Never say never

[mysterygal]

A few pearls of wisdom from 599 Things You should Never Do.

"Never accept a drink from a urologist"
-Erma Bombeck
"Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with something much bigger and heavier"
-Anonymous
"Never insult seven men if you're only carrying a six-shooter'
-Harry Morgan

"Never judge a man by the opinion his wife has of him"
-Bob Edwards
"Never eat Chinese food in Oklahoma"
-Bryan Miller
"Never put off till tomorrow what you can get someone else to do today"
-Douglas Ottati
"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow"
-Mark Twain
"Never put of until tomorrow what can be avoided altogether"
-Ann Landers
"Never keep up with the Jonses. Drag them down to your level. It's cheaper."
-Quentin Crisp
"Never take a job where the boss calls you 'Babe'"
-Brett Butler
"Never trust a man who has only one way to spell a word"
-Dan Quayle, quoting Mark Twain

 

[magneto]

"Never eat at a place called Mom's, play poker with a man called Doc, nor plan a crime with somebody nicknamed "Priest" or "The Reverend"--anonymous

 

[VintageJess]

"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."

Erma Bombeck

 

[Daisy Buchanan]

"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."

Erma Bombeck

Good one! I never thought of that, but it is excellent advice.

So is all the rest. Things I never thought of but will definitely keep in mind.

 

[Caledonia]

Never explain - your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.
Elbert Hubbard

Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.
Dave Barry

Never believe anything until it has been officially denied.
Claud Cockburn

Never pass up an opportunity, because you don't know who is sitting in the audience.
Mandy Moore

Never read a book through merely because you have begun it.
John Witherspoon

 

["Doc" Devereux]

"Never [...] play poker with a man called Doc..."--anonymous

Fnord

 

[decodoll]

"Never attribute to maliciousness that which can adequately be explained by stupidity."

~Mark Twain

 

[LaMedicine]

"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."

Erma Bombeck

Uh-oh:eusa_doh: .....for some reason, I never had a green thumb ...I guess I should employ someone who does.lol lol lol lol lol

 

[Cousin Hepcat]

"Never attribute to maliciousness that which can adequately be explained by stupidity."

~Mark Twain

See, that's what I live by, but replace "stupidity" with "ignorance". And usually, it turns out it was the latter.


Swing High,
- C H

 

[Pilgrim]

Never drink iced tea anywhere north of Oklahoma.

Why? North of there, most folks don't even know what good iced tea is - and they don't sell enough of it to keep it fresh.

 

["Doc" Devereux]

Based on experience...

Never order the "Tasty Cheddar Sandwich" in Buxton (Derbyshire, England).

 

[Senator Jack]

Never order the "Tasty Cheddar Sandwich" in Buxton (Derbyshire, England).

Why do I find this hilarious? Is it the adjective 'tasty' or the prepostional phrase 'in Buxton'?

SJ

 

[Mike in Seattle]

Never engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.

 

[magneto]

Why do I find this hilarious? Is it the adjective 'tasty' or the prepostional phrase 'in Buxton'?

SJ

Probably an observation forged in the crucible of bitter experience

 

[Caledonia]

Never share a shower with a parrot. He hogs the soap.

 

["Doc" Devereux]

Probably an observation forged in the crucible of bitter experience

Indeed so. I can at least confirm that it was a sandwich.

 

[TM]

"Never complain, never explain", Henry Ford II

Tony

 

[Caledonia]

Hi Tony! Good to meet you.