How can you mend a broken heart.....

[Paisley]

Benign Neglect

Someone mentioned learning from mistakes--I agree 100%. But after that, I'd suggest that you stop processing it. Stop thinking about her. Get rid of anything that reminds you of her, or at least put it away.

You don't need another girlfriend to move on: spend time with friends (if they make you feel better), keep yourself busy, throw yourself into your work, do anything positive and healthy that takes your mind off of it. Time will mend your broken heart, but only if don't pick at it.

As for learning how to have a good relationship, I think Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners, has an uncanny insight into human nature. I'd recommend reading the courtship section in her book "Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior."

 

[BigDuke634]

Booze. Lots and lots of booze.

 

[flat-top]

"Swingers" really does capture that feeling. The problem is, I still talk to this girl--we still have many loose ends. And then, inevitably, I will say something about "us", and I get the, well, WRONG reaction. I find it very hard to censor myself, and always wear my heart on my sleeve. It's my weakness. I don't want her back..make no mistake about that. I just can't shake this self-destructive mind set.
Regrets, I have many.......
flat-top

 

[Lauren]

Guard your heart. Focus on the day today, not tomorrow, not yesterday. Keep your eyes on the path ahead of you. Don't look all around. Keep your head up. Keep your friends, and let them help you. Don't worry, there will be a day when you wake up and know everything's ok. Invest in yourself, and in the tried and true friends and family who are around you. If you are religious, pray and seek God.

Coming from another hopeless romantic that's well on the way to what's next. :clap

 

[Tin Pan Sally]

It happens to the best of us

Make a clean break, then suffer the withdrawals. It hurts for a while, there's no way around that. You can't move on to better things until you let go.

 

[Ms.Casino]

edited

 

[K.D. Lightner]

Flat-top: Sorry to hear about your sorrow. I know the first time I had my heart broken, I thought I would die. I did not think I would ever get through it, but, of course, I did. And some years later, when I had another heartbreak, I remembered: I will survive this, and someday it won't hurt. I would go then from hurt to anger (at myself for not getting over it faster, or at the person I loved for abandoning me) and finally, one day, I would realize it was behind me and I was free to love again.

I don't need to give you advise, many already have and they are all good things, even the boozing (to some degree). my favorite is moving to Morroco and buying a bar.

Am not sure of the circumstances of the breakup, but if she did something to cause it, make a clean break and get away from her if you can. If not, refrain from the "what if's." If you feel you were the cause, then that is another thing. Sometimes we believe that if we had done something differently, or acted another way, or had not said this or that, it might have turned out differently. But, that may not be true. It wasn't meant to be, or it was meant to be for a short time and then it wasn't.

I can look back now on my life and see that every relationship I had, whether it ended mutually or I broke up with someone or someone left me, I learned from that relationship and things got better as I got older.

It, too, shall pass and there are good things ahead for you. Believe it!

karol

 

[Marc Chevalier]

My romantic years are behind me and my most prosperous years are ahead. I am too old to be seduced my illusions of love.

Man, are you ripe to be blindsided by Cupid! It always happens when you're not looking for it ...

 

[Blackgrass]

Wow....what a timely thread. I just ended a two-year relationship by my choice. I am 35 and was married for eight years previous to this last relationship. Over the last year or so I just came to realize that we were just two different people. She has a drinking problem and I have done/did everything I could do to help her out but realized I was just being dragged along for the ride. Sometimes you just have to see the light. It has been a couple of weeks since the breakup and I can tell you I know the meaning of the words "heartbroken and lovesick"!
I have been trying to keep myself busy....watching movies, talking to old friends....ect..ect. It's not easy to be alone once you are used to having someone around and a part of your life.
BUT....I think it is sort of like quitting smoking. The first few days you think about it all the time...every minute. But as time goes by you notice that it has been five minutes since you thought about it....another few days and it will be an hour....before long you surprise yourself by going all day without thinking about it. It just takes time....coming from one that is counting the days!
Good luck man!

 

[Zemke Fan]

Actually a VERY good suggestion...

Buy a puppy.

Walking the dog ALWAYS provides a great ice-breaker with the ladies!

Just came back here to add an edit... I read that it takes about a month to get over every year you spent with someone in a love relationship and I think that's about right. How do you KNOW when you're really over someone? You stop looking for them on the street... in the subway... etc.

ZF

 

[jake431]

Interesting thread. In my case it looks like my salvation is going to be buying back a loved jacket. But more generally, friends, and hobbies will save me. I think.

-Jake

 

[Patrick]

Don't dwell on it. Take the bull by the horns. Go to a dance studio, take dance lessons, and mingle with that crowd. Good people, great fun! All that depression will fly right out the door. Worked for me, and I never looked back. Fringe benifit: Became a pretty damn good dancer with a lot more self confidence, and self esteem. And when that happens, you've got the gals at your feet. YeeeeeeeHaaaa! Time does heal.

P.

 

[Paisley]

What Patrick said! Don't know about your town, but our dance scene could really use a few more guys.

I see quite a few divorce cases in the course of my work. Some of these cases are dragged out for years--yes years, plural--because one or both parties can't let go. And in the course of the litigation, they're spending tens of thousands of dollars, wasting time they can never get back, and making themselves miserable.

Some people recommended making a clean break--that's good advice. And you mentioned loose ends. If you owe her anything, settle up. If she owes you anything short of a large sum of money, write it off and consider it a contribution to your mental health. If it's of the who-said-what-to-whom or how-could-you-do-that nature, just chalk it up to experience.

Perhaps, at times, you want to stick it to your ex. I think the best way to do this is to give the impression that you're doing very well without her. That means no contact, and looking like a million bucks every time you walk out the door just in case she happens to see you. (Believe me, there's great satisfaction in your ex coming full stop and staring at you )

Yes, friends are great, but don't talk to them about your ex too much or you'll wear out their patience. Besides, I don't think there is much good advice they can give you that people haven't already posted.

So, cheer yourself up, eat right, and keep busy. And if you're not a dancer, give it a try!

 

[Andykev]

Go visit the local cancer ward at the hospital...

Some of you have posted about surrounding yourself with hookers and getting very drunk. HA. That is a solution. Just drive to the tallest building in town and swan dive off the top. Get real.

A. Drinking heavily will do one thing, make you a sloppy crying drunk, and then sick the next morning. She'll still be gone.

B. Hookers. Now that is nice. Cheap. And you may wake up with some foul disease. So when the real " She's The One" shows up, and finds out those sores will never heal, she's gonna dump you too.

C. Buy a puppy. That is great. Go adopt a kid too. They both will be exposed to an emotional wreck as you try to raise them in your current period of dispair.

D. Get drunk again. See "A" above.

E. Go out, do something, get on with your life. Now you are beginning to make sense...

F. Write a novel and post it on the web. Hummmmm, you can put your "poison pen" to paper, and use that to vent your pain. Just don't mail the letter.

G. Spend time with your friends. OK. But keep your mouth shut, or they won't be your friends much longer. If they are REAL friends, they will be there for you.

H. Time, tme, time. And take time. Then when you least expect it, God's plan for you will be revealed.

That is how it is supposed to be. The tallest, oldest tree in the forrest survived many a storn. Plant your roots deep, and look up to the sun.

 

[Solomon Kane]

Everything I posted was in jest with exception of the puppy.

 

[MrBern]

simpson

in the news:
http://www.contactmusic.com/new/xml...to christianity to heal heartbreak_01_02_2006

Superstar JESSICA SIMPSON is returning to her Christian roots in a bid to overcome the heartbreak of her impending divorce from NICK LACHEY.

 

[scotrace]

Time - Bah

It was 25 years ago and I still think of her often. Be glad you're a romantic - there are few enough of us.

 

[varga49]

Buy a new hat..

.and I'm not Kidding!

 

[Lincsong]

Dude, this is what you need to do;

1. Stay the hell away from the street walkers. OK! You don't know what the hell is growing in there. There are ranches in Nevada if you need to vent that way.

2. Booze; Bottle of Wild Turkey and play Sinatra's; "No One Cares, Only the Lonely, and In the Wee Small Hours of the Night" These deal with your predicament. You'll get drunk, listen to someone else sing about losing the perfect girl and it will be out of your system. When you wake up hung over, don't put "Marty" on the tube or you'll end up looking like Ernest Borgnine.

3. Don't go head first into the next relationship. You're just asking for trouble. How many guys find a girl when they're sixteen, date her for two years, break up, two weeks later hook up with another girl, date her for four years, break up, four weeks later hook up with a third, date her for two years then marry her because they don't want to be an old maid and end up either divorced with bad credit or constantly reminding people how happily married they are. They've only been with three girls, so they don't know what the hell is out there.

4. Check out what's out there. Take a girl out once or twice, but be up front, you don't want anything long term right now. If you need to vent, you live in New York, go to Scores.

5. Put in for a week off from work, get out of New York. Fly down to South Beach or Ft. Lauderdale, go fishing in the Keys. There's plenty of hot babes down there. Mango's and Clevender are perfect babe hang outs. Las Vegas is another 24 hour town; Hard Rock, MGM, Caesar's Palace, Palms, Rio. Booze and babes! Yeah Baby! In the summer Caesar's has a topless section at the pool.

6. Like Varga said; Buy a new hat. Or suit.

7. Time will heal all wounds. But remember, at least you spent some time with her. There's nothing more frustrating than catching a glimpse of a beautiful woman and then have not a day go by without thinking about her and what might have been. You been there and done that. You know what it was like. Now on with the show.

 

[Lincsong]

Nothing more frustrating...

It was 15 years ago and I still think of her often. Be glad you're a romantic - there are few enough of us.

Than to catch a glimpse of her walking onto the opposite train. A picture of absolute perfection. You turn around but the train has left. Not a day goes by without that image etched on your forehead. Get in the car, head down U.S. 1 to the Keys and go fishing, I always say.:cheers1: