First Dates

[LoveMyHats2]

Very true, miss Sofia.


Hey, what ever happened on the date? Not seeing you post back here....did she knock you out hog tie you and you're still locked in the basement?

 

[Miss sofia]

Let's just say it wasn't meant to be! Although we are friends now.

I did go on another date and the blighter stood me up. (Which i already had a good moan about to the ladies - thanks ladies)!!

Back to the drawing board!

 

[LoveMyHats2]

I have a question for the fine members of the board. I am 33 to give a reference point. I was always taught to walk on the side of the street, pull doors, pull out chairs etc. This is a dying art and I recognize this, but still continue the tradition. Now, I am not a frequent dater. I so happen to have a date next week and wanted to receive some opinions on flowers or any type of gift for that first date. I have been told by men and women that it is just an awkward thing to hang onto for the rest of the night, while others say it is a nice gesture. In all honesty, it is a nice "test" to see if the girl will appreciate it, and makes me mindful if future dates might be appropriate. Mind you this isnt the only thing that goes into consideration.


So what is the consensus in bringing something for the ladies on the first date?

Well, did you live....or what? So tell us, what happened?

 

[Miss sofia]

Oh sorry i thought you were talking to me - doh!

 

[Edward]

That's a familiar situation. Unfortunately, once a woman makes up her mind, ain't nobody gonna stop her!

Believe me, that's not an exclusively female trait. I find it hard to fathom some of the things some people will put up with in a relationship, but then I've been there and damn near married one girl who, in retrospect, was extremely psychologically damaging to me throughout that relationship. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.... Sometimes, if someone is in no immediate danger, especially immediate physical danger, all you can do is be there to pick up the pieces after the inevitable fallout. A lot of folks, whatever gender, simply won't thank you for your advice, no matter how well meaning, and all you end up doing is having them cut you off.... then they have noone when it all blows up in their face. Humans, eh?

 

[Miss sofia]

I'm still waiting for my gift of hindsight to appear from Santa.

I do agree with Edward, i have rarely been thanked by friends when i have given advice and been honest, by that i mean advice that was asked for, or i felt it was the right thing to do in a situation where they were visibly distressed with their partner's behaviour or even been called on by both parties to adjudicate if you like). I just sit on the fence now and try to be supportive and as Edward pointed out, just pick up the pieces. But then as the old adage goes, 'the truth hurts', more often than not people like to be told what they want to hear.

 

[rue]

But then as the old adage goes, 'the truth hurts', more often than not people like to be told what they want to hear.

That's so true.... most people don't want to hear the truth. Personally, I want people to be honest with me. I would rather be hurt and know than live in the dark. I also don't like it when I'm the last person to know what's going on.

 

[Miss sofia]

Yeah me too Rue, i can take both barrels! I have been in the situation when i have been the last to know something and that sucks.

Funny though some of my friends, as i said above just can't or don't want to hear the truth. It seems they want their negative behaviour, or the fact they think they are in the right or what have you validated by me and i can't do it! I'm too honest!

 

[Edward]

more often than not people like to be told what they want to hear.

Especially if they ask your opinion. All too often, in my experience, what they are really asking is for you to support their fragile egos.

 

[Miss sofia]

Exactly, as i said they want their behaviour and ego validated. (Well put). Strangely i do get a kind of peverse enjoyment about being brutally honest with people sometimes, when they ask for it, as i know it's the last thing they want sometimes!

 

[C-dot]

That's so true.... most people don't want to hear the truth.

I concur - One of my most oft used phrases is "If you don't want my opinion, don't ask for it." I say it to preface an opinion that I know that person isn't going to like, so they can't really be angry at me for it when they hear it.

If you've ever known someone who's SO was stepping out on them, you've probably had the dilemma of deciding whether or not to tell them. If you do, they will be angry with you for sticking your nose in - If you don't, they will be angry with you for keeping quiet when it does come out. When I was in this situation, I chose to tell the girl. She was angry for a while, but she 'forgave' me later (which I figured would happen.)

Like Rue and Miss Sofia, I too would prefer if people were honest with me. A guy once stepped out on me with a very close girlfriend, and I was the only one in a large social circle who didn't know. When I did find out, I learned they had all listened when they were told to keep quiet. Needless to say, I never spoke to a single one of them again. It's sad because our friendships may have been salvaged if they had told me instead of watching me be made a fool of.

 

[Miss sofia]

How awful C-dot. I've been there too and it's such spineless behaviour from so-called friends. Like you i ditched the lot of them. The thought of them all gossiping and probably feeling sorry for me behind my back was too much.

Like you i would always tell a friend if something like that was happening to them, if they chose to penalise me for it, then so be it, as you said chances are they would come round later. I'm nothing if not loyal to my friends and i have some backbone. But i have learned you can't judge people by your own standards. Sadly it's these kind of situations that show the true mettle of your friends.

 

[IsaacRN]

Sorry for the delayed reply. I have seen her a few more times as well. I didn't do the first date gift, and have been taking it easy. I dressed how I usually dress i.e. Fedora, and Shuron glasses. No pressure what so ever.

 

[Tomasso]

I have seen her a few more times as well.

How does it work these days, does the third date rule still apply?

 

[LoveMyHats2]

Sorry for the delayed reply. I have seen her a few more times as well. I didn't do the first date gift, and have been taking it easy. I dressed how I usually dress i.e. Fedora, and Shuron glasses. No pressure what so ever.

Great! I really was wanting to know how it went, and if you got yourself in trouble, or had a decent time?!? Sound like things are O.K. and that is all that matters! Enjoy!

 

[dnjan]

back to the Roses issue

Red roses are dangerous! A red rose means love.
A yellow rose means friendship.
I gave my wife yellow roses (I think three) after a couple of dates. I still send her a dozen yellow roses on our anniversary. For the 26th time this past May.

 

[LoveMyHats2]

I concur - One of my most oft used phrases is "If you don't want my opinion, don't ask for it." I say it to preface an opinion that I know that person isn't going to like, so they can't really be angry at me for it when they hear it.

If you've ever known someone who's SO was stepping out on them, you've probably had the dilemma of deciding whether or not to tell them. If you do, they will be angry with you for sticking your nose in - If you don't, they will be angry with you for keeping quiet when it does come out. When I was in this situation, I chose to tell the girl. She was angry for a while, but she 'forgave' me later (which I figured would happen.)

Like Rue and Miss Sofia, I too would prefer if people were honest with me. A guy once stepped out on me with a very close girlfriend, and I was the only one in a large social circle who didn't know. When I did find out, I learned they had all listened when they were told to keep quiet. Needless to say, I never spoke to a single one of them again. It's sad because our friendships may have been salvaged if they had told me instead of watching me be made a fool of.

Well, you are a sweetie, and really, you should have gotten the ol' ball bat out, and used it!

 

[Yeps]

I might have one of these coming up.

 

[rue]

Good luck with it Yeps

 

[Yeps]

Good luck with it Yeps

Thanks. If all goes well (she said she wanted to, but had to check her schedule), I will be taking this gal out dancing. My only two conundrums are: Does she think this is a date, or am I just going dancing? and should I wear a hat? The salsa club has no coat check.