"Old School" grace and mannerisms?

[Brinybay]

I've always been impressed with the "old school" style of "gentlemanly" manners. Three people come to mind as an example - Rod Taylor as he was in the 1960 movie "Time Machine", Vincent Price in just about everything, and Bela Legosi (the man, not the vampire). Granted, these are trained actors, but still, the type of poise and grace they displayed wasn't something just made up for the screen. Particularly in Legosi's case. His son described his mannerisms "as if everything he did was a ritual".

I have a practical motive for wanting to learn this, to enhance my personal communication skills. And of course, the "vintage" aspect of it.

Are there any such places that teach these sort of things? Is it something only available for "upper crust" types? Where would a blue-collar "working stiff" go to learn these kind of skills?

 

[Not-Bogart13]

Interesting query. I'm sure there must be ways to learn that sort of thing. If not first hand, then certainly there are books.

But I think one of the reasons that people like Price and other "classic gentlemen" stand out is because it went beyond learned manners for them. I think it ran to their very bones.

 

[Anachronism]

I don't know if this is much help, and it's not technically golden-era (it's from the 1950s) but for some reason Leave it to Beaver was on the TV and the dad tells his son, who is taking a girl to a dance, to carry her handbag.

 

[PrettySquareGal]

Brinybay- from one working stiff to another- I learn a lot from reading vintage etiquette books and watching those old shows you mention. Since rude is the new polite I personally would avoid any contemporary courses. Back in the day they were called finishing or charm schools, but to be honest, I don't know if they were just for women!

 

[Flitcraft]

You need to watch some Cary Grant movies. Even when he's a "bad guy", as in Suspicion, or Notorious, Grant is always the most charming guy in the room. If Archie Leach can transform himself into Cary Grant, you can too.

 

[Brinybay]

I don't know if this is much help, and it's not technically golden-era (it's from the 1950s) but for some reason Leave it to Beaver was on the TV and the dad tells his son, who is taking a girl to a dance, to carry her handbag.

Well, my interest goes beyond that. I know how to be polite, but I was looking for something more than just opening doors, pulling out chairs, etc. Also not just something aimed towards women. The examples I mentioned were that way with everybody they came in contact with.

 

[I'mSuzyParker]

I think I understand what you mean.. you have the basic "etiquette" down.. you're looking to fine tune the mannerisms, etc. Why not approach it as an actor studying a role. Watch the movies of Vincent Price, Rod Taylor and Cary Grant and instead of watching the movie, concentrate on your "character", take notes and incorporate the gestures, etc into who YOU are. Cary Grant did "create" Cary Grant. It was after many years of acting as Cary Grant, he became Cary Grant. You can do the same thing.

 

[Paisley]

Charm is, indeed, something that some people put on and take off. Those people are called phonies.

Of course, there are techniques that are necessary to learn: physical grace, good posture, good table manners, etc. But you also need to cultivate the spirit that goes with them. It's a spirit of being kind, generous, confident and dignified. This will also let your own personality come through. Your brand of graciousness might be anywhere from Jimmy Stewart to Jack Sparrow.

If Archie Leach (aka Cary Grant) can learn to be apotheosis of sophistication, does that mean anyone else can? Mr. Grant was blessed with a great deal of acting talent. From there, he practiced his craft for decades. After all these years, he is still held up as the epitome of style and grace. I'll let readers decide if anyone can come close to being like him.

 

[Paisley]

I have a practical motive for wanting to learn this, to enhance my personal communication skills. And of course, the "vintage" aspect of it.

Are there any such places that teach these sort of things? Is it something only available for "upper crust" types? Where would a blue-collar "working stiff" go to learn these kind of skills?

I recommend Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior by Judith Martin. It starts with the philosophy of manners, then goes from basic civilization (table manners, common courtesy) to advanced civilization (in case you are ever invited to the White House). Judith Martin's knowledge of the philosphy and practice of manners runs wide and deep. She has a good sense of humor, too.

For practicing manners beyond your daily routine, I recommend Toastmasters (a speaking club) and social dancing. A ballroom or tango venue will likely put more emphasis on dress and decorum than the lindy hop crowd.

 

[Foofoogal]

http://www.kentonantiques.com/si/8016.html

as this is from 1800 it may help. [huh]

 

[RondoHatton]

Charm is, indeed, something that some people put on and take off. Those people are called phonies.

While there have been some truly gracious ladies and gentlemen met during my brush with the "vintage circuit", I am beginning to realize just how many narcissistic, phony, shallow, selfish, smug, supercilious, superior, hostile and clique-ish tramps and S.O.B.s outweigh them. How ghetto.

 

[Caity Lynn]

I know what you mean, theres something to be said for manners and charisma. Today it's simply lacking. As a lady sometimes I don't know how to react when someone is very polite, such as a man opening a door, I won't be expecting it and it throws me off!

 

[Son_of_Atropos]

You can find some books on manners at http://www.gutenberg.org/wiki/Main_Page

"The Perfect Gentleman" looks interesting.


I found another where they said you shouldn't hang up your clothes on hangers because it destroys them. So take them for what they are worth.

 

[Brinybay]

... But you also need to cultivate the spirit that goes with them. It's a spirit of being kind, generous, confident and dignified. This will also let your own personality come through.

I think that's really at the heart of what I'm after. Not so much knowing which fork to use, but rather the vocal tone, vocabulary, demeanor, and poise. One thing I've noticed about "refined gentleman" I've seen is how they maintained such a dignified demeanor when dealing with jerks. THAT would be a challenge for me! The Toastmasters suggestion is a good one, but now it's starting to sound like work. I was hoping for a pill or something, haha!

Cary Grant seems to be a favorite here. Not a bad choice, but I was always partial to ol' VP. But surprisingly enough, when I rented the DVD version of the "Bela Legosi Collection", I was not only surprised to see that he played something other than a vampire, but his overall "old school" charm rivaled VP. But I don't think I want to watch too many of his movies, I'm liable to start picking up his Hungarian accent. Then I would sound dumb!

 

[ShoreRoadLady]

The Toastmasters suggestion is a good one, but now it's starting to sound like work. I was hoping for a pill or something, haha!

For this, I refer you to your own signature line.

If you *do* find a pill, let me know! I'm working on the whole proper-presentation-of-myself thing, too. I'm sure a Public Speaking/Toastmasters thing would help. (Unfortunately, however, most of these seem to involve standing up and addressing a room. This I almost find easier than, say, sitting down for an interview or striking up a conversation at a party!)

 

[PrettySquareGal]

Courtesy and kindness should always trump charisma and charm, in my opinion. The former requires no training or books, just awareness and a caring spirit. I'd much rather be around the former kind of person. Of course, the goal should be to embrace all of those qualities. Think of the movie Marty.

 

[Paisley]

The Toastmasters suggestion is a good one, but now it's starting to sound like work. I was hoping for a pill or something, haha!

Cary Grant seems to be a favorite here. Not a bad choice, but I was always partial to ol' VP. But surprisingly enough, when I rented the DVD version of the "Bela Legosi Collection", I was not only surprised to see that he played something other than a vampire, but his overall "old school" charm rivaled VP. But I don't think I want to watch too many of his movies, I'm liable to start picking up his Hungarian accent. Then I would sound dumb!

I was in Toastmasters for a year or two, and while it was a lot of work, it paid off. It didn't give me more charm, I don't think, but it gave me confidence and let me use my sense of humor.

Looking to others for inspiration is good, but don't try to imitate others. Unless you're a good actor--and want to play that part all the time--people will know you're putting on an act. And yes, youi just might end up sounding like Bela Lugosi. lol

 

[Sydney Loren]

I don't know if this is much help, and it's not technically golden-era (it's from the 1950s) but for some reason Leave it to Beaver was on the TV and the dad tells his son, who is taking a girl to a dance, to carry her handbag.

I was at the theater a few days ago and noticed four different elderly couples where the husband was carrying the wife's purse and I couldn't seem to figure out why. I didn't realize it was considered polite to do.

 

[Brinybay]

I was in Toastmasters for a year or two, and while it was a lot of work, it paid off. It didn't give me more charm, I don't think, but it gave me confidence and let me use my sense of humor.

Looking to others for inspiration is good, but don't try to imitate others. Unless you're a good actor--and want to play that part all the time--people will know you're putting on an act. And yes, youi just might end up sounding like Bela Lugosi. lol

Inspiration yes, imitation was the furthest thing from my mind, that would be...what's the word? Borderline insanity? I would be like those guys they lock up who think they're Napoleon or Hitler. Don't want that, although nibbling young ladies on the neck doesn't sound all that bad...

 

[Emer]

This is one of the reasons I wish they hadn't done away with Home Economics in school (or at least, the true idea of Home Ec). I think that everyone could do with a good healthy dose of basic manners and politeness.

As funny as this sounds, I once did a Google search on "How to be a Good Housewife," and you wouldn't believe the results it netted me. Some were a bit ridiculous ("never let your husband see you without your make-up," sorry, but it's going to have to happen once or twice) while others were very good ("never stop trying to be beautiful; the day you do is the day your marriage starts to go down hill"). I'll bet you could do the same with "how to be a gentleman," or whatever aspect of it you're looking for.