Overdressed for a funeral

[Senator Jack]

Is this now possible? Are you upstaging the corpse by wearing a black suit, tie, pocket square, and, good heavens, polished shoes? I'm happy to report I haven't had to attend a funeral for a few years now, but it's been on my mind.

Regards,

Senator Jack

 

[BegintheBeguine]

Granny Grunt speaks

Well, if everyone took my advice there would be no corpse at the funeral as everyone would sign a donor card. Hmpf.
Wear the black suit, tie, pocket square and polished shoes. Don't wear the skin-tight jeans; call me and I'll lend you something nice.

 

[Maj.Nick Danger]

I had to attend a funeral several years ago, and only roughly a third of those in attendance were properly dressed.
One third was dressed "business casual" as it is known, (Dockers and a real shirt with buttons) and the other third was various forms of casual wear,(Their favorite jeans and T-shirts.) Luckily, it was in March, and still on the cold side, so no one appeared in shorts.:eusa_doh:
I have always felt that it is respectful to the deceased and their family, to dress appropriately.

 

[Lady Day]

Very well discussed.

LD

 

[TaxMan1]

People don't dress for church anymore, so I'm guessing they wouldn't dress for funerals either?

 

[Paisley]

This reminds me of something Miss Manners wrote: "A mysterious woman more droopily festooned than the widow is making what is known as a fashion statement."

 

[Senator Jack]

Very well discussed.

Yeah, due to a high-volume of headache-inducing attendees, I had to avoid that thread.

I'm not concerned about the loss of respect the 'casual' are showing for the deceased, I'm concerned that by dressing appropriately, you are now being seen as self-centered. That the 'casual' think you are using the solemn occassion to strut your stuff.

I recently attended a friend's wedding where the groom chose to wear a suit instead of tux (or whatever you want to call it). I wore one of my regular suits, dressed as usual, and I got to feeling bad. Had I upstaged the couple? From reports, I just might have. Certainly, I didn't mean to, but what else can I do? Go half-dressed?

Regards,

Senator Jack

 

[BegintheBeguine]

They know you. They know you always dress appropriately and always look nice. You won't be thought of as self-centered. You're not a show-off, just correctly dressed .

 

[Maj.Nick Danger]

I'm not concerned about the loss of respect the 'casual' are showing for the deceased, I'm concerned that by dressing appropriately, you are now being seen as self-centered. That the 'casual' think you are using the solemn occassion to strut your stuff.

I think the casual are victims of the mass brainwashing of "society", (The media), and I don't belong in this era,.... *sigh*
(And is there any occasion left that could now be considered appropriate for dressing appropriately?!)

 

[PADDY]

Maybe we Irish are just old fashioned...but...

We still have our wakes, we often (out in the country) lay the corpse out at home in bed, we lower our blinds or curtains (as will the neighbours and friends) and more relevantly to this thread, we DRESS to the nines as a mark of respect to the person who has passed away (and to the family who are left).

In England certainly, things are different, as I noticed just 3 weeks ago when I went to the funeral of a good friend's mother. I wore a dark DB suit, starched shirt and black tie and polished black brogues.

I was the only one dressed like that! [huh] Some were in jeans and trainers [huh] To my old fashioned, possibly prehistoric and Neandrathel mind, that was a lack of respect 'not' to dress up appropriately.

But I'm Irish and I come from a rather different culture to my friends on the UK mainland.

 

[jamespowers]

Yeah, due to a high-volume of headache-inducing attendees, I had to avoid that thread.

I'm not concerned about the loss of respect the 'casual' are showing for the deceased, I'm concerned that by dressing appropriately, you are now being seen as self-centered. That the 'casual' think you are using the solemn occassion to strut your stuff.

I recently attended a friend's wedding where the groom chose to wear a suit instead of tux (or whatever you want to call it). I wore one of my regular suits, dressed as usual, and I got to feeling bad. Had I upstaged the couple? From reports, I just might have. Certainly, I didn't mean to, but what else can I do? Go half-dressed?

Regards,

Senator Jack

Self Centered and likely thought of as either eccentric or in your own little world. I agree.
Appropriate dress is likely not to be found in the fashion dictionary anymore. It is ridiculously come as you are.
I attended a friend's wedding not long ago that was specifically "formal attire" on the invitiation. Some people showed up in tuxedoes, others in suits and some much less than formal. I think nowadays you have to define formal and appropriate attire so they won't be confused and wear flip flops to a formal wedding or cutoffs to a funeral. :eusa_doh:

Regards,

J

 

[Maj.Nick Danger]

It's heartening to hear that there are still a few places in the world where culture still exists.
(I think I should move to Ireland.)

 

[griffer]

Yeah, due to a high-volume of headache-inducing attendees, I had to avoid that thread...

I know what your saying.

This thread is already going down the path of criticizing casual people, bemoaning our modern times, and general fretting about the fate of western civilization since the advent of the dreaded t-shirt.

I am with the Senator. I would like to see a more postive discussion of what IS appropriate, what are positive guidelines for those who care to tread respectfully.

It's easy to critcize, but let's take the high road and build something.

To begin with, I believe one should strive to not draw attention away from the ceremony and the departed.

Bright ties and flashy fabrics do that.

Pocket square, yes, but cotton or linen, white only. Make sure its clean when you leave, and don't hesitate to hand it to a lady in distress. Definitely not a time for those fakes stapled to cards. I carry back ups in both pockets.

Long tie, but nothing showy or 'happy'. Red and geometric come to mind.

Simple black shoes, shined.

And maybe we can throw weddings into this discussion as well.

Erik

 

[jamespowers]

I was the only one dressed like that! [huh] Some were in jeans and trainers [huh] To my old fashioned, possibly prehistoric and Neandrathel mind, that was a lack of respect 'not' to dress up appropriately.

But I'm Irish and I come from a rather different culture to my friends on the UK mainland.

Hardly prehistoric. You have some of the same folks over here in the states who would go to a funeral exactly the same as you did. :eusa_clap

Regards,

J

 

[Viola]

I would wear something somber, but I wouldn't wear all black, necessarily. And I definitely wouldn't use a funeral as a place to wear a dramatic hat with a veil on it.

Just something quiet and dark and relatively innocuous. Its not about me, you know?

-Viola

 

[Jack Scorpion]

And maybe we can throw weddings into this discussion as well.

Erik

I've never underdressed for a funeral and I never will. I'd never go all out, either, though. The term "plain" comes to mind. I'd want to dress respectful, nice, but very plain. Black/grey suit, white shirt, black/grey tie, black shoes. Period.

As for weddings, my father wore a suit instead of a tux and I would probably want to as well. Then again, I think suits are the epitome of class and tuxedos are penguin costumes, so to each his own.

 

[Samsa]

If I were to attend a funeral in the near future, I would wear a black suit (with or without the vest, depending on the weather), white shirt, black tie, and black dress shoes. I might hesitate in wearing a hat, just because it would possibly call attention to myself. I would think that plain, clean black clothing of any kind would have the desired effect of being at once respectful and not designed (or likely) to draw attention to the person wearing them.

 

[griffer]

I think weddings are the chance to push the suit to its limits and have fun.

I don't think a flashy suit will ever be thought of as trying out do the groom- as long as the groom wears a tux.

 

[Senator Jack]

Unfortunately, black suit, white or black shirt, black tie, black shoes is, of course, considered to be overdressed these days. Really, you can't get more basic than that.

Now, true, there are usually more than one or two people appropriately dressed for a funeral, but, as we know, there are people who dress (taker your average stockbroker in the sack suit) and there are people who are groomed. By being groomed and dressed, you're really inviting trouble aren't you?

 

[griffer]

(taker your average stockbroker in the sack suit)

I should I hope that is never me.