IndianaGuybrush
One of the Regulars
- Messages
- 232
My parents disciplined me and my brothers when we were growing up. All of us got hit and none of us regret it. Before you read on thinking "ok, here's another case of an older generation not being in touch with the times..." I'm 23, and my brothers are 20 and 17. My parents aren't what I would call conservative by any stretch of the imagination either. However, they raised us with a firm but fair hand, and the rules were simple:
No backtalk. What mom or dad says goes. If you talked back, you got spanked and then sent to your room.
When they told us to do something, we listened. "Put that down!" didn't mean "honey, when you're done playing with that, if it's ok, could you put it down?" it meant put it down, period. When we were called we came. If we didn't come right away we got the 1,2,3 rule. My parents would count out, slowly to 3. If we hadn't come by 3, they came after us, and they were not happy.
Disobedience to any authority figure such as teachers, policemen, camp counselors, relatives, etc. was treated as harshly as disobedience to my parents.
Those were the abbreviated rules in our house. I don't smoke, do drugs, and I've never been arrested (or broken any law sever enough to call for arrest), and the same goes for my brothers. We appreciate everything our parents have done and continue to do for us, and none of us regret a moment of it.
For comparison's sake, and just to show you that I don't think it's necessary perse, to hit your kids: My little sister is 10 years old now, and she has NEVER been spanked in her life. While she is a bit spoiled (first girl after 3 boys.. come on!) she is by no means a brat. She is incredibly well behaved, and in a lot of ways extremely mature. Now, that might be because she had 5 people watching her every move since she was born (hard to get away with anything when you've got that many eyes on you) but whatever the reason, I think we can say that she is doing fine. Again, take from this what you will.
I think time-outs and standing the in the corner and non-physical punishments are all well and good, but they won't do the job alone. The reason my brothers and I behaved, and the reason we tried hard in school, and the reason that we tried at anything at all until we got old enough to want to do things for ourselves, was because we were afraid of disappointing our parents if we did otherwise. Sure, it hurt to get spanked, but it hurt a lot more seeing the look on my dad's face when I got sent home with bad news. I would cry before he even said anything, and I wasn't crying because I was about to get hit, I was crying because I knew he was disappointed. In fact, many times, getting hit stopped the crying. At that point I had payed for my crime, and I kenw I would be forgiven. Some of the worst memories I have were from things that I did where I didn't get hit. My dad was so disgusted he just told me to get out of his sight. Those were the nights that I would stay awake for hours feeling sick about what I had done, eaten away by guilt. In other words, your kids have to care about how you feel. They have to not WANT to disappoint you, and in order for that to happen, there has to be a solid foundation of trust, love, and yes a little fear. A little fear is good in a child, because a child without fear is a menace.
I got a lot more involved than I originally intended to, but I guess it's a topic that I feel very strongly about. I love the person I am today, and I give my parents full credit for creating and molding that person. My one hope is that I can someday approach being as good a parent as the ones I was blessed with.
No backtalk. What mom or dad says goes. If you talked back, you got spanked and then sent to your room.
When they told us to do something, we listened. "Put that down!" didn't mean "honey, when you're done playing with that, if it's ok, could you put it down?" it meant put it down, period. When we were called we came. If we didn't come right away we got the 1,2,3 rule. My parents would count out, slowly to 3. If we hadn't come by 3, they came after us, and they were not happy.
Disobedience to any authority figure such as teachers, policemen, camp counselors, relatives, etc. was treated as harshly as disobedience to my parents.
Those were the abbreviated rules in our house. I don't smoke, do drugs, and I've never been arrested (or broken any law sever enough to call for arrest), and the same goes for my brothers. We appreciate everything our parents have done and continue to do for us, and none of us regret a moment of it.
For comparison's sake, and just to show you that I don't think it's necessary perse, to hit your kids: My little sister is 10 years old now, and she has NEVER been spanked in her life. While she is a bit spoiled (first girl after 3 boys.. come on!) she is by no means a brat. She is incredibly well behaved, and in a lot of ways extremely mature. Now, that might be because she had 5 people watching her every move since she was born (hard to get away with anything when you've got that many eyes on you) but whatever the reason, I think we can say that she is doing fine. Again, take from this what you will.
I think time-outs and standing the in the corner and non-physical punishments are all well and good, but they won't do the job alone. The reason my brothers and I behaved, and the reason we tried hard in school, and the reason that we tried at anything at all until we got old enough to want to do things for ourselves, was because we were afraid of disappointing our parents if we did otherwise. Sure, it hurt to get spanked, but it hurt a lot more seeing the look on my dad's face when I got sent home with bad news. I would cry before he even said anything, and I wasn't crying because I was about to get hit, I was crying because I knew he was disappointed. In fact, many times, getting hit stopped the crying. At that point I had payed for my crime, and I kenw I would be forgiven. Some of the worst memories I have were from things that I did where I didn't get hit. My dad was so disgusted he just told me to get out of his sight. Those were the nights that I would stay awake for hours feeling sick about what I had done, eaten away by guilt. In other words, your kids have to care about how you feel. They have to not WANT to disappoint you, and in order for that to happen, there has to be a solid foundation of trust, love, and yes a little fear. A little fear is good in a child, because a child without fear is a menace.
I got a lot more involved than I originally intended to, but I guess it's a topic that I feel very strongly about. I love the person I am today, and I give my parents full credit for creating and molding that person. My one hope is that I can someday approach being as good a parent as the ones I was blessed with.
