Jokes About Hats

[Paul-y]

Im looking for all jokes about hats. Of course extra points for old school style!

Incredible extra cool points if its a knock knock joke about bowlers or derbys... anyone up for the challenge?

Cant wait,
Paul-y

 

[Hereward]

Allow me to start with an offering of mine own (with apologies perhaps):

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Derby

Derby who?

Derby bluebirds over the white cliffs of Dover...

 

[The Good]

Here's a good one I remember seeing when I was reading about the early history of Stetson and his Boss of the Plains hat:

Perhaps the greatest tribute to Stetson’s remarkable hat was paid by an unknown cowpuncher. According to W. C. Tuttle, a Western author, a man rode into town wearing a derby one Sunday morning. “It was a terrible faux pas,” related Tuttle. “The derby was knocked off his head and cruelly mistreated.” Later, some cowboy picked up the ruined derby and squinted at the imprint on the hatband. “My God!” he gasped. “It says Stetson. I bet it’s a counterfeit. I’d just as soon think of a bow and arrow with the name ‘Colt!’”

It's from here, for the record: http://www.desertusa.com/mag04/jun/hat.html

I found this quite amusing!

 

[57plymouth]

I have a friend that calls me "The Reporter" every time he sees me since I started wearing fedoras.

 

[The Wolf]

I think I got this from an old Archie comic

"I just bought a new hat"
"Fedora?"
"No, for me."
rimshot

Sincerely,
The Wolf

 

[150719541]

Some friends ¡¡¡

Now with all troubles wich are living in México (delincuency, violence and gangs) when I am wearing dark clothes and hat, some friends tell me:
Are you a mafia boss? because remember the old movies with arists using fedoras.lol lol lol

 

[Tiller]

There was a little old lady standing at a corner. She had both hands holding her hat on while the wind blew her dress up around her waist.

A dignified southern gentleman came up and said, "Ma'am, you should be ashamed of yourself, letting your skirt blow around, being indecent, while both hands hold your hat."

She said, "Look mister, everything down there is seventy years old, this hat is brand new!"

lol :eusa_clap I've never heard that one. Very good.

 

[The Lark]

Q - For whom should you always remove your hat?

A - The barber.

 

[Blackthorn]

Q - For whom should you always remove your hat?

A - The barber.

Great avatar, Lark!

(sorry, no joke, but I'm enjoying these!)

 

[ScionPI2005]

:eusa_clap :eusa_clap :eusa_clap
These are all so good! Thanks for sharing and helping me wake up this morning! I'll have to see if I can dig up any good jokes myself.

 

[AlterEgo]

This couplet from Oliver Wendell Holmes' poem "A Rhymed Lesson" was considered humorous in its day:

Virtue may flourish in an old cravat,
But man and nature scorn the shocking hat.

Historical reference--the once common comical expression of exasperation, "If ..., then I'll eat my hat," has its root in this line from Charles Dickens' Pickwick Papers:

"If I knew as little of life as that, I'd eat my hat and swallow the buckle whole," said that clerical gentleman."

That was a time when hats had buckles, apparently the most challenging portion to consume.

 

[Roxy]

Some more hat jokes here.

I like this one...

What did the hat say to the tie?
"You hang around here...I'll go on a head."

 

[hatsRme]

I've been thinking about this type of thread for while, and am delighted to give it a bump, starting with this one;


A man was walking down the street and he met a small boy. The man asked what was his name.

The boy replied, 'six and seven-eighths.'

The man asked him why his parents had given him such a strange name, and he replied, 'they just picked it out of a hat.'

 

[alanfgag]

:eusa_clap Well done, Charlie.

 

[jhe888]

 

[TOuten2]

I just got a new hat for my wife...best trade I ever made!

Tim

 

[hatsRme]

NOW we're on a roll!!
:rofl:

A Hat For Grandfather

My wife Nancy and I were visiting her 95-year-old grandfather when he asked us to take him to buy a new hat.

Nancy took me aside. “I’m worried that he doesn’t have enough money, and he’ll be very embarrassed, ” she said. So I asked the salesperson to tell my wife’s grandfather that whichever hat he chose cost $15.

I would pay the difference.

Grandpa picked out a $60 hat and was charged $15.

After he left, I paid the other $45.

Later he said, “What a bargain! The last one I bought there cost me $100.

 

[Zombie_61]

Two psychiatrists are discussing their day. The first one says to the second, "Would you believe I had a patient today who claimed he heard music every time he put on his hat?" The colleague asked, "Really? What did you do?" The first one replied, "I took it from him and removed the band."

---

Not strictly a hat joke, but...well, you'll see.

Sam and Ben are in the parking lot of their local country club preparing for their round of golf when a funeral procession passes by. Noticing this, Sam stood, faced the procession, removed his hat, placed it over his heart, and remained there until the last car had passed, at which time he replaced his hat on his head and resumed his preparations. Ben said to him, "You know, that was really a nice thing you did." Sam replied, "It was the least I could do; I was married to her for 46 years."

 

[hatsRme]

HatsRme: "Whenever I am down in the dumps, I buy A New Hat."
Zombie-66: "Oh, So thats where you get them" :high5:

 

[Rogera]

Two psychiatrists are discussing their day. The first one says to the second, "Would you believe I had a patient today who claimed he heard music every time he put on his hat?" The colleague asked, "Really? What did you do?" The first one replied, "I took it from him and removed the band."

---

Not strictly a hat joke, but...well, you'll see.

Sam and Ben are in the parking lot of their local country club preparing for their round of golf when a funeral procession passes by. Noticing this, Sam stood, faced the procession, removed his hat, placed it over his heart, and remained there until the last car had passed, at which time he replaced his hat on his head and resumed his preparations. Ben said to him, "You know, that was really a nice thing you did." Sam replied, "It was the least I could do; I was married to her for 46 years."

:eeek:

Ooooooohhhhhhh I shouldn't have read that one aloud. I have to go now.....