Do you have things in common with your friends?

[retronista]

When I was a little girl, my dad had an Elvis tape that he used to play in the car and I still remember how I used to happily bounce around in my seat to the sound of his voice. This is what drew me in to the world of oldies music, which eventually led to my love of old films, and of course who could resist the beautiful clothing people wore in them? I mainly kept these interests to myself though, as my friends were (and still are) very much "modern" people who only like mainstream music and the latest trends. I suppose it's a bit lonely not having anyone to share my interests with. There are so many things I'd like to do, such as check out a jazz bar or take up swing dancing lessons, but I know none of my friends would be up for it and the thought of going alone is a bit scary for me. I've also finally began to embrace my interests as different as they may be, and this includes dressing vintage. My friends however make comments such as "no one dresses like that around here, why put yourself in a position to be starred at?" I can tell they think it's weird, which is a bit discouraging as I myself am struggling quite a bit with expressing who I really am. This made me curious as to how other vintage-lovers dealt with friends they had nothing in common with. Or do you have a group of friends who share in your interests? How do you deal with the ones who don't, and are critical of your differences?

Please share stories and post away!

 

[Feraud]

Tell your "friends" it's not polite to stare..

 

[LizzieMaine]

My closest friend isn't a "vintage person" per se, but she shares my views on the current state of American civilization, which is plenty enough common ground. With my friends from work I have work in common, and we focus on the things we have in common rather than the things we don't. I'll sometimes introduce them to things they didn't know existed -- I got one of the kids at work to appreciate Fats Waller, for example, and I taught another one how to use a Brownie box camera for a college photography class. So opportunities exist to spread the word.

As far as people who stare, a deadly ice-edged glare back at them can be a valuable weapon.

 

[Lady Day]

Trust me, even if you have 'vintage friends' you can be lonely. I think it depends on how you perceive other people, and how you choose to act in a group.

Im introverted, always have been and enjoy it immensely. Id go out every now and then, but once a month was plenty for me, really. My family wanted me to 'get out and be with people' because in high school and most of college, I was by myself. So I did it, I made myself do it, for a year, and it was okay, but grading and exhausting, so I made a call, I'd cut back, a lot, and now Im being looked at as anti social and blah blah blah.

I have a few people who understand, and I feel no need to justify my actions to anyone, but still, who you are and who you want to be should take the top place over how many friends, or 'friends' you want in your life.

 

[tonyb]

The further along I get on this trip around the universe, the less I require of my friends. Or so it seems, anyway, now that I think about it.

I haven't had a circle of friends for quite some time now. Decades, I suppose it's been. Sure, I know people who know some of the same people I do, and we occasionally meet up at parties and memorial services (that's happening with too great a frequency) and whatnot. But I happen to get on well with some folks who don't much care for each other. Ain't gonna make it my problem, though, or anyone else's. I just know who to invite, and not invite, to certain functions.

As to my attire ...

Shoot, I haven't been fashion-forward since, well, ever. Sure, I was shaggy as a teenager/young adult, but that was when I still had hair atop my head, and growing it to some considerable length was de rigueur back then. And, well, I was a kid.

This is not to say that I pay no mind to what other people think of the manner in which I present myself. (Frankly, I'm of the view that people who make such self-regarding claims are either self-delusional or sociopathic.) Style -- not fashion, but style -- means a lot to me, maybe more than it should. It's a big part of my identity, really, the way I furnish my home and dress myself. And how I communicate. And my style isn't ordinary, so I accept that it won't appeal to everyone. But it does appeal, generally, to those whose views on such matters matter to me.

Still, I try not to lose sight of its essential superficiality. I could be great friends with a person who, to my eye, had no taste whatsoever, if I let myself be open to whatever other attributes he or she might have. (Fu Manchu mustaches and mullets come to mind here.)

 

[LocktownDog]

What friends? I have a dog, and she and I get along swell.

 

[Tomasso]

There are so many things I'd like to do, such as check out a jazz bar or take up swing dancing lessons, but I know none of my friends would be up for it and the thought of going alone is a bit scary for me.

I would suggest taking a deep breath and going it alone to various events and before you know it you will have aquired groups of friends in any particular area of interest you desire. I've been doing such for years and have gained entry into dozens of circles of interests. To be honest, your present group of freinds sounds a bit stifling.

 

[AmateisGal]

I'm very introverted, too. I have a good friend who is a writer and we'll meet for coffee about once a month, so yes, she does share my writing interest. But not my vintage, 1940s stuff and my love of history. Really, there is no one in my "face to face" acquaintances/friends that is into the vintage stuff. I'm okay with that.

Hubby and I don't have any other couples that we hang out with, either. We are most comfortable just being with each other and our daughter. We occasionally think that we should try to get out more and meet other people, but it usually doesn't happen.

 

[Flat Foot Floey]

When I started to gain interest in swing music and vintage clothes most of my friends were punkrockers, ska-skins, goths and such. They did have no problem at all with it. [huh]
Ok, maybe they shook their heads when I invested too much time and money for clothes but it's rather harmless really.
I have found some friends with similar interests in vintage but they didn't "replace" the old circle. Goin to concerts and events alone helps. I also met some people over the internet visited them or they viseted me. But most of them live rather far away. There is no local scene exept for some lindy hoppers (who don't dress up).

I use a "wide" definition for friends here, including some acquaintances of course. Close friends are something different and then I would say that shared interest don't mather that much.

That being said I am rather quiet too and din't make tons of friends in school or university. Take your time to find a few nice people and stick to them.

 

[retronista]

I had fun reading all your comments, very insightful! I think for the most part, my friends just don't get it and don't understand how I could like such "outdated" music, movies, and fashions. I guess it's just in the same way I can't understand why anyone would want to listen to most of today's popular music, or dress in the latest trends which leave very little to the imagination. We keep our different perspectives on such matters to ourselves for the most part, but it would still be nice to have friends I could actually talk to about vintage-related things. That's why I'm so glad to have come across this place!

 

[Phineas Lamour]

What friends? I have a dog, and she and I get along swell.

+1

All the friends I have live in my house.

 

[Asienizen]

One thing you can do is make some new friends around a common interest. When I lived in Minneapolis, there were enough interesting and eclectic people there that allowed me to indulge my vintage weirdness and have company. Make friends through swing and jazz dance lessons, this should be able to connect you to other music venues and people with similar tastes.

Utilize meetup- heck start your own meetup around the things you like, you may be surprised how many people come out of "Hiding". It should be feasible if Toronto is where you live, good sized city. If your gonna "cut your own path in music, fashion, etc, you've got to be willing to make your own social groups.

Additionally, if you take people's comments with a little aplomb, and be good natured but not ashamed of it, eventually, your quality friends will accept you.

 

[John in Covina]

ommon values are enough to start a friendship. However, one must speak to people or correspond to be friends, few of us can receive telepathy or send that way.

 

[Hamlet]

There are so many things I'd like to do, such as check out a jazz bar or take up swing dancing lessons, but I know none of my friends would be up for it and the thought of going alone is a bit scary for me.

Going out with friends is great. Exploring the world on your own is the only way to go. People treat you differently when you are alone. They will engage with you. They will be interested in you. You will experience and notice things you likely would have missed if you were in a group.

Life is very short. Feeling a bit scared means you are alive, relish the feeling. The alternative is pure boredom or worse.

 

[AtomicEraTom]

I don't have friends who are into vintage outside the Lounge, really. I have one friend who has as much of a love for Classic Country Music as myself, and a couple others who enjoy it, and one friend who always goes on antique mall trips with me. Other than that, not really.

 

[ortega76]

I have a few friends but I see them irregularly, due to work and family obligations. I rarely have a lot of intersection with my friends. My comic book/gaming friends don't ride motorcycles. My motorcycle friends don't like rockabilly or retro clothing. That kind of thing.

 

[Swing Motorman]

Absolutely, it all depends on where you make friends! I'm meeting folks at the day job, but my closest friends are all from streetcar museums, so we all love old vehicles. Nothing makes an obscure passion more enjoyable than having friends just as nuts about it as you!

On a related note, wish me luck, I'm going to hopefully start teaching my sweetheart East Coast Swing dancing tomorrow. The whole classy clothing vibe rubbed off on her and, it seems, woke up a latent love of old-fashioned dress. Now to see if we can add rug cutting to our shared pastimes...

-Steven

 

[3PcSuit]

Let me tell you something: As a child I remember listening to a Lionel Richie cassette tape, it was probably in a van of some sort. When the hurricane hit the East Coast, I had that same cassette tape, although worn for years, on standby, while I was rolling down the streets, risking death, listening to all the surf songs on another of his favorites "Beach Boys Greatest Hits."


If someone wants to ignore the past, they don't have any freaking culture, have their heads in the sand, are more concerned with furthering their own agendas than actually absorbing the world around them. Keep rolling that Elvis tape and I will keep rolling Lionel and BBs.



Oh, and friends in general are fickle flakes; before FB we just probably wouldn't have noticed that. Keep your friends close but your enemies closer. It sounds sadistic but, unfortunately, it has been true in almost every experience I have had these past three years. People get really ugly as they age, as their parents get older, and as life gets mighty precious as there is less of it to waste.

 

[olive bleu]

Even as a child, I was considered "the weirdo" by my friends. Many people are uncomfortable with anyone who refuse to be part of the status quo. I gave up a long time ago trying to find friends based on common interests, and instead choose to share my time with a few people that I respect and whose company I can tolerate for more than 5 minutes .lol

I have a mere handful of people that I see socially, but frankly ,for the most part I enjoy my own company. But most of my dearest friends are people who society would consider "weirdos" in their own right , but just for different reasons. So I guess that in itself is our commonality

 

[Miss Retro Chic]

Hello everyone,

I'm pretty new so excuse me if it's not done to barge in on a topic

My friends do not share my interest in vintage, but I don't really mind as they share other interests and I feel comfortable with them. Inside they are kindred spirits and that is more important in my opinion.