Etiquette question

[Drappa]

Sorry if there is a thread for this already, if so please move bartenders

I am going to a wedding in August and am making myself a dress with a large red and green tulip print on a cream/white background. I have been looking at hats for weeks, and was about to give up when I spotted this beautiful vintage white curly feather half hat. I am really in love with it, and would like to wear that with my dress and perhaps white gloves, but am worried that it will look like a bridal hat and I don't want to upstage the bride obviously. It could be worn as a bridal headpiece, but it consists of feathers only, no netting or any other bling. The wedding itself will be fairly relaxed I think, though the bride is wearing a white dress.
Any thoughts?

 

[rue]

Do you have a picture of the hat Drappa? I'm sure it'll be fine though

 

[angeljenny]

I would think that if you were wearing a white dress and a bridal style head piece that would perhaps be a little inappropriate but your dress doesn't sound bridal so I would say it was OK.

I'm not sure how strict the rules are around weddings now - at the last wedding I went to some guests turned up in jeans!

 

[lolly_loisides]

If the wedding is a relaxed affair I can't see a problem, but my Grandmother always said, "If you're not the bride, don't wear white to a wedding & never, never wear black".

 

[Drappa]

This is the hat:

This is the dress fabric:

I am really tempted to make myself a tulip hat/fascinator, as I can't seem to find one, but have never made a hat so I don't want it to fall apart after an hour.

And the last two weddings I attended some people turned up in jeans as well, at one someone even came in a bright yellow hoodie! I am starting to think the feather hat is a bit too bridal, but I'm so picky about hats and running out of time. Thanks for the help ladies.

 

[lolly_loisides]

Oh Drappa, that hat is beautiful, but you'd outshine the bride wearing it. I adore the fabric & I hope you post pics of the finished dress.

 

[Drappa]

Oh Drappa, that hat is beautiful, but you'd outshine the bride wearing it. I adore the fabric & I hope you post pics of the finished dress.

Oh, that's what I was afraid of. If in doubt, don't I suppose. Off to search for silk tulips...

 

[Tomasso]

that hat is beautiful, but you'd outshine the bride wearing it.

I must agree. You would steal the show, Drappa.

 

[rue]

After seeing it, I have to agree with them. The hat is adorable though and I love the material for your dress

 

[C-dot]

It's a shame, really, because the hat is fantastic. I wonder if it would have been acceptable to wear it to a wedding in 1953 - Probably, eh?

A large red flower for your hair would look perfect with that dress fabric.

If the wedding is a relaxed affair I can't see a problem, but my Grandmother always said, "If you're not the bride, don't wear white to a wedding & never, never wear black".

The last wedding I went to, the dress code was black and shocking pink. Not having anything with pink in it, and being too broke to buy something, I wore all black. Apparently everyone else had the problem too, because when I arrived at the family's house beforehand, we stood in a circle and laughed that we looked as if we were going to a funeral!

 

[Miss Golightly]

It's a shame, really, because the hat is fantastic. I wonder if it would have been acceptable to wear it to a wedding in 1953 - Probably, eh?

A large red flower for your hair would look perfect with that dress fabric.



The last wedding I went to, the dress code was black and shocking pink. Not having anything with pink in it, and being too broke to buy something, I wore all black. Apparently everyone else had the problem too, because when I arrived at the family's house beforehand, we stood in a circle and laughed that we looked as if we were going to a funeral!

I've never heard of a dress code like that for a wedding before!

Drappa - I have to agree with everyone that although the hat is completely fabulous the fact that it's white may cause some problems - the dress fabric is divine - can't wait to see what you do with it!

 

[sheeplady]

I'm not sure how strict the rules are around weddings now - at the last wedding I went to some guests turned up in jeans!

Some couples just don't care what other people wear. I didn't, and I think I might have said that jeans were ok. I know I said it for the children in the wedding party.

The last wedding I went to, the dress code was black and shocking pink. Not having anything with pink in it, and being too broke to buy something, I wore all black. Apparently everyone else had the problem too, because when I arrived at the family's house beforehand, we stood in a circle and laughed that we looked as if we were going to a funeral!

Were you in the bridal party? I've never heard of a dress code for the guests before. If it was just for the guests, then I feel like that is a little inappropriate to define the colors that people should wear. (If you were in the bridal party, then I think it is generous to pick a color(s) rather than making everyone buy a certain new dress, which more than not is very expensive.)

ETA: Drappa, I love that hat, but I'd be careful wearing it to the wedding. It depends on the bride, etc. I really like your idea of silk tulips. I think it will be lovely!

 

[C-dot]

Were you in the bridal party? I've never heard of a dress code for the guests before. If it was just for the guests, then I feel like that is a little inappropriate to define the colors that people should wear. (If you were in the bridal party, then I think it is generous to pick a color(s) rather than making everyone buy a certain new dress, which more than not is very expensive.)

Nope, I wasn't bridal party. It was a strange set-up, actually. The bride had her two sisters as bridesmaids (wearing black and pink). The groom was my then-boyfriend's cousin, and he and his brother were bridal party (black suits, pink ties). Apart from myself, my boyfriend's mother, and the groom's parents, we were the only guests on the groom's side.

It was generous of her to only ask for colours for the men (they only had to buy new ties) but yes, the invitation did request that guests wear black and pink. Most of them disregarded it.

Sorry to throw the thread off track!

 

[Puzzicato]

I LOVE the hat and I adore the fabric for your dress. I don't think you will outshine the bride, because she is the bride!. But your husband might have to fight off the other male guests with a big stick.

 

[Amy Jeanne]

I say wear it, too. You won't outshine the bride. I've worn all kinds of vintage concoctions to "normal" weddings and I've never, ever once felt I outshone the bride. It's really up to you and your comfort level, though

 

[Drappa]

Thanks for all your input everyone! I am still a little torn, as the hat is also fairly expensive (for me), and I'd have to wait for it to arrive from the US and am not sure it would get here in time. I do love it though and think I'd wear it again. In the meantime I have found a few things to make myself a fascinator, and if I have fabric over from the dress may use some of that. Although it is surprisingly difficult to find millinery tulips! You can get roses and lilies and orchids, tulips not so much.
I also contacted a UK Etsy seller to have something custom made to match the dress, so we'll see.

The couple themselves are pretty relaxed and quite the hippies, usually in trainers and bright t-shirts, so I can't see the bride going very formal at all or even wearing a headdress of any sort, which is why I am hesitant. Also, the groom is an ex-boyfriend of mine, and although we have been apart years and I am married and he has a child with his fiance, I don't want to ruffle any feathers.

I haven't been to any weddings with dress code for guests, but I have heard of them and find that quite demanding. Fancy asking all guests to splash out even more money to get the right outfit! Personally I don't like black for weddings, but all my cousins wore black to mine and I really didn't care on the day.

 

[sheeplady]

Also, the groom is an ex-boyfriend of mine, and although we have been apart years and I am married and he has a child with his fiance, I don't want to ruffle any feathers.

I haven't been to any weddings with dress code for guests, but I have heard of them and find that quite demanding. Fancy asking all guests to splash out even more money to get the right outfit!

Ah, so in this case, you want to look good, but don't want to look like you were really trying to look good. It just happened.

I can see saying to guests that the bridesmaids will be wearing such a color, or if the bride is not wearing white, but that's not a case of telling me what to wear. I don't understand people who put that level of planning into a wedding (to ask their guests to wear a certain color). It's really not worth it for a few hours that will all be a blur to the bride and groom.

 

[Drappa]

Ah, so in this case, you want to look good, but don't want to look like you were really trying to look good. It just happened.
.

Oh no no, I don't want to look bad, and since we don't go to many weddings or balls I am taking the opportunity to dress up and wear a hat because I love them. But I also don't want to draw too much attention being the ex and so on. I do want to look like I made an effort though, especially if the dress doesn't turn out well.

 

[Drappa]

What about this one without the veil netting? Also comes in red, though I prefer cream because I could wear it with lots of other dresses I have.

 

[Puzzicato]

That's also very pretty - is that from Etsy?