know what to make of this entire day, it's been pretty much a fedora disaster, as far as I know. No comments from strangers either, but really, nobody looked like they cared. I'm seriously considering whether or not I should even try, just a little, to satisfy their "aesthetic preferences," or if I should remain stalwart in my ways. The truth of the matter is, I don't want to make my family look like the bad guys, I really don't, I love them all dearly and I try to treat them with respect and kindness, but this is going a bit too far. I can understand some psychological "culture shock" sort of effect going on, but they're literally resorting to forcing me to conform to their own ways. As one member here put it, it's ironic that the fedora, one of the ultimate symbols of conformity back in the 1960s and 1970s, maybe even into the 80s, had become something non-conformist, counter-culture, and "hip and trendy." Actually, being a conformist was not necessarily a reason I even bought a fedora in the first place, as I already knew that some modern youths are wearing them (college aged/teenagers), but it was not my intention to be seen as a hipster or a rebel. Can I say that I'm offended because of this? Yes, at this point, I can with complete honesty say that something's wrong to the point that I am, to a certain extent. Now, all of a sudden, I'm feeling more self-conscious then ever wearing a fedora, and I may even consider going a few days without wearing one if it means getting back good with my family (but then again, my brothers complain that my clothing is too formal, and they want me to be their definition of casual, t-shirts, jeans, shorts, tennis shoes, etc...), hopefully I can educate them as to why I dress as I do, much less wear fedoras.

The amount of ignorance displayed today was astounding. I was actually more amused (yes!) than offended, while hearing all of this, though I was rolling my eyes all-throughout the ordeal. One positive of today, I would say, is the fact that we all watched my latest rental from Netflix, The Big Sleep starring Humphrey Bogart, and Lauren Bacall. My youngest brother left after forty-five minutes. My middle brother stopped watching around thirty minutes to the end of it. Finally, my father watched it all, and he enjoyed it (he's likes Bogart too, actually), but was dead tired (well, given the time it was, midnight and all, I was tired too, yet I still write this post at this ungodly hour). I'm disappointed with my brothers' lack of an appreciation for the classics, but they tried, and I hope they got something from it.

I'll see you all again tomorrow. I think I'm finished with my rant, and soap-box here, tonight. That's my story for the 26th of March, 2010...

 

[BurlyNate]

fedoraphobic

This is my new favorite word

 

[ScionPI2005]

Alright, here's something interesting. I was getting ready to go to a meeting with my college honors councilor, to discuss my future academic plans. I'm getting dressed in my room after the shower, and my younger brother stands by the doorway, saying "Don't wear that hat. It'll make you look tacky," or something to this effect. I wasn't even wearing it on my head at the time, nor was I starring at it. I can understand to a certain degree what he means, as many people are unaccustomed to seeing others wearing fedoras, but the thing that got me is that I didn't really think about bringing it to begin with, I actually just gelled my hair instead. I thought what he said was somewhat random, as if he were making presumptions of me. Personally I think that it would have been perfectly fine to bring my fedora, as I would simply wear it on my way inside, then set it aside. Really, I saw one other guy wearing one, even though it was a cloth one, so I should have been fine anyway. Don't get me wrong, I love my younger brother and all of my family, but, hah, I would have to say that my brother here is "Fedoraphobic."

I have never had siblings so I have no idea what you go through but my inclination would be to tell him to mind his own business. Let mom keep dressing him.

I don't have any siblings either. It's my best guess, however, that tells me that since younger siblings always seem to think their older siblings are strange, the fedora just adds another "strange" element; especially in today's society where seeing a fedora is somewhat rare.

This experience parallels your own, JB, in a somewhat similar way. I applied for my last job almost a year ago, and debated wearing a fedora to my interview (with dress slacks and a tie. I would, of course, remove my hat upon entering). I didn't. However, I regularly wear my fedoras into the office before changing into uniform. My fellow co-workers, including the detective who did my background and interview, absolutely love my fedoras. It would have been fine for me to wear it; it's just something we feel hesitant about sometimes, and would rather be safe than sorry.

 

[Hereward]

JB I sympathise but would you please use a few paragraphs next time. Sorry to come over like a school teacher but it does make such long text chunks easier to read. Writing in the retro style can't be a bad thing surely?

 

[Pera.T]

Wow, these interventions seem to be getting more and more frequent J B lol

Perhaps you should call the family to the table for a meeting and tell them all to get over it! You seem to be very accomodating to their thoughts on the matter but perhaps they should try to respect your feelings? You said your now at the point where you are offended by their comments, and who wouldnt be! I'd hate to have people nagging me all day long about how 'creepy' I look in a hat, especially if they were my family. You should be telling your younger brothers how to dress, not the other way around!

It's great that your so layed back about everything and obviously care about what your family think, but your now self conscious about wearing something you enjoy, that sucks! Let them know

 

[boushi_mania]

This experience parallels your own, JB, in a somewhat similar way. I applied for my last job almost a year ago, and debated wearing a fedora to my interview (with dress slacks and a tie. I would, of course, remove my hat upon entering). I didn't. However, I regularly wear my fedoras into the office before changing into uniform. My fellow co-workers, including the detective who did my background and interview, absolutely love my fedoras. It would have been fine for me to wear it; it's just something we feel hesitant about sometimes, and would rather be safe than sorry.

I'd say that just falls under "not dressing better than the interviewers", along the same lines as avoiding a pocket square or cufflinks for fear of coming across as "too good for the job". Shame it has to be that way, but what can you do?

That said, as a matter of personal taste, I don't see anyone wrong with wearing a hat. If your family has such a problem with the way you dress, J.B., why not turn it around on them? The next time they decide to go out to a public place (be it a restaurant or what have you) dressed ultra-casually, call them out on it: "You're going out in that?"

 

[Mario]

Writing in the retro style can't be a bad thing surely.

lol lol :arated:

 

[FurFeltFedora]

Be stalwart JB, do not let the fear and ignorance of others sway you from the Fedora path (or anything else you feel like doing as long as you're not eating babies or anything like that).

You can always use my lines of defense if you choose...

At home with my girlfriend the response to "Another hat?" is as follows: "I don't drink much, I don't smoke, I don't gamble, I don't do drugs - if this is my only vice, what are you complaining about?"

At the office my usual response is: "Well, I had a choice of vices - it was either crack cocaine and hookers...or hats. I picked hats. Which would you prefer I had picked?"

Both work great

 

[Hereward]

FFF thanks so much for these excellent responses. They are worth memorising.

 

[ScionPI2005]

Wow, JB! I hadn't read your rant when I posted earlier this morning. I honestly don't think I have heard of any worse "fedora interventions" than you have experienced.

The only thing I can really say is "just because something is the norm, doesn't mean it's right". I mean that in response to your family agreeing that you should wear baseball caps "because they are what people wear in 2010".

heck, if everyone conformed to what seemed to be the consensus as to the norm, what a boring world this would be!

 

[scottyrocks]

JB, afaic, how you handle these situations with your brothers (and less so your father) will determine how quickly these situations stop.

My own personal solution to this would be to be 'matter of fact,' as I call it. I have been asked lots of times, by family and friends, why I do certain things, wearing fedoras being one of them. My response is usually simply, 'Because I want to,' with a genuinely friendly smile. That usually completely disarms the questioner.

Occasionally, it doesnt, tough. My gf's youngest boy, a 13 y.o., was genuinely bothered by my wearing a fedora out with them, especially when being with people he knows. 'No one else wears them,' 'Im uncomfortable,' etc. I was asked by him, and my gf, to wear a ball cap. I wouldnt and told them they'd get used to it, and why are they (actually - he) are so worried about what other people think.

It took a couple of months, but its no longer a problem. Time has a way of making things 'normal.' Basically, what Im trying to say is, do NOT keep approaching you brothers, trying to convince them or seek their approval.. This is like throwing gasoline on a fire. Just keep doing what youre doing, with no signs whatsoever that anything is wrong or that anything anyone says is bothering you. They will eventually tire of their 'game,' and at the same time, you will appear perfectly normal with your hat, perhaps even leading to comments like, 'Where's your hat? You dont look like you without it,' when you dont have it on.

 

[MisterCairo]

My gf's youngest boy, a 13 y.o., was genuinely bothered by my wearing a fedora out with them, especially when being with people he knows. 'No one else wears them,' 'Im uncomfortable,' etc. I was asked by him, and my gf, to wear a ball cap. I wouldnt and told them they'd get used to it, and why are they (actually - he) are so worried about what other people think.

.

While I have yet to get my first fedora (working on it!), I have been asked why I don't wear ball caps.

I politely respond that, being neither a baseball player nor 12 years old, it's not something I'd consider wearing!

 

[jamespowers]

While I have yet to get my first fedora (working on it!), I have been asked why I don't wear ball caps.

I politely respond that, being neither a baseball player nor 12 years old, it's not something I'd consider wearing!

That is a great one. I said the same thing to my boss about wearing shorts except the first reason was not subjecting people to seeing me half naked. He hasn't worn them since.

 

[jamespowers]

Wow, these interventions seem to be getting more and more frequent J B lol

Perhaps you should call the family to the table for a meeting and tell them all to get over it! You seem to be very accomodating to their thoughts on the matter but perhaps they should try to respect your feelings? You said your now at the point where you are offended by their comments, and who wouldnt be! I'd hate to have people nagging me all day long about how 'creepy' I look in a hat, especially if they were my family. You should be telling your younger brothers how to dress, not the other way around!

It's great that your so layed back about everything and obviously care about what your family think, but your now self conscious about wearing something you enjoy, that sucks! Let them know

These are some good points---especially about respecting other's feelings.
JB is very restrained. I would have had my brothers crying uncle after I got done critiquing them every day. "You are going to wear that outside where everyone can see you?!" "Walk ten steps behind me so that no one will think you are my brother or something." "What's with the baseball cap? You going to be a major leaguer now?" "Last time I saw a shoes like that Ronald MacDonald was wearing them."
You are remarkably restrained JB. I guess I am have never been tolerant of such situations. [huh]

 

[Yeps]

I am glad that I have not had to endure these interventions. It helps to be in music school, where being a bit of an eccentric is not particularly surprising. I have, on occasion, gotten questioned by my family on my wearing of silk scarves in the manner of ascots, because of the modern ideas regarding the preferences of men who wear silk scarves, but once they actually saw me wearing them, they got over it.

As to hats, I accidentally eased the people on my campus into it. I started wearing a fedora in the fall (an old, beat up wool felt number), but only as rain protection, as I always lose umbrellas. Well, then the DC winter came, and it rained constantly and then the snow came, so people have gotten used to me always wearing a hat, which I do whenever I leave my room now. It also does not hurt that I tend to take most of my style cues from 30s film stars, so the hats are very much in place in my wardrobe.

My one recent criticism came from my mother. We were discussing what I was going to bring with me on a trip to Budapest and Rome (Maybe Vienna in between) this summer, and I stated my intention of wearing my cream linen jacket, and bringing some slacks that were not jeans, and of bringing a hat to keep the sun off my face. She said to me "You can't travel like a debutante." Which I thought was interesting, as I was still planning on taking for three month trip only one carry on bag. How dressing respectably makes one a debutante is beyond me.

 

[jamespowers]

My one recent criticism came from my mother. We were discussing what I was going to bring with me on a trip to Budapest and Rome (Maybe Vienna in between) this summer, and I stated my intention of wearing my cream linen jacket, and bringing some slacks that were not jeans, and of bringing a hat to keep the sun off my face. She said to me "You can't travel like a debutante." Which I thought was interesting, as I was still planning on taking for three month trip only one carry on bag. How dressing respectably makes one a debutante is beyond me.

Well, today, if you don't wear, jeans, shorts, sandals or a flat brimmed baseball cap then you are a debutante I suppose.
It is not like you are going to be Thurston Howell III on a deserted island.

 

[carldelo]

We were discussing what I was going to bring with me on a trip to Budapest and Rome (Maybe Vienna in between) this summer, and I stated my intention of wearing my cream linen jacket, and bringing some slacks that were not jeans, and of bringing a hat to keep the sun off my face. She said to me "You can't travel like a debutante."

I have noticed that when I dress well while traveling, all sorts of problems are avoided - security tends to treat me with more respect as they assume I am a business traveler, I get better seats in restaurants, etc. There is no down side. In fact, I am sometimes asked for directions in foreign cities - in Prague I was asked for directions by a Czech couple from out of town - go figure.

You cannot go wrong by dressing well in European cities, especially Rome - the locals there will appreciate that you respect their city enough to dress like a grownup. I am continually amazed at tourists who tramp around NYC looking like they just finished a softball game or woke up from a nap.

Re: JB and your sibling problems - teen age boys can be raging narcissists and hate to be around someone who is different from themselves. Generally this is directed at parents - in your case it is you, because of your hats. Unfortunately this is irrational behavior, so will likely not respond to reasoned arguments from you. I am the youngest of six, and can't imagine having given any of my older brothers a hard time about their style dress - maybe it's generational.

Personally, if I was in your situation I would start shopping for out-of-state colleges so you can become the person you want to be in a free environment, without having to justify yourself to an intolerant family. Absence truly does make the heart grow fonder - after a semester away, they will probably be happy to see you at Christmas break. In the meantime, hopefully they will have located enough tolerance within their character to allow you to conduct your life as you see fit, and will suffer your hat-wearing in silence.

 

[The Good]

My God. This morning, I woke up, but was still lying in bed, half-asleep, as I normally do on my days off of school. Well, I was laying there, and my brothers walk in and take my fedora (not the first time by any means). I can tell, because they were making comments about it in the hallway. If I've heard correctly, they were talking about how they thought that it didn't look good at all on me (I can't say I'm the most handsome man, I'm no Humphrey Bogart, Frank Sinatra, or Cary Grant), then my little sister agreed with them that it didn't look good on me. I also remember hearing them say that fedoras should only ever be worn by so-and-so, probably a rapper that they listen to. I'd hate to say this about my own siblings, but when it comes to the topic of my dress sensibilities, they're a bunch of ignorant fools. While putting my fedora on their heads, they were even imitating and mocking Humphrey Bogart after they had watched some of The Big Sleep. That's not all, after that, they tossed my fedora on the bed that I was sleeping, but I could tell that it landed on the floor. They even left it slightly out of shape...

Personally, if I was in your situation I would start shopping for out-of-state colleges so you can become the person you want to be in a free environment, without having to justify yourself to an intolerant family. Absence truly does make the heart grow fonder - after a semester away, they will probably be happy to see you at Christmas break. In the meantime, hopefully they will have located enough tolerance within their character to allow you to conduct your life as you see fit, and will suffer your hat-wearing in silence.

I may actually consider this now. For years I got along with my family just fine, but that's because I wasn't too different from my siblings, even though I'm more reserved, and shy, and I have always had different interests. I listen mainly to classical music, jazz, and film scores, they listen to rap and hip hop (Tupac is their favorite), with my sister into the Hannah Montana thing (not that I find anything too wrong with that myself). Now at the age of 20, I find myself a changed man. Quite frankly, at this point, our differences are worlds apart. You could say that I'm very different from the rest of the family, except when it comes to religious and political views. I still don't feel quite ready to move just yet, as I've always lived with my family, but I was considering a university in northern California anyway, probably Berkeley, even though it's very liberal for my tastes.

I can imagine it now. I board a flight to my area of southern California. I show up at the house for Christmas wearing a fedora, suit, and perhaps overcoat, or at least a sport coat and contrasting slacks. I'd be dressed differently from everyone else for sure, but those differences are a part of who I am. Besides that, they will very much appreciate the fact that I've come home for Christmastime.

 

[cptjeff]

The other day I got a comment that reflected the casualization of our society- not necessarily a hat comment, though I was wearing a hat.

Walking back from dinner, I was wearing black jeans that I'm working on breaking in, soft black moleskin Gap blazer, weejuns and a gray fedora.

I run into a guy I know, and fist thing he asks is "Why are you dressed up?"
It wasn't mean spirited or anything, but it did take me a bit off guard.

Didn't have much of a response beyond 'this is how I dress', but the thing that made me happy was that his friend made some comment along the lines of, "He just likes to look good."


And JB, long term going to an out of state school might be a good idea. Come up to upstate New York, we could start a club. Short term? I think you ought to just lay it out for them, tell them that you're not going to stop. Or you could tone down the hats a little- work a few more stingies into the rotation. People seem to more readily accept them, and you're still wearing a proper hat. And once they come to accept that they're not going away, go full Federation, full time. Unless you come to like the stingies.