Social Etiquette

[Rosie_Beau]

Hello. I've done a little search and can't find anything that really answers my question. And while I'm not totally sure the Powder Room is the appropriate place I value you ladies' opinions.

The situation is this: a week on Saturday is my sister's graduation and afterwards we are going for a meal. Also at the meal will be my sister's friend and her parents. I have met the friend in the past and can honestly say we are chalk and cheese. I just don't get on with the girl and have decided to sit away from her at the table. However it's her parents I'm worried about. My sister has admitted "if they are anything like [friend] they will talk only about money". I am not comfortable with this and I know my dad will hate it. I have heard it's also very bad etiquette.
How should I politely tell them to not talk about money and how much of it they have? It's not something I've had to say before.

Thanks for any help.

 

[lostinthe50's]

That is a very difficult situation. I have a cousin who is like that and is always wanting to show off his house, watches, photo's of trips, ect. There is a time and a place for everything and I think that if they say anything of the sort, I would pull them aside and nicely ask them to let this be a special day for your sister and you would appreciate that they would help making it that way.

 

[Kitty_Sheridan]

I'm with Emily Post I'm afraid, in her 1922 etiquette book she quotes:
The Right Honorable G. W. E. Russell, wrote: “Probably in all ages of history men have liked money, but a hundred years ago they did not talk about it in society...

I hate it, I think it's damned rude..I have a frenemy like this, change the topic politely but firmly. if they question your finances say 'that's between me and my bank manager' tap your nose and laugh. If they don't get the message then they really may just have to be tolerated.[huh]

 

[lareine]

Actually I think it would be quite rude (or at least strange behaviour) to specifically ask them not to talk about something that's clearly important to them. But you can certainly tell them to butt out if they start asking about your finances. And by all means keep changing the subject to something less irritating to you, if you can.

 

[Paisley]

How should I politely tell them to not talk about money and how much of it they have? It's not something I've had to say before.

Thanks for any help.

You can't. But you can say, "I'm sorry, but I don't discuss that" if they ask you about your money.

 

[Lady Day]

I hate people who always talk about money. Its a notion for them to brag. You could just bluntly say, "I dont talk about finances in public, especially in this financial climate," with a stern kind of look, then as someone else suggested change the subject every time its brought up. "So what did your parents do?" "Where did you go to college?" "This lettuce is very crispy." "I like your shoes, do you know where they were made?" Anything. Unless they are dense, they will get the point.

LD

 

[Miss Crisplock]

The problem is that while it vulgar to talk about money, it is even worse manners to tell an adult what they are allowed to discuss.

How to get out of this dilema?

Don't discuss money withthem. It is very difficult to hold a conversation without another participant.

I like the idea of introducing other topics. A number of times if need be.

 

[ZombieGirl]

"This lettuce is very crispy."
LD

"Why yes, this lettuce is very crispy. Crispy like my piles and piles of MONEY!"

 

[Lady Day]

D'oh!
Ya got me!

LD

 

[miss_elise]

I'm pretty sure that telling someone what they can and can't talk about is just as uncouth as talking about money

what you can do is change the subject whenever they bring it up

 

[4spurs]

redirect

Redirect the conversation; ask them what do they do when they aren't talking about their money . . .

Some people only want to talk about themselves, and aren't really interested in anyone, or anything else; and they might not be capable of talking about anything else as they may have forgotten how, or never learned at all.

Try not to get too wound up before you go; maybe you will be surprised.

 

[HepKitty]

I tried the whole "do we really need to talk about money all the time" question with a couple of apparently not quite grown up children despite their numeric ages of lawyers and judges and got shot down. "we always talk about money and how much stuff costs" was the excuse they gave me implying "we rich types who try to ride our parents' coattails" I told them point blank it's boring and I don't give a rip about the swanky new apts in downtown Boise and they insisted... needless to say I don't hang out w/ one of them anymore and had to take a good LONG break from the other. now when we talk and she's being stupid I tell her and if she doesn't like it she knows where the door is. I don't usually believe in being so harsh, but even her mom said she was amazed at how long I stuck around putting up w/ the bragging exaggerations and outright lies...

in your sitch I agree with the advice here, if asked about your finances politely say that yours are not up for discussion, and when they talk about theirs, change the subject. distract them with questions about themselves, egomaniacs love to talk about themselves and their accomplishments. if it turns to money (which could very well happen if all they can use as a measure of success is fat bank accounts), redirect again the funny thing is that people like that think you're a stunning conversationalist

let us know how it goes

 

[dhermann1]

Then again . . .

They might not at all. Best not to anticipate too much. You'll make yourself crazy.
What will happen is, they'll say "Hasn't the weather been lovely?", and you'll immediately bark at them, "Will you just shut up about they money, already!!!" And then you'll be embarrassed. Just remember to be nice, and that's all you really need to do.

 

[LizzieMaine]

The worst possible topics for table conversation in a setting like this are money, religion, politics, and sex, or any combination thereof. Anyone with a lick of sense would go to any length possible to avoid any of these topics. It's your sister's day, and the meal is in her honor -- the best thing to do is steer the conversation in her direction, about her plans, goals, aspirations, and accomplishments. Anyone who would insist on steering discussion back to their own bank account in those circs is no friend at all.

 

[crwritt]

The worst possible topics for table conversation in a setting like this are money, religion, politics, and sex, or any combination thereof. Anyone with a lick of sense would go to any length possible to avoid any of these topics. It's your sister's day, and the meal is in her honor -- the best thing to do is steer the conversation in her direction, about her plans, goals, aspirations, and accomplishments. Anyone who would insist on steering discussion back to their own bank account in those circs is no friend at all.

I think I'll add death, decay, and bodily functions to that list. Also insects and
taxidermy.

 

[Lady Day]

Also perhaps roadkill.

LD

 

[crwritt]

Also perhaps roadkill.

LD

In our family, the taxidermy conversation includes roadkill.

 

[Lady Day]

Good to know

LD

 

[HepKitty]

all of the above, for sure

 

[Lily Powers]

I think I'll add death, decay, and bodily functions to that list. Also insects and
taxidermy.

You haven't dined at a Coroner's banquet!!

As for people who tend to talk about their money, well, I'd just look them in the eye, smile and say, "How fortunate you are to be wealthy." And leave it at that.