Does wearing vintage Get you noticed by the opposite sex?

[Miss sofia]

Is there one? Or wasn't i paying attention again, (sound of ruler thwacking across knuckles)! I'm intrigued though Annie x

 

[Deleted member 12480]

hmm, i thought it was mentioned at the beginning of this thread but perhaps not.

I suppose i'll put it here:

Prepare for some minor depression!

What do you do if your current boyfriend (of 1 and a half yrs) reveals (although reluctantly) that he is *less* attracted to you since you started dressing vintage .

I had to prize it out of him, but i'm grateful for the truth. However, it really quite hurt although i'd never tell him that. He also said that he would support me in how I dress and that i shouldn't change for him. He also said that it was kind of 'weird' to dress vintage, although i genuinely believe he thought he was giving 'advice' - he wasn't trying to hurt my feelings.

Its fine, because he said the above, but it makes me really sad to know that I am less attractive now that I no longer have wild, chin-length lion hair and wear 'long' skirts.

Feeling Blue

 

[vintage68]

hmm, i thought it was mentioned at the beginning of this thread but perhaps not.

I suppose i'll put it here:

Prepare for some minor depression!

What do you do if your current boyfriend (of 1 and a half yrs) reveals (although reluctantly) that he is *less* attracted to you since you started dressing vintage .

I had to prize it out of him, but i'm grateful for the truth. However, it really quite hurt although i'd never tell him that. He also said that he would support me in how I dress and that i shouldn't change for him. He also said that it was kind of 'weird' to dress vintage, although i genuinely believe he thought he was giving 'advice' - he wasn't trying to hurt my feelings.

Its fine, because he said the above, but it makes me really sad to know that I am less attractive now that I no longer have wild, chin-length lion hair and wear 'long' skirts.

Feeling Blue

So sorry to hear that Annie. I hope I don't sound patronizing when I say this, but it seems to me like you're at the age where you begin to learn you can't please everyone, and it's better if you learn to try and please yourself first and hope the BF (boyfriend) and the other people you are close to like it as well.

"It makes me really sad to know that I am less attractive now." Being told your bf found you less attractive would be tough for anyone to hear, but you need to know that someone finding you less attractive doesn't mean you ARE less attractive. It's just not his thing. Different strokes for different folks.

If the vintage scene/vibe isn't for him then there are a lot of guys out there who will find it very attractive.

What do you do? Keep paying attention to what YOU like, and what makes YOU feel attractive, and keep listening to that quiet voice inside you letting you know what direction to go in. Otherwise you'll start to lose yourself and go mad trying to be all things to all people.

 

[Deleted member 12480]

thankyou, advice is much appreciated

 

[Diamondback]

That's called "self-confidence", young lady: within the limits of the law and good taste (and your parents as long as you live with them), conduct yourself in the manner you deem best suited to who you are and those who truly appreciate you will understand even if it's not what floats their boat. (This does also have some limits from your employer when on-the-job, obviously...)

"To thine own self be true."

Also, people tend to like confident people more... so if nothing else, "fake it 'til you make it".

 

[Mr Vim]

Ms. Neecerie, Undertow, thank you for your support. It is very much appreciated.

Diamond, well put.

 

[Undertow]

Ms. Neecerie, Undertow, thank you for your support. It is very much appreciated.

Absolutley Sir! :cheers1:

"To thine own self be true."

deleteduser, these are words to live by during this very short life, dear. Never let someone else change your mind, unless it's life or death - and even then take it with a grain of salt.

 

[Deleted member 12480]

Inspiring to say the least. I feel better now xx

 

[Miss sofia]

So sorry to hear that Annie. I hope I don't sound patronizing when I say this, but it seems to me like you're at the age where you begin to learn you can't please everyone, and it's better if you learn to try and please yourself first and hope the BF (boyfriend) and the other people you are close to like it as well.

"It makes me really sad to know that I am less attractive now." Being told your bf found you less attractive would be tough for anyone to hear, but you need to know that someone finding you less attractive doesn't mean you ARE less attractive. It's just not his thing. Different strokes for different folks.

If the vintage scene/vibe isn't for him then there are a lot of guys out there who will find it very attractive.

What do you do? Keep paying attention to what YOU like, and what makes YOU feel attractive, and keep listening to that quiet voice inside you letting you know what direction to go in. Otherwise you'll start to lose yourself and go mad trying to be all things to all people.

Hey there Annie, I really feel for you i do, i have pondered on this for quite some time and i have to totally agree with the advice Vintage 68 gave, very insightful. There is nothing more i can add to that other than i do understand how horrible you must be feeling right now, i have compromised myself in the past because BF's didn't like certain things about me, and obviously we all want the other person to find us attractive, so i changed for their benefit but ultimately that didn't work for me because i ended up feeling resentful of them and feeling a little sappy for not having the courage to be myself and fulfil my wants and desires. Maybe he just needs some time to get used to the new you, some people can't accomodate change very well, i don't know how long you have been together, or as Vintage 68 said, there are plenty of guys out there who would jump at the chance to be with such a wonderful girl like you. I know that's the stock thing that people wheel out in times such as this, but it's the truth. You have the whole world at your feet Annie. I'm here if you need me xx

 

[Diamondback]

Bottom line, young Miss Annie et al.: If people can't accept you for who you are, heck with 'em--they're probably not worth knowing anyway.

 

[Miss sofia]

Listen to your uncle Diamond... actually my apologies to the other guys, all of you including Vintage68 gave really sound advice.

 

[Diamondback]

Do bear in mind, though, that all that has a certain limit: you can't just throw down the "Your opinion is irrelevant--scratch that, YOU are irrelevant" card indiscriminately because sometimes we do need to hear constructive criticism from others, painful though it may be. (Have I mentioned how much I positively freakin' HATE this fuzzy-logic "maybe" crap?!)

 

[AtomicEraTom]

Well, it's been pretty well covered by now, but Annie, don't let anybody ever tell you that you should change. I'm glad that your fella could be honest with you that he doesn't like it, but isn't leaving. We all do things our significant other doesn't like, but if they really care, they'll stick around and deal with it. Be proud of who you are!

Reading through these posts got me thinking about how my lady friend and I met. Kind of a mixture of modern and vintage. I was talking to her on Facebook. Her Status was that she wanted to go to the Columbus Antique Mall, my favorite store on earth. I offered to take her antique shopping, and now here we are. I never thought I'd end up with anyone from my graduating class who loves to collect antiques.

 

[Puzzicato]

However, it really quite hurt although i'd never tell him that.

Why not?

He also said that he would support me in how I dress and that i shouldn't change for him. He also said that it was kind of 'weird' to dress vintage, although i genuinely believe he thought he was giving 'advice' - he wasn't trying to hurt my feelings.

Telling you something is weird is never likely to be endearing! Boy needs to learn some tact. On the other hand, I think the fact that he isn't going anywhere says that he is pretty great really - he loves you, whether he gets your look or not!

My husband is totally bewildered by how I dress. He would dearly love it if I would just chuck on some "normal", low-waisted jeans and a tshirt. But he still loves me. It isn't a deal breaker.

 

[The Lonely Navigator]

DiamondBack: Bottom line, young Miss Annie et al.: If people can't accept you for who you are, heck with 'em--they're probably not worth knowing anyway.

Well said! :eusa_clap

I've dealt with the whole thing of having people want me to change just to make them happy - whether it's the way I dress, the side I choose to portray in the war, spiritual beliefs, diet and the like nonetheless , etc.

And the more people wanted me to change - the more resistance they were met with.

I'm a stinker.

 

[Diamondback]

Annie, bear in mind most of us guys can be a little dense at times--if he's said something that hurt, he needs to know that it did so he knows to choose his words better in the future, but he also needs to know that you still love him.

Usually, the ones we cause the most pain to, and who cause us the most pain, are the ones we care about most and vice versa.

 

[Mario]

And the more people wanted me to change - the more resistance they were met with.

I'm a stinker.

I do have a great sympathy in that black little heart of mine for that kind of attitude. Problem is that a lot of people will inevitably think of you as being an arrogant snob - just because you won't yield to their irrefutable arguments...

 

[The Lonely Navigator]

^ lol Oh I know...I've gotten that reaction too.

I'm like that only because I've dealt with it so many years of my life. But if anything, ironically, it has gotten me more respect than not.

 

[Diamondback]

Back to the original question: in bottom-line terms, the only "play" ANYTHING gets me is straight into the Dreaded "Friend Box".

Perhaps I should go back to my natural default of a self-centered mercenary (well, within the limits of my conscience) and stop worrying about what anyone else thinks at all, ever. But then again, perhaps this is whiplash from two trips to the "Friend Box" in one week...

 

[HepKitty]

I live in a terrible area for dating anyway, so I've decided I really don't care if people think I'm a freak. usually the dresses that I make only get worn to work because I don't go out much (there are only bars here and not so classy ones at that) and what few people comment on them love them. most just look at me weird, especially when they see "I T nerd" on my badge.

in general though, I pretty much just get attention that I don't like, from random strangers who seem to think that their lack of teeth disgusting comments and sucking noises will impress me. seriously what am I supposed to do curl up into a ball and purr? so other than usually dressing in "normal business casual" for work I don't dress up much here which is sad because I really like the dresses that I make and I put a lot of effort into them. so for me, it's not a matter of what people think that keeps me from dressing up too often, it's the harassment that gets worse when I do. from married coworkers looking to cheat on their wives even, I can do without that too

so here's in defense of dressing like a slob, it attracts way less ikky attention. I'd keep a bag over my head if I could